Into every generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One. One born with the strength and skill to fight the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers.
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In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone must stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
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Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?
			--Episode #1.1, "Welcome to the Hellmouth"
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Giles: For as long as there have been vampires, there has been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One...
Buffy: He loves doing this part.
Giles: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.
			--Episode #1.2, "The Harvest"
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Giles: Well then help me in researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre. Rivers of blood, hell on Earth. Quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. [about a computer] It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. [everyone stares] That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
Buffy: Welcome to the New World.
			--Episode #1.2, "The Harvest"
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Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
Willow: I know. And everyone else thinks it's just a normal day.
Xander: Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret.
Willow: We do. That's what a secret is, when you know something other guys don't.
			--Episode #1.2, "The Harvest"
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Giles: It may be that we are all that stands between the Earth and utter destruction.
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, ya know, like excessive not studying.
Giles: The Earth is doomed.
			--Episode #1.2, "The Harvest"
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Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
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Willow: You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!
			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
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Xander: I laugh in the face of danger! Then I... hide until it goes away.
			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
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Joyce: Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. Oh, look! There I am.
Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?
			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
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Giles: This is madness. What could you have been thinking? You are the Slayer. Lives depend upon you. I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, instead of which you enslave yourself to this-this... cult.
[we see Buffy is wearing a cheerleading outfit]
Buffy: You don’t like the color?
			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
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Giles: God, every day here is the same.
Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful. However can we escape this torment?
			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
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Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
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Giles: This computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office... One assumes it is entirely legal?
Buffy: Of course.
Willow: Entirely.
Giles: Right. Wasn't here. Didn't see it. Couldn't have stopped you.
			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
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Principal Flutie: We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug, but not a real hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong touching.
			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
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Cordelia: I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know? Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats.
			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
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Buffy: If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
			--Episode #1.5, "Never Kill a Boy on the First Date"
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Willow: You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, "Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?" We've been through this.
			--Episode #1.6, "The Pack"
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Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Giles: And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Giles: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles.
Buffy: It's bad, isn't it?
Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course you'll have to kill him.
			--Episode #1.6, "The Pack"
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Giles: Testosterone is a great equalizer - it turns all men into morons.
			--Episode #1.6, "The Pack"
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Willow: So he is a good vampire? I mean on a scale of one to ten. Ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night, one being someone who's... not.
			--Episode #1.7, "Angel"
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Darla: I made him. There was a time when we shared everything, wasn't there Angelus? You had a chance to come home, to rule with me in the Master's court for a thousand years, but you threw that away because of her. You love someone who hates us. You're sick. And you'll always be sick. And you'll always remember what it was like to watch her die.
			--Episode #1.7, "Angel"
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Giles: I'm just going to stay and clean up a little. I'll be back in the Middle Ages.
Jenny: Did you ever leave?
			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
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Giles: I-I-I really don't know how to advise you. Things involved with a computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such I'd be more in my element.
			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
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Jenny: You kids really dig the library, don't you?
Buffy: We're literary.
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
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Xander: Are we over-reacting? He's in a computer, what can he do?
Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world?
Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
Giles: Destroy the world's economy.
Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
Giles: ...Alright, yours was best.
			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
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Xander: Hey! I got to hit someone!
			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
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Jenny: Honestly, what is it about them that bothers you so much?
Giles: The smell.
Jenny: Computers don't smell, Rupert.
Giles: I know. Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower, or a a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell musty and-and-and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is a - it, uh, it has no no texture, no-no context. It's-it's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then-then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible, it should be, um, smelly.
			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
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Giles: He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but he would have none of it.
			--Episode #1.9, "The Puppet Show"
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Principal Snyder: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in my world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.
			--Episode #1.9, "The Puppet Show"
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Giles: Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?
Marc: No, no this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just come pouring out.
Giles: What exactly is the trick?
Marc: What trick?
			--Episode #1.9, "The Puppet Show"
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Xander: You were a lousy clown! Your balloon animals were pathetic! Everyone can make a giraffe!
			--Episode #1.10, "Nightmares"
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The Master: What's the fun of burying someone if they're already dead?
			--Episode #1.10, "Nightmares"
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Principal Snyder: There are no dead students here. This week.
			--Episode #1.11, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"
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Giles: Buffy told me you don't feed from humans anymore.
Angel: Not for a long while.
Giles: Is that why you're here? To see her?
Angel: I can't. It's, uh... It's too hard for me to be around her.
Giles: A vampire in love with a Slayer. It's rather poetic... in a maudlin sort of way.
			--Episode #1.11, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"
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Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
			--Episode #1.11, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"
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The Master: You're dead.
Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
The Master: You were destined to die! It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
			--Episode #1.12, "Prophecy Girl"
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The Master: Where are your jibes now? Will you laugh when my Hell is on Earth?
Buffy: You're that amped about Hell? Go there!
			--Episode #1.12, "Prophecy Girl"
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Buffy: It's just...been a really weird day.
Xander: Yeah. Buffy died and everything.
Willow: Wow. Harsh.
Giles: I should've known that wouldn't stop you.
			--Episode #1.12, "Prophecy Girl"
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Cordelia: Oh, look, it's the Three Musketeers.
Buffy: Was that an insult?
Xander: Kinda lacked punch.
Willow: The Three Musketeers were cool.
Cordelia: I see your point.
			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
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Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close which is good cause I don't really like you that much. But you have been known to save the world on occasion, so I'm going to give you a piece of advice.
Buffy: Which is?
Cordelia: Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.
			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
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Willow: She's possessed!
Giles: Possessed?
Willow: That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy.
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? [gets looks from the others and concedes] She's possessed.
			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
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Angel: We need to distract the vampires.
Buffy: Right.
Angel: What are you gonna do?
Buffy: I'm gonna kill them all. That oughta distract 'em.
			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
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Cordelia: What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?
Jenny: What?
Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry-clean till Judgment Day, you are living with those stains.
Jenny: Yeah that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat. The stains.
			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
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Xander: Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.
Giles: Hear, hear.
Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
			--Episode #2.2, "Some Assembly Required"
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Xander: So, both coffins are empty. That makes three girls signed up for the army of zombies.
Willow: Is it an army if you just have three?
Buffy: Zombie drill team then.
			--Episode #2.2, "Some Assembly Required"
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Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?
Willow: All the time.
			--Episode #2.2, "Some Assembly Required"
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Buffy: We were at the Bronze before. Thought you said you might show.
Angel: You said you weren't sure if you were going.
Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show?
			--Episode #2.3, "School Hard"
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Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. You should have someone out there.
Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?
Angel: Everything.
Spike: Yeah. Come up against this slayer yet?
Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave her the puppy dog "I'm all tortured" act. Keeps her off my back when I feed.
Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine? What a world!
Xander: I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy.
			--Episode #2.3, "School Hard"
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Spike: You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!
Angel: Things change.
Spike: Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom! Come on people! This isn't a spectator sport!
			--Episode #2.3, "School Hard"
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Spike: From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual, and a little more fun around here!
			--Episode #2.3, "School Hard"
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Giles: You have responsibilities that other girls do not.
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah blah biddy blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.
Giles: It's as if you know me.
			--Episode #2.4, "Inca Mummy Girl"
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Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me I want to die.
			--Episode #2.5, "Reptile Boy"
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Giles: She lied to me?
Willow: Well...
Angel: Did... she have a date?
Willow: (to Angel) Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! (to Giles) And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! (to Angel) And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?? Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've got to help Buffy.
			--Episode #2.5, "Reptile Boy"
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Buffy: I told one lie, I had one drink.
Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.
			--Episode #2.5, "Reptile Boy"
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Willow: It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher Diaries and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell.
Buffy: Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private.
Willow: Also Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files.
Buffy: Most importantly, it would be wrong.
			--Episode #2.6, "Halloween"
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Buffy: Angel's a vampire, I thought you knew.
Cordelia: Oh, he's a vampire! Of course! But the cuddly kind, like a Care Bear with fangs.
Willow: It's true.
Cordelia: You know what I think? I just think you're trying to scare me off 'cause you're afraid of the competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer.
			--Episode #2.6, "Halloween"
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Buffy: It's just ... You're never gonna get noticed if you keep hiding! You're missing the whole point of Halloween.
Willow: Free candy?
Buffy: It's "come as you aren't" night! The perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild, with no repercussions.
Willow: Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.
			--Episode #2.6, "Halloween"
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Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.
			--Episode #2.6, "Halloween"
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Cordelia: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie-Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed ...
Xander: I think you mean oppressed.
Cordelia: Whatever. They were cranky. So they're like, "Let's lose some heads." Uh! That's fair. And Marie-Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake!
			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
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Willow: Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't want to hear, do you promise not to bite me?
Angel: Are you going to tell me that I'm jealous?
Willow: Well, you do sometimes get that way.
Angel: You know, I never used to. Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feeling guilty ... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy.
			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
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Angel: He left no paper trail. That's incriminating enough.
Xander: I'm going to have to go with Deadboy on this one.
Angel: Could ya not call me that?
			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
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Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was ... an obsession of mine. She was pure, and sweet, and chaste.
Buffy: And you made her a vampire.
Angel: First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon.
Buffy: Well. I asked for the truth.
			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
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Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.
			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
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Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades.
Buffy: He probably sat in math class thinking, "There should be more math. This could be mathier."
			--Episode #2.8, "The Dark Age"
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Ethan Rayne: If you think of it karmically this is, this is really big for your soul. You know, taking my place with the demon. Giving, so that others may live.
Buffy: I'm gonna kill you. Will that blow the whole karma thing?
			--Episode #2.8, "The Dark Age"
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Buffy: I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary. I'm so used to you being a grownup, and then I find out that you're a person.
Giles: Most grownups are.
			--Episode #2.8, "The Dark Age"
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Xander: What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark.
Willow: You're not gonna be young forever.
Xander: Yes, but I'll always be stupid. [silence. He looks around] Let's not all rush to disagree.
			--Episode #2.9, "What's My Line, Part One"
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Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
Angel: Yeah. I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay, then a regular kid and her cradle-robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend.
			--Episode #2.9, "What's My Line, Part One"
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Dalton: Yes, but ... The Order of Taraka. I mean, isn't that overkill?
Spike: No, I think it's just enough kill.
			--Episode #2.9, "What's My Line, Part One"
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Cordelia: I can't even believe you. You dragged me out of bed for a ride? What am I, mass transportation?
Xander: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind.
Cordelia: Oh, great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag.
Xander: I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way.
			--Episode #2.9, "What's My Line, Part One"
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Willow: There's a Slayer handbook?
Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Willow: Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool...
Giles: After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that, uh, the handbook would be of no use in your case.
Buffy: Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? Wha- what's wrong with my case?
			--Episode #2.10, "What's My Line, Part Two"
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Kendra: And those two, they also know you are the Slayer?
Buffy: Yep.
Kendra: Did anyone explain to you what "secret identity" means?
Buffy: Nope. Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality removal.
			--Episode #2.10, "What's My Line, Part Two"
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Buffy: It's your lucky day, Spike.
Kendra: Two Slayers!
Buffy: No waiting!
			--Episode #2.10, "What's My Line, Part Two"
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Oz: The monkey is the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that... You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen... So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know the monkey's just, [in French accent] "I mock you with my monkey pants," then there's a big coup at the zoo...
Willow: The monkey's French?
Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?
			--Episode #2.10, "What's My Line, Part Two"
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Willow: And you're loving playing nursemaid?
Buffy: Oh, yeah!
Xander: So, is it better than playing naughty stewardess?
			--Episode #2.11, "Ted"
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Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
Giles: Yes, that's why one slays them.
Buffy: I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas, and everyone's like, "I like your mini pizzas", but I'm telling you, I am—
Giles: Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text.
			--Episode #2.11, "Ted"
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Buffy: Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!
Willow: I just wanna learn stuff.
Cordelia: Like how to build your own serial killer?
Xander: Uh, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
			--Episode #2.11, "Ted"
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Buffy: Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
Xander: I think the word you're searching for is absent.
Willow: Tardy people show. And yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this. [hands Buffy an egg]
Buffy: As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
			--Episode #2.12, "Bad Eggs"
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Willow: Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches.
Giles: Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers.
Xander: Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario.
Buffy: Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up! [cut to Buffy and Angel on patrol making out]
			--Episode #2.12, "Bad Eggs"
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Xander: Which is another secret to conscientious egg care. A pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
Willow: You boiled your young?
Giles: I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
Xander: I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
Giles: A little of both might be appropriate.
			--Episode #2.12, "Bad Eggs"
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Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?
Buffy: I dreamt ... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas.
Angel: You see my point?
			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
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[Buffy prods Willow about her interest in Oz.]
Willow: Oh, I don't know, though. He is a senior.
Buffy: You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial.
			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
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Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting.
Willow: Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say "yes."
Oz: Yeah, it helps. It ... it creates a comfort zone. ... Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
Willow: [slaps forehead] Oh! I can't!
Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.
			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
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Willow: Are you okay?
Oz: Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?
Willow: Ohhh, well ... sort of.
Xander: Yep. Vampires are real, a lot of 'em live in Sunnydale, Willow will fill you in.
Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
Oz: Actually, it explains a lot.
			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
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Angel: Leave her alone!
Spike: That'll work. Now say pretty please.
Angel: Take me instead.
Spike: Apparently, you're not familiar with the concept. There is no instead, only firsts and seconds.
Drusilla: And if you go first, you don't get to watch the Slayer die.
			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
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Judge: There's no humanity in him.
Angelus: I couldn't have said it better myself.
Drusilla: Angelus.
Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back.
			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
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Spike: No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?
Angelus: What can I say, hmm? I was going through a phase.
			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
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Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you?
Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive.
			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
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Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not knew it in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know. You two were fighting way too much. It's not natural!
Xander: I know it's weird ...
Willow: Weird? It's against all laws of God and Man! It's Cordelia! Remember? The, the 'We Hate Cordelia Club', of which you are the treasurer.
			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
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Xander: Willow. We were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much.
Willow: No. ... It just means you'd rather be with someone you hate, than be with me.
			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
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Angelus: What? I took off.
Buffy: But you didn't say anything. You just left.
Angelus: Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that.
Buffy: What?
Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night.
Buffy: What are you saying?
Angelus: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? In fact, let's not talk about it at all. It happened.
Buffy: I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? Was I not good?
Angelus: You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro.
			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
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Spike: Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'être, you know.
Angelus: Spike, my boy, you really don't get it, do you? You tried to kill her, but you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck! She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl ... you have to love her.
			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
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Giles: Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. And I can. I know that you loved him. And, he ... he's proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are, are going to be hard, I suspect on all of us. But if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is my support. And my respect.
			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
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Willow: We have a lot of fun, but I want smoochies!
Buffy: Have you dropped any hints?
Willow: I've dropped anvils.
Buffy: Well, he'll come around. What guy could resist your wily Willow charms?
Willow: At last count? All of them, maybe more.
Buffy: Well, none of them know a thing! They all get an "F" in Willow.
Willow: But I want Oz to get an "A," and, oh, one of those gold stars!
			--Episode #2.15, "Phases"
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Buffy: But I would do a lot better if you and Xander and I could do that "sharing our misery" thing tonight.
Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Buffy: Meow!
Willow: Thanks, I haven't gotten a "Meow" before.
			--Episode #2.15, "Phases"
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Oz: You mean... you'd still...
Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice, and you're funny, and you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month, I'm not much fun to be around either.
Oz: You are quite the human.
Willow: So I'd still, if you'd still.
Oz: I'd still. I'd very still!
Willow: Okay. No biting, though.
			--Episode #2.15, "Phases"
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Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct, stake to the heart, no muss, no fuss.
Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia.
			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
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Angelus: Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
Drusilla: Don't worry, Spike. Angel always knows...what speaks to a girl's heart.
			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
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Willow: Don't be so jumpy... I've been in your bed before.
Xander: Yeah, but Will, we were both in footy pajamas.
			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
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Xander: Buff, for the love of God, don't open that raincoat.
Buffy: Come on! It's a party! Aren't you gonna open your present?
Xander: It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. Not like this. This isn't real to you, you're only here because of a spell. I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me, but you don't, so I can't.
			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
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Amy: Goddess Hecate, work thy will...
Xander: Uh-oh.
Amy: ... Before thee let the unclean thing crawl!
			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
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Cordelia: Harmony, shut up. Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep.
Harmony: I'm not a sheep.
Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.
			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
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Angelus: Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping...waiting...and though unwanted...unbidden...it will stir...open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us...guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. the joy of love...the clarity of hatred...and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd truly be dead.
			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
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Cordelia: Oh, God! I invited him in my car once. That means he can come into my car whenever he wants!
Xander: Yep, you're doomed to havin' to give him and his vamp pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas.
			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
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Buffy: It's so weird. Every time something like this happens, my first instinct is still to run to Angel. I can't believe it's the same person. He's completely different from the guy that I knew.
Willow: Well, sort of, except ...
Buffy: Except what?
Willow: You're still the only thing he thinks about.
			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
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Xander: I'm sorry, but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying "I told you so" long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the ... fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"
Buffy: Yeah. There's just one problem with Giles in a revenge scenario. It'll get him killed.
			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
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Spike: Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds.
Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer!
			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
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Buffy: Hey. Here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home?
Dr. Wilkinson: No. Buffy, you need to lie down, honey.
Buffy: Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's... not my bed.
Dr. Wilkinson: She's still a little out of it.
Buffy: Shhh! Hospital zone. No singing.
			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
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Buffy: Homework.
Willow: It's my way of saying get well soon.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.
			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
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Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
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Willow: I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I... never have.
			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
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Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing.
Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
Xander: Solid call.
			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
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Giles: I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, in fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it's appropriate; you should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.
			--Episode #2.19, "I Only Have Eyes for You"
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Giles: He's-he's trying to... resolve whatever issues are keeping him in limbo. What exactly those are, I'm not...
Buffy: He wants forgiveness.
Giles: Yes. I imagine he does. But when James possesses people, they act out exactly what happened that night. So he's experiencing a form of purgatory instead. I mean, he's doomed to kill his Ms. Newman over and over and over again, and... Forgiveness is impossible.
Buffy: Good. He doesn't deserve it.
Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it.
			--Episode #2.19, "I Only Have Eyes for You"
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Cordelia: Well, all I know is, my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something.
Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: We're number one!
			--Episode #2.20, "Go Fish"
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Xander: That is wrong. A big fat spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to earn our Ds.
Cordelia: Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people are entitled to special privileges. They're called winners. That's the way the world works.
			--Episode #2.20, "Go Fish"
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Buffy: So, something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
Willow: Like an Oreo cookie, well, except for, you know, without the... chocolatey cookie goodness.
			--Episode #2.20, "Go Fish"
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Principal Snyder: Are we having a chair shortage?
Willow: I didn't read anything about... oh, [slides off Oz's lap] I get it.
			--Episode #2.21, "Becoming, Part One"
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Spike: It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends, they all don't have a rock this big.
			--Episode #2.21, "Becoming, Part One"
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Willow: Oh I need about a day, and an Orb of Thessulah, whatever that is.
Giles: Spirit vault for the undead, I've got one. I've been using it as a paperweight.
			--Episode #2.21, "Becoming, Part One"
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Whistler: Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that count. That's when you find out who you are.
			--Episode #2.21, "Becoming, Part One"
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Spike: I want to save the world.
Buffy: You do remember that you're a vampire, right?
Spike: We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people, billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision, with a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?
			--Episode #2.22, "Becoming, Part Two"
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Buffy: Open your eyes, Mom. What do you think has been going on for the past two years? The fights, the weird occurrences. How many times have you washed blood out of my clothing, and you still haven't figured it out?
Joyce: Well, it stops now!
Buffy: No, it doesn't stop. It never stops. Do-do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is? How dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or, god, even studying! But I have to save the world. Again.
			--Episode #2.22, "Becoming, Part Two"
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Angelus: Just tell me what I need to know.
Giles: In order t-to... to be worthy... you must perform the ritual.. in a tutu. Pillock!
Angelus: Alright. Someone get the chain saw.
			--Episode #2.22, "Becoming, Part Two"
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Angelus: No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away, and what's left?
Buffy: Me.
			--Episode #2.22, "Becoming, Part Two"
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Xander: First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen?
Oz: Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team?
Xander: That's right, he was! [yells at Andy] Cheater! [turns back] Okay, and the, uh, second problem I'm having -- "Come and get it, Big Boy"?
Willow: Well, w-w-well, the Slayer always says a pun, or-or a witty play on words, and, I think it throws the vampires off! And, and it makes them frightened, because I'm wisecracking. Okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but you try it every time!
Oz: Uh, if I may suggest, "This time it's personal." I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic.
			--Episode #3.1, "Anne"
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[In Buffy's dream]
Buffy: How did you find me here?
Angel: If I was blind, I would see you.
Buffy: Stay with me.
Angel: Forever. That's the whole point. I'll never leave. Not even if you kill me.
			--Episode #3.1, "Anne"
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Giles: I mean, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but if anything should happen to you, or you... should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.
Willow: You'd be cranky?
Giles: Entirely.
Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: "Don't get killed."
			--Episode #3.1, "Anne"
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Buffy: I'd like to find Willow and Xander.
Joyce: Will you be slaying?
Buffy: Only if they give me lip.
			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
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Principal Snyder: I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly.
Joyce: Buffy was cleared of all those charges.
Principal Snyder: Yes, and while she may live up to the not-a-murderer requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school property and the occasional student. And her grade point average is enough to... I'm sorry. Another tingle moment.
			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
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[Giles brings a zombie cat to the library.]
Cordelia: Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA Today, or anything?
Giles: We're trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave. It's not as if I want to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk.
Oz: Well, I like it. I think you should call it Patches.
			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
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Oz: We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?
Cordelia: What's the difference?
Oz: Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.
Xander: Well, I hate brie.
Cordelia: I know. It smells like Giles' cat.
			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
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Buffy: Fine, okay, I can take my lumps. For awhile.
Willow: All right, I'll stop giving you a hard time. (pause) Runaway.
Buffy: Will!
Willow: I'm sorry ... quitter.
Buffy: Whiner.
Willow: Bailer.
Buffy: Harpy.
Willow: Delinquent.
Buffy: Tramp.
Willow: Bad seed.
Buffy: Witch.
Willow: Freak.
			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
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Willow: I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or-or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like. [Buffy glares at her] Oh, I didn't mean that bad thing with your mouth, I meant that little half-smile thing that you... [looks at Oz] you're supposed to stop me when I do that.
Oz: I like when you do that.
			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
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Faith: The whole summer it was, like, the worst heatwave. So, it's about 118 degrees and I'm sleepin' without a stitch on, and all of a sudden I hear this screamin' from outside. So I go tearin' out stark nude and this church bus is broke down and there's three vamps feasting on half the Baptists in South Boston. So I waste the vamps and the preacher comes up and he's hugging me like there's no tomorrow when all of a sudden the cops pull up and they arrested us both.
Xander: Wow. They should film that story and show it every Christmas.
			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
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Faith: Always... I could eat a horse. Ain't it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny?
[Xander, Cordy, Willow & Oz all look at Buffy for confirmation]
Buffy: Well... sometimes I-I crave a non-fat yogurt after.
			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
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Buffy: [about Kakistos] Now, this guy shows up two days ago, right? Right around the same time my bestest new little sister makes her scene.
Giles: You think he and Faith are connected?
Buffy: Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns.
Giles: Well, Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both arrived here by chance simultaneously.
Buffy: Okay, but I was right about the leprechauns, right?
Giles: As far as I know, yes.
			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
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Buffy: Angel was cured.
Giles: I'm sorry?
Buffy: When I killed him, Angel was cured. [to Willow] Your spell worked at the last minute, Will. I was about to take him out, and, um, something went through him, and he was Angel again. He-he didn't remember anything that he'd done. He just held me. Um, but i-it was, it was too late, and I, I had to. So I-I told him that I loved him, I kissed him, and I killed him.
			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
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Buffy: We have a marching jazz band?
Oz: Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... Scary.
Willow: He's just being Oz.
Oz: Pretty much full-time.
			--Episode #3.4, "Beauty and the Beasts"
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Buffy: Couldn't sleep, huh?
Willow: I've been at Mister Donut since the TV did that snowy thing. How come you're the Wakey Girl? I mean, this time, it's not your boyfriend who's the cold-blooded... [sees Oz] Jelly doughnut?
			--Episode #3.4, "Beauty and the Beasts"
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Giles: Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with. Quite clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal.
[Oz comes in.]
Oz: Present. Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable.
			--Episode #3.4, "Beauty and the Beasts"
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Mr. Trick: Competition. Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us strive. It makes us accomplish. Occasionally, it makes us kill. We all have the desire to win. Whether we're human, vampire or ... whatever the hell you are, my brother. You got them spiny-looking head things. I ain't never seen that before.
Kulak: I am Kulak, of the Miquot Clan.
Mr. Trick: Isn't that nice.
			--Episode #3.5, "Homecoming"
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Cordelia: I don't even get why you care about Homecoming when you're doing stuff like this.
Buffy: Because this is all I do. This is what my life is. You couldn't understand. I just thought ... Homecoming Queen. I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, I was there. I went to high school, I had friends, and, for one moment, I got to live in the world. And there'd be proof, proof that I was chosen for something other than this. Besides, [pumps the rifle] I look cute in a tiara.
			--Episode #3.5, "Homecoming"
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Ms. Barton: Hey! We're all stuck here, okay? So now let's just sit quietly and, and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure that old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!
Xander: Does anyone else wanna marry Ms. Barton?
Cordelia: Get in line.
			--Episode #3.6, "Band Candy"
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Buffy: Something's definitely changing them.
Willow: A spell?
Oz: They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?
Principal Snyder: [to Oz] You've got great hair.
			--Episode #3.6, "Band Candy"
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Buffy: It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt... so alone.
Giles: Was that the math or the verbal?
Buffy: Mostly the math.
			--Episode #3.6, "Band Candy"
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Cordelia: Why are you guys so hyper?
Willow: Hey, speaking of people and things they do that aren't like usual, anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different?
Xander: Let's see. Killing zombies, torching sewer monsters, and, no, that's pretty much the same old Buffster.
			--Episode #3.7, "Revelations"
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Buffy: [About Angel] You'd just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?
Xander: I don't need an excuse! I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason!
			--Episode #3.7, "Revelations"
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Giles: Be quiet. I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point? Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives of all that you hold dear by harboring a known murderer. But sadly, I must remind you that Angel tortured me... for hours... for pleasure. You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. You have no respect for me, or the job I perform.
			--Episode #3.7, "Revelations"
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Willow: I'm pathetic, illiterate. I'm Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.
Xander: That's right, and the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined score in no way compromises your position as the village idiot.
			--Episode #3.8, "Lovers Walk"
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Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
			--Episode #3.8, "Lovers Walk"
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Spike: Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are at the factory. I'm really glad I came here, you know. I've been all wrong-headed about this: weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man that I was - the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her - wherever she is - tie her up, torture her, 'til she likes me again. Love's a funny thing.
			--Episode #3.8, "Lovers Walk"
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Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
Xander: Mine is much more advanced.
			--Episode #3.9, "The Wish"
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Vamp Willow: Hmm, Buffy. Oooh. Scary.
Vamp Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts.
			--Episode #3.9, "The Wish"
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Cordelia: I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale!
Anya: Done! [nothing happens, Anya is confused]
Cordelia: No! I wish Buffy Summers had never been born! That would be cool!
Anya: Done! [again nothing happens]
Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.
Anya: Done!
Cordelia: In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind disappear off the face of the earth. That would be so cool! Or maybe...
			--Episode #3.9, "The Wish"
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Xander: So, you doing anything special?
Buffy: Tree, nog, roast beast. Just me and Mom, and hopefully an excess of gifts. [to Willow] What are you doing for Christmas?
Willow: Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everyone worships Santa.
			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
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Angel: I was a man once.
The First: And what a man you were. A drunken, whoring layabout and a terrible disappointment to your parents.
Angel: I was young. I never had a chance to..
The First: ...To die of syphilis? You were a worthless being before you were ever a monster.
			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
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Joyce: So, Angel's on top again?
Buffy: What?
Joyce: [holding up Christmas decorations] Angel? Or star?
Buffy: Oh. Er, star.
			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
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The First: I'm not a demon, little girl, I am something you cannot even conceive. The First Evil. Beyond sin. Beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You’ll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being. Every thought. Every drop of hate.
Buffy: All right, I get it. You're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?
The First: Angel will be dead by sunrise. Your Christmas will be his wake.
Buffy: No.
The First: You have no idea what you're dealing with.
Buffy: Let me guess. Is it... evil?
The First: [transforms into a fearsome demonic form, then vanishes] DEAD BY SUNRISE!
			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
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Angel: Buffy, please. Just this once, let me be strong.
Buffy: Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because ... [Snow falls, blocking the sunlight.]
			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
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Cordelia: I came by to tell Buffy to stop all of this craziness and found you all unconscious ... again. How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma.
Giles: Wake up in a c... ? Oh, never mind. We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel.
Cordelia: Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit you.
			--Episode #3.11, "Gingerbread"
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Xander: You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like... Slayer kryptonite.
Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.
Xander: You're assuming I was talking about the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of all his powers.
Oz: Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird --
Buffy: Guys, reality!
			--Episode #3.12, "Helpless"
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Kralik: [to Buffy's mother] Mother. May I call you "mother"? My own mother was a person with no self-respect of her own, so she tried to take mine. Ten years old, she had the scissors. You wouldn't believe what she took with those. But she's dead to me now. Mostly because I killed and ate her, but also because I know I won't be alone much longer. I'll have your daughter. I won't kill her -- I'll just make her like me. Different. She'll go to sleep, and when she wakes up, your face will be the first thing she eats. [considers] I have a problem with mothers. I'm aware of that.
			--Episode #3.12, "Helpless"
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Buffy: Xander, one of these days, you're gonna get yourself hurt.
Faith: Or killed.
Buffy: Or both. And you know, with the pain and then the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be fray-adjacent.
Xander: Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?
Faith: Yeah. That was real manly, how you shrieked and all.
Xander: I think you'll find that was more of a bellow.
			--Episode #3.13, "The Zeppo"
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Cordelia: It must be really hard when all your friends have, like, superpowers. Slayer, werewolf, witches, vampires, and you're, like, this little nothing. You must feel like Jimmy Olsen.
Xander: I happen to be an integral part of that group. I happen to have a lot to offer.
Cordelia: Oh, please.
Xander: I do!
Cordelia: Integral part of the group? Xander, you're the-the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo. "Cool." Look it up. It's something that a sub-literate that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't.
			--Episode #3.13, "The Zeppo"
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Faith: She got me really wound up. A fight like that and, no kill. I'm about ready to pop!
Xander: Really? Pop?!
Faith: You up for it?
Xander: Oh, I'm up. I'm suddenly very up. It's just, um, I've never been up with people before.
Faith: Just relax. And take your pants off.
Xander: Those two ... concepts are ... antithetical.
Faith: Don't worry. I'll steer you around the curves.
Xander: Did I mention that I'm having a very strange night?
			--Episode #3.13, "The Zeppo"
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Buffy: New Watcher?
Giles: New Watcher.
Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, it's very nice to meet you.
Buffy: Is he evil?
Wesley: Evil?
Buffy: The last one was evil.
Wesley: Oh yes, Gwendolyn Post, we all heard. No, Mr. Giles has checked my credentials ... rather thoroughly, phoned the Council. But I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well. A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer.
Buffy: Is he evil?
Giles: Not in the strictest sense.
			--Episode #3.14, "Bad Girls"
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Wesley: Ah, this is perhaps Faith.
Faith: New Watcher?
Buffy, Giles: New Watcher.
Faith: Screw that. [she turns and leaves]
Buffy: Now why didn't I just say that?
			--Episode #3.14, "Bad Girls"
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Wesley: Buffy, you will go to the Gleaves family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet.
Buffy: I will?
Wesley: Are you not used to being given orders?
Buffy: Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says 'please'. And afterwards I get a cookie!
			--Episode #3.14, "Bad Girls"
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Buffy: Faith, you can shut off all the emotions that you want. But eventually, they're gonna find a body.
Faith: Okay, this is the last time we're gonna have this conversation, and we're not even having it now, you understand me? There is no body. I took it, weighted it, and dumped it. The body doesn't exist.
Buffy: Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away.
Faith: It does for me.
Buffy: Faith, you don't get it - you killed a man.
Faith: No, you don't get it - I don't care!
			--Episode #3.14, "Bad Girls"
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Xander: She was fighting those apocalypse demon things and I helped out... gave her a ride home.
Buffy: And you guys talked?
Xander: Not extensively, no.
Buffy: Then why would you... oh!
Giles: Oh!
Willow: I don't need to say "oh", I got it before. They slept together.
			--Episode #3.15, "Consequences"
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Faith: You sent your boy to kill me.
Mayor Wilkins: That's right, I did.
Faith: He's dust.
Mayor Wilkins: I thought he might be, what with you standing here and all.
Faith: I guess that means you have a job opening.
			--Episode #3.15, "Consequences"
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Buffy: I-I just... well, I-I wanna do...
Willow: Better than Faith?
Buffy: So very shallow.
Willow: Competition is natural and healthy. Plus, you'll definitely ace her on the psych test. Just don't mark the box that says, "I sometimes like to kill people."
			--Episode #3.16, "Doppelgängland"
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Vamp Willow: Xander!
Xander: Will, changing the look not an idle threat with you!
Vamp Willow: [smiling] You're alive.
Xander: Uh, Will, this is verging on naughty touching here, don't wanna fall back on bad habits - Hands! Hands in new places!
Vamp Willow: [revolted] You're alive.
			--Episode #3.16, "Doppelgängland"
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Buffy: So, Xander, are you gonna introduce me to- [Vamp Willow turns to Buffy] Holy God, you're Willow.
Vamp Willow: [instantly hostile] You.
Buffy: You know what? I-I like the look. It's, um, it's extreme, but it, it, it looks good, you know, it's a... leather thing, and, uh... I said "extreme" already, right?
			--Episode #3.16, "Doppelgängland"
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Willow: It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and...skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay.
Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.
Angel: Well, actually... [Buffy gives him a look] That's a good point.
			--Episode #3.16, "Doppelgängland"
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Wesley: And you say this demon wanted cash? That's very unusual.
Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.
			--Episode #3.17, "Enemies"
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Mayor Wilkins: There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that's factually true.
			--Episode #3.17, "Enemies"
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Xander: Got the address. I beat it out of Willy the Snitch personally.
Buffy: You beat up Willy?
Xander: Sure. Well, actually, let's just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately, that I asked politely. And then... Okay, I bribed him.
Buffy: How much?
Xander: Twenty-eight bucks. Does the council reimburse for that kinda stuff?
Giles: Did you get a receipt?
Xander: Damn...
			--Episode #3.17, "Enemies"
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Buffy: I know this. It's down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town.
Giles: Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt.
			--Episode #3.17, "Enemies"
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Oz: [voice over] I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me and she becomes me. I cease to exist. [out loud] Hmm.
Xander: [voice over] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! Four times five is 30. Five times six is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked Buffy! Oh, stop me!
Buffy: God, Xander! Is that all you think about?
Xander: Actually... bye. [bolts from the library]
			--Episode #3.18, "Earshot"
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Buffy: You had sex with Giles? You had sex with Giles?!
Joyce: It was the candy! We were teenagers!
Buffy: On the hood of a police car?!
Joyce: [goes to leave, glances back] I'll be downstairs. [exits] You feel better!
Buffy: Twice!?
			--Episode #3.18, "Earshot"
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Buffy: Well, it's nice to be able to help someone in a non-slaying capacity. Except he's starting to get that look, you know, like he's gonna ask me to prom.
Giles: Well, it would probably be good for his self-esteem, if you...
Buffy: Oh, come on! What am I, Saint Buffy? He's, like, three feet tall!
Giles: I'm glad to see you've recovered from your psychic encounter more or less intact. Feel up to some training?
Buffy: Sure. We can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother!
[Giles walks right into a tree.]
			--Episode #3.18, "Earshot"
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Buffy: So this is our future? This is how we're going to spend our nights when I'm fifty and you're... the same age you are now?
[A vampire growls behind them.]
Angel: Let's just get you to fifty.
Buffy: Liking that plan.
			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
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Buffy: Well, I don't think I can talk any slower, Wes. I want to leave.
Wesley: What? Now?
Buffy: No, not now. After I graduate, you know, college?
Wesley: But you're a Slayer.
Buffy: Yeah. I'm also a person. You can't just define me by my slayer-ness. That's... something-ism.
			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
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Buffy: Looks like a job for Wiccan girl. What do you say, Will? Big-time danger.
Willow: Hey, I eat danger for breakfast.
Xander: But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
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Faith: Give me the speech again, please. "Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late."
Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you! You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big, selfish, worthless waste.
			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
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Buffy: I can't let you stay because of me.
Willow: Actually, this isn't about you. Although I'm fond, don't get me wrong, of you. The other night, you know, being captured and all, facing off with Faith, things just kinda got clear. I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years, and I've helped some, and now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people. I mean, I-I think it's worth doing. And I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in.
Buffy: I kind of love you.
Willow: And, besides, I have a shot at being a bad-ass Wicca, and what better place to learn?
			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
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Anya: The power of the Wish made me a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful.
Xander: Well, hey! Good luck with that. Hope it works out for you.
Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
Xander: Then why you talking to me?
Anya: [averting her eyes] I don't have a date for the prom.
			--Episode #3.20, "The Prom"
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Buffy: You guys are going to have a prom. The kind of prom that everyone should have. I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening, if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it.
Xander: ...Yay?
			--Episode #3.20, "The Prom"
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Jonathan: This is actually a new category. First time ever. I guess there were a lot of write-in ballots, and, um, well, the prom committee asked me to read this... We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here.
Crowd outbursts: Zombies! . . . Hyena people! . . . Snyder! [laughter]
Jonathan: But whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you, or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history... [applause from the crowd]... And we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class offers its thanks, and gives you, uh, this. [produces a glittering, miniature umbrella with a small plaque attached to the shaft] It's from all of us, and it has written here, "Buffy Summers, Class Protector."
			--Episode #3.20, "The Prom"
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Anya: Men like sports. I'm sure of it.
Xander: Yes, men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all that you've learned?
			--Episode #3.21, "Graduation Day, Part One"
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Xander: The mayor is going to kill us all during graduation.
Cordelia: Oh! Are you gonna go to fifth period?
Xander: I was thinking I might skip it.
			--Episode #3.21, "Graduation Day, Part One"
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Willow: I think we could be dead in two days and you're being ironic, detachment guy.
Oz: Would it help you if I panic?
Willow: Yes! It'd be swell. Panic is a thing people can share in times of crisis. And everything's really scary now, you know? And I don't know what's going to happen. A-a-and there's all sorts of things that you're supposed to get to do after high school, and I was really looking forward to doing them, and now we're probably just going to die, and I'd like to feel that maybe you would --
[Oz kisses her.]
Willow: What are you doing?
Oz: Panicking.
[Oz kisses Willow again, they fall onto Willow's bed.]
			--Episode #3.21, "Graduation Day, Part One"
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Anya: When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit.
Xander: Welcome to the world of romance.
Anya: It's horrible. No wonder I used to get so much work.
Xander: Well, I'm sorry I give you barfy feelings.
Anya: Come with me.
Xander: I can't.
Anya: Why not?
Xander: I got friends on the line.
Anya: So?
Xander: That humanity thing's still a work in progress, isn't it?
			--Episode #3.21, "Graduation Day, Part One"
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Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus.
Cordelia: I stand corrected.
Oz: Just keeping things in perspective.
			--Episode #3.22, "Graduation Day, Part Two"
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Angel: Well, he's not crazy about germs.
Cordelia: Of course. That's it! We'll attack him with germs!
Buffy: Great! We'll get him cornered, and then you can sneeze on him.
Cordelia: No! No. We'll get a container of Ebola virus, and... and, um... or -- it doesn't even have to be real. We could just get a box that says "Ebola" on it, and, um... [snaps her fingers] chase him. [everyone is silent] ...With the box.
Xander: I'm starting to lean towards the hummus offensive.
Oz: He'll never see it coming.
			--Episode #3.22, "Graduation Day, Part Two"
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Mayor Wilkins: Well, what a day this is! Special day. Today is our centennial, the one-hundredth anniversary of the founding of Sunnydale, and I know what that mean to all you kids: not a darn thing. Because today something much more important happens. Today you all graduate from high school. Today all the pain, all the work, all the excitement is finally over. And what's a hundred years of history compared to that? You know what, kids?
Buffy: Oh my God. He's going to do the entire speech.
Willow: Man, just ascend already.
Buffy: Evil!
			--Episode #3.22, "Graduation Day, Part Two"
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Oz: Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived.
Buffy: It was a hell of a battle.
Oz: Not the battle. High school.
			--Episode #3.22, "Graduation Day, Part Two"
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Buffy: [about college] It's nice that you're excited.
Willow: It's just that in High School, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon, you really had to work to learn anything. But here... the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force. This penetrating force.. and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know, and letting this place just thrust into and spurt knowledge into... [considers what she's saying] That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.
			--Episode #4.1, "The Freshman"
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Willow: Ooh, boyfriend! It's my on campus boyfriend!
Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up, the line's probably really long now too.
			--Episode #4.1, "The Freshman"
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Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous "Ladies Night" club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. Nobody really bothered me, or even spoke to me, until one night, when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say, I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything is exactly as it was, except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?
Buffy: Male strippers?
Xander: No power on this earth!
			--Episode #4.1, "The Freshman"
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Xander: Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. - No, wait, hold on. - Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side. - Hold on, no. Ahm... First you get the women, then you get the money, then you... - OK, can we forget that?
Buffy: Thanks for Dadaist pep talk. I feel much more abstract now.
			--Episode #4.1, "The Freshman"
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Buffy: You guys can do the brain thing, I'm gonna go to class.
Oz: Which could also be construed as the 'brain thing'.
Buffy: Not when you're minoring in Nap 101.
			--Episode #4.2, "Living Conditions"
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Buffy: ... so then Kathy's like, "It's share time." And I'm like, "Oh yeah? Share this!"
[She punches the air.]
Oz: So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?
Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.
			--Episode #4.2, "Living Conditions"
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Buffy: [about Kathy] You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer!
[She brings her foot up, around and down onto a bench, breaking it in two.]
Buffy: She's... other really bad things.
Oz: On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty.
			--Episode #4.2, "Living Conditions"
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Willow: [on the phone with Giles] Giles, I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. [pause] No, not bitchy crazy, more like... homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, OK?
			--Episode #4.2, "Living Conditions"
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Anya: I like you. You're funny and you're nicely shaped. And, frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now.
Xander: And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith.
			--Episode #4.3, "The Harsh Light of Day"
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Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. Wait, on second thought, yeah. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.
			--Episode #4.3, "The Harsh Light of Day"
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Willow: [about her costume] I'm Joan of Arc. I figured we had a lot in common, seeing as how I was almost burned at the stake, plus she has that close relationship with God.
Xander: [to Oz] And you are?
[Oz opens his jacket and reveals a name tag that says "God."]
Xander: Of course. I wish I'd thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could've been God.
Oz: Blasphemer.
			--Episode #4.4, "Fear, Itself"
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Giles: "The summoning spell for Gachnar can be shut down in one of two ways. Destroying the Mark of Gachnar..."
[Buffy promptly stamps into the floor, destroying the Mark on the floor and tearing up the boards; she looks very self-satisfied]
Giles: "...is not one of them, and will, in fact, immediately bring forth the fear demon itself!"
			--Episode #4.4, "Fear, Itself"
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Xander: Who's a little fear demon? Come on! Who's a little fear demon?
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just... tacky.
			--Episode #4.4, "Fear, Itself"
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Oz: Hey, you got a table.
Willow: I had to kill a man.
Oz: Well it's a really good table.
			--Episode #4.5, "Beer Bad"
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Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
Xander: I didn't know it was evil.
Giles: You knew it was beer!
Xander: Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove!
Giles: It was the early seventies, and you should know better.
			--Episode #4.5, "Beer Bad"
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Willow: How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?
Buffy: I thought that was the point.
			--Episode #4.6, "Wild at Heart"
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Oz: Veruca was right about something. The wolf is inside me all the time, and I don't know where that line is anymore between me and it. And until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you... Or anybody.
Willow: Well, that could be a problem 'cause people... Kind of a planetary epidemic.
			--Episode #4.6, "Wild at Heart"
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Willow: OK, say that I help and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like Buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops and it feels like the whole world's made for you two and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition.
Riley: [taken aback] Yep, that's the plan.
Willow: I figured it was.
			--Episode #4.7, "The Initiative"
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[Willow is trying to help Riley get together with Buffy]
Willow: Talk, funny is good but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun!
			--Episode #4.7, "The Initiative"
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Xander: Well, how about this: we whip out the Ouija board, light a few candles, summon some ancient unstoppable evil? Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem; we show up and and kick its ass.
Giles [pauses to contemplate]: A wee bit unethical.
			--Episode #4.7, "The Initiative"
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Willow: Thanksgiving isn't a-about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another! A-and then they make animated specials about the part where... w-with the maize and th-the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where... where all the bison die, a-and Squanto takes a musketball in the stomach!
Buffy: Okay, now, for some of that, you were channeling your mother?
			--Episode #4.8, "Pangs"
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Buffy: With Mom at Aunt Darlene's this year, I'm not getting a Thanksgiving. Maybe it's just as well.
Anya: Well, I think that's a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: It's not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice... with pie.
			--Episode #4.8, "Pangs"
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Buffy: Seeing Angel in LA, even for five minutes… hello to the pain.
Willow: The pain is not a friend.
Buffy: But I can't help thinking, isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts, but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting. (Stakes a vampire) I wonder where I get that from?
			--Episode #4.9, "Something Blue"
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Giles: Look, Spike - we have no intention of killing a harmless... uh, creature... we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent...
Spike: Hey!
Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're...
Buffy: Flaccid?
Spike: You are one step away, missy -
Buffy: [sarcastically] Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
			--Episode #4.9, "Something Blue"
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Spike: Passions is on! Timmy's down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll -
Giles: Do what? Lick me to death?
			--Episode #4.9, "Something Blue"
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Buffy: Spike and I are getting married!
Xander: How? What? How?
Giles: Three excellent questions.
Spike: [to Buffy] What are you looking at?
Buffy: The man I love.
			--Episode #4.9, "Something Blue"
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Willow: Man, that was an exciting class, huh?
Buffy: Oh, yeah — wow.
Willow: And the last twenty minutes — it was a revelation. Just laid out everything we need to know for the final. I'd hate to have missed that.
Buffy: Just tell me I didn't snore.
Willow: Very discreet. Minimal drool.
			--Episode #4.10, "Hush"
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Xander: If you don't know how I feel about -
Anya: I don't. This isn't a relationship! You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
[The others are silent with disbelief.]
Xander: OK... remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
Giles: Please don't.
			--Episode #4.10, "Hush"
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Buffy: So not stellar, huh?
Willow: Talk. All talk. Blah blah Gaia, blah blah moon, menstrual life-force power thingy. You know after a couple of sessions I was hoping we would get into something real but...
Buffy: No actual witches in your witch group.
Willow: No, bunch of wanna-blessed-bes. Nowadays every girl with a henna tattoo and a spice rack thinks she's a sister to the dark ones.
			--Episode #4.10, "Hush"
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Spike: [To Xander] Kids your age are heading off to University. You've made it as far as the basement. And Red here couldn't even keep Dog Boy happy. You can take the loser out of high school, but...
Willow: I see what you're doing. You're trying to get us to dust you.
Spike: I'm not. I just don't want pity from geeks more useless than I am.
			--Episode #4.11, "Doomed"
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Buffy: "I wonder where I've seen this before" - Where else? The place I spend most of my waking hours memorizing stuff off the sides of mausoleums. Big freaky cereal boxes of death.
			--Episode #4.11, "Doomed"
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Professor Walsh: It's only our methods that differ; we use the latest in scientific technology and state of the art weaponry and you, if I understand correctly, poke them with a sharp stick.
Buffy: Er, its more effective then it sounds-
Maggie Walsh: Oh, I'm - quite sure of that. As I'm just as sure that we can learn much from each other. I'm working on getting you clearance into the Initiative, I think you'll find the results of our operation most impressive. Agent Finn here alone has killed and captured... How many is it?
Riley: Seventeen : eleven vampires, six demons.
Buffy: Oh... wow. I mean, that's... seventeen.
			--Episode #4.12, "A New Man"
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Riley: But you killed the- You did that thing with that- Uh, you drowned. And the snake! Not to mention... daily... slayage of... Wow.
Buffy: It's no big, really. Hey, who wants ice cream?
Riley: Buffy. When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you. Turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of "apocalypse".
Buffy: [Light-heartedly] Look, if you were fighting since you were fifteen, you'd have a hefty resume too!
Riley: Fifteen?!
			--Episode #4.12, "A New Man"
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Spike: And I'm just supposed to help you out of the evilness of my heart?
Giles: Y-you help me and I-I don't kill you.
Spike: Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter.
Giles: Money. I could pay you money.
Spike: Oh, I like money. How much?
Giles: A h-hundred dollars.
Spike: A hundred dollars? You'll have to do a lot better than that. Two hundred.
			--Episode #4.12, "A New Man"
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Buffy: Will, I think you better get used to- a Twinkie!? That's his lunch? Oh, he is so gonna be punished.
Willow: [pouty] Everyone's getting spanked but me.
			--Episode #4.13, "The I in Team"
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Joyce: You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me.
Faith: Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter. You think you're a part of something and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and nobody even sees.
Joyce: [sounding bored] Were you planning to slit my throat anytime soon?
Faith: Don't tell me you don't see it, Joyce. You served your purpose. You squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead! I mean, nobody cares! Nobody remembers! Especially not Buffy-fabulous-super-hero! Sooner or later you're gonna have to face it. She was over us a long time ago, Joyce. [voice rising to a shout] Too busy climbing onto her new boy toy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother and she just leaves you here to die!
Buffy: [Dives in through the window, punches Faith] Hi, Mom!
Joyce: Hi, honey.
			--Episode #4.15, "This Year's Girl"
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Spike: You know why I really hate you, Summers?
Faith: [in Buffy's body] 'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?
Spike: Well, yeah. That covers a lot of it.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] 'Cause I could do anything I want and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness. I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? [mockingly] Because it's wrong.
Spike: I get this chip out, you and me are going to have a confrontation.
			--Episode #4.16, "Who Are You?"
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[Buffy tries to convince Giles she truly is Buffy, despite being trapped in Faith's body.]
Buffy [in Faith's body]: Giles, you turned into a demon and I knew it was you. I mean, can't you just look into my eyes and be all intuitive?
Giles: How did I turn into a demon?
Buffy [in Faith's body]: Oh! 'cause, uh... Ethan Rayne! And you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school - which is valid, lifestyle-wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker type, but... Oh, oh! When I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. Wh-Do you want me to continue?
Giles: Actually, I beg you to stop.
Buffy [in Faith's body]: What's a stevedore?
			--Episode #4.16, "Who Are You?"
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[Faith, in Buffy's body, enters the church where three vampires are holding the parishioners hostage.]
Vampire: I told the cops, they send anyone in, I start the whole massacre thing.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] Well, I'm not the cops. I just came to pray.
Vampire: Now's a good time to start.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] You're not going to kill these people.
Vampire: Why not?
Faith: [in Buffy's body] [earnestly this time] Because it's wrong.
Vampire: You're the Slayer.
Faith: [in Buffy's body] The one and only.
			--Episode #4.16, "Who Are You?"
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Buffy: But someone could wish the whole world to be different, right? That's... possible?
Anya: Sure. Alternate realities. You could, uh, could have, like, a world without shrimp, or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make, like, a freaky world where Jonathan's like some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather, if that's what's blowing up your skirt these days. Just don't ask me to live there.
			--Episode #4.17, "Superstar"
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Buffy: I'm not entirely sure that we can trust our memories. Anya, tell them about the alternate universes.
Anya: Oh, okay. Say you really like shrimp a lot or we could say you don't like shrimp at all. "Blah, I wish there weren't any shrimp" you'd say to yourself-
Buffy: Stop! You're saying it wrong. I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he's manipulating the world and we're all, like, his pawns.
Anya: Or prawns.
Buffy: Stop with the shrimp! I'm trying to do something here.
			--Episode #4.17, "Superstar"
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Buffy: Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?
Giles: No... Yes... it was a gift.
			--Episode #4.17, "Superstar"
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Riley: These spells, they really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or... learn to excrete gold coins.
Anya: That one's not so much fun.
Willow: They work, Riley, but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe.
Xander: Right, you can't just go librum incendere and expect --
[The book catches on fire; Xander closes it rapidly.]
Giles: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
			--Episode #4.17, "Superstar"
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[When Buffy and Riley are attacked by a vampire-demon tag-team.]
Buffy: Okay, you get Fangs, I'll get Horny. I mean...
			--Episode #4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are"
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Xander: Buffy and Riley are trapped.
Anya: So? She's a Slayer, he's a big soldier boy. What do they need you for?
Xander: Anya, look around: there's ghosts and shaking and people are going all Felicity with their hair. We're fresh out of super-people and somebody's gotta go back in there. Now, who's with me?
Spike: I am. I know I'm not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once, and I don't fancy a single one of you at all, but... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. [walks off.] I wonder if Asian House is open.
			--Episode #4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are"
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[Giles is singing and playing "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who at an espresso bar. Anya, Willow, Xander and Tara watch from the door, amazed. All three girls are riveted; Willow's and Anya's mouths are hanging open.]
Anya: Oh.
Willow: Wow.
Xander: Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out.
Tara: Does he do this a lot?
Xander: [sarcastic.] Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.
Willow: Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.
Tara: Well, he is pretty good.
Anya: His voice is... pleasant.
Xander: [incredulous.] What?!
Willow: Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy.
Xander: I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the fire, please.
			--Episode #4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are"
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Giles: When you called to Buffy and Riley didn't cry out or respond in any way.
Anya: No, they're probably dead.
Xander: Unless they're too busy doing it to answer.
Giles: Doing what?
Xander: You know, for a god of acoustic rock you're... kind of naive.
Giles: I didn't think you meant... In the midst of all that? Do you really think they were keeping it up?
[long awkward pause]
Giles: Oh, for different phrasing.
			--Episode #4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are"
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Buffy: Zippo. Patrol has been totally uneventful. My kill count's way down.
Willow: [to Tara] She means that there's been less bad guy activity.
Giles: And we know what that often indicates.
Xander: Buffy doesn't make her quota. Bad Slayer!
			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
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Buffy: Oz isn't a demon. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. I never knew you were such a bigot!
Riley: I'm not. I'm just saying it's a little strange to date someone who tries to eat you once a month!
			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
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Willow: [Speaking of Oz's return] It's complicated...because of Tara.
Buffy: You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No... [suddenly realizes Willow is in love with Tara] Oh!!
			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
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Willow: I don't want to hurt anyone, Buffy.
Buffy: No matter what, somebody's going to get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest or it's going to be a lot worse.
			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
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Spike: The thing about the Slayer is she is a whiny little thing, but when it comes to fighting she does have a slight tendency to win.
			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
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Willow: No candles? I brought one. It's... extra flamey. [beat] Tara, I have to tell you...
Tara: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love. [beat]
Willow: [looks a bit hurt, then smiles] I am.
			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
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Willow: Crack a government encrypted code on my laptop? Easy as really difficult pie.
Spike: You're not exactly the wiz these days either. God, I'm never going to get paid.
Willow: I am a wiz.
Tara: She is a wiz.
Willow: If ever a wiz there was.
			--Episode #4.20, "The Yoko Factor"
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Xander: You and Willow go do the superpower thing. I'll stay behind and putter around the bat cave with crusty old Alfred here.
Giles: Ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had a job.
			--Episode #4.20, "The Yoko Factor"
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Xander: Maybe that all changes when I'm off doin' sit-ups in Fort Dix!
Giles: Fort Dix? [begins to giggle hysterically]
Buffy: Are you drunk?
Giles: [finishes laughing] Yes, quite a bit, actually.
Buffy: Well, stop it!!
			--Episode #4.20, "The Yoko Factor"
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Xander: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell, and...then I do a spell by myself.
			--Episode #4.22, "Restless"
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[During Xander's dream, he and Principal Snyder parody "Apocalypse Now."]
Principal Snyder as Colonel Kurtz: Where are you from, Harris?
Xander as Captain Willard: Well, the basement, mostly.
Principal Snyder as Colonel Kurtz: Were you born there?
Xander as Captain Willard: Possibly.
			--Episode #4.22, "Restless"
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Tara: [speaking for The First Slayer] I have no speech, no name. I live in the action of death. The blood cry, the penetrating wound. I am destruction, absolute, alone.
			--Episode #4.22, "Restless"
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Buffy: So let me get this straight. You're... Dracula. The guy. The Count.
Dracula: I am.
Buffy: And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? Because... I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat.
			--Episode #5.1, "Buffy vs. Dracula"
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Riley: What can you tell me about Dracula?
Spike: Dracula? [scoffs] Poncy bugger owes me £11, for one thing.
			--Episode #5.1, "Buffy vs. Dracula"
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Xander: Where is he?! Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?
Buffy: He's gone.
Xander: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap! I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!
Buffy: Check. No more butt-monkey.
			--Episode #5.1, "Buffy vs. Dracula"
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[as the mist coalesces into Dracula, Buffy re-stakes him.]
Buffy: You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back.
[Dracula turns to dust again, but the mist begins to reform on the ground]
Buffy: I'm standing right here!
[The mist dissipates completely this time]
			--Episode #5.1, "Buffy vs. Dracula"
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[Xander and Anya are playing Life with Dawn.]
Anya: Crap! Look at this. I'm burdened with a husband, and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage…
Xander: That means you're winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
Anya: Oh! [claps] I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?
			--Episode #5.2, "Real Me"
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[Buffy, having killed Harmony's vampire minions, grabs an ax to cut Dawn free from her chains.]
Buffy: You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home! [swings ax]
Dawn: Yeah, well, I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me.
Buffy: Fine! I'll just tell her that you ran out of the house in the middle of the night! [swings ax] That you got Anya hurt! [swings ax] Invited a vampire in! [swings ax] Got kidnapped! ...
			--Episode #5.2, "Real Me"
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[Giles and Buffy tour the magic shop Giles is about to buy]
Buffy: Giles, are you sure about this?
Giles: Why wouldn't I be?
Buffy: Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer... and have you ever run a store before?
Giles: I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they don't return. It'll give me focus, increase my resources. And it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours. There may even be some space for you to train in the back.
Buffy: Boy, you've really thought this through... How bored were you last year?
Giles: I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.
[Buffy breaks out laughing as she follows Giles into a back room]
			--Episode #5.2, "Real Me"
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Buffy: Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z — from 'axe' to... 'zee other axe'.
			--Episode #5.3, "The Replacement"
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Anya: Well maybe we shouldn't do this re-integration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home and we can all have sex together, and then, you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning.
Cool Xander: She's joking.
Loser Xander: No she's not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together, which is wrong and... and it would be very confusing.
Giles: We just need to arrange the candles; also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.
Willow: Check. Candles and pretense.
			--Episode #5.3, "The Replacement"
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Buffy: Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say. Go home.
Spike: It's blood. It's what I do!
			--Episode #5.4, "Out of My Mind"
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Buffy: [pulls a glowing orb out of her bag] What the hell is it?
Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin.
Willow: How can you tell?
Giles: Well, it's so shiny.
			--Episode #5.5, "No Place Like Home"
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Anya: [to a customer who just finished her purchase] Please go.
Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."
Anya: But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
Xander: No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it.
			--Episode #5.5, "No Place Like Home"
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Buffy: What are you doing here? [Spike begins to answer] Five words or less.
Spike: [Pauses, then, counting on his fingers] Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
Buffy: Out for a walk by my house at night. I don't have time for this, William.
Spike: On your merry way, then. Contrary to one's self involved world view, your house happens to be directly between... parts and... other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my burst into flames phase.
			--Episode #5.5, "No Place Like Home"
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Tara: You learn her source [grins] and, uh, we'll introduce her to her insect reflection.
[Everyone stares in confusion. Tara stops smiling.]
Tara: Um, that-that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites… [quietly] and are a complete dork.
Riley: Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh?
Xander: I don't know that Taglarin stuff.
			--Episode #5.6, "Family"
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Giles: You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.
Xander: Well, we don't really know what kind of things witches like. What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
Giles: You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.
			--Episode #5.6, "Family"
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Mr. Maclay: This is insane. You people have no right to interfere with Tara's affairs. We are her blood kin! Who the hell are you?
Buffy: We're family.
			--Episode #5.6, "Family"
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Xander: [re: Riley’s commando hand movements] What's with the hand move? D’you see that? Does that, like, mean somethin’?
Willow: It's code. I think it breaks down to "choo-choo." [mimics pulling a train whistle]
Anya: It probably means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.
Xander: Hey Riley! What's the [Mimics gesture] all about?
Riley: It means yell real loud, so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.
			--Episode #5.7, "Fool for Love"
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Buffy: Look, I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto. If there were just a few good descriptions of what took out the other Slayers, maybe it would help me to understand my mistake, to keep it from happening again.
Giles [uncomfortable with the topic]: Yes, well, the problem is after a final battle, it's difficult to get any... well, the Slayer's not... she's rather...
Buffy: It's OK to use the D-word, Giles.
			--Episode #5.7, "Fool for Love"
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Xander: Am I right, Giles?
Giles: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.
			--Episode #5.8, "Shadow"
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Anya: Hey. Hey! HEY! HEY!!!
Giles: Anya, your "heys" are startling the customers.
Xander: And pretty much the state!
Anya: You sold somebody a Kohl's amulet and a Sobekian bloodstone!
Giles: Yes, I believe I did.
Anya: Are you stupid or something?
Giles: Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
Xander: She's kidding. An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five.
			--Episode #5.8, "Shadow"
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Xander: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.
Anya: Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
			--Episode #5.8, "Shadow"
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Dr. Kriegel: Joyce, there's no reason to get upset.
Joyce: No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry, I must just think there is because of my brain tumor!
			--Episode #5.9, "Listening to Fear"
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Xander: Look at how teeny Mercury is compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas in contrast, the cars of the same name...
Giles: Xander, please, we have work to do.
Xander: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space... I did not just say that.
			--Episode #5.9, "Listening to Fear"
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Dawn: Alone time always translates into let's get Dawn out of the house so we can have loud, obnoxious sex.
Anya: [to Xander] Does that mean we can't?
			--Episode #5.10, "Into the Woods"
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Anya: That's so very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon! I can just hear you in private: [speaking to a chicken foot] "I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal."
Willow: Anya, I don't say that. No one says that. No one talks that way.
			--Episode #5.10, "Into the Woods"
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Xander: [to Anya] I've gotta say something, 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move. I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life... like a man. I just thought you might like to know.
			--Episode #5.10, "Into the Woods"
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Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
Tara: I said "quirky."
			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
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Giles: Um, Anya, while, while I completely trust you uh, uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um ... dealing with people requires a certain, uh ... finesse.
Anya: [angrily] I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and-and bribe him with money and goods.
			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
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Xander: So, uh, think I should run and get Buffy?
Olaf: Barmaid, bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
Xander: I'm gonna run and get Buffy. Or maybe you could fight him.
Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.
			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
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Willow: Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like, like... trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image and you should all just forget it.
Anya: It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.
Tara: There's a world without shrimp? [pause] I-I'm allergic.
			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
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Giles: I cringe to think what the place would have looked like if I'd been away for longer than three days.
Buffy: Well, maybe we would have had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help.
Giles: Yes, 'cause nothing could possibly go wrong with that.
			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
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Tara: W-what's so bad about them coming here? Aren't they good guys? I mean, watchers: that's just like other Giles-es, right?
Buffy: Yeah, they're scary and horrible!
			--Episode #5.12, "Checkpoint"
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Buffy: I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why. Power. I have it. They don't. This bothers them. Glory ... came to my home today.
Giles: [alarmed] Buffy, are you-
Buffy: Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn't. She came into my home, and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives some semblance of meaning.
			--Episode #5.12, "Checkpoint"
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Buffy: Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.
Quentin Travers: Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon.
Buffy: What is she?
Quentin: She's a god.
Buffy: Oh.
			--Episode #5.12, "Checkpoint"
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Willow: Well, you know what they say, the bigger they are-
Anya: The faster they stomp you into nothing.
			--Episode #5.13, "Blood Ties"
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Buffy: Are you okay? Did she hurt you?
Dawn: Why do you care?
Buffy: Because I love you, you're my sister.
Dawn: No I'm not.
Buffy: Yes you are. [holds Dawn's hand] It's blood, Summers blood, it's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or how you got here, you are my sister. There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.
			--Episode #5.13, "Blood Ties"
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Buffy: How was school today?
Dawn: The usual, big square building filled with boredom and despair.
Buffy: Just how I remember it.
			--Episode #5.13, "Blood Ties"
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Xander: The point is, I work hard for that money.
Spike: And you're saying I didn't?
Xander: You stole it.
Spike: And you're making it into very hard work!
			--Episode #5.14, "Crush"
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Buffy: Spike, finish the story you were telling my little sister.
Spike: Right, so I knew the little girl was in the coal bin so I ripped it open very violently... and gave her to a nice family where they were never ever mean to her and didn't lock her in a coal bin.
			--Episode #5.14, "Crush"
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Buffy: What... is this? The late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects, the flask? Is this a date?
Spike: A d-Please! A date? You are completely off your bird! I mean... do you want it to be?
			--Episode #5.14, "Crush"
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Tara: Well, I-I go online sometimes, but… everyone's spelling is really bad. It's… depressing.
			--Episode #5.15, "I Was Made to Love You"
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Buffy: I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.
			--Episode #5.15, "I Was Made to Love You"
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Giles: A fourteen-year-old is too old to be babysat, it's not fair to her.
Buffy: What'd she make you do?
Giles: Well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance, and we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
			--Episode #5.15, "I Was Made to Love You"
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Xander: How you doin' there, Will? Are you in the vomit club, too?
Willow: [groans] I had too much nog.
Tara: Oh, baby. Want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I... uh, s-stop explaining things.
			--Episode #5.16, "The Body"
%
Anya: I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.
Xander: The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop.
Tara: There's a Santa Claus?
Anya: Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney — all true.
Dawn: All true?
Anya: Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise...
Tara: The reindeer part was nice.
			--Episode #5.16, "The Body"
%
Anya: Don't you like television? I thought all children despise effort and enjoy cartoons.
			--Episode #5.17, "Forever"
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Buffy: [about a ritual] So, how's it start?
Giles: I, uh, jump out of the circle and I jump back in it and then um, I shake my gourd.
Buffy: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around!
Giles: [affecting annoyance] Go quest.
[Giles sighs, then reluctantly jumps out of the circle, jumps back in, and shakes his gourd.]
Buffy: And that's what it's all about.
			--Episode #5.18, "Intervention"
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Tara: Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I did some pretty dumb stuff like lying to my family and staying out all night.
Anya: Buffy's boinking Spike.
[Willow and Tara are left speechless for a moment.]
Willow: Oh. Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge—
Tara: What are you, kidding? She's nuts!
			--Episode #5.18, "Intervention"
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Xander: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sorta compact but well-muscled.
Buffy: I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be!
			--Episode #5.18, "Intervention"
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Xander: Whatever you choose, you've got my support. Just think of me as... as your... You know, I'm searching for supportive things and I'm coming up all bras. So, something slightly more manly, think of me as that.
			--Episode #5.19, "Tough Love"
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Spike: I'm a vampire. I know something about evil. You're not evil.
Dawn: Maybe I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good.
Spike: Well, I'm not good, and I'm alright.
			--Episode #5.19, "Tough Love"
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Willow: Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is.
			--Episode #5.19, "Tough Love"
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Spike: So you're saying that a powerful and mightily pissed off witch was planning on going and spilling herself a few pints of God blood until you, what, explained?
Buffy: No, I told Willow it would be like suicide.
Spike: I'd do it. Right person, person I loved, I'd do it.
			--Episode #5.19, "Tough Love"
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[On the run from Glory, Giles calms the gang while they wait for Buffy to bring transportation.]
Giles: Look, everything will be alright. We just need to stay here, calm. As soon as Buffy arrives—
[A boxy, beaten-up mobile home pulls up to pick them up.]
Giles: ... we'll feel oddly worse.
			--Episode #5.20, "Spiral"
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Glory: Any last words?
Buffy: Just one. Truck.
			--Episode #5.20, "Spiral"
%
Dawn: Destroyer of the universe. Guess cutting school doesn't seem so bad now, huh.
			--Episode #5.20, "Spiral"
%
Young Buffy: Do you like dolls?
Willow: No, and I think we already deja'd this vu.
Young Buffy: You talk funny.
Willow: Yes, as you will tell me again when we are older and in chem class.
			--Episode #5.21, "The Weight of the World"
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Xander: Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? Why couldn't it be like a-a lymph ritual or something?
Spike: 'Cause it's always got to be blood.
Xander: We're not actually discussing dinner right now.
Spike: Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. 'Course it's her blood.
			--Episode #5.22, "The Gift"
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Buffy: This is how many apocalypses for us now?
Giles: Oh, uh, six at least. Feels like a hundred.
Buffy: I've always beaten them. Always won.
Giles: Yes.
Buffy: I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much, but I knew what was right. I don't have that anymore. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world, if these are the choices, if everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish- I just wish my mom was here.
			--Episode #5.22, "The Gift"
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Buffy: Dawn, listen to me, listen. I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles... tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world-is to live in it. Be brave. Live... for me.
			--Episode #5.22, "The Gift"
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               ----------------
              /                \
             /                  \
            /                    \
           /                      \
          /                        \
          |   BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS   |
          |       1980-2001        |
          |     BELOVED SISTER     |
          |     BELOVED FRIEND     |
          |  SHE SAVED THE WORLD   |
          |         A LOT          |
          |                        |
         *|     *  *  *       *    | *
_________)/\\_//(\/(/\)/\//\/|_)/\//)_______
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Tara: You found the last known Urn of Osiris on eBay?
Anya: Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo. He drove a really hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw in a limited-edition Backstreet Boys lunch box for -
[Xander coughs and glares at Anya]
Anya: - a friend.
[Tara smiles knowingly at Xander]
			--Episode #6.1, "Bargaining, Part One"
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Xander: Scenario: We raise Buffy from the grave. She tries to eat our brains. Do we: a) congratulate ourselves on a job well done-
Willow: Xander, this isn't zombies.
Anya: And zombies don't eat brains anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie master. A lot of people get that wrong.
			--Episode #6.1, "Bargaining, Part One"
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Giles: [sadly] I just can't help but wonder if... she would have been better off without me. Buffy.
Buffybot: I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her.
Giles: [laughs bitterly] Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do - got my Slayer killed in the line of duty.
Buffybot: Oh, that wasn't your fault.
Giles: Of course not. That's how all Slayer-Watcher relationships end, isn't it? She's gone. I did my job.
Buffybot: [innocently] Then why are you still here?
			--Episode #6.1, "Bargaining, Part One"
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Xander: I know we've been going straight because I've been following the North Star.
Willow: Xander, that's not the North Star, it's an airplane.
			--Episode #6.2, "Bargaining, Part Two"
%
Xander: Demons, ah. There's something you don't see every day. Unless you're us.
			--Episode #6.2, "Bargaining, Part Two"
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Buffy: How long was I gone?
Spike: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? [Pause] How long was it where you were?
Buffy: ...Longer.
			--Episode #6.3, "After Life"
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[Willow has called Giles to tell him about Buffy's resurrection.]
Tara: Did you get through to London?
Willow: Yeah. He's gonna head back as soon as he can. I'm not sure, like maybe a couple days.
Tara: How did he take it?
Willow: Um, I'm not sure. I mean... glad, but kinda weirded out? Which I get, you know. Lots of "Dear Lords". And I think I actually heard him clean his glasses.
			--Episode #6.3, "After Life"
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Spike: [to Buffy] Uh ... I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I had done that ... even if I didn't make it ... you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again ... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways ... Every night I'd save you.
			--Episode #6.3, "After Life"
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Buffy: I don't really know how to say this, but it's a little like having Mom back.
Giles: In this scenario I am your mother?
Buffy: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?
Giles: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?
Buffy: I'm just saying, thank you. So much.
			--Episode #6.5, "Life Serial"
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Giles: Buffy, a word in your ear. If you think of the store as a library, it'll help you concentrate on your service rather than selling.
Buffy: Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam.
Giles: [Cleaning his glasses and not really listening] Yes, quite, yes.
			--Episode #6.5, "Life Serial"
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Dawn: So what are you supposed to be?
Anya: An angel.
Dawn: Oh, shouldn't you have wings?
Anya: Um, no, this is a special kind of angel called a Charlie. We don't have wings, we just skate around with perfect hair fighting crime.
			--Episode #6.6, "All the Way"
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Buffy: What happened to Xander?
Giles: He kept poking me with his hook. I sent him over to Charmed Objects. With any luck, he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a fifty-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates.
			--Episode #6.6, "All the Way"
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[Xander has announced his engagement to Anya; the two are kissing with uncomfortable intensity.]
Buffy: [softly] Did you know about this?
Giles: No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue.
[Giles takes off his glasses and cleans them on his shirt]
Buffy: [shocked] Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you won't have to see what we're doing?
Giles: Tell no one.
			--Episode #6.6, "All the Way"
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Dawn: [after her first kiss] Shiver me timbers.
Justin: That was your first kiss.
Dawn: I've been kissed before. I kiss all the time, not that I'm a kiss slut. Just with the lips and the pressing together and stuff. Hey, expert here! OK, OK, that was my first kiss.
			--Episode #6.6, "All the Way"
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Giles: Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With... glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.
			--Episode #6.8, "Tabula Rasa"
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Spike/Randy: I must be a vampire with a soul. I'm a good guy on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless!
Buffy/Joan: A vampire with a soul? Oh, my God! How lame is that?
			--Episode #6.8, "Tabula Rasa"
%
[Buffy/Joan stakes her first vampire.]
Tara: What did you just do?
Buffy/Joan: I-I don't know. But it was cool. I think I know why Joan's the boss! I'm like a... superhero or something!
			--Episode #6.8, "Tabula Rasa"
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Willow: I know, Xander engaged, I couldn't believe it either.
Amy: That's so weird... so what's she like?
Willow: Thousand year old capitalist ex-demon with rabbit phobia.
Amy: That's so his type.
			--Episode #6.9, "Smashed"
%
Amy: Everything feels weird. I mean, it's like ... I felt like I was in that cage for weeks! [Willow looks nervous] But it can still be OK ... right? I-I can still get into the swing of things, like ... prom's coming up. I-I'm so hoping Larry would ask me. We would make such a splash at... [sees Willow's expression] Oh. Oh, God. [sighs, anxiously] He hasn't asked someone else, has he?
Willow: Uh, Amy ... three things we have to talk about. One, Larry's gay. [Amy stares] Two, Larry's dead. And three, high school's ... kinda over.
Amy: How long was I in the cage? [Willow is afraid to answer] How long?!
			--Episode #6.9, "Smashed"
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Buffy: Hey... how've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead.
Amy: Oh.
			--Episode #6.9, "Smashed"
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Tara: So, uh, the burger was good, you liked it?
Dawn: Are you kidding, it was like a meat party in my mouth! ...Okay, now I'm just a kid and even I know that came out wrong.
			--Episode #6.10, "Wrecked"
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Dawn: Candles! We can't have candles?
Buffy: Dawn, it's magic clearance, everything must go.
Dawn: But they're just candles.
Buffy: Yeah, well, to you and me they're just candles, but to witches they're like... bongs.
			--Episode #6.11, "Gone"
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[Buffy attempts to find out the secret ingredient of Doublemeat burgers.]
Buffy: Sorry, I was just curious.
Manny the Manager: Curiosity killed the cat.
Buffy: [whispers] Theory number 5: cat burgers.
			--Episode #6.12, "Doublemeat Palace"
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Anya: Xander, he-he's very kind, and brave, and he has the sweetest smile and the nicest body, and... he loves me. Sometimes it isn't easy, but he does.
Halfrek: Who told you that it isn't easy to love you?
Anya: Well... you know, sometimes I'll do something or say something, and then he has to say stuff like, "It is incorrect for you to appreciate money so much," or-or, "Observe: here is how a real human would behave."
Halfrek: Oh, so he corrects you?
			--Episode #6.12, "Doublemeat Palace"
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Xander: Good job, Will! Those aren't, like, potions, are they?
Willow: No. No potions. It's not magic, it's... chemistry. You can tell by how damn slow it is.
			--Episode #6.12, "Doublemeat Palace"
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Willow: These things just made you think you killed her.
Xander: She was probably dead long before you stumbled across her.
Buffy: It wasn't the demons. It was Warren. He knew Katrina. He had something to do with it, I know it.
Willow: How can you be sure?
Buffy: You always hurt the one you love.
			--Episode #6.13, "Dead Things"
%
[Spike's attempt to get intimate with Buffy is interrupted by Tara's arrival.]
Spike: I had a... muscle cramp. Buffy was, uh, helping.
Tara: A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
Spike: What? It's a thing.
			--Episode #6.14, "Older and Far Away"
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Willow: You know, when I was little I used to spend hours imagining what my wedding to Xander would be like. And now I look at them and just think... he-he-he!
			--Episode #6.15, "As You Were"
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[Buffy's former flame Riley has returned to Sunnydale with a wife.]
Willow: Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
Buffy: Thanks, but no. I don't wanna seem all petty.
Willow: Well, that's the beauty. You can't, but I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for the both of us.
Buffy: Go nuts.
			--Episode #6.15, "As You Were"
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Anya: [practicing her wedding vows] I, Anya, promise to... love you, to cherish you, to honor you, but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
			--Episode #6.16, "Hell's Bells"
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D'Hoffryn: Oh. Hymen's greetings.
Dawn: Hi–what?
D'Hoffryn: Hymen. The god of matrimony. His salutations upon you. May the love we celebrate today avoid an almost inevitable decline.
Dawn: Cool.
			--Episode #6.16, "Hell's Bells"
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Anya: I, Anya, promise to cherish you. Yeah, no, not cherish. Um, I promise to have sex with you whenever I want, and uh, uh, pledge to be your friend, your wife, and your confidante, and your sex poodle-
Tara: Uh, "sex poodle"?
			--Episode #6.16, "Hell's Bells"
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[As Xander wanders the streets in the rain, Anya recites a final version]
Anya: I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because... I love you, and I'll always love you. And, before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. N-not even a person, really. And I'd seen what love could do to people, and it was... hurt, and sadness. A-alone was better. And then, suddenly, there was you! And-and you knew me. You saw me. And it was this... thing. You make me feel safe and warm, so, I... get it now. I finally get love, Xander! I really do.
			--Episode #6.16, "Hell's Bells"
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Doctor: In her mind, she's the central figure in a fantastic world beyond imagination. She's surrounded herself with friends, most with their own superpowers. Together they face grand, overblown conflicts against an assortment of monsters, both imaginary and rooted in actual myth.
			--Episode #6.17, "Normal Again"
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Doctor: Buffy, you used to create these grand villains to battle against. And now what is it? Just ordinary students you went to high school with. No gods or monsters, just three pathetic little men... who like playing with toys.
Buffy: 'Cause what's more real? A sick girl in an institution, or some kind of supergirl, chosen to fight demons and save the world? That's ridiculous. A girl who sleeps with the vampire she hates?!? Yeah, that makes sense.
			--Episode #6.17, "Normal Again"
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Buffy: Then I was like... No, it wasn't like, I was in an institution. There were, um, doctors, and nurses and other patients, they told me that I was sick... I guess crazy. And that, um, Sunnydale and all of this, none of it was real.
Xander: Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! What, you think this isn't real just because of all the vampires, and demons, and ex-vengeance demons, and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?
			--Episode #6.17, "Normal Again"
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Anya: I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut!
Xander: They are.
Anya: Really? [brightening] Right now? Does it hurt?
Xander: God, yes. It hurts so bad it's killing me. Anya, I love you. I want to make this work.
Anya: Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
			--Episode #6.18, "Entropy"
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Anya: You're lesbians, so the hating of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.
Tara: Well, it's-it's really not so much about hating the men.
Willow: We're more centered around the girl-on-girl action.
Anya: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander!
			--Episode #6.18, "Entropy"
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Buffy: I don't think he could feel any worse.
Anya: Let's test that theory.
Buffy: Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong, and if it happened to me, I'd-
Anya: Wish his penis would explode?
			--Episode #6.18, "Entropy"
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Tara: Things fall apart, they fall apart so hard.
Willow: Tara?
Tara: You can't ever... put 'em back the way they were...
Willow: Are you okay?
Tara: I'm sorry, it's just... [sigh] you know it takes time. You can't just... have coffee and expect—
Willow: I know.
Tara: There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides... You have to learn if... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long... important process, and... can we just skip it? Can... can you just be kissing me now?
			--Episode #6.18, "Entropy"
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Willow: Mmm, I forgot how good this could feel. Us. Together. Without the magic.
Tara: There was plenty of magic.
			--Episode #6.19, "Seeing Red"
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Warren: It was an accident, you know.
Dark Willow: Oh. You mean, instead of killing my best friend you killed my girlfriend.
Warren: It wasn't personal, that's all.
Dark Willow: Well this is.
			--Episode #6.20, "Villains"
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Dark Willow: Bored now.
			--Episode #6.20, "Villains"
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Dark Willow: Let me tell you something about Willow. She's a loser. Always has been. She got picked on through junior high, high school, right up until college. With her stupid mousy ways. And now? [laughs bitterly] Willow's a junkie. The only thing Willow was ever good for...the only thing I ever had going for me were those moments...just moments...where Tara would look at me and I was wonderful. And that will never happen again.
			--Episode #6.21, "Two to Go"
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Dark Willow: The Slayer thing really isn't about the violence. It's about the power. And there's no one in the world who has the power to stop me now.
[Dark Willow gets hit by a powerful spell]
Giles: I'd like to test that theory.
			--Episode #6.21, "Two to Go"
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Giles: Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is... ask for help when you need it.
Buffy: Now you tell me.
			--Episode #6.22, "Grave"
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Xander: First day of kindergarten. You cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion. But the thing is? Yeah. I love you. I loved crayon-breaky Willow and I love ... scary veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you wanna kill the world? Well, then start with me. I've earned that.
			--Episode #6.22, "Grave"
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Dawn: I'm sorry to disappoint...wait, is that happy crying?
Buffy: Yes, dummy. You think I wanted the world to end?
Dawn: I don't know. Didn't you?
			--Episode #6.22, "Grave"
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Buffy: My first time out, I missed the heart too.
Dawn: No way.
Buffy: Just that once.
			--Episode #7.1, "Lessons"
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Buffy: Stay away from hyena people, or any loser athletes, or if you see anyone who's invisible...
Dawn: I think it's pretty safe to say I'm not going to see anyone who's invisible.
			--Episode #7.1, "Lessons"
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Xander: Sunnydale. Come for the food, stay for the dismemberment.
Nancy: There's good food?
			--Episode #7.2, "Beneath You"
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Dawn: Well, if she's doing that—ducking Giles—then, she's evil, right?
Xander: Well, I've avoided Giles tons of times. Just meant I was lazy, not evil.
Buffy: I hope you're right, because defeating Lazy Willow — probably less hard.
			--Episode #7.3, "Same Time, Same Place"
%
Spike: William's a good boy. Carries her water, carries her sin. Supposed to get easier, isn't it. Supposed to help to help, but it doesn't. Still so heavy.
Xander: We should've put a leash on him.
Buffy: Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire.
			--Episode #7.3, "Same Time, Same Place"
%
Buffy: It's pretty easy. Spike follows the exciting smell of blood and we follow the fairly ripe smell of Spike.
Dawn: It's smellementary. Also I'm sure there's tunes like this, you know procedures we can use that don't involve magic spells, just good solid detective work. And we can develop a data base of tooth impressions and demon skin samples and I could wear high heels more often.
Buffy: Wow, that was so close to being empowered.
Dawn: Everybody loves a slender ankle.
			--Episode #7.3, "Same Time, Same Place"
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Willow: Have you Googled her yet?
Xander: Willow! She's 17!
Willow: It's a search engine.
			--Episode #7.4, "Help"
%
Anya: I uh, I don't talk to people much. I mean, I talk to them, but they don't talk to me. Except to say that "your questions are irksome," or "perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river."
			--Episode #7.5, "Selfless"
%
Xander: You don't understand. This isn't an intervention. Buffy's coming to kill you.
Anya: She's coming to try.
Xander [exasperated]: Did everybody have their Crazy Flakes today? You guys are friends! How could you talk like this?
Anya: I have a job to do. And so does Buffy. Xander, you've always seen what you wanted to but you knew, sooner or later, it would come to this.
			--Episode #7.5, "Selfless"
%
D'Hoffryn: [surveying the fraternity boys Anya killed] Oh, breathtaking! It's like somebody slaughtered an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog.
			--Episode #7.5, "Selfless"
%
Willow: Damn love spell! I have tried every anti-love spell spell I can find.
Anya: Even if you found the right one, guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love-spell spell... spell.
Willow: What?
			--Episode #7.6, "Him"
%
[The Scoobies are burning R.J.'s enchanted jacket in Buffy's fireplace.]
Buffy: Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about slipping that jacket on a little bit?
Xander: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
			--Episode #7.6, "Him"
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Holden Webster: Whoa. Did my face just change?
Buffy: Yeah. You look human now. You can do that. Go back and forth.
Holden: Oh, so I'm a vampire. [laughs] How weird is that?
			--Episode #7.7, "Conversations with Dead People"
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Holden: Oh my God!
Buffy: Oh, your God what?
Holden: Oh, well, not my God. Because I defy him and all of his works. Does he exist? Is there word on that by the way?
Buffy: Nothing solid.
			--Episode #7.7, "Conversations with Dead People"
%
Willow: "From beneath you, it devours."
The First (as Cassie): Oh, not "it"... ME.
			--Episode #7.7, "Conversations with Dead People"
%
Anya: You know you were a lot more fun when you didn't have a soul.
Spike: Oh, come on now, I've just explained to you...
Anya: All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
			--Episode #7.8, "Sleeper"
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Spike: [to Buffy] As daft a notion as "Soulful Spike the Killer" is, it is nothing compared to the idea that another girl could mean anything to me. This chip—they did to me. I couldn't help it. But the soul, I got on my own—for you.
Buffy: I know.
Spike: So, yeah. I go and pass the time... with someone. But that's all it is is time, 'cause—God, help me, Buffy—it's still all about you.
			--Episode #7.8, "Sleeper"
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Willow: I am Willow. I am Death. If you dare defy me, I will call down my fury, exact fresh vengeance, and make your worst fears come true! OK?
			--Episode #7.9, "Never Leave Me"
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Buffy: [to Spike] You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man. And you can be. You are. You may not see it, but I do. I believe in you, Spike.
			--Episode #7.9, "Never Leave Me"
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Andrew: Man, this place gives me the creeps. It's like in Wonder Woman, issue 297–299.
Xander: "Catacombs". Yeah, with the skeletons.
Andrew, Xander: That was cool.
[Pause]
Xander: [embarrassed] Move it! This way!
			--Episode #7.10, "Bring on the Night"
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Willow: Uhm, Buffy? I just.. I-I want you to know that I'm, I'm really sorry for letting you down. You know, here, before with the magic going all "aaah" and me going all "eeeh" and everything getting all "rrrr".
			--Episode #7.10, "Bring on the Night"
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Buffy: I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. [near sobbing] I'm standing on the mouth of Hell and it is going to swallow me whole. [hardens] And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Well, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now, 'cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts, one by one, until the First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil. And that's us. Any questions?
			--Episode #7.10, "Bring on the Night"
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Willow: [to Buffy] Are you sure this thing called itself The First?
Buffy: Pretty sure. It claimed to be the original evil, the one that came before anything else.
Anya: Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?" [everyone stares at her] Or terrified. Whatever.
			--Episode #7.10, "Bring on the Night"
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[About Andrew.]
Rona: Um... why is that guy tied to a chair?
Xander: The question you'll soon be asking is, "Why isn't he gagged?"
			--Episode #7.11, "Showtime"
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[To the Potential Slayers.]
Buffy: We need to stick together, okay? We're stronger that way. We cannot afford to fall apart now.
Andrew: She's right. Where would the Justice League have been if they hadn't put their differences aside to stop the Imperium and his shape-shifting alien horde?
Buffy: Don't help me.
			--Episode #7.11, "Showtime"
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Andrew: Plucked from an ordinary life, handed a destiny
Xander: Say Skywalker, and I smack ya.
			--Episode #7.12, "Potential"
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Andrew: It's like—well, it's almost like this metaphor for womanhood, isn't it? The sort of flowering that happens when a girl realizes that she's part of a fertile heritage stretching back to Eve, and-
Xander: I'll pay you to talk about Star Wars again.
			--Episode #7.12, "Potential"
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Xander: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary.
			--Episode #7.12, "Potential"
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Buffy: I know. But you should go. This trip is important for the girls, to understand the source of their power, and know how to use it right.
Giles: I don't think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking. It's frightening and it's difficult. Then, apparently someone told them that the vision quest consists of me driving them to the desert, doing the hokey pokey.. until a spooky rasta mama slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles.
			--Episode #7.13, "The Killer in Me"
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Giles: Now wait a minute—you think I'm evil... if I bring a group of girls on a camping trip and don't touch them?
			--Episode #7.13, "The Killer in Me"
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Soldier: Miss Summers! Agent Finn reported that you tried to contact him earlier today.
Buffy: I knew it! [whispers to Spike] Government conspiracy.
Soldier: He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We're to provide you anything you need to help Ass-Face here.
[Spike and Buffy stare at him.]
Soldier: Those were his exact words, ma'am.
			--Episode #7.13, "The Killer in Me"
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Lissa: I can't even figure out if I've got the right kind of rope.
Xander: That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house, or, you know, recreational -- by which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing -- not for tying someone up for sexy, funky fun... In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways.
			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
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Robin: Well, then, I'd, um, I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. [chuckles] You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it.
Buffy: Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you.
Robin: Great. I'll draw up the paperwork.
			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
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Buffy: [about a date with Principal Wood] Or it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
Willow: [laughs heartily, then sees Buffy's look] Right, that makes sense too.
			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
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Buffy: You know, it’s not even that he’s acting that suspicious. It’s just - there he is. On the hell mouth. All day, every day. That’s got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath.
Willow: Not really a shower.
Buffy: A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
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Spike: I should move out. Leave town before it is time for me.
Buffy: No, you have to stay.
Spike: You've got another demon fighter now.
Buffy: That's not why I need you here.
Spike: Is that right? Why's that, then?
Buffy: Because I'm not ready for you not to be here.
			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
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Spike: Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone.
Anya: So what?
Spike: It's my bone! Just drop it.
			--Episode #7.15, "Get It Done"
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Buffy: Andrew is our... actually, he's our hostage.
Andrew: I like to think of myself more as a "guest-age".
			--Episode #7.15, "Get It Done"
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Willow: Oh. Hey. Hi. Well, Buffy, I see our preparations for the... school... pep-dance-cheer-drill-contest are really coming along. "Bring it on!"
Buffy: Will, it's okay, he knows.
Willow: Oh, thank God. If I had to explain all these weapons? I had nothing.
			--Episode #7.15, "Get It Done"
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Robin: Buffy tells me you have been, umm... oh, how shall I put it?... experimenting... [long embarrassed pause] ...with the magics.
Willow: Oh! Yeah. Oh, nothing too heavy, though. Just the lighter, safer stuff. Uh, if Kennedy asks, her pointy stuff's right there. See you inside. [to Buffy] So much cooler than Snyder!
Wood: [when Willow left] She really almost destroyed the world?
Buffy: Yep.
			--Episode #7.15, "Get It Done"
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Andrew: Come with me now, if you will, gentle viewers. Join me on a new voyage of the mind. A little tale I like to call... Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs.
			--Episode #7.16, "Storyteller"
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Anya: For God's sakes, Andrew! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?
Andrew: Entertaining and educating.
Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
			--Episode #7.16, "Storyteller"
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Buffy: Are you still filming me? Stop!
Andrew: But it’s a valuable record. An important document for the ages. A Slayer in action.
Buffy: A nerd in pain. Would they like that? ’cause we could do that.
			--Episode #7.16, "Storyteller"
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Buffy: [about the school] Situation still normal. Well, or as normal as this school ever sees.
Robin: So it appears.
Buffy: Well, no fires, no one's heads going kablooey. And the swing choir and the marching band have gone back to their normal, healthy seething resentment.
			--Episode #7.17, "Lies My Parents Told Me"
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Buffy: Maybe you're right. Maybe everything is fine.
Giles: Everything's terrible. Total catastrophe.
Buffy: Giles, what's wrong?
Giles: Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen. I - I don't know where to begin, Buffy. I mean, who do we speak to?
			--Episode #7.17, "Lies My Parents Told Me"
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Andrew: Willow, a call for you from L.A. Somebody named Fred. The guy sounds kind of effeminate.
			--Episode #7.17, "Lies My Parents Told Me"
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Faith: [to Buffy] You're protecting vampires? Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?
Buffy: He's with me. He has a soul.
Faith: Oh, he's like Angel?
Spike: No!
Buffy: Sort of.
Spike: I am nothing like Angel.
			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
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Caleb: "Drink of this, for it is my blood." You know, I always loved the story of the Last Supper. The body and blood of Christ becoming rich, red wine. I recall, as a boy, though, I couldn't help but think: what would happen if you were at the Last Supper, and you ordered the white? A nice oaky Chardonnay or White Zin. I mean, would he make that out of his lymph or some-all? Never did bring it up. Suppose there was a reason why I never spent too long in one parish. Just looking for answers. Just looking for the Lord in the wrong damn places. Then you showed me the light.
			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
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Faith: Every guy's got some whack fantasy. Scratch the surface of any granola-type dude - naughty nurses and horny cheerleaders... I figure, if you can't beat 'em—
Spike: Join 'em.
Faith: Just don't forget who's on top.
Spike: That, I suspect, would be you.
			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
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Xander: I've been through more battles with Buffy than you all can ever imagine. She's stopped everything that's ever come up against her. [Buffy and Faith walk in] She's laid down her life -— literally -— to protect the people around her. This girl has died two times, and she's still standing. You're scared? That's smart. You got questions? You should. But you doubt her motives, you think Buffy's all about the kill, then you take the little bus to battle... I've seen her heart, and this time, not literally. And I'm telling you, right now, she cares more about your lives than you will ever know. You gotta trust her. She's earned it.
Faith: Damn. I never knew you were that cool.
Buffy: Well, you always were a little slow.
			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
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Caleb: [to Faith] Well, you're the other one, aren't you. You're Cain to her Abel. No offense meant to Cain, of course.
Faith: I never was one for the good book.
Caleb: Oh, it has its moments.
			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
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Xander: I might need a parrot.
Willow: Huh?
Xander: Well, to go with the eyepatch, to really complete the look. I think I still have that costume from Halloween.
Willow: Yeah, and don't underestimate the impact of a peg leg. Maybe the hospital can hook you up with a nice one. Maybe they have a two-body-parts-for-the-price-of-one kind of deal.
Xander: Oh, you know what the best part is? No one will ever make me watch "Jaws 3-D" again.
			--Episode #7.19, "Empty Places"
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Anya: Okay... I know you're all upset... and I, myself, would much rather be sitting at the bedside of my one-eyed ex-fiancé than killing time here with you people in this overcrowded and, might I add, increasingly ripe-smelling basement. And I would be, too, if not for a certain awkward discussion he and I recently had right over there on that cot immediately following some exciting and unexpected breakup sex.
[The Potentials on the cot awkwardly get off it. Andrew jots down "breakup sex" on the board.]
			--Episode #7.19, "Empty Places"
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Giles: There's evidence that Caleb may have established a foothold up north.
Buffy: That's great.
Giles: I, em, I sent Spike to look into it.
Buffy: Spike. Is this a mission from which you intend Spike to return alive?
Giles: Yes. I sent Andrew with him.
Buffy: Again I ask the question.
			--Episode #7.19, "Empty Places"
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Anya: And it's automatically you. You really do think you're better than we are.
Buffy: No, I—
Anya: But we don't know. We don't know if you're actually better. I mean, you came into the world with certain advantages, sure. I mean, that's the legacy.
Buffy: I—
Anya: But you didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You've never had anybody come up to you and say you deserve these things more than anyone else. They were just handed to you. So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us.
			--Episode #7.19, "Empty Places"
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Spike: You're a hell of a woman. You're the One, Buffy.
Buffy: I don't want to be the One.
Spike: I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.
			--Episode #7.20, "Touched"
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Robin: That's exactly what The First does. Finds your Achilles' heel.
Faith: Nah, it just talked to me. What? It does a heel thing, too?
Robin: It's a phrase. Your weak spot.
Faith: Oh. The school thing. I was kind of absent that decade.
			--Episode #7.20, "Touched"
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Andrew: Hi, everybody. I missed you guys a lot. Sorry we took so long getting back from our mission... But we had to wait out the sun and, well, I think our mission went very well. We rode on Spike's hog, which was very cool, and played some amusing games and, oh, we got some information. But do you know what? I really need to urinate.
			--Episode #7.20, "Touched"
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The First (as Buffy): I envy them. Isn't that the strangest thing?
Caleb: Well, it does throw me just a tad. I mean, they're barely more than animals. Feedin' off each other's flesh, it's nauseatin'. But you, you're everywhere. You're in the hearts of little children. You're in the souls of the rich. You're the fire that makes people kill and hate. The fire that will cure the world of weakness. They're just sinners. You are sin.
The First (as Buffy): I do enjoy your sermons.
Caleb: And you're in me. Gave me strength no man can have.
The First (as Buffy): You're the only man strong enough to BE my vessel and I know you feel me, but... I know why they grab at each other. To feel. I want to feel. I want to wrap my hands around some innocent neck and feel it crack.
Caleb: Amen.
			--Episode #7.20, "Touched"
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Buffy: I think it's maybe some kind of scythe. The only thing I know for sure is that it made Caleb back off in a hurry.
Willow: [to Giles] So it's true. Scythe matters.
			--Episode #7.21, "End of Days"
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Faith: There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together.
Buffy: Also, you went evil and were killing people.
Faith: Good point. Also a factor.
Buffy: But you're right. I mean, like... I guess everyone's alone, but... being a Slayer? There's a burden we can't share.
Faith: And no one else can feel it... Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.
Buffy: Takes the edge off.
Faith: [nods] Comforting.
			--Episode #7.21, "End of Days"
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Anya: And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die, which they-they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane... and yet here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do! They never... they never quit. So I guess I'll keep fighting too.
Andrew: That was kind of beautiful. You, you love humans.
Anya: I do not.
Andrew: Yes you do. [singing] You love them.
			--Episode #7.21, "End of Days"
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Guardian: One way or another, it can only mean an end is truly near.
Caleb: [grabs guardian's head from behind and snaps her neck] I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that last part, on account of her neck snapping and all. Did she say the end is near, or here?
			--Episode #7.21, "End of Days"
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Buffy: [about Spike] It's different. He's different. He has a soul now... What?
Angel: That's great! Everyone's got a soul now.
Buffy: He'll make a difference.
Angel: You know, I started it. The whole having-a-soul. Before it was... all the cool new thing.
Buffy: Oh my god, are you twelve?
Angel: I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me.
Buffy: You're not getting the brush off. Are you just gonna come here and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?
Angel: Aha! Boyfriend!
			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
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Willow: This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, my-girlfriend-has-a-pierced-tongue kind of way.
			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
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Buffy: So here's the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. [points to Willow] This woman... is more powerful than all of them combined. [Willow whimpers] So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power, can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?
			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
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Buffy: I love you.
Spike: No you don't. But thanks for sayin' it.
			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
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Faith: Looks like the Hellmouth is officially closed for business.
Giles: There's another one in Cleveland. [everyone stares] Not to spoil the moment.
			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
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Faith: I just want to sleep, yo, for like a week!
Dawn: I guess we all could. If we wanted to.
Willow: Yeah! The First is scrunched, so, what do you think we should do, Buffy?
Faith: Yeah, you're not the one and only Chosen anymore. Just gotta live like a person. How's that feel?
Dawn: Yeah, Buffy. What are we going to do now?
[Buffy begins to flash a happy smile]
			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"