diff options
authorJesse Luehrs <>2019-07-12 23:30:57 -0400
committerJesse Luehrs <>2019-07-12 23:30:57 -0400
commit6eed3f882518db1b89ecb39ead0a054949c0ce58 (patch)
parentd803e153fdb6e4059867c52a2f1c7ff63263ed72 (diff)
remove some obnoxious fortunes
1 files changed, 2 insertions, 147 deletions
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/yasd-fortune b/local/share/fortune/yasd-fortune
index 7307b57..a19ba71 100644
--- a/local/share/fortune/yasd-fortune
+++ b/local/share/fortune/yasd-fortune
@@ -87,11 +87,6 @@
< Violist> go team elvish chicks with big weapons! :)
< greycat> and green leather!
-< Arcane> The succubus takes 3808 zorkmids for services rendered!
-< Cheapy_> You just got laid, congrats!
-< Arcane> 3808 gold pieces.
-< Arcane> Overchargin' ho.
< fishbowl> a twelfth spellbook of invisibility! Thanks Mars!!!
<ashel> For once, I'd like to meet some non-killer bees
@@ -330,22 +325,6 @@
< kriebly> I had a dream where I walked into a cockatrice nest completely naked. I woke up petrified.
-< kriebly> nethack has to be female
-< itsblah> why?
-< kriebly> okay first, nethack has very complicated needs
-< kriebly> make a mistake, and its game over
-< kriebly> then, nethack is never the same each time you encounter her
-< kriebly> also, nethack often gives you crpytic messages that are hard to understand
-< kriebly> also, to conquer nethack, you must be very attentive at all times
-< kriebly> finally, to conquer nethack, you must love her for what she is
-< itsblah> you dont have to love nethack for what it is to ascend
-< itsblah> i have plenty of ascensions on my record
-< itsblah> i dont need to love nethack
-< kriebly> you are so cruel to treat her so!
-< itsblah> you must not let her radiance distract you from the goal of beating her
-< itsblah> because yes, we are all out to beat nethack, right?
-< skittles> so finishing nethack is now a euphemism for spousal abuse?
<hacken_> eww you play in black and white?
<braindancer> b/w rules
<braindancer> it is how it is meant to be played
@@ -367,10 +346,6 @@
< Arcane> COPE?
< SpeedEvil> Just learn to cope.
-< art> Is there an advantage to playing females?
-< kriebly> chance to explore feminine side
-< Irashtar> Its a full moon! You feel pissed off at the universe
<Rodney> tek69 (Wiz Elf Mal Cha), 6561 points, killed by a soldier ant
<bobbens> Go team ant :)
<Tek-69> go team everyone actually. I love when rng decides it's gang bang time.
@@ -410,8 +385,6 @@
<Rodney> mind has played 19 games, between 20060327 and 20060330, highest score 310369, died 19 times
<Rodney> No games for matter.
-< krilly> SO you basically go deep into the dungeon, find this peice of metal crap thing, sell it for a cheap hoe, a bottle of wisky, and you and your pet get shitfaced and enjoy a hand job each? Sounds interesting!
< kbi> how come vault guards aren't detected by telepathy?
< greycat> kbi: because they're not on the map until you summon them
< kbi> greycat: even tho i can hear him counting?
@@ -539,11 +512,6 @@
< SpeedEvil> Tengu-flakes!
< krilly> Tengu on toast, actually.
-< Reene> actually nymphs are more like high school girls
-< itsblah> how?
-< emcee> they're annoying
-< Reene> they charm you into giving them shit and they still won't have sex with you.
<Talia> i wish my friend who got me into the game warned me about that.
<Rodney> Queensownt (Val Hum Fem Neu), 1251966 points, killed by the wrath of Moloch
<Rodney> Queensownt reaches #1943 on the top 2000 list.
@@ -898,8 +866,6 @@
-< jmt> bah. I roleplay in nethack. I play a female chaotic monk, and pretend I'm my wife. :-)
< jmt> First two shops were liquor emporiums. This isn't a dungeon, it's a college town.
< Peter__> duude
@@ -957,8 +923,6 @@
<Pryon> Cool. Finally got to Chuck Norris level in martial arts.
-<azgor> I guess I'm asking what the definition of resist is. Does resist in this case mean it will successfully resist? Or merely that it will resist but possibly fail? I mean, a girl may resist my advances, but if I'm persistent...
<zem> i don't know about you but i'm american, we don't check to see if we're hungry before we eat
<bobbens> wierd i cant find the .sadism.c from , anyone else see it?
@@ -1109,12 +1073,6 @@
<raxvulpine> I'm sure that most elven women are just as ugly as the rest of us. You've just got a skewed idea of the elven population thanks to the patriarchal media.
<PsyMar> Actually, most elven males look like pretty hot women too
-<merlincorey> in fact, I think that's the lowest score I've ever had in charisma
-<billnye> the HP in the line below lined up with Evoker, and made me read "Merlincore the Hooker"
-<merlincorey> lol
-<merlincorey> that'd be one ugly hooker at 4 charisma
-<merlincorey> she must have great rates
<Crassworm> The invisible arch-lich zaps a wand of digging!
<Crassworm> The floor here is too hard to dig in.
<Crassworm> that's right, bitch
@@ -1208,11 +1166,6 @@ merlincorey: imagine how hard you would have to kick a wall to die from it
< Tatter> Join the meter high club today!
< jmt> "The next night, they did it again, this time with Sony walkmen."
-<lorimer> you blow AAAAA, you get one gear. you know there is exactly one A in the key
-<lorimer> next, you blow ABBBB. you get one gear and one tumbler. you now know there is exactly one A and one B, and you know that one of the B's is right and your A is wrong
-<lorimer> so now you blow CABCC...
-<lorimer> and if you're cute, female, and over 18, you blow lorimer
<ChronoWiz> you know how if you try to read a book that is too hard you get stunned or it explodes or you get teleported
<ChronoWiz> that just happened to me irl
@@ -1255,15 +1208,6 @@ Maketakunai: You are dead. Would you like your possessions identified?
<Rodney> Zauren (Bar Orc Fem Cha), 732 points, killed by a dwarf king
<Zauren> I was paralyzed in fear of the purple h
-<SpeedEvil> Oh woot.
-<SpeedEvil> I hit myself with /oPoly as a last resort
-<SpeedEvil> I'm now a blue jelly in an engulf fight with a dust vortex
-<ShaggyShaggs> aren't there japanese websites devoted to that sort of thing?
-<fontp> You are engulfed by the tentacle vortex! Your armor is ripped apart! -more-
-<zid> You are engulfed by a tentacle monster! You cannot escape! You feel violated.
-<fontp> The tentacle monster charms you!
-<fontp> The tentacle vortex takes 999 gold in payment
<ashel> The watch captain and the priest have been in the temple for like 2000 turns now. They're totally getting it on in there
< aioli> i hope whoever invented the mysterious force gets his or her penis caught in a gear
@@ -1273,11 +1217,6 @@ Maketakunai: You are dead. Would you like your possessions identified?
<Toksyuryel> And then have the shopkeepers chase them all over the dungeons >.>
<Eidolos> Real Men kill the shk and don't even take anything.
-< Kittin> The game logic is gay, I am straight, the game logic keeps hitting on me, I keep saying 'stop it please.'
-< Diablo-D3> How do you know the game logic isnt female?
-< Kittin> The game logic throws me into a state of confusion by giving me virtual code roofies and rapes me while i stare blankly into space.
-< Kittin> So if it's female it's one butch honey.
* Yui_ hmms at graffiti: "they say a diamond is another kind of luck stone"
< jmt> Sure, Yui, give a girl a diamond and you might get lucky. :-)
@@ -1380,7 +1319,8 @@ Maketakunai: You are dead. Would you like your possessions identified?
<Grunt> The Internet feels as good as new!
<intx13> The nymph steals the blessed Internet!
<Grunt> Haha.
-<Grunt> You see the Internet here.16:59 < sylphie> Suddenly, the Internet disappears!
+<Grunt> You see the Internet here.
+<sylphie> Suddenly, the Internet disappears!
<intx13> The little dog eats the Internet
<Grunt> The Internet takes on a strange transparency.
<Smello> The Internet wields a blessed lag monster corpse! The Internet hits! You are slowing down.
@@ -1430,12 +1370,6 @@ Maketakunai: You are dead. Would you like your possessions identified?
<imork> stand in a corridor and zap a wand of death at the wall. that will id reflection
<blx> imork, thank you. i will try that
-[20:32:50] <billnye> tradition dictates against eating dogs and cats, but strangely horses are okay
-<ugen64> ok
-<azgor> it is generally accepted practice that if a cowboy is lost in the desert with no food or water... he eats his horse
-<billnye> easier than drinking it, anyway
-<azgor> I saw a film of a woman trying to drink a horse once. She started in a funny spot though.
<Rodney> Zawk (Wiz Elf Fem Cha), 4573 points, killed by a lynx
<cheapy|> damn you antiquated webbrowsers! DAMN YOU TO HELL
@@ -1731,8 +1665,6 @@ from me when I first tried to get her to seduce the blob before I charmed her)
<OsirisBRD> Good amulet of Life savings!
<OsirisBRD> Good!
-Mumbo: nethack invented killing whores to get your money back way before GTA did
<scwizard> ?? barrow wright
<scwizard> how you spell it?
@@ -1793,18 +1725,6 @@ Mumbo: nethack invented killing whores to get your money back way before GTA did
<Gaulgath> I think my god is trying to tell me something.
<Dentarthurdent> then a trice and a kobold joined them...
-<GreyKnight> I need no Japanese schoolgirls
-<Violist> I do
-<GreyKnight> I'm a lawful Priest, for crying out loud!
-<Violist> ewww
-<GreyKnight> err, wait
-<PsyMar> ...
-<GreyKnight> please ignore the obvious priest jokes
-<Violist> no wonder you don't need school_girls_
-<|7hs|> except when you put on your uncursed ski mask of opposite alignment
-* GreyKnight searches his BoH for a helm of I'm Not Listening La La La
* Botje reads a cursed scroll of genocide
<Botje> What do you want to genocide: Grunt
<Botje> Sent in some Grunts
@@ -1852,16 +1772,6 @@ kuffs: homework is for non-ascenders
<Rodney> atheist (Bar Orc Mal Cha), 6324 points, killed by a priest of Set
<Kernigh> Priest kills atheist?
-< Kitten_> So, I undressed and dropped everything I had on the altar.
-< Kitten_> Naked in front of a priest.
-< Kitten_> Such the altar boy I am.
-< Kitten_> He didn't even come onto me when I tried to #chat him.
-< Kitten_> What kid of a priest is he?!
-< Kitten_> Oh.
-< Kitten_> Nevermind.
-< greycat> these aren't Catholics.
-< Kitten_> I'm a girl.
<scwizard> "Your health currently feels amplified!"
<Grunt> That's a pair of extremely bad puns
<Grunt> I really wish they'd change that message :P
@@ -1997,41 +1907,6 @@ rast left the room (quit: Client Quit).
<shel-> 3) Cook dinner
<Jmadman311> all in a day's work.
-spazm: sex doesnt matter
-nornagon: LIES
-alphamale: Somehow I'm not surprised to hear that on #nethack.
-mercury5: only in nethack
-nornagon: heh
-spazm: should the females automatically get better prices from the male shopkeepers?
-mercury5: yes but they should buy more
-spazm: You feel compelled to shop!
-spazm: You buy an OTHER pair of iron shoes!
-mercury5: those boots don't match your cloak
-spazm: -1 luck for not matching armor
-nornagon: heh.
-spazm: Your dwarven cloak matches your dwarven iron shoes! This makes you feel great!
-spazm: and every 500 turns you have to get a new piece of armor or you get a -1 luck penalty
-<Violist> MAGICBANE!
-<Violist> MAGIC
-<Eidolos> COOL
-<Violist> DUDE
-<Violist> whoa, Magicbane was given at +2
-<Violist> score
-<Eidolos> HEY
-<Violist> SORRY
-<Violist> HAH HAH HAH
-<Duke-> It's Oct 23 here 5 minutes already
-<Violist> DUKE FAILS
<zid> heh, wrong potion
* zid is now the proud owner of 250 cursed blank papers
@@ -2087,8 +1962,6 @@ spazm: and every 500 turns you have to get a new piece of armor or you get a -1
<SomeoneElseYes> Cockatrice death.
<Eidolos> Now he's long AND hard
-azgor: Hmm... the castle tune appears to be FAGGG. I wonder if the rng is trying to tell me something.
Rodney: dormammu (Bar Orc Fem Cha), 925 points, poisoned by a rotted small mimic corpse
dormammu: is really awful at this game, heh.
SomeoneElseYes: Don't eat corpses more than 50 turns old.
@@ -2170,11 +2043,6 @@ dranger: The Jesus touches you! You can move around again.
<Eidolos> !learn info polyself bug
<Rodney> polyself_bug has contributions by: [1]Eidolos [2]Eidolos [3]Eidolos [4]Eidolos [5]Grunt
-<anselmus> owned
-<anselmus> rust monster made you his bitch
-<Eidolos> yeah I fucking hate them
-<Eidolos> Rust monsters, or as I like to call them, AC rapists
<aero2600> Whoa.. why does a potion of oil cost so much?
<Eidolos> Did you apply-test in the store?
<aero2600> Nope.
@@ -2398,16 +2266,6 @@ billnye: look at your nick, man!
[15:17] <Rodney> Marl (Rog Hum Mal Cha), 1075 points, killed by a hobgoblin
<Rapidfire> MULTIKILL
-<Izzy84075> How do you get more than one pet?
-<SheeEttin> Tame something.
-<TheShrewdDude> If: You see here a large dog
-<TheShrewdDude> Then: You throw the tripe ration.
-<TheShrewdDude> End if.
-<Stevie-O> TheShrewdDude: Then you have done something impossible
-<Stevie-O> Or you have named your fruit "large dog"
-<shel-> korean fruit
-<TheShrewdDude> My, that was a yummy large dog!
worst: Hopefully I'll ascend this time, and never feel the need to play again...
worst: but just in case, how do I set pickup types in the options file?
@@ -2515,9 +2373,6 @@ Greentryst: wield, wield, pass
< CrusaderEsper> or too early...
< billnye> The Ladies don't like it when you're too desperate
-< dhalgren> also they never should've put these female soldiers in the game
-< dhalgren> The soldier removes a pair of low boots and puts on a pair of high boots.
< Elgo> i am stuck
< Elgo> i must control my digging frenzy....
< Jeevz> are you a rock mole?