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+Into every generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One. One born with the strength and skill to fight the vampires, to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers.
+%
+In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone must stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
+%
+Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?
+			--Episode #1.1, "Welcome to the Hellmouth"
+%
+Giles: For as long as there have been vampires, there has been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One...
+Buffy: He loves doing this part.
+Giles: Alright. The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need.
+			--Episode #1.2, "The Harvest"
+%
+Giles: Well then help me in researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre. Rivers of blood, hell on Earth. Quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. [about a computer] It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. [everyone stares] That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it?
+Buffy: Welcome to the New World.
+			--Episode #1.2, "The Harvest"
+%
+Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh-oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
+Willow: I know. And everyone else thinks it's just a normal day.
+Xander: Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret.
+Willow: We do. That's what a secret is, when you know something other guys don't.
+			--Episode #1.2, "The Harvest"
+%
+Giles: It may be that we are all that stands between the Earth and utter destruction.
+Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
+Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
+Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
+Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, ya know, like excessive not studying.
+Giles: The Earth is doomed.
+			--Episode #1.2, "The Harvest"
+%
+Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
+Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
+			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
+%
+Willow: You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!
+			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
+%
+Xander: I laugh in the face of danger! Then I... hide until it goes away.
+			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
+%
+Joyce: Look what I found. It's my yearbook from junior year. Oh, look! There I am.
+Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
+Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?
+			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
+%
+Giles: This is madness. What could you have been thinking? You are the Slayer. Lives depend upon you. I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, instead of which you enslave yourself to this-this... cult.
+[we see Buffy is wearing a cheerleading outfit]
+Buffy: You don’t like the color?
+			--Episode #1.3, "Witch"
+%
+Giles: God, every day here is the same.
+Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful. However can we escape this torment?
+			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
+%
+Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
+			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
+%
+Giles: This computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office... One assumes it is entirely legal?
+Buffy: Of course.
+Willow: Entirely.
+Giles: Right. Wasn't here. Didn't see it. Couldn't have stopped you.
+			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
+%
+Principal Flutie: We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug, but not a real hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong touching.
+			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
+%
+Cordelia: I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know? Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats.
+			--Episode #1.4, "Teacher's Pet"
+%
+Buffy: If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
+			--Episode #1.5, "Never Kill a Boy on the First Date"
+%
+Willow: You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, "Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?" We've been through this.
+			--Episode #1.6, "The Pack"
+%
+Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
+Buffy: Uh-huh.
+Giles: And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
+Buffy: Yes.
+Giles: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles.
+Buffy: It's bad, isn't it?
+Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course you'll have to kill him.
+			--Episode #1.6, "The Pack"
+%
+Giles: Testosterone is a great equalizer - it turns all men into morons.
+			--Episode #1.6, "The Pack"
+%
+Willow: So he is a good vampire? I mean on a scale of one to ten. Ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night, one being someone who's... not.
+			--Episode #1.7, "Angel"
+%
+Darla: I made him. There was a time when we shared everything, wasn't there Angelus? You had a chance to come home, to rule with me in the Master's court for a thousand years, but you threw that away because of her. You love someone who hates us. You're sick. And you'll always be sick. And you'll always remember what it was like to watch her die.
+			--Episode #1.7, "Angel"
+%
+Giles: I'm just going to stay and clean up a little. I'll be back in the Middle Ages.
+Jenny: Did you ever leave?
+			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
+%
+Giles: I-I-I really don't know how to advise you. Things involved with a computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such I'd be more in my element.
+			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
+%
+Jenny: You kids really dig the library, don't you?
+Buffy: We're literary.
+Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
+			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
+%
+Xander: Are we over-reacting? He's in a computer, what can he do?
+Buffy: You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How about mess up all the medical equipment in the world?
+Giles: Randomize traffic signals.
+Buffy: Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles.
+Giles: Destroy the world's economy.
+Buffy: I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing.
+Giles: ...Alright, yours was best.
+			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
+%
+Xander: Hey! I got to hit someone!
+			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
+%
+Jenny: Honestly, what is it about them that bothers you so much?
+Giles: The smell.
+Jenny: Computers don't smell, Rupert.
+Giles: I know. Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower, or a a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell musty and-and-and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is a - it, uh, it has no no texture, no-no context. It's-it's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then-then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible, it should be, um, smelly.
+			--Episode #1.8, "I, Robot... You, Jane"
+%
+Giles: He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but he would have none of it.
+			--Episode #1.9, "The Puppet Show"
+%
+Principal Snyder: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in my world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.
+			--Episode #1.9, "The Puppet Show"
+%
+Giles: Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?
+Marc: No, no this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just come pouring out.
+Giles: What exactly is the trick?
+Marc: What trick?
+			--Episode #1.9, "The Puppet Show"
+%
+Xander: You were a lousy clown! Your balloon animals were pathetic! Everyone can make a giraffe!
+			--Episode #1.10, "Nightmares"
+%
+The Master: What's the fun of burying someone if they're already dead?
+			--Episode #1.10, "Nightmares"
+%
+Principal Snyder: There are no dead students here. This week.
+			--Episode #1.11, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"
+%
+Giles: Buffy told me you don't feed from humans anymore.
+Angel: Not for a long while.
+Giles: Is that why you're here? To see her?
+Angel: I can't. It's, uh... It's too hard for me to be around her.
+Giles: A vampire in love with a Slayer. It's rather poetic... in a maudlin sort of way.
+			--Episode #1.11, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"
+%
+Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
+Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
+			--Episode #1.11, "Out of Mind, Out of Sight"
+%
+The Master: You're dead.
+Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
+The Master: You were destined to die! It was written!
+Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
+			--Episode #1.12, "Prophecy Girl"
+%
+The Master: Where are your jibes now? Will you laugh when my Hell is on Earth?
+Buffy: You're that amped about Hell? Go there!
+			--Episode #1.12, "Prophecy Girl"
+%
+Buffy: It's just...been a really weird day.
+Xander: Yeah. Buffy died and everything.
+Willow: Wow. Harsh.
+Giles: I should've known that wouldn't stop you.
+			--Episode #1.12, "Prophecy Girl"
+%
+Cordelia: Oh, look, it's the Three Musketeers.
+Buffy: Was that an insult?
+Xander: Kinda lacked punch.
+Willow: The Three Musketeers were cool.
+Cordelia: I see your point.
+			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
+%
+Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?
+Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
+Cordelia: I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close which is good cause I don't really like you that much. But you have been known to save the world on occasion, so I'm going to give you a piece of advice.
+Buffy: Which is?
+Cordelia: Get over it.
+Buffy: Excuse me?
+Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.
+			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
+%
+Willow: She's possessed!
+Giles: Possessed?
+Willow: That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy.
+Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? [gets looks from the others and concedes] She's possessed.
+			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
+%
+Angel: We need to distract the vampires.
+Buffy: Right.
+Angel: What are you gonna do?
+Buffy: I'm gonna kill them all. That oughta distract 'em.
+			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
+%
+Cordelia: What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is?
+Jenny: What?
+Cordelia: It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust and blood and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry-clean till Judgment Day, you are living with those stains.
+Jenny: Yeah that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat. The stains.
+			--Episode #2.1, "When She Was Bad"
+%
+Xander: Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.
+Giles: Hear, hear.
+Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.
+			--Episode #2.2, "Some Assembly Required"
+%
+Xander: So, both coffins are empty. That makes three girls signed up for the army of zombies.
+Willow: Is it an army if you just have three?
+Buffy: Zombie drill team then.
+			--Episode #2.2, "Some Assembly Required"
+%
+Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?
+Willow: All the time.
+			--Episode #2.2, "Some Assembly Required"
+%
+Buffy: We were at the Bronze before. Thought you said you might show.
+Angel: You said you weren't sure if you were going.
+Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show?
+			--Episode #2.3, "School Hard"
+%
+Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. You should have someone out there.
+Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?
+Angel: Everything.
+Spike: Yeah. Come up against this slayer yet?
+Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave her the puppy dog "I'm all tortured" act. Keeps her off my back when I feed.
+Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine? What a world!
+Xander: I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy.
+			--Episode #2.3, "School Hard"
+%
+Spike: You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!
+Angel: Things change.
+Spike: Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom! Come on people! This isn't a spectator sport!
+			--Episode #2.3, "School Hard"
+%
+Spike: From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual, and a little more fun around here!
+			--Episode #2.3, "School Hard"
+%
+Giles: You have responsibilities that other girls do not.
+Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah blah biddy blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone.
+Giles: It's as if you know me.
+			--Episode #2.4, "Inca Mummy Girl"
+%
+Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
+Buffy: No. When you kiss me I want to die.
+			--Episode #2.5, "Reptile Boy"
+%
+Giles: She lied to me?
+Willow: Well...
+Angel: Did... she have a date?
+Willow: (to Angel) Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! (to Giles) And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! (to Angel) And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?? Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've got to help Buffy.
+			--Episode #2.5, "Reptile Boy"
+%
+Buffy: I told one lie, I had one drink.
+Giles: Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.
+			--Episode #2.5, "Reptile Boy"
+%
+Willow: It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher Diaries and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell.
+Buffy: Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private.
+Willow: Also Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files.
+Buffy: Most importantly, it would be wrong.
+			--Episode #2.6, "Halloween"
+%
+Buffy: Angel's a vampire, I thought you knew.
+Cordelia: Oh, he's a vampire! Of course! But the cuddly kind, like a Care Bear with fangs.
+Willow: It's true.
+Cordelia: You know what I think? I just think you're trying to scare me off 'cause you're afraid of the competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer.
+			--Episode #2.6, "Halloween"
+%
+Buffy: It's just ... You're never gonna get noticed if you keep hiding! You're missing the whole point of Halloween.
+Willow: Free candy?
+Buffy: It's "come as you aren't" night! The perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild, with no repercussions.
+Willow: Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.
+			--Episode #2.6, "Halloween"
+%
+Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
+Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.
+			--Episode #2.6, "Halloween"
+%
+Cordelia: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie-Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed ...
+Xander: I think you mean oppressed.
+Cordelia: Whatever. They were cranky. So they're like, "Let's lose some heads." Uh! That's fair. And Marie-Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake!
+			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
+%
+Willow: Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't want to hear, do you promise not to bite me?
+Angel: Are you going to tell me that I'm jealous?
+Willow: Well, you do sometimes get that way.
+Angel: You know, I never used to. Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feeling guilty ... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy.
+			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
+%
+Angel: He left no paper trail. That's incriminating enough.
+Xander: I'm going to have to go with Deadboy on this one.
+Angel: Could ya not call me that?
+			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
+%
+Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was ... an obsession of mine. She was pure, and sweet, and chaste.
+Buffy: And you made her a vampire.
+Angel: First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon.
+Buffy: Well. I asked for the truth.
+			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
+%
+Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
+Giles: You mean life?
+Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
+Giles: What do you want me to say?
+Buffy: Lie to me.
+Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
+Buffy: Liar.
+			--Episode #2.7, "Lie to Me"
+%
+Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades.
+Buffy: He probably sat in math class thinking, "There should be more math. This could be mathier."
+			--Episode #2.8, "The Dark Age"
+%
+Ethan Rayne: If you think of it karmically this is, this is really big for your soul. You know, taking my place with the demon. Giving, so that others may live.
+Buffy: I'm gonna kill you. Will that blow the whole karma thing?
+			--Episode #2.8, "The Dark Age"
+%
+Buffy: I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary. I'm so used to you being a grownup, and then I find out that you're a person.
+Giles: Most grownups are.
+			--Episode #2.8, "The Dark Age"
+%
+Xander: What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark.
+Willow: You're not gonna be young forever.
+Xander: Yes, but I'll always be stupid. [silence. He looks around] Let's not all rush to disagree.
+			--Episode #2.9, "What's My Line, Part One"
+%
+Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
+Angel: Yeah. I'll never be a kid.
+Buffy: Okay, then a regular kid and her cradle-robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend.
+			--Episode #2.9, "What's My Line, Part One"
+%
+Dalton: Yes, but ... The Order of Taraka. I mean, isn't that overkill?
+Spike: No, I think it's just enough kill.
+			--Episode #2.9, "What's My Line, Part One"
+%
+Cordelia: I can't even believe you. You dragged me out of bed for a ride? What am I, mass transportation?
+Xander: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind.
+Cordelia: Oh, great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag.
+Xander: I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way.
+			--Episode #2.9, "What's My Line, Part One"
+%
+Willow: There's a Slayer handbook?
+Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
+Willow: Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool...
+Giles: After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that, uh, the handbook would be of no use in your case.
+Buffy: Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? Wha- what's wrong with my case?
+			--Episode #2.10, "What's My Line, Part Two"
+%
+Kendra: And those two, they also know you are the Slayer?
+Buffy: Yep.
+Kendra: Did anyone explain to you what "secret identity" means?
+Buffy: Nope. Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality removal.
+			--Episode #2.10, "What's My Line, Part Two"
+%
+Buffy: It's your lucky day, Spike.
+Kendra: Two Slayers!
+Buffy: No waiting!
+			--Episode #2.10, "What's My Line, Part Two"
+%
+Oz: The monkey is the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that... You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen... So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know the monkey's just, [in French accent] "I mock you with my monkey pants," then there's a big coup at the zoo...
+Willow: The monkey's French?
+Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?
+			--Episode #2.10, "What's My Line, Part Two"
+%
+Willow: And you're loving playing nursemaid?
+Buffy: Oh, yeah!
+Xander: So, is it better than playing naughty stewardess?
+			--Episode #2.11, "Ted"
+%
+Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
+Giles: Yes, that's why one slays them.
+Buffy: I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas, and everyone's like, "I like your mini pizzas", but I'm telling you, I am—
+Giles: Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text.
+			--Episode #2.11, "Ted"
+%
+Buffy: Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good!
+Willow: I just wanna learn stuff.
+Cordelia: Like how to build your own serial killer?
+Xander: Uh, it's so hard to rent one nowadays.
+			--Episode #2.11, "Ted"
+%
+Buffy: Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?
+Xander: I think the word you're searching for is absent.
+Willow: Tardy people show. And yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this. [hands Buffy an egg]
+Buffy: As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
+			--Episode #2.12, "Bad Eggs"
+%
+Willow: Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches.
+Giles: Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers.
+Xander: Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario.
+Buffy: Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up! [cut to Buffy and Angel on patrol making out]
+			--Episode #2.12, "Bad Eggs"
+%
+Xander: Which is another secret to conscientious egg care. A pot of scalding water and about eight minutes.
+Willow: You boiled your young?
+Giles: I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
+Xander: I resent that! Or possibly thank you.
+Giles: A little of both might be appropriate.
+			--Episode #2.12, "Bad Eggs"
+%
+Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?
+Buffy: I dreamt ... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas.
+Angel: You see my point?
+			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
+%
+[Buffy prods Willow about her interest in Oz.]
+Willow: Oh, I don't know, though. He is a senior.
+Buffy: You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial.
+			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
+%
+Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting.
+Willow: Oh! Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say "yes."
+Oz: Yeah, it helps. It ... it creates a comfort zone. ... Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
+Willow: [slaps forehead] Oh! I can't!
+Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.
+			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
+%
+Willow: Are you okay?
+Oz: Yeah. Hey, did everybody see that guy just turn to dust?
+Willow: Ohhh, well ... sort of.
+Xander: Yep. Vampires are real, a lot of 'em live in Sunnydale, Willow will fill you in.
+Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
+Oz: Actually, it explains a lot.
+			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
+%
+Angel: Leave her alone!
+Spike: That'll work. Now say pretty please.
+Angel: Take me instead.
+Spike: Apparently, you're not familiar with the concept. There is no instead, only firsts and seconds.
+Drusilla: And if you go first, you don't get to watch the Slayer die.
+			--Episode #2.13, "Surprise"
+%
+Judge: There's no humanity in him.
+Angelus: I couldn't have said it better myself.
+Drusilla: Angelus.
+Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back.
+			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
+%
+Spike: No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?
+Angelus: What can I say, hmm? I was going through a phase.
+			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
+%
+Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you?
+Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive.
+			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
+%
+Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not knew it in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know. You two were fighting way too much. It's not natural!
+Xander: I know it's weird ...
+Willow: Weird? It's against all laws of God and Man! It's Cordelia! Remember? The, the 'We Hate Cordelia Club', of which you are the treasurer.
+			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
+%
+Xander: Willow. We were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much.
+Willow: No. ... It just means you'd rather be with someone you hate, than be with me.
+			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
+%
+Angelus: What? I took off.
+Buffy: But you didn't say anything. You just left.
+Angelus: Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that.
+Buffy: What?
+Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night.
+Buffy: What are you saying?
+Angelus: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? In fact, let's not talk about it at all. It happened.
+Buffy: I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? Was I not good?
+Angelus: You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro.
+			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
+%
+Spike: Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'être, you know.
+Angelus: Spike, my boy, you really don't get it, do you? You tried to kill her, but you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck! She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl ... you have to love her.
+			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
+%
+Giles: Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. And I can. I know that you loved him. And, he ... he's proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are, are going to be hard, I suspect on all of us. But if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is my support. And my respect.
+			--Episode #2.14, "Innocence"
+%
+Willow: We have a lot of fun, but I want smoochies!
+Buffy: Have you dropped any hints?
+Willow: I've dropped anvils.
+Buffy: Well, he'll come around. What guy could resist your wily Willow charms?
+Willow: At last count? All of them, maybe more.
+Buffy: Well, none of them know a thing! They all get an "F" in Willow.
+Willow: But I want Oz to get an "A," and, oh, one of those gold stars!
+			--Episode #2.15, "Phases"
+%
+Buffy: But I would do a lot better if you and Xander and I could do that "sharing our misery" thing tonight.
+Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
+Buffy: Meow!
+Willow: Thanks, I haven't gotten a "Meow" before.
+			--Episode #2.15, "Phases"
+%
+Oz: You mean... you'd still...
+Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice, and you're funny, and you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month, I'm not much fun to be around either.
+Oz: You are quite the human.
+Willow: So I'd still, if you'd still.
+Oz: I'd still. I'd very still!
+Willow: Okay. No biting, though.
+			--Episode #2.15, "Phases"
+%
+Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct, stake to the heart, no muss, no fuss.
+Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
+Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia.
+			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
+%
+Angelus: Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
+Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
+Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
+Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
+Drusilla: Don't worry, Spike. Angel always knows...what speaks to a girl's heart.
+			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
+%
+Willow: Don't be so jumpy... I've been in your bed before.
+Xander: Yeah, but Will, we were both in footy pajamas.
+			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
+%
+Xander: Buff, for the love of God, don't open that raincoat.
+Buffy: Come on! It's a party! Aren't you gonna open your present?
+Xander: It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. Not like this. This isn't real to you, you're only here because of a spell. I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me, but you don't, so I can't.
+			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
+%
+Amy: Goddess Hecate, work thy will...
+Xander: Uh-oh.
+Amy: ... Before thee let the unclean thing crawl!
+			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
+%
+Cordelia: Harmony, shut up. Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep.
+Harmony: I'm not a sheep.
+Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.
+			--Episode #2.16, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"
+%
+Angelus: Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping...waiting...and though unwanted...unbidden...it will stir...open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us...guides us. Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. the joy of love...the clarity of hatred...and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd truly be dead.
+			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
+%
+Cordelia: Oh, God! I invited him in my car once. That means he can come into my car whenever he wants!
+Xander: Yep, you're doomed to havin' to give him and his vamp pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas.
+			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
+%
+Buffy: It's so weird. Every time something like this happens, my first instinct is still to run to Angel. I can't believe it's the same person. He's completely different from the guy that I knew.
+Willow: Well, sort of, except ...
+Buffy: Except what?
+Willow: You're still the only thing he thinks about.
+			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
+%
+Xander: I'm sorry, but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying "I told you so" long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the ... fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"
+Buffy: Yeah. There's just one problem with Giles in a revenge scenario. It'll get him killed.
+			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
+%
+Spike: Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds.
+Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
+Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer!
+			--Episode #2.17, "Passion"
+%
+Buffy: Hey. Here we are. It's all of we. Are we taking me home?
+Dr. Wilkinson: No. Buffy, you need to lie down, honey.
+Buffy: Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's... not my bed.
+Dr. Wilkinson: She's still a little out of it.
+Buffy: Shhh! Hospital zone. No singing.
+			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
+%
+Buffy: Homework.
+Willow: It's my way of saying get well soon.
+Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
+Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
+Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.
+			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
+%
+Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
+Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
+			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
+%
+Willow: I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
+Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
+Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
+Buffy: I... never have.
+			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
+%
+Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing.
+Buffy: I thought I might try violence.
+Xander: Solid call.
+			--Episode #2.18, "Killed by Death"
+%
+Giles: I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, in fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it's appropriate; you should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.
+			--Episode #2.19, "I Only Have Eyes for You"
+%
+Giles: He's-he's trying to... resolve whatever issues are keeping him in limbo. What exactly those are, I'm not...
+Buffy: He wants forgiveness.
+Giles: Yes. I imagine he does. But when James possesses people, they act out exactly what happened that night. So he's experiencing a form of purgatory instead. I mean, he's doomed to kill his Ms. Newman over and over and over again, and... Forgiveness is impossible.
+Buffy: Good. He doesn't deserve it.
+Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it.
+			--Episode #2.19, "I Only Have Eyes for You"
+%
+Cordelia: Well, all I know is, my cheerleading squad wasted a lot of pep on losers. It's about time our school excelled at something.
+Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
+Xander: We're number one!
+			--Episode #2.20, "Go Fish"
+%
+Xander: That is wrong. A big fat spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to earn our Ds.
+Cordelia: Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people are entitled to special privileges. They're called winners. That's the way the world works.
+			--Episode #2.20, "Go Fish"
+%
+Buffy: So, something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
+Willow: Like an Oreo cookie, well, except for, you know, without the... chocolatey cookie goodness.
+			--Episode #2.20, "Go Fish"
+%
+Principal Snyder: Are we having a chair shortage?
+Willow: I didn't read anything about... oh, [slides off Oz's lap] I get it.
+			--Episode #2.21, "Becoming, Part One"
+%
+Spike: It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends, they all don't have a rock this big.
+			--Episode #2.21, "Becoming, Part One"
+%
+Willow: Oh I need about a day, and an Orb of Thessulah, whatever that is.
+Giles: Spirit vault for the undead, I've got one. I've been using it as a paperweight.
+			--Episode #2.21, "Becoming, Part One"
+%
+Whistler: Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that count. That's when you find out who you are.
+			--Episode #2.21, "Becoming, Part One"
+%
+Spike: I want to save the world.
+Buffy: You do remember that you're a vampire, right?
+Spike: We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people, billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision, with a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?
+			--Episode #2.22, "Becoming, Part Two"
+%
+Buffy: Open your eyes, Mom. What do you think has been going on for the past two years? The fights, the weird occurrences. How many times have you washed blood out of my clothing, and you still haven't figured it out?
+Joyce: Well, it stops now!
+Buffy: No, it doesn't stop. It never stops. Do-do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is? How dangerous? I would love to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or, god, even studying! But I have to save the world. Again.
+			--Episode #2.22, "Becoming, Part Two"
+%
+Angelus: Just tell me what I need to know.
+Giles: In order t-to... to be worthy... you must perform the ritual.. in a tutu. Pillock!
+Angelus: Alright. Someone get the chain saw.
+			--Episode #2.22, "Becoming, Part Two"
+%
+Angelus: No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away, and what's left?
+Buffy: Me.
+			--Episode #2.22, "Becoming, Part Two"
+%
+Xander: First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen?
+Oz: Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team?
+Xander: That's right, he was! [yells at Andy] Cheater! [turns back] Okay, and the, uh, second problem I'm having -- "Come and get it, Big Boy"?
+Willow: Well, w-w-well, the Slayer always says a pun, or-or a witty play on words, and, I think it throws the vampires off! And, and it makes them frightened, because I'm wisecracking. Okay, I didn't really have a chance to work on that one, but you try it every time!
+Oz: Uh, if I may suggest, "This time it's personal." I mean, there's a reason why it's a classic.
+			--Episode #3.1, "Anne"
+%
+[In Buffy's dream]
+Buffy: How did you find me here?
+Angel: If I was blind, I would see you.
+Buffy: Stay with me.
+Angel: Forever. That's the whole point. I'll never leave. Not even if you kill me.
+			--Episode #3.1, "Anne"
+%
+Giles: I mean, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but if anything should happen to you, or you... should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.
+Willow: You'd be cranky?
+Giles: Entirely.
+Willow: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement: "Don't get killed."
+			--Episode #3.1, "Anne"
+%
+Buffy: I'd like to find Willow and Xander.
+Joyce: Will you be slaying?
+Buffy: Only if they give me lip.
+			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
+%
+Principal Snyder: I have not only the right, but also a nearly physical sensation of pleasure at the thought of keeping her out of school. I'd describe myself as tingly.
+Joyce: Buffy was cleared of all those charges.
+Principal Snyder: Yes, and while she may live up to the not-a-murderer requirement for enrollment, she is a troublemaker, destructive to school property and the occasional student. And her grade point average is enough to... I'm sorry. Another tingle moment.
+			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
+%
+[Giles brings a zombie cat to the library.]
+Cordelia: Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf, USA Today, or anything?
+Giles: We're trying to find out how and why it rose from the grave. It's not as if I want to take it home and offer it a saucer of warm milk.
+Oz: Well, I like it. I think you should call it Patches.
+			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
+%
+Oz: We should figure out what kinda deal this is. I mean, is it a-a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?
+Cordelia: What's the difference?
+Oz: Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings; shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny.
+Xander: Well, I hate brie.
+Cordelia: I know. It smells like Giles' cat.
+			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
+%
+Buffy: Fine, okay, I can take my lumps. For awhile.
+Willow: All right, I'll stop giving you a hard time. (pause) Runaway.
+Buffy: Will!
+Willow: I'm sorry ... quitter.
+Buffy: Whiner.
+Willow: Bailer.
+Buffy: Harpy.
+Willow: Delinquent.
+Buffy: Tramp.
+Willow: Bad seed.
+Buffy: Witch.
+Willow: Freak.
+			--Episode #3.2, "Dead Man's Party"
+%
+Willow: I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or-or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like. [Buffy glares at her] Oh, I didn't mean that bad thing with your mouth, I meant that little half-smile thing that you... [looks at Oz] you're supposed to stop me when I do that.
+Oz: I like when you do that.
+			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
+%
+Faith: The whole summer it was, like, the worst heatwave. So, it's about 118 degrees and I'm sleepin' without a stitch on, and all of a sudden I hear this screamin' from outside. So I go tearin' out stark nude and this church bus is broke down and there's three vamps feasting on half the Baptists in South Boston. So I waste the vamps and the preacher comes up and he's hugging me like there's no tomorrow when all of a sudden the cops pull up and they arrested us both.
+Xander: Wow. They should film that story and show it every Christmas.
+			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
+%
+Faith: Always... I could eat a horse. Ain't it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny?
+[Xander, Cordy, Willow & Oz all look at Buffy for confirmation]
+Buffy: Well... sometimes I-I crave a non-fat yogurt after.
+			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
+%
+Buffy: [about Kakistos] Now, this guy shows up two days ago, right? Right around the same time my bestest new little sister makes her scene.
+Giles: You think he and Faith are connected?
+Buffy: Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns.
+Giles: Well, Buffy, it's entirely possible that they both arrived here by chance simultaneously.
+Buffy: Okay, but I was right about the leprechauns, right?
+Giles: As far as I know, yes.
+			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
+%
+Buffy: Angel was cured.
+Giles: I'm sorry?
+Buffy: When I killed him, Angel was cured. [to Willow] Your spell worked at the last minute, Will. I was about to take him out, and, um, something went through him, and he was Angel again. He-he didn't remember anything that he'd done. He just held me. Um, but i-it was, it was too late, and I, I had to. So I-I told him that I loved him, I kissed him, and I killed him.
+			--Episode #3.3, "Faith, Hope & Trick"
+%
+Buffy: We have a marching jazz band?
+Oz: Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational, we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... Scary.
+Willow: He's just being Oz.
+Oz: Pretty much full-time.
+			--Episode #3.4, "Beauty and the Beasts"
+%
+Buffy: Couldn't sleep, huh?
+Willow: I've been at Mister Donut since the TV did that snowy thing. How come you're the Wakey Girl? I mean, this time, it's not your boyfriend who's the cold-blooded... [sees Oz] Jelly doughnut?
+			--Episode #3.4, "Beauty and the Beasts"
+%
+Giles: Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with. Quite clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal.
+[Oz comes in.]
+Oz: Present. Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable.
+			--Episode #3.4, "Beauty and the Beasts"
+%
+Mr. Trick: Competition. Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us strive. It makes us accomplish. Occasionally, it makes us kill. We all have the desire to win. Whether we're human, vampire or ... whatever the hell you are, my brother. You got them spiny-looking head things. I ain't never seen that before.
+Kulak: I am Kulak, of the Miquot Clan.
+Mr. Trick: Isn't that nice.
+			--Episode #3.5, "Homecoming"
+%
+Cordelia: I don't even get why you care about Homecoming when you're doing stuff like this.
+Buffy: Because this is all I do. This is what my life is. You couldn't understand. I just thought ... Homecoming Queen. I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, I was there. I went to high school, I had friends, and, for one moment, I got to live in the world. And there'd be proof, proof that I was chosen for something other than this. Besides, [pumps the rifle] I look cute in a tiara.
+			--Episode #3.5, "Homecoming"
+%
+Ms. Barton: Hey! We're all stuck here, okay? So now let's just sit quietly and, and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure that old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!
+Xander: Does anyone else wanna marry Ms. Barton?
+Cordelia: Get in line.
+			--Episode #3.6, "Band Candy"
+%
+Buffy: Something's definitely changing them.
+Willow: A spell?
+Oz: They're teenagers. It's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?
+Principal Snyder: [to Oz] You've got great hair.
+			--Episode #3.6, "Band Candy"
+%
+Buffy: It was just too much to deal with. It was like nothing made sense anymore. The things that I thought I understood were gone. I just felt... so alone.
+Giles: Was that the math or the verbal?
+Buffy: Mostly the math.
+			--Episode #3.6, "Band Candy"
+%
+Cordelia: Why are you guys so hyper?
+Willow: Hey, speaking of people and things they do that aren't like usual, anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different?
+Xander: Let's see. Killing zombies, torching sewer monsters, and, no, that's pretty much the same old Buffster.
+			--Episode #3.7, "Revelations"
+%
+Buffy: [About Angel] You'd just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?
+Xander: I don't need an excuse! I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason!
+			--Episode #3.7, "Revelations"
+%
+Giles: Be quiet. I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point? Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives of all that you hold dear by harboring a known murderer. But sadly, I must remind you that Angel tortured me... for hours... for pleasure. You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. You have no respect for me, or the job I perform.
+			--Episode #3.7, "Revelations"
+%
+Willow: I'm pathetic, illiterate. I'm Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.
+Xander: That's right, and the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined score in no way compromises your position as the village idiot.
+			--Episode #3.8, "Lovers Walk"
+%
+Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
+			--Episode #3.8, "Lovers Walk"
+%
+Spike: Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are at the factory. I'm really glad I came here, you know. I've been all wrong-headed about this: weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man that I was - the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her - wherever she is - tie her up, torture her, 'til she likes me again. Love's a funny thing.
+			--Episode #3.8, "Lovers Walk"
+%
+Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
+Xander: Mine is much more advanced.
+			--Episode #3.9, "The Wish"
+%
+Vamp Willow: Hmm, Buffy. Oooh. Scary.
+Vamp Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking fear in nobody's hearts.
+			--Episode #3.9, "The Wish"
+%
+Cordelia: I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale!
+Anya: Done! [nothing happens, Anya is confused]
+Cordelia: No! I wish Buffy Summers had never been born! That would be cool!
+Anya: Done! [again nothing happens]
+Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.
+Anya: Done!
+Cordelia: In fact, I wish all men except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind disappear off the face of the earth. That would be so cool! Or maybe...
+			--Episode #3.9, "The Wish"
+%
+Xander: So, you doing anything special?
+Buffy: Tree, nog, roast beast. Just me and Mom, and hopefully an excess of gifts. [to Willow] What are you doing for Christmas?
+Willow: Being Jewish. Remember, people? Not everyone worships Santa.
+			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
+%
+Angel: I was a man once.
+The First: And what a man you were. A drunken, whoring layabout and a terrible disappointment to your parents.
+Angel: I was young. I never had a chance to..
+The First: ...To die of syphilis? You were a worthless being before you were ever a monster.
+			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
+%
+Joyce: So, Angel's on top again?
+Buffy: What?
+Joyce: [holding up Christmas decorations] Angel? Or star?
+Buffy: Oh. Er, star.
+			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
+%
+The First: I'm not a demon, little girl, I am something you cannot even conceive. The First Evil. Beyond sin. Beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You’ll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being. Every thought. Every drop of hate.
+Buffy: All right, I get it. You're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?
+The First: Angel will be dead by sunrise. Your Christmas will be his wake.
+Buffy: No.
+The First: You have no idea what you're dealing with.
+Buffy: Let me guess. Is it... evil?
+The First: [transforms into a fearsome demonic form, then vanishes] DEAD BY SUNRISE!
+			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
+%
+Angel: Buffy, please. Just this once, let me be strong.
+Buffy: Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because ... [Snow falls, blocking the sunlight.]
+			--Episode #3.10, "Amends"
+%
+Cordelia: I came by to tell Buffy to stop all of this craziness and found you all unconscious ... again. How many times have you been knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma.
+Giles: Wake up in a c... ? Oh, never mind. We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel.
+Cordelia: Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit you.
+			--Episode #3.11, "Gingerbread"
+%
+Xander: You know, maybe we're on the wrong track with the whole spell, curse and whammy thing. Maybe what we should be looking for is something like... Slayer kryptonite.
+Oz: Faulty metaphor. Kryptonite kills.
+Xander: You're assuming I was talking about the green kryptonite. I was referring, of course, to the red kryptonite, which drains Superman of all his powers.
+Oz: Wrong. The gold kryptonite's the power-sucker. The red kryptonite mutates Superman into some sort of weird --
+Buffy: Guys, reality!
+			--Episode #3.12, "Helpless"
+%
+Kralik: [to Buffy's mother] Mother. May I call you "mother"? My own mother was a person with no self-respect of her own, so she tried to take mine. Ten years old, she had the scissors. You wouldn't believe what she took with those. But she's dead to me now. Mostly because I killed and ate her, but also because I know I won't be alone much longer. I'll have your daughter. I won't kill her -- I'll just make her like me. Different. She'll go to sleep, and when she wakes up, your face will be the first thing she eats. [considers] I have a problem with mothers. I'm aware of that.
+			--Episode #3.12, "Helpless"
+%
+Buffy: Xander, one of these days, you're gonna get yourself hurt.
+Faith: Or killed.
+Buffy: Or both. And you know, with the pain and then the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be fray-adjacent.
+Xander: Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?
+Faith: Yeah. That was real manly, how you shrieked and all.
+Xander: I think you'll find that was more of a bellow.
+			--Episode #3.13, "The Zeppo"
+%
+Cordelia: It must be really hard when all your friends have, like, superpowers. Slayer, werewolf, witches, vampires, and you're, like, this little nothing. You must feel like Jimmy Olsen.
+Xander: I happen to be an integral part of that group. I happen to have a lot to offer.
+Cordelia: Oh, please.
+Xander: I do!
+Cordelia: Integral part of the group? Xander, you're the-the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo. "Cool." Look it up. It's something that a sub-literate that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't.
+			--Episode #3.13, "The Zeppo"
+%
+Faith: She got me really wound up. A fight like that and, no kill. I'm about ready to pop!
+Xander: Really? Pop?!
+Faith: You up for it?
+Xander: Oh, I'm up. I'm suddenly very up. It's just, um, I've never been up with people before.
+Faith: Just relax. And take your pants off.
+Xander: Those two ... concepts are ... antithetical.
+Faith: Don't worry. I'll steer you around the curves.
+Xander: Did I mention that I'm having a very strange night?
+			--Episode #3.13, "The Zeppo"
+%
+Buffy: New Watcher?
+Giles: New Watcher.
+Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, it's very nice to meet you.
+Buffy: Is he evil?
+Wesley: Evil?
+Buffy: The last one was evil.
+Wesley: Oh yes, Gwendolyn Post, we all heard. No, Mr. Giles has checked my credentials ... rather thoroughly, phoned the Council. But I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well. A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer.
+Buffy: Is he evil?
+Giles: Not in the strictest sense.
+			--Episode #3.14, "Bad Girls"
+%
+Wesley: Ah, this is perhaps Faith.
+Faith: New Watcher?
+Buffy, Giles: New Watcher.
+Faith: Screw that. [she turns and leaves]
+Buffy: Now why didn't I just say that?
+			--Episode #3.14, "Bad Girls"
+%
+Wesley: Buffy, you will go to the Gleaves family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet.
+Buffy: I will?
+Wesley: Are you not used to being given orders?
+Buffy: Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says 'please'. And afterwards I get a cookie!
+			--Episode #3.14, "Bad Girls"
+%
+Buffy: Faith, you can shut off all the emotions that you want. But eventually, they're gonna find a body.
+Faith: Okay, this is the last time we're gonna have this conversation, and we're not even having it now, you understand me? There is no body. I took it, weighted it, and dumped it. The body doesn't exist.
+Buffy: Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away.
+Faith: It does for me.
+Buffy: Faith, you don't get it - you killed a man.
+Faith: No, you don't get it - I don't care!
+			--Episode #3.14, "Bad Girls"
+%
+Xander: She was fighting those apocalypse demon things and I helped out... gave her a ride home.
+Buffy: And you guys talked?
+Xander: Not extensively, no.
+Buffy: Then why would you... oh!
+Giles: Oh!
+Willow: I don't need to say "oh", I got it before. They slept together.
+			--Episode #3.15, "Consequences"
+%
+Faith: You sent your boy to kill me.
+Mayor Wilkins: That's right, I did.
+Faith: He's dust.
+Mayor Wilkins: I thought he might be, what with you standing here and all.
+Faith: I guess that means you have a job opening.
+			--Episode #3.15, "Consequences"
+%
+Buffy: I-I just... well, I-I wanna do...
+Willow: Better than Faith?
+Buffy: So very shallow.
+Willow: Competition is natural and healthy. Plus, you'll definitely ace her on the psych test. Just don't mark the box that says, "I sometimes like to kill people."
+			--Episode #3.16, "Doppelgängland"
+%
+Vamp Willow: Xander!
+Xander: Will, changing the look not an idle threat with you!
+Vamp Willow: [smiling] You're alive.
+Xander: Uh, Will, this is verging on naughty touching here, don't wanna fall back on bad habits - Hands! Hands in new places!
+Vamp Willow: [revolted] You're alive.
+			--Episode #3.16, "Doppelgängland"
+%
+Buffy: So, Xander, are you gonna introduce me to- [Vamp Willow turns to Buffy] Holy God, you're Willow.
+Vamp Willow: [instantly hostile] You.
+Buffy: You know what? I-I like the look. It's, um, it's extreme, but it, it, it looks good, you know, it's a... leather thing, and, uh... I said "extreme" already, right?
+			--Episode #3.16, "Doppelgängland"
+%
+Willow: It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and...skanky. And I think I'm kinda gay.
+Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.
+Angel: Well, actually... [Buffy gives him a look] That's a good point.
+			--Episode #3.16, "Doppelgängland"
+%
+Wesley: And you say this demon wanted cash? That's very unusual.
+Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.
+			--Episode #3.17, "Enemies"
+%
+Mayor Wilkins: There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that's factually true.
+			--Episode #3.17, "Enemies"
+%
+Xander: Got the address. I beat it out of Willy the Snitch personally.
+Buffy: You beat up Willy?
+Xander: Sure. Well, actually, let's just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately, that I asked politely. And then... Okay, I bribed him.
+Buffy: How much?
+Xander: Twenty-eight bucks. Does the council reimburse for that kinda stuff?
+Giles: Did you get a receipt?
+Xander: Damn...
+			--Episode #3.17, "Enemies"
+%
+Buffy: I know this. It's down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town.
+Giles: Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt.
+			--Episode #3.17, "Enemies"
+%
+Oz: [voice over] I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me and she becomes me. I cease to exist. [out loud] Hmm.
+Xander: [voice over] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time! Sex! Help! Four times five is 30. Five times six is 32. Naked girls. Naked women! And naked Buffy! Oh, stop me!
+Buffy: God, Xander! Is that all you think about?
+Xander: Actually... bye. [bolts from the library]
+			--Episode #3.18, "Earshot"
+%
+Buffy: You had sex with Giles? You had sex with Giles?!
+Joyce: It was the candy! We were teenagers!
+Buffy: On the hood of a police car?!
+Joyce: [goes to leave, glances back] I'll be downstairs. [exits] You feel better!
+Buffy: Twice!?
+			--Episode #3.18, "Earshot"
+%
+Buffy: Well, it's nice to be able to help someone in a non-slaying capacity. Except he's starting to get that look, you know, like he's gonna ask me to prom.
+Giles: Well, it would probably be good for his self-esteem, if you...
+Buffy: Oh, come on! What am I, Saint Buffy? He's, like, three feet tall!
+Giles: I'm glad to see you've recovered from your psychic encounter more or less intact. Feel up to some training?
+Buffy: Sure. We can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother!
+[Giles walks right into a tree.]
+			--Episode #3.18, "Earshot"
+%
+Buffy: So this is our future? This is how we're going to spend our nights when I'm fifty and you're... the same age you are now?
+[A vampire growls behind them.]
+Angel: Let's just get you to fifty.
+Buffy: Liking that plan.
+			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
+%
+Buffy: Well, I don't think I can talk any slower, Wes. I want to leave.
+Wesley: What? Now?
+Buffy: No, not now. After I graduate, you know, college?
+Wesley: But you're a Slayer.
+Buffy: Yeah. I'm also a person. You can't just define me by my slayer-ness. That's... something-ism.
+			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
+%
+Buffy: Looks like a job for Wiccan girl. What do you say, Will? Big-time danger.
+Willow: Hey, I eat danger for breakfast.
+Xander: But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.
+			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
+%
+Faith: Give me the speech again, please. "Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late."
+Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you! You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big, selfish, worthless waste.
+			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
+%
+Buffy: I can't let you stay because of me.
+Willow: Actually, this isn't about you. Although I'm fond, don't get me wrong, of you. The other night, you know, being captured and all, facing off with Faith, things just kinda got clear. I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years, and I've helped some, and now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people. I mean, I-I think it's worth doing. And I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in.
+Buffy: I kind of love you.
+Willow: And, besides, I have a shot at being a bad-ass Wicca, and what better place to learn?
+			--Episode #3.19, "Choices"
+%
+Anya: The power of the Wish made me a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful.
+Xander: Well, hey! Good luck with that. Hope it works out for you.
+Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
+Xander: Then why you talking to me?
+Anya: [averting her eyes] I don't have a date for the prom.
+			--Episode #3.20, "The Prom"
+%
+Buffy: You guys are going to have a prom. The kind of prom that everyone should have. I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening, if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it.
+Xander: ...Yay?
+			--Episode #3.20, "The Prom"
+%
+Jonathan: This is actually a new category. First time ever. I guess there were a lot of write-in ballots, and, um, well, the prom committee asked me to read this... We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here.
+Crowd outbursts: Zombies! . . . Hyena people! . . . Snyder! [laughter]
+Jonathan: But whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you, or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history... [applause from the crowd]... And we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class offers its thanks, and gives you, uh, this. [produces a glittering, miniature umbrella with a small plaque attached to the shaft] It's from all of us, and it has written here, "Buffy Summers, Class Protector."
+			--Episode #3.20, "The Prom"
+%
+Anya: Men like sports. I'm sure of it.
+Xander: Yes, men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all that you've learned?
+			--Episode #3.21, "Graduation Day, Part One"
+%
+Xander: The mayor is going to kill us all during graduation.
+Cordelia: Oh! Are you gonna go to fifth period?
+Xander: I was thinking I might skip it.
+			--Episode #3.21, "Graduation Day, Part One"
+%
+Willow: I think we could be dead in two days and you're being ironic, detachment guy.
+Oz: Would it help you if I panic?
+Willow: Yes! It'd be swell. Panic is a thing people can share in times of crisis. And everything's really scary now, you know? And I don't know what's going to happen. A-a-and there's all sorts of things that you're supposed to get to do after high school, and I was really looking forward to doing them, and now we're probably just going to die, and I'd like to feel that maybe you would --
+[Oz kisses her.]
+Willow: What are you doing?
+Oz: Panicking.
+[Oz kisses Willow again, they fall onto Willow's bed.]
+			--Episode #3.21, "Graduation Day, Part One"
+%
+Anya: When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit.
+Xander: Welcome to the world of romance.
+Anya: It's horrible. No wonder I used to get so much work.
+Xander: Well, I'm sorry I give you barfy feelings.
+Anya: Come with me.
+Xander: I can't.
+Anya: Why not?
+Xander: I got friends on the line.
+Anya: So?
+Xander: That humanity thing's still a work in progress, isn't it?
+			--Episode #3.21, "Graduation Day, Part One"
+%
+Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
+Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus.
+Cordelia: I stand corrected.
+Oz: Just keeping things in perspective.
+			--Episode #3.22, "Graduation Day, Part Two"
+%
+Angel: Well, he's not crazy about germs.
+Cordelia: Of course. That's it! We'll attack him with germs!
+Buffy: Great! We'll get him cornered, and then you can sneeze on him.
+Cordelia: No! No. We'll get a container of Ebola virus, and... and, um... or -- it doesn't even have to be real. We could just get a box that says "Ebola" on it, and, um... [snaps her fingers] chase him. [everyone is silent] ...With the box.
+Xander: I'm starting to lean towards the hummus offensive.
+Oz: He'll never see it coming.
+			--Episode #3.22, "Graduation Day, Part Two"
+%
+Mayor Wilkins: Well, what a day this is! Special day. Today is our centennial, the one-hundredth anniversary of the founding of Sunnydale, and I know what that mean to all you kids: not a darn thing. Because today something much more important happens. Today you all graduate from high school. Today all the pain, all the work, all the excitement is finally over. And what's a hundred years of history compared to that? You know what, kids?
+Buffy: Oh my God. He's going to do the entire speech.
+Willow: Man, just ascend already.
+Buffy: Evil!
+			--Episode #3.22, "Graduation Day, Part Two"
+%
+Oz: Guys. Take a moment to deal with this. We survived.
+Buffy: It was a hell of a battle.
+Oz: Not the battle. High school.
+			--Episode #3.22, "Graduation Day, Part Two"
+%
+Buffy: [about college] It's nice that you're excited.
+Willow: It's just that in High School, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon, you really had to work to learn anything. But here... the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force. This penetrating force.. and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know, and letting this place just thrust into and spurt knowledge into... [considers what she's saying] That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.
+			--Episode #4.1, "The Freshman"
+%
+Willow: Ooh, boyfriend! It's my on campus boyfriend!
+Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up, the line's probably really long now too.
+			--Episode #4.1, "The Freshman"
+%
+Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous "Ladies Night" club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. Nobody really bothered me, or even spoke to me, until one night, when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say, I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything is exactly as it was, except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?
+Buffy: Male strippers?
+Xander: No power on this earth!
+			--Episode #4.1, "The Freshman"
+%
+Xander: Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. - No, wait, hold on. - Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side. - Hold on, no. Ahm... First you get the women, then you get the money, then you... - OK, can we forget that?
+Buffy: Thanks for Dadaist pep talk. I feel much more abstract now.
+			--Episode #4.1, "The Freshman"
+%
+Buffy: You guys can do the brain thing, I'm gonna go to class.
+Oz: Which could also be construed as the 'brain thing'.
+Buffy: Not when you're minoring in Nap 101.
+			--Episode #4.2, "Living Conditions"
+%
+Buffy: ... so then Kathy's like, "It's share time." And I'm like, "Oh yeah? Share this!"
+[She punches the air.]
+Oz: So, either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
+Buffy: Well, I didn't do either, actually. But she deserves it, don't you think?
+Oz: Nobody deserves a mime, Buffy.
+			--Episode #4.2, "Living Conditions"
+%
+Buffy: [about Kathy] You're right. Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black cancer!
+[She brings her foot up, around and down onto a bench, breaking it in two.]
+Buffy: She's... other really bad things.
+Oz: On the plus side you've killed the bench, which was looking shifty.
+			--Episode #4.2, "Living Conditions"
+%
+Willow: [on the phone with Giles] Giles, I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. [pause] No, not bitchy crazy, more like... homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, OK?
+			--Episode #4.2, "Living Conditions"
+%
+Anya: I like you. You're funny and you're nicely shaped. And, frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now.
+Xander: And the amazing thing? Still more romantic than Faith.
+			--Episode #4.3, "The Harsh Light of Day"
+%
+Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
+Spike: No.
+Harmony: Can I make him a vampire?
+Spike: No. Wait, on second thought, yeah. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.
+			--Episode #4.3, "The Harsh Light of Day"
+%
+Willow: [about her costume] I'm Joan of Arc. I figured we had a lot in common, seeing as how I was almost burned at the stake, plus she has that close relationship with God.
+Xander: [to Oz] And you are?
+[Oz opens his jacket and reveals a name tag that says "God."]
+Xander: Of course. I wish I'd thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could've been God.
+Oz: Blasphemer.
+			--Episode #4.4, "Fear, Itself"
+%
+Giles: "The summoning spell for Gachnar can be shut down in one of two ways. Destroying the Mark of Gachnar..."
+[Buffy promptly stamps into the floor, destroying the Mark on the floor and tearing up the boards; she looks very self-satisfied]
+Giles: "...is not one of them, and will, in fact, immediately bring forth the fear demon itself!"
+			--Episode #4.4, "Fear, Itself"
+%
+Xander: Who's a little fear demon? Come on! Who's a little fear demon?
+Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
+Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
+Giles: No, it's just... tacky.
+			--Episode #4.4, "Fear, Itself"
+%
+Oz: Hey, you got a table.
+Willow: I had to kill a man.
+Oz: Well it's a really good table.
+			--Episode #4.5, "Beer Bad"
+%
+Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
+Xander: I didn't know it was evil.
+Giles: You knew it was beer!
+Xander: Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-sixties-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove!
+Giles: It was the early seventies, and you should know better.
+			--Episode #4.5, "Beer Bad"
+%
+Willow: How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?
+Buffy: I thought that was the point.
+			--Episode #4.6, "Wild at Heart"
+%
+Oz: Veruca was right about something. The wolf is inside me all the time, and I don't know where that line is anymore between me and it. And until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you... Or anybody.
+Willow: Well, that could be a problem 'cause people... Kind of a planetary epidemic.
+			--Episode #4.6, "Wild at Heart"
+%
+Willow: OK, say that I help and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like Buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops and it feels like the whole world's made for you two and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition.
+Riley: [taken aback] Yep, that's the plan.
+Willow: I figured it was.
+			--Episode #4.7, "The Initiative"
+%
+[Willow is trying to help Riley get together with Buffy]
+Willow: Talk, funny is good but don't be glib. And remember, if you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Have fun!
+			--Episode #4.7, "The Initiative"
+%
+Xander: Well, how about this: we whip out the Ouija board, light a few candles, summon some ancient unstoppable evil? Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem; we show up and and kick its ass.
+Giles [pauses to contemplate]: A wee bit unethical.
+			--Episode #4.7, "The Initiative"
+%
+Willow: Thanksgiving isn't a-about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another! A-and then they make animated specials about the part where... w-with the maize and th-the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where... where all the bison die, a-and Squanto takes a musketball in the stomach!
+Buffy: Okay, now, for some of that, you were channeling your mother?
+			--Episode #4.8, "Pangs"
+%
+Buffy: With Mom at Aunt Darlene's this year, I'm not getting a Thanksgiving. Maybe it's just as well.
+Anya: Well, I think that's a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice.
+Buffy: It's not really a one of those.
+Anya: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice... with pie.
+			--Episode #4.8, "Pangs"
+%
+Buffy: Seeing Angel in LA, even for five minutes… hello to the pain.
+Willow: The pain is not a friend.
+Buffy: But I can't help thinking, isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts, but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting. (Stakes a vampire) I wonder where I get that from?
+			--Episode #4.9, "Something Blue"
+%
+Giles: Look, Spike - we have no intention of killing a harmless... uh, creature... we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent...
+Spike: Hey!
+Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're...
+Buffy: Flaccid?
+Spike: You are one step away, missy -
+Buffy: [sarcastically] Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
+			--Episode #4.9, "Something Blue"
+%
+Spike: Passions is on! Timmy's down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll -
+Giles: Do what? Lick me to death?
+			--Episode #4.9, "Something Blue"
+%
+Buffy: Spike and I are getting married!
+Xander: How? What? How?
+Giles: Three excellent questions.
+Spike: [to Buffy] What are you looking at?
+Buffy: The man I love.
+			--Episode #4.9, "Something Blue"
+%
+Willow: Man, that was an exciting class, huh?
+Buffy: Oh, yeah — wow.
+Willow: And the last twenty minutes — it was a revelation. Just laid out everything we need to know for the final. I'd hate to have missed that.
+Buffy: Just tell me I didn't snore.
+Willow: Very discreet. Minimal drool.
+			--Episode #4.10, "Hush"
+%
+Xander: If you don't know how I feel about -
+Anya: I don't. This isn't a relationship! You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
+[The others are silent with disbelief.]
+Xander: OK... remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
+Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
+Giles: Please don't.
+			--Episode #4.10, "Hush"
+%
+Buffy: So not stellar, huh?
+Willow: Talk. All talk. Blah blah Gaia, blah blah moon, menstrual life-force power thingy. You know after a couple of sessions I was hoping we would get into something real but...
+Buffy: No actual witches in your witch group.
+Willow: No, bunch of wanna-blessed-bes. Nowadays every girl with a henna tattoo and a spice rack thinks she's a sister to the dark ones.
+			--Episode #4.10, "Hush"
+%
+Spike: [To Xander] Kids your age are heading off to University. You've made it as far as the basement. And Red here couldn't even keep Dog Boy happy. You can take the loser out of high school, but...
+Willow: I see what you're doing. You're trying to get us to dust you.
+Spike: I'm not. I just don't want pity from geeks more useless than I am.
+			--Episode #4.11, "Doomed"
+%
+Buffy: "I wonder where I've seen this before" - Where else? The place I spend most of my waking hours memorizing stuff off the sides of mausoleums. Big freaky cereal boxes of death.
+			--Episode #4.11, "Doomed"
+%
+Professor Walsh: It's only our methods that differ; we use the latest in scientific technology and state of the art weaponry and you, if I understand correctly, poke them with a sharp stick.
+Buffy: Er, its more effective then it sounds-
+Maggie Walsh: Oh, I'm - quite sure of that. As I'm just as sure that we can learn much from each other. I'm working on getting you clearance into the Initiative, I think you'll find the results of our operation most impressive. Agent Finn here alone has killed and captured... How many is it?
+Riley: Seventeen : eleven vampires, six demons.
+Buffy: Oh... wow. I mean, that's... seventeen.
+			--Episode #4.12, "A New Man"
+%
+Riley: But you killed the- You did that thing with that- Uh, you drowned. And the snake! Not to mention... daily... slayage of... Wow.
+Buffy: It's no big, really. Hey, who wants ice cream?
+Riley: Buffy. When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you. Turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of "apocalypse".
+Buffy: [Light-heartedly] Look, if you were fighting since you were fifteen, you'd have a hefty resume too!
+Riley: Fifteen?!
+			--Episode #4.12, "A New Man"
+%
+Spike: And I'm just supposed to help you out of the evilness of my heart?
+Giles: Y-you help me and I-I don't kill you.
+Spike: Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter.
+Giles: Money. I could pay you money.
+Spike: Oh, I like money. How much?
+Giles: A h-hundred dollars.
+Spike: A hundred dollars? You'll have to do a lot better than that. Two hundred.
+			--Episode #4.12, "A New Man"
+%
+Buffy: Will, I think you better get used to- a Twinkie!? That's his lunch? Oh, he is so gonna be punished.
+Willow: [pouty] Everyone's getting spanked but me.
+			--Episode #4.13, "The I in Team"
+%
+Joyce: You don't know the first thing about Buffy. Or me.
+Faith: Don't I? I know what it's like. You think you matter. You think you're a part of something and you get dumped. It's like the whole world is moving but you're stuck. Like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and nobody even sees.
+Joyce: [sounding bored] Were you planning to slit my throat anytime soon?
+Faith: Don't tell me you don't see it, Joyce. You served your purpose. You squirted out the kid, raised her up, and now you might as well be dead! I mean, nobody cares! Nobody remembers! Especially not Buffy-fabulous-super-hero! Sooner or later you're gonna have to face it. She was over us a long time ago, Joyce. [voice rising to a shout] Too busy climbing onto her new boy toy to give a single thought to the people that matter! I mean, you're her mother and she just leaves you here to die!
+Buffy: [Dives in through the window, punches Faith] Hi, Mom!
+Joyce: Hi, honey.
+			--Episode #4.15, "This Year's Girl"
+%
+Spike: You know why I really hate you, Summers?
+Faith: [in Buffy's body] 'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?
+Spike: Well, yeah. That covers a lot of it.
+Faith: [in Buffy's body] 'Cause I could do anything I want and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness. I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? [mockingly] Because it's wrong.
+Spike: I get this chip out, you and me are going to have a confrontation.
+			--Episode #4.16, "Who Are You?"
+%
+[Buffy tries to convince Giles she truly is Buffy, despite being trapped in Faith's body.]
+Buffy [in Faith's body]: Giles, you turned into a demon and I knew it was you. I mean, can't you just look into my eyes and be all intuitive?
+Giles: How did I turn into a demon?
+Buffy [in Faith's body]: Oh! 'cause, uh... Ethan Rayne! And you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school - which is valid, lifestyle-wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker type, but... Oh, oh! When I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. Wh-Do you want me to continue?
+Giles: Actually, I beg you to stop.
+Buffy [in Faith's body]: What's a stevedore?
+			--Episode #4.16, "Who Are You?"
+%
+[Faith, in Buffy's body, enters the church where three vampires are holding the parishioners hostage.]
+Vampire: I told the cops, they send anyone in, I start the whole massacre thing.
+Faith: [in Buffy's body] Well, I'm not the cops. I just came to pray.
+Vampire: Now's a good time to start.
+Faith: [in Buffy's body] You're not going to kill these people.
+Vampire: Why not?
+Faith: [in Buffy's body] [earnestly this time] Because it's wrong.
+Vampire: You're the Slayer.
+Faith: [in Buffy's body] The one and only.
+			--Episode #4.16, "Who Are You?"
+%
+Buffy: But someone could wish the whole world to be different, right? That's... possible?
+Anya: Sure. Alternate realities. You could, uh, could have, like, a world without shrimp, or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make, like, a freaky world where Jonathan's like some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather, if that's what's blowing up your skirt these days. Just don't ask me to live there.
+			--Episode #4.17, "Superstar"
+%
+Buffy: I'm not entirely sure that we can trust our memories. Anya, tell them about the alternate universes.
+Anya: Oh, okay. Say you really like shrimp a lot or we could say you don't like shrimp at all. "Blah, I wish there weren't any shrimp" you'd say to yourself-
+Buffy: Stop! You're saying it wrong. I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he's manipulating the world and we're all, like, his pawns.
+Anya: Or prawns.
+Buffy: Stop with the shrimp! I'm trying to do something here.
+			--Episode #4.17, "Superstar"
+%
+Buffy: Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?
+Giles: No... Yes... it was a gift.
+			--Episode #4.17, "Superstar"
+%
+Riley: These spells, they really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out? Or... learn to excrete gold coins.
+Anya: That one's not so much fun.
+Willow: They work, Riley, but they take concentration. Being attuned with the forces of the universe.
+Xander: Right, you can't just go librum incendere and expect --
+[The book catches on fire; Xander closes it rapidly.]
+Giles: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.
+			--Episode #4.17, "Superstar"
+%
+[When Buffy and Riley are attacked by a vampire-demon tag-team.]
+Buffy: Okay, you get Fangs, I'll get Horny. I mean...
+			--Episode #4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are"
+%
+Xander: Buffy and Riley are trapped.
+Anya: So? She's a Slayer, he's a big soldier boy. What do they need you for?
+Xander: Anya, look around: there's ghosts and shaking and people are going all Felicity with their hair. We're fresh out of super-people and somebody's gotta go back in there. Now, who's with me?
+Spike: I am. I know I'm not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once, and I don't fancy a single one of you at all, but... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. [walks off.] I wonder if Asian House is open.
+			--Episode #4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are"
+%
+[Giles is singing and playing "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who at an espresso bar. Anya, Willow, Xander and Tara watch from the door, amazed. All three girls are riveted; Willow's and Anya's mouths are hanging open.]
+Anya: Oh.
+Willow: Wow.
+Xander: Um, could we go back to the haunted house? Cause, this is creeping me out.
+Tara: Does he do this a lot?
+Xander: [sarcastic.] Sure. Every day the earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.
+Willow: Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him.
+Tara: Well, he is pretty good.
+Anya: His voice is... pleasant.
+Xander: [incredulous.] What?!
+Willow: Oh, come on, he is kinda sexy.
+Xander: I'm fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fueling the fire, please.
+			--Episode #4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are"
+%
+Giles: When you called to Buffy and Riley didn't cry out or respond in any way.
+Anya: No, they're probably dead.
+Xander: Unless they're too busy doing it to answer.
+Giles: Doing what?
+Xander: You know, for a god of acoustic rock you're... kind of naive.
+Giles: I didn't think you meant... In the midst of all that? Do you really think they were keeping it up?
+[long awkward pause]
+Giles: Oh, for different phrasing.
+			--Episode #4.18, "Where the Wild Things Are"
+%
+Buffy: Zippo. Patrol has been totally uneventful. My kill count's way down.
+Willow: [to Tara] She means that there's been less bad guy activity.
+Giles: And we know what that often indicates.
+Xander: Buffy doesn't make her quota. Bad Slayer!
+			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
+%
+Buffy: Oz isn't a demon. Something happened to him that wasn't his fault. I never knew you were such a bigot!
+Riley: I'm not. I'm just saying it's a little strange to date someone who tries to eat you once a month!
+			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
+%
+Willow: [Speaking of Oz's return] It's complicated...because of Tara.
+Buffy: You mean Tara has a crush on Oz? No... [suddenly realizes Willow is in love with Tara] Oh!!
+			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
+%
+Willow: I don't want to hurt anyone, Buffy.
+Buffy: No matter what, somebody's going to get hurt. And the important thing is, you just have to be honest or it's going to be a lot worse.
+			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
+%
+Spike: The thing about the Slayer is she is a whiny little thing, but when it comes to fighting she does have a slight tendency to win.
+			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
+%
+Willow: No candles? I brought one. It's... extra flamey. [beat] Tara, I have to tell you...
+Tara: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love. [beat]
+Willow: [looks a bit hurt, then smiles] I am.
+			--Episode #4.19, "New Moon Rising"
+%
+Willow: Crack a government encrypted code on my laptop? Easy as really difficult pie.
+Spike: You're not exactly the wiz these days either. God, I'm never going to get paid.
+Willow: I am a wiz.
+Tara: She is a wiz.
+Willow: If ever a wiz there was.
+			--Episode #4.20, "The Yoko Factor"
+%
+Xander: You and Willow go do the superpower thing. I'll stay behind and putter around the bat cave with crusty old Alfred here.
+Giles: Ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had a job.
+			--Episode #4.20, "The Yoko Factor"
+%
+Xander: Maybe that all changes when I'm off doin' sit-ups in Fort Dix!
+Giles: Fort Dix? [begins to giggle hysterically]
+Buffy: Are you drunk?
+Giles: [finishes laughing] Yes, quite a bit, actually.
+Buffy: Well, stop it!!
+			--Episode #4.20, "The Yoko Factor"
+%
+Xander: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell, and...then I do a spell by myself.
+			--Episode #4.22, "Restless"
+%
+[During Xander's dream, he and Principal Snyder parody "Apocalypse Now."]
+Principal Snyder as Colonel Kurtz: Where are you from, Harris?
+Xander as Captain Willard: Well, the basement, mostly.
+Principal Snyder as Colonel Kurtz: Were you born there?
+Xander as Captain Willard: Possibly.
+			--Episode #4.22, "Restless"
+%
+Tara: [speaking for The First Slayer] I have no speech, no name. I live in the action of death. The blood cry, the penetrating wound. I am destruction, absolute, alone.
+			--Episode #4.22, "Restless"
+%
+Buffy: So let me get this straight. You're... Dracula. The guy. The Count.
+Dracula: I am.
+Buffy: And you're sure this isn't just some fanboy thing? Because... I've fought more than a couple of pimply overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat.
+			--Episode #5.1, "Buffy vs. Dracula"
+%
+Riley: What can you tell me about Dracula?
+Spike: Dracula? [scoffs] Poncy bugger owes me £11, for one thing.
+			--Episode #5.1, "Buffy vs. Dracula"
+%
+Xander: Where is he?! Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?
+Buffy: He's gone.
+Xander: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap! I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!
+Buffy: Check. No more butt-monkey.
+			--Episode #5.1, "Buffy vs. Dracula"
+%
+[as the mist coalesces into Dracula, Buffy re-stakes him.]
+Buffy: You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back.
+[Dracula turns to dust again, but the mist begins to reform on the ground]
+Buffy: I'm standing right here!
+[The mist dissipates completely this time]
+			--Episode #5.1, "Buffy vs. Dracula"
+%
+[Xander and Anya are playing Life with Dawn.]
+Anya: Crap! Look at this. I'm burdened with a husband, and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage…
+Xander: That means you're winning.
+Anya: Really?
+Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
+Anya: Oh! [claps] I'm so pleased! Can I trade in the children for more cash?
+			--Episode #5.2, "Real Me"
+%
+[Buffy, having killed Harmony's vampire minions, grabs an ax to cut Dawn free from her chains.]
+Buffy: You are going to be in so much trouble when we get home! [swings ax]
+Dawn: Yeah, well, I'm telling Mom you slayed in front of me.
+Buffy: Fine! I'll just tell her that you ran out of the house in the middle of the night! [swings ax] That you got Anya hurt! [swings ax] Invited a vampire in! [swings ax] Got kidnapped! ...
+			--Episode #5.2, "Real Me"
+%
+[Giles and Buffy tour the magic shop Giles is about to buy]
+Buffy: Giles, are you sure about this?
+Giles: Why wouldn't I be?
+Buffy: Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer... and have you ever run a store before?
+Giles: I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they don't return. It'll give me focus, increase my resources. And it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours. There may even be some space for you to train in the back.
+Buffy: Boy, you've really thought this through... How bored were you last year?
+Giles: I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.
+[Buffy breaks out laughing as she follows Giles into a back room]
+			--Episode #5.2, "Real Me"
+%
+Buffy: Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z — from 'axe' to... 'zee other axe'.
+			--Episode #5.3, "The Replacement"
+%
+Anya: Well maybe we shouldn't do this re-integration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home and we can all have sex together, and then, you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning.
+Cool Xander: She's joking.
+Loser Xander: No she's not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together, which is wrong and... and it would be very confusing.
+Giles: We just need to arrange the candles; also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.
+Willow: Check. Candles and pretense.
+			--Episode #5.3, "The Replacement"
+%
+Buffy: Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say. Go home.
+Spike: It's blood. It's what I do!
+			--Episode #5.4, "Out of My Mind"
+%
+Buffy: [pulls a glowing orb out of her bag] What the hell is it?
+Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin.
+Willow: How can you tell?
+Giles: Well, it's so shiny.
+			--Episode #5.5, "No Place Like Home"
+%
+Anya: [to a customer who just finished her purchase] Please go.
+Xander: Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They wanted me to tell you that "Please go" just got replaced with "Have a nice day."
+Anya: But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
+Xander: No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it.
+			--Episode #5.5, "No Place Like Home"
+%
+Buffy: What are you doing here? [Spike begins to answer] Five words or less.
+Spike: [Pauses, then, counting on his fingers] Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
+Buffy: Out for a walk by my house at night. I don't have time for this, William.
+Spike: On your merry way, then. Contrary to one's self involved world view, your house happens to be directly between... parts and... other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my burst into flames phase.
+			--Episode #5.5, "No Place Like Home"
+%
+Tara: You learn her source [grins] and, uh, we'll introduce her to her insect reflection.
+[Everyone stares in confusion. Tara stops smiling.]
+Tara: Um, that-that was funny if you, um, studied Taglarin mythic rites… [quietly] and are a complete dork.
+Riley: Oh, then how come Xander didn't laugh?
+Xander: I don't know that Taglarin stuff.
+			--Episode #5.6, "Family"
+%
+Giles: You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.
+Xander: Well, we don't really know what kind of things witches like. What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
+Giles: You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.
+			--Episode #5.6, "Family"
+%
+Mr. Maclay: This is insane. You people have no right to interfere with Tara's affairs. We are her blood kin! Who the hell are you?
+Buffy: We're family.
+			--Episode #5.6, "Family"
+%
+Xander: [re: Riley’s commando hand movements] What's with the hand move? D’you see that? Does that, like, mean somethin’?
+Willow: It's code. I think it breaks down to "choo-choo." [mimics pulling a train whistle]
+Anya: It probably means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.
+Xander: Hey Riley! What's the [Mimics gesture] all about?
+Riley: It means yell real loud, so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.
+			--Episode #5.7, "Fool for Love"
+%
+Buffy: Look, I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto. If there were just a few good descriptions of what took out the other Slayers, maybe it would help me to understand my mistake, to keep it from happening again.
+Giles [uncomfortable with the topic]: Yes, well, the problem is after a final battle, it's difficult to get any... well, the Slayer's not... she's rather...
+Buffy: It's OK to use the D-word, Giles.
+			--Episode #5.7, "Fool for Love"
+%
+Xander: Am I right, Giles?
+Giles: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.
+			--Episode #5.8, "Shadow"
+%
+Anya: Hey. Hey! HEY! HEY!!!
+Giles: Anya, your "heys" are startling the customers.
+Xander: And pretty much the state!
+Anya: You sold somebody a Kohl's amulet and a Sobekian bloodstone!
+Giles: Yes, I believe I did.
+Anya: Are you stupid or something?
+Giles: Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
+Xander: She's kidding. An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five.
+			--Episode #5.8, "Shadow"
+%
+Xander: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.
+Anya: Great! Thank you very much for those nightmares.
+			--Episode #5.8, "Shadow"
+%
+Dr. Kriegel: Joyce, there's no reason to get upset.
+Joyce: No reason to get upset? Oh, right, sorry, I must just think there is because of my brain tumor!
+			--Episode #5.9, "Listening to Fear"
+%
+Xander: Look at how teeny Mercury is compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas in contrast, the cars of the same name...
+Giles: Xander, please, we have work to do.
+Xander: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
+Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space... I did not just say that.
+			--Episode #5.9, "Listening to Fear"
+%
+Dawn: Alone time always translates into let's get Dawn out of the house so we can have loud, obnoxious sex.
+Anya: [to Xander] Does that mean we can't?
+			--Episode #5.10, "Into the Woods"
+%
+Anya: That's so very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon! I can just hear you in private: [speaking to a chicken foot] "I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal."
+Willow: Anya, I don't say that. No one says that. No one talks that way.
+			--Episode #5.10, "Into the Woods"
+%
+Xander: [to Anya] I've gotta say something, 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move. I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life... like a man. I just thought you might like to know.
+			--Episode #5.10, "Into the Woods"
+%
+Willow: We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens, but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
+Tara: I said "quirky."
+			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
+%
+Giles: Um, Anya, while, while I completely trust you uh, uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um ... dealing with people requires a certain, uh ... finesse.
+Anya: [angrily] I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and-and bribe him with money and goods.
+			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
+%
+Xander: So, uh, think I should run and get Buffy?
+Olaf: Barmaid, bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
+Xander: I'm gonna run and get Buffy. Or maybe you could fight him.
+Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.
+			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
+%
+Willow: Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like, like... trying to hit a puppy by throwing a live bee at it. Which is a weird image and you should all just forget it.
+Anya: It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.
+Tara: There's a world without shrimp? [pause] I-I'm allergic.
+			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
+%
+Giles: I cringe to think what the place would have looked like if I'd been away for longer than three days.
+Buffy: Well, maybe we would have had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help.
+Giles: Yes, 'cause nothing could possibly go wrong with that.
+			--Episode #5.11, "Triangle"
+%
+Tara: W-what's so bad about them coming here? Aren't they good guys? I mean, watchers: that's just like other Giles-es, right?
+Buffy: Yeah, they're scary and horrible!
+			--Episode #5.12, "Checkpoint"
+%
+Buffy: I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why. Power. I have it. They don't. This bothers them. Glory ... came to my home today.
+Giles: [alarmed] Buffy, are you-
+Buffy: Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn't. She came into my home, and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives some semblance of meaning.
+			--Episode #5.12, "Checkpoint"
+%
+Buffy: Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.
+Quentin Travers: Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon.
+Buffy: What is she?
+Quentin: She's a god.
+Buffy: Oh.
+			--Episode #5.12, "Checkpoint"
+%
+Willow: Well, you know what they say, the bigger they are-
+Anya: The faster they stomp you into nothing.
+			--Episode #5.13, "Blood Ties"
+%
+Buffy: Are you okay? Did she hurt you?
+Dawn: Why do you care?
+Buffy: Because I love you, you're my sister.
+Dawn: No I'm not.
+Buffy: Yes you are. [holds Dawn's hand] It's blood, Summers blood, it's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or how you got here, you are my sister. There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.
+			--Episode #5.13, "Blood Ties"
+%
+Buffy: How was school today?
+Dawn: The usual, big square building filled with boredom and despair.
+Buffy: Just how I remember it.
+			--Episode #5.13, "Blood Ties"
+%
+Xander: The point is, I work hard for that money.
+Spike: And you're saying I didn't?
+Xander: You stole it.
+Spike: And you're making it into very hard work!
+			--Episode #5.14, "Crush"
+%
+Buffy: Spike, finish the story you were telling my little sister.
+Spike: Right, so I knew the little girl was in the coal bin so I ripped it open very violently... and gave her to a nice family where they were never ever mean to her and didn't lock her in a coal bin.
+			--Episode #5.14, "Crush"
+%
+Buffy: What... is this? The late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects, the flask? Is this a date?
+Spike: A d-Please! A date? You are completely off your bird! I mean... do you want it to be?
+			--Episode #5.14, "Crush"
+%
+Tara: Well, I-I go online sometimes, but… everyone's spelling is really bad. It's… depressing.
+			--Episode #5.15, "I Was Made to Love You"
+%
+Buffy: I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.
+			--Episode #5.15, "I Was Made to Love You"
+%
+Giles: A fourteen-year-old is too old to be babysat, it's not fair to her.
+Buffy: What'd she make you do?
+Giles: Well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance, and we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
+			--Episode #5.15, "I Was Made to Love You"
+%
+Xander: How you doin' there, Will? Are you in the vomit club, too?
+Willow: [groans] I had too much nog.
+Tara: Oh, baby. Want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I... uh, s-stop explaining things.
+			--Episode #5.16, "The Body"
+%
+Anya: I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.
+Xander: The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop.
+Tara: There's a Santa Claus?
+Anya: Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney — all true.
+Dawn: All true?
+Anya: Well, he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as, you know, disembowel children. But otherwise...
+Tara: The reindeer part was nice.
+			--Episode #5.16, "The Body"
+%
+Anya: Don't you like television? I thought all children despise effort and enjoy cartoons.
+			--Episode #5.17, "Forever"
+%
+Buffy: [about a ritual] So, how's it start?
+Giles: I, uh, jump out of the circle and I jump back in it and then um, I shake my gourd.
+Buffy: I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around!
+Giles: [affecting annoyance] Go quest.
+[Giles sighs, then reluctantly jumps out of the circle, jumps back in, and shakes his gourd.]
+Buffy: And that's what it's all about.
+			--Episode #5.18, "Intervention"
+%
+Tara: Everyone, before we jump all over her, people do strange things when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I did some pretty dumb stuff like lying to my family and staying out all night.
+Anya: Buffy's boinking Spike.
+[Willow and Tara are left speechless for a moment.]
+Willow: Oh. Tara's right. Grief can be powerful, and we shouldn't judge—
+Tara: What are you, kidding? She's nuts!
+			--Episode #5.18, "Intervention"
+%
+Xander: No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sorta compact but well-muscled.
+Buffy: I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be!
+			--Episode #5.18, "Intervention"
+%
+Xander: Whatever you choose, you've got my support. Just think of me as... as your... You know, I'm searching for supportive things and I'm coming up all bras. So, something slightly more manly, think of me as that.
+			--Episode #5.19, "Tough Love"
+%
+Spike: I'm a vampire. I know something about evil. You're not evil.
+Dawn: Maybe I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good.
+Spike: Well, I'm not good, and I'm alright.
+			--Episode #5.19, "Tough Love"
+%
+Willow: Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is.
+			--Episode #5.19, "Tough Love"
+%
+Spike: So you're saying that a powerful and mightily pissed off witch was planning on going and spilling herself a few pints of God blood until you, what, explained?
+Buffy: No, I told Willow it would be like suicide.
+Spike: I'd do it. Right person, person I loved, I'd do it.
+			--Episode #5.19, "Tough Love"
+%
+[On the run from Glory, Giles calms the gang while they wait for Buffy to bring transportation.]
+Giles: Look, everything will be alright. We just need to stay here, calm. As soon as Buffy arrives—
+[A boxy, beaten-up mobile home pulls up to pick them up.]
+Giles: ... we'll feel oddly worse.
+			--Episode #5.20, "Spiral"
+%
+Glory: Any last words?
+Buffy: Just one. Truck.
+			--Episode #5.20, "Spiral"
+%
+Dawn: Destroyer of the universe. Guess cutting school doesn't seem so bad now, huh.
+			--Episode #5.20, "Spiral"
+%
+Young Buffy: Do you like dolls?
+Willow: No, and I think we already deja'd this vu.
+Young Buffy: You talk funny.
+Willow: Yes, as you will tell me again when we are older and in chem class.
+			--Episode #5.21, "The Weight of the World"
+%
+Xander: Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? Why couldn't it be like a-a lymph ritual or something?
+Spike: 'Cause it's always got to be blood.
+Xander: We're not actually discussing dinner right now.
+Spike: Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. 'Course it's her blood.
+			--Episode #5.22, "The Gift"
+%
+Buffy: This is how many apocalypses for us now?
+Giles: Oh, uh, six at least. Feels like a hundred.
+Buffy: I've always beaten them. Always won.
+Giles: Yes.
+Buffy: I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much, but I knew what was right. I don't have that anymore. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world, if these are the choices, if everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish- I just wish my mom was here.
+			--Episode #5.22, "The Gift"
+%
+Buffy: Dawn, listen to me, listen. I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles... tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world-is to live in it. Be brave. Live... for me.
+			--Episode #5.22, "The Gift"
+%
+               ----------------
+              /                \
+             /                  \
+            /                    \
+           /                      \
+          /                        \
+          |   BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS   |
+          |       1980-2001        |
+          |     BELOVED SISTER     |
+          |     BELOVED FRIEND     |
+          |  SHE SAVED THE WORLD   |
+          |         A LOT          |
+          |                        |
+         *|     *  *  *       *    | *
+_________)/\\_//(\/(/\)/\//\/|_)/\//)_______
+%
+Tara: You found the last known Urn of Osiris on eBay?
+Anya: Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo. He drove a really hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw in a limited-edition Backstreet Boys lunch box for -
+[Xander coughs and glares at Anya]
+Anya: - a friend.
+[Tara smiles knowingly at Xander]
+			--Episode #6.1, "Bargaining, Part One"
+%
+Xander: Scenario: We raise Buffy from the grave. She tries to eat our brains. Do we: a) congratulate ourselves on a job well done-
+Willow: Xander, this isn't zombies.
+Anya: And zombies don't eat brains anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie master. A lot of people get that wrong.
+			--Episode #6.1, "Bargaining, Part One"
+%
+Giles: [sadly] I just can't help but wonder if... she would have been better off without me. Buffy.
+Buffybot: I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her.
+Giles: [laughs bitterly] Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do - got my Slayer killed in the line of duty.
+Buffybot: Oh, that wasn't your fault.
+Giles: Of course not. That's how all Slayer-Watcher relationships end, isn't it? She's gone. I did my job.
+Buffybot: [innocently] Then why are you still here?
+			--Episode #6.1, "Bargaining, Part One"
+%
+Xander: I know we've been going straight because I've been following the North Star.
+Willow: Xander, that's not the North Star, it's an airplane.
+			--Episode #6.2, "Bargaining, Part Two"
+%
+Xander: Demons, ah. There's something you don't see every day. Unless you're us.
+			--Episode #6.2, "Bargaining, Part Two"
+%
+Buffy: How long was I gone?
+Spike: Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it? [Pause] How long was it where you were?
+Buffy: ...Longer.
+			--Episode #6.3, "After Life"
+%
+[Willow has called Giles to tell him about Buffy's resurrection.]
+Tara: Did you get through to London?
+Willow: Yeah. He's gonna head back as soon as he can. I'm not sure, like maybe a couple days.
+Tara: How did he take it?
+Willow: Um, I'm not sure. I mean... glad, but kinda weirded out? Which I get, you know. Lots of "Dear Lords". And I think I actually heard him clean his glasses.
+			--Episode #6.3, "After Life"
+%
+Spike: [to Buffy] Uh ... I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I had done that ... even if I didn't make it ... you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but ... after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again ... do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways ... Every night I'd save you.
+			--Episode #6.3, "After Life"
+%
+Buffy: I don't really know how to say this, but it's a little like having Mom back.
+Giles: In this scenario I am your mother?
+Buffy: Wanna be my shiftless absentee father?
+Giles: Is there some sort of, um, rakish uncle?
+Buffy: I'm just saying, thank you. So much.
+			--Episode #6.5, "Life Serial"
+%
+Giles: Buffy, a word in your ear. If you think of the store as a library, it'll help you concentrate on your service rather than selling.
+Buffy: Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam.
+Giles: [Cleaning his glasses and not really listening] Yes, quite, yes.
+			--Episode #6.5, "Life Serial"
+%
+Dawn: So what are you supposed to be?
+Anya: An angel.
+Dawn: Oh, shouldn't you have wings?
+Anya: Um, no, this is a special kind of angel called a Charlie. We don't have wings, we just skate around with perfect hair fighting crime.
+			--Episode #6.6, "All the Way"
+%
+Buffy: What happened to Xander?
+Giles: He kept poking me with his hook. I sent him over to Charmed Objects. With any luck, he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a fifty-foot Giles that squishes annoying teeny pirates.
+			--Episode #6.6, "All the Way"
+%
+[Xander has announced his engagement to Anya; the two are kissing with uncomfortable intensity.]
+Buffy: [softly] Did you know about this?
+Giles: No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue.
+[Giles takes off his glasses and cleans them on his shirt]
+Buffy: [shocked] Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you won't have to see what we're doing?
+Giles: Tell no one.
+			--Episode #6.6, "All the Way"
+%
+Dawn: [after her first kiss] Shiver me timbers.
+Justin: That was your first kiss.
+Dawn: I've been kissed before. I kiss all the time, not that I'm a kiss slut. Just with the lips and the pressing together and stuff. Hey, expert here! OK, OK, that was my first kiss.
+			--Episode #6.6, "All the Way"
+%
+Giles: Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing. Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With... glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.
+			--Episode #6.8, "Tabula Rasa"
+%
+Spike/Randy: I must be a vampire with a soul. I'm a good guy on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless!
+Buffy/Joan: A vampire with a soul? Oh, my God! How lame is that?
+			--Episode #6.8, "Tabula Rasa"
+%
+[Buffy/Joan stakes her first vampire.]
+Tara: What did you just do?
+Buffy/Joan: I-I don't know. But it was cool. I think I know why Joan's the boss! I'm like a... superhero or something!
+			--Episode #6.8, "Tabula Rasa"
+%
+Willow: I know, Xander engaged, I couldn't believe it either.
+Amy: That's so weird... so what's she like?
+Willow: Thousand year old capitalist ex-demon with rabbit phobia.
+Amy: That's so his type.
+			--Episode #6.9, "Smashed"
+%
+Amy: Everything feels weird. I mean, it's like ... I felt like I was in that cage for weeks! [Willow looks nervous] But it can still be OK ... right? I-I can still get into the swing of things, like ... prom's coming up. I-I'm so hoping Larry would ask me. We would make such a splash at... [sees Willow's expression] Oh. Oh, God. [sighs, anxiously] He hasn't asked someone else, has he?
+Willow: Uh, Amy ... three things we have to talk about. One, Larry's gay. [Amy stares] Two, Larry's dead. And three, high school's ... kinda over.
+Amy: How long was I in the cage? [Willow is afraid to answer] How long?!
+			--Episode #6.9, "Smashed"
+%
+Buffy: Hey... how've you been?
+Amy: Rat. You?
+Buffy: Dead.
+Amy: Oh.
+			--Episode #6.9, "Smashed"
+%
+Tara: So, uh, the burger was good, you liked it?
+Dawn: Are you kidding, it was like a meat party in my mouth! ...Okay, now I'm just a kid and even I know that came out wrong.
+			--Episode #6.10, "Wrecked"
+%
+Dawn: Candles! We can't have candles?
+Buffy: Dawn, it's magic clearance, everything must go.
+Dawn: But they're just candles.
+Buffy: Yeah, well, to you and me they're just candles, but to witches they're like... bongs.
+			--Episode #6.11, "Gone"
+%
+[Buffy attempts to find out the secret ingredient of Doublemeat burgers.]
+Buffy: Sorry, I was just curious.
+Manny the Manager: Curiosity killed the cat.
+Buffy: [whispers] Theory number 5: cat burgers.
+			--Episode #6.12, "Doublemeat Palace"
+%
+Anya: Xander, he-he's very kind, and brave, and he has the sweetest smile and the nicest body, and... he loves me. Sometimes it isn't easy, but he does.
+Halfrek: Who told you that it isn't easy to love you?
+Anya: Well... you know, sometimes I'll do something or say something, and then he has to say stuff like, "It is incorrect for you to appreciate money so much," or-or, "Observe: here is how a real human would behave."
+Halfrek: Oh, so he corrects you?
+			--Episode #6.12, "Doublemeat Palace"
+%
+Xander: Good job, Will! Those aren't, like, potions, are they?
+Willow: No. No potions. It's not magic, it's... chemistry. You can tell by how damn slow it is.
+			--Episode #6.12, "Doublemeat Palace"
+%
+Willow: These things just made you think you killed her.
+Xander: She was probably dead long before you stumbled across her.
+Buffy: It wasn't the demons. It was Warren. He knew Katrina. He had something to do with it, I know it.
+Willow: How can you be sure?
+Buffy: You always hurt the one you love.
+			--Episode #6.13, "Dead Things"
+%
+[Spike's attempt to get intimate with Buffy is interrupted by Tara's arrival.]
+Spike: I had a... muscle cramp. Buffy was, uh, helping.
+Tara: A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
+Spike: What? It's a thing.
+			--Episode #6.14, "Older and Far Away"
+%
+Willow: You know, when I was little I used to spend hours imagining what my wedding to Xander would be like. And now I look at them and just think... he-he-he!
+			--Episode #6.15, "As You Were"
+%
+[Buffy's former flame Riley has returned to Sunnydale with a wife.]
+Willow: Just so you know, I'm prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
+Buffy: Thanks, but no. I don't wanna seem all petty.
+Willow: Well, that's the beauty. You can't, but I can. Please. Let me carry the hate for the both of us.
+Buffy: Go nuts.
+			--Episode #6.15, "As You Were"
+%
+Anya: [practicing her wedding vows] I, Anya, promise to... love you, to cherish you, to honor you, but not to obey you, of course, because that's anachronistic and misogynistic and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or something?
+			--Episode #6.16, "Hell's Bells"
+%
+D'Hoffryn: Oh. Hymen's greetings.
+Dawn: Hi–what?
+D'Hoffryn: Hymen. The god of matrimony. His salutations upon you. May the love we celebrate today avoid an almost inevitable decline.
+Dawn: Cool.
+			--Episode #6.16, "Hell's Bells"
+%
+Anya: I, Anya, promise to cherish you. Yeah, no, not cherish. Um, I promise to have sex with you whenever I want, and uh, uh, pledge to be your friend, your wife, and your confidante, and your sex poodle-
+Tara: Uh, "sex poodle"?
+			--Episode #6.16, "Hell's Bells"
+%
+[As Xander wanders the streets in the rain, Anya recites a final version]
+Anya: I, Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because... I love you, and I'll always love you. And, before I knew you, I was like a completely different person. N-not even a person, really. And I'd seen what love could do to people, and it was... hurt, and sadness. A-alone was better. And then, suddenly, there was you! And-and you knew me. You saw me. And it was this... thing. You make me feel safe and warm, so, I... get it now. I finally get love, Xander! I really do.
+			--Episode #6.16, "Hell's Bells"
+%
+Doctor: In her mind, she's the central figure in a fantastic world beyond imagination. She's surrounded herself with friends, most with their own superpowers. Together they face grand, overblown conflicts against an assortment of monsters, both imaginary and rooted in actual myth.
+			--Episode #6.17, "Normal Again"
+%
+Doctor: Buffy, you used to create these grand villains to battle against. And now what is it? Just ordinary students you went to high school with. No gods or monsters, just three pathetic little men... who like playing with toys.
+Buffy: 'Cause what's more real? A sick girl in an institution, or some kind of supergirl, chosen to fight demons and save the world? That's ridiculous. A girl who sleeps with the vampire she hates?!? Yeah, that makes sense.
+			--Episode #6.17, "Normal Again"
+%
+Buffy: Then I was like... No, it wasn't like, I was in an institution. There were, um, doctors, and nurses and other patients, they told me that I was sick... I guess crazy. And that, um, Sunnydale and all of this, none of it was real.
+Xander: Oh, come on, that's ridiculous! What, you think this isn't real just because of all the vampires, and demons, and ex-vengeance demons, and the sister that used to be a big ball of universe-destroying energy?
+			--Episode #6.17, "Normal Again"
+%
+Anya: I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut!
+Xander: They are.
+Anya: Really? [brightening] Right now? Does it hurt?
+Xander: God, yes. It hurts so bad it's killing me. Anya, I love you. I want to make this work.
+Anya: Those are... metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain!
+			--Episode #6.18, "Entropy"
+%
+Anya: You're lesbians, so the hating of men will come in handy. Let's talk about Xander.
+Tara: Well, it's-it's really not so much about hating the men.
+Willow: We're more centered around the girl-on-girl action.
+Anya: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander!
+			--Episode #6.18, "Entropy"
+%
+Buffy: I don't think he could feel any worse.
+Anya: Let's test that theory.
+Buffy: Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong, and if it happened to me, I'd-
+Anya: Wish his penis would explode?
+			--Episode #6.18, "Entropy"
+%
+Tara: Things fall apart, they fall apart so hard.
+Willow: Tara?
+Tara: You can't ever... put 'em back the way they were...
+Willow: Are you okay?
+Tara: I'm sorry, it's just... [sigh] you know it takes time. You can't just... have coffee and expect—
+Willow: I know.
+Tara: There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides... You have to learn if... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long... important process, and... can we just skip it? Can... can you just be kissing me now?
+			--Episode #6.18, "Entropy"
+%
+Willow: Mmm, I forgot how good this could feel. Us. Together. Without the magic.
+Tara: There was plenty of magic.
+			--Episode #6.19, "Seeing Red"
+%
+Warren: It was an accident, you know.
+Dark Willow: Oh. You mean, instead of killing my best friend you killed my girlfriend.
+Warren: It wasn't personal, that's all.
+Dark Willow: Well this is.
+			--Episode #6.20, "Villains"
+%
+Dark Willow: Bored now.
+			--Episode #6.20, "Villains"
+%
+Dark Willow: Let me tell you something about Willow. She's a loser. Always has been. She got picked on through junior high, high school, right up until college. With her stupid mousy ways. And now? [laughs bitterly] Willow's a junkie. The only thing Willow was ever good for...the only thing I ever had going for me were those moments...just moments...where Tara would look at me and I was wonderful. And that will never happen again.
+			--Episode #6.21, "Two to Go"
+%
+Dark Willow: The Slayer thing really isn't about the violence. It's about the power. And there's no one in the world who has the power to stop me now.
+[Dark Willow gets hit by a powerful spell]
+Giles: I'd like to test that theory.
+			--Episode #6.21, "Two to Go"
+%
+Giles: Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is... ask for help when you need it.
+Buffy: Now you tell me.
+			--Episode #6.22, "Grave"
+%
+Xander: First day of kindergarten. You cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion. But the thing is? Yeah. I love you. I loved crayon-breaky Willow and I love ... scary veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you wanna kill the world? Well, then start with me. I've earned that.
+			--Episode #6.22, "Grave"
+%
+Dawn: I'm sorry to disappoint...wait, is that happy crying?
+Buffy: Yes, dummy. You think I wanted the world to end?
+Dawn: I don't know. Didn't you?
+			--Episode #6.22, "Grave"
+%
+Buffy: My first time out, I missed the heart too.
+Dawn: No way.
+Buffy: Just that once.
+			--Episode #7.1, "Lessons"
+%
+Buffy: Stay away from hyena people, or any loser athletes, or if you see anyone who's invisible...
+Dawn: I think it's pretty safe to say I'm not going to see anyone who's invisible.
+			--Episode #7.1, "Lessons"
+%
+Xander: Sunnydale. Come for the food, stay for the dismemberment.
+Nancy: There's good food?
+			--Episode #7.2, "Beneath You"
+%
+Dawn: Well, if she's doing that—ducking Giles—then, she's evil, right?
+Xander: Well, I've avoided Giles tons of times. Just meant I was lazy, not evil.
+Buffy: I hope you're right, because defeating Lazy Willow — probably less hard.
+			--Episode #7.3, "Same Time, Same Place"
+%
+Spike: William's a good boy. Carries her water, carries her sin. Supposed to get easier, isn't it. Supposed to help to help, but it doesn't. Still so heavy.
+Xander: We should've put a leash on him.
+Buffy: Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire.
+			--Episode #7.3, "Same Time, Same Place"
+%
+Buffy: It's pretty easy. Spike follows the exciting smell of blood and we follow the fairly ripe smell of Spike.
+Dawn: It's smellementary. Also I'm sure there's tunes like this, you know procedures we can use that don't involve magic spells, just good solid detective work. And we can develop a data base of tooth impressions and demon skin samples and I could wear high heels more often.
+Buffy: Wow, that was so close to being empowered.
+Dawn: Everybody loves a slender ankle.
+			--Episode #7.3, "Same Time, Same Place"
+%
+Willow: Have you Googled her yet?
+Xander: Willow! She's 17!
+Willow: It's a search engine.
+			--Episode #7.4, "Help"
+%
+Anya: I uh, I don't talk to people much. I mean, I talk to them, but they don't talk to me. Except to say that "your questions are irksome," or "perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river."
+			--Episode #7.5, "Selfless"
+%
+Xander: You don't understand. This isn't an intervention. Buffy's coming to kill you.
+Anya: She's coming to try.
+Xander [exasperated]: Did everybody have their Crazy Flakes today? You guys are friends! How could you talk like this?
+Anya: I have a job to do. And so does Buffy. Xander, you've always seen what you wanted to but you knew, sooner or later, it would come to this.
+			--Episode #7.5, "Selfless"
+%
+D'Hoffryn: [surveying the fraternity boys Anya killed] Oh, breathtaking! It's like somebody slaughtered an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog.
+			--Episode #7.5, "Selfless"
+%
+Willow: Damn love spell! I have tried every anti-love spell spell I can find.
+Anya: Even if you found the right one, guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love-spell spell... spell.
+Willow: What?
+			--Episode #7.6, "Him"
+%
+[The Scoobies are burning R.J.'s enchanted jacket in Buffy's fireplace.]
+Buffy: Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about slipping that jacket on a little bit?
+Xander: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
+			--Episode #7.6, "Him"
+%
+Holden Webster: Whoa. Did my face just change?
+Buffy: Yeah. You look human now. You can do that. Go back and forth.
+Holden: Oh, so I'm a vampire. [laughs] How weird is that?
+			--Episode #7.7, "Conversations with Dead People"
+%
+Holden: Oh my God!
+Buffy: Oh, your God what?
+Holden: Oh, well, not my God. Because I defy him and all of his works. Does he exist? Is there word on that by the way?
+Buffy: Nothing solid.
+			--Episode #7.7, "Conversations with Dead People"
+%
+Willow: "From beneath you, it devours."
+The First (as Cassie): Oh, not "it"... ME.
+			--Episode #7.7, "Conversations with Dead People"
+%
+Anya: You know you were a lot more fun when you didn't have a soul.
+Spike: Oh, come on now, I've just explained to you...
+Anya: All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and half-way to happyland by now.
+			--Episode #7.8, "Sleeper"
+%
+Spike: [to Buffy] As daft a notion as "Soulful Spike the Killer" is, it is nothing compared to the idea that another girl could mean anything to me. This chip—they did to me. I couldn't help it. But the soul, I got on my own—for you.
+Buffy: I know.
+Spike: So, yeah. I go and pass the time... with someone. But that's all it is is time, 'cause—God, help me, Buffy—it's still all about you.
+			--Episode #7.8, "Sleeper"
+%
+Willow: I am Willow. I am Death. If you dare defy me, I will call down my fury, exact fresh vengeance, and make your worst fears come true! OK?
+			--Episode #7.9, "Never Leave Me"
+%
+Buffy: [to Spike] You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man. And you can be. You are. You may not see it, but I do. I believe in you, Spike.
+			--Episode #7.9, "Never Leave Me"
+%
+Andrew: Man, this place gives me the creeps. It's like in Wonder Woman, issue 297–299.
+Xander: "Catacombs". Yeah, with the skeletons.
+Andrew, Xander: That was cool.
+[Pause]
+Xander: [embarrassed] Move it! This way!
+			--Episode #7.10, "Bring on the Night"
+%
+Willow: Uhm, Buffy? I just.. I-I want you to know that I'm, I'm really sorry for letting you down. You know, here, before with the magic going all "aaah" and me going all "eeeh" and everything getting all "rrrr".
+			--Episode #7.10, "Bring on the Night"
+%
+Buffy: I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. [near sobbing] I'm standing on the mouth of Hell and it is going to swallow me whole. [hardens] And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Well, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now, 'cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts, one by one, until the First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil. And that's us. Any questions?
+			--Episode #7.10, "Bring on the Night"
+%
+Willow: [to Buffy] Are you sure this thing called itself The First?
+Buffy: Pretty sure. It claimed to be the original evil, the one that came before anything else.
+Anya: Please, how many times have I heard that line in my demon days? "I'm so rotten, they don't even have a word for it. I'm bad. Baddy bad bad bad. Does it make you horny?" [everyone stares at her] Or terrified. Whatever.
+			--Episode #7.10, "Bring on the Night"
+%
+[About Andrew.]
+Rona: Um... why is that guy tied to a chair?
+Xander: The question you'll soon be asking is, "Why isn't he gagged?"
+			--Episode #7.11, "Showtime"
+%
+[To the Potential Slayers.]
+Buffy: We need to stick together, okay? We're stronger that way. We cannot afford to fall apart now.
+Andrew: She's right. Where would the Justice League have been if they hadn't put their differences aside to stop the Imperium and his shape-shifting alien horde?
+Buffy: Don't help me.
+			--Episode #7.11, "Showtime"
+%
+Andrew: Plucked from an ordinary life, handed a destiny
+Xander: Say Skywalker, and I smack ya.
+			--Episode #7.12, "Potential"
+%
+Andrew: It's like—well, it's almost like this metaphor for womanhood, isn't it? The sort of flowering that happens when a girl realizes that she's part of a fertile heritage stretching back to Eve, and-
+Xander: I'll pay you to talk about Star Wars again.
+			--Episode #7.12, "Potential"
+%
+Xander: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary.
+			--Episode #7.12, "Potential"
+%
+Buffy: I know. But you should go. This trip is important for the girls, to understand the source of their power, and know how to use it right.
+Giles: I don't think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking. It's frightening and it's difficult. Then, apparently someone told them that the vision quest consists of me driving them to the desert, doing the hokey pokey.. until a spooky rasta mama slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles.
+			--Episode #7.13, "The Killer in Me"
+%
+Giles: Now wait a minute—you think I'm evil... if I bring a group of girls on a camping trip and don't touch them?
+			--Episode #7.13, "The Killer in Me"
+%
+Soldier: Miss Summers! Agent Finn reported that you tried to contact him earlier today.
+Buffy: I knew it! [whispers to Spike] Government conspiracy.
+Soldier: He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We're to provide you anything you need to help Ass-Face here.
+[Spike and Buffy stare at him.]
+Soldier: Those were his exact words, ma'am.
+			--Episode #7.13, "The Killer in Me"
+%
+Lissa: I can't even figure out if I've got the right kind of rope.
+Xander: That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house, or, you know, recreational -- by which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing -- not for tying someone up for sexy, funky fun... In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways.
+			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
+%
+Robin: Well, then, I'd, um, I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. [chuckles] You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it.
+Buffy: Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you.
+Robin: Great. I'll draw up the paperwork.
+			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
+%
+Buffy: [about a date with Principal Wood] Or it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
+Willow: [laughs heartily, then sees Buffy's look] Right, that makes sense too.
+			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
+%
+Buffy: You know, it’s not even that he’s acting that suspicious. It’s just - there he is. On the hell mouth. All day, every day. That’s got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath.
+Willow: Not really a shower.
+Buffy: A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
+			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
+%
+Spike: I should move out. Leave town before it is time for me.
+Buffy: No, you have to stay.
+Spike: You've got another demon fighter now.
+Buffy: That's not why I need you here.
+Spike: Is that right? Why's that, then?
+Buffy: Because I'm not ready for you not to be here.
+			--Episode #7.14, "First Date"
+%
+Spike: Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone.
+Anya: So what?
+Spike: It's my bone! Just drop it.
+			--Episode #7.15, "Get It Done"
+%
+Buffy: Andrew is our... actually, he's our hostage.
+Andrew: I like to think of myself more as a "guest-age".
+			--Episode #7.15, "Get It Done"
+%
+Willow: Oh. Hey. Hi. Well, Buffy, I see our preparations for the... school... pep-dance-cheer-drill-contest are really coming along. "Bring it on!"
+Buffy: Will, it's okay, he knows.
+Willow: Oh, thank God. If I had to explain all these weapons? I had nothing.
+			--Episode #7.15, "Get It Done"
+%
+Robin: Buffy tells me you have been, umm... oh, how shall I put it?... experimenting... [long embarrassed pause] ...with the magics.
+Willow: Oh! Yeah. Oh, nothing too heavy, though. Just the lighter, safer stuff. Uh, if Kennedy asks, her pointy stuff's right there. See you inside. [to Buffy] So much cooler than Snyder!
+Wood: [when Willow left] She really almost destroyed the world?
+Buffy: Yep.
+			--Episode #7.15, "Get It Done"
+%
+Andrew: Come with me now, if you will, gentle viewers. Join me on a new voyage of the mind. A little tale I like to call... Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs.
+			--Episode #7.16, "Storyteller"
+%
+Anya: For God's sakes, Andrew! You've been in here for 30 minutes. What are you doing?
+Andrew: Entertaining and educating.
+Anya: Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us?
+			--Episode #7.16, "Storyteller"
+%
+Buffy: Are you still filming me? Stop!
+Andrew: But it’s a valuable record. An important document for the ages. A Slayer in action.
+Buffy: A nerd in pain. Would they like that? ’cause we could do that.
+			--Episode #7.16, "Storyteller"
+%
+Buffy: [about the school] Situation still normal. Well, or as normal as this school ever sees.
+Robin: So it appears.
+Buffy: Well, no fires, no one's heads going kablooey. And the swing choir and the marching band have gone back to their normal, healthy seething resentment.
+			--Episode #7.17, "Lies My Parents Told Me"
+%
+Buffy: Maybe you're right. Maybe everything is fine.
+Giles: Everything's terrible. Total catastrophe.
+Buffy: Giles, what's wrong?
+Giles: Have you seen the new library? There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen. I - I don't know where to begin, Buffy. I mean, who do we speak to?
+			--Episode #7.17, "Lies My Parents Told Me"
+%
+Andrew: Willow, a call for you from L.A. Somebody named Fred. The guy sounds kind of effeminate.
+			--Episode #7.17, "Lies My Parents Told Me"
+%
+Faith: [to Buffy] You're protecting vampires? Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?
+Buffy: He's with me. He has a soul.
+Faith: Oh, he's like Angel?
+Spike: No!
+Buffy: Sort of.
+Spike: I am nothing like Angel.
+			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
+%
+Caleb: "Drink of this, for it is my blood." You know, I always loved the story of the Last Supper. The body and blood of Christ becoming rich, red wine. I recall, as a boy, though, I couldn't help but think: what would happen if you were at the Last Supper, and you ordered the white? A nice oaky Chardonnay or White Zin. I mean, would he make that out of his lymph or some-all? Never did bring it up. Suppose there was a reason why I never spent too long in one parish. Just looking for answers. Just looking for the Lord in the wrong damn places. Then you showed me the light.
+			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
+%
+Faith: Every guy's got some whack fantasy. Scratch the surface of any granola-type dude - naughty nurses and horny cheerleaders... I figure, if you can't beat 'em—
+Spike: Join 'em.
+Faith: Just don't forget who's on top.
+Spike: That, I suspect, would be you.
+			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
+%
+Xander: I've been through more battles with Buffy than you all can ever imagine. She's stopped everything that's ever come up against her. [Buffy and Faith walk in] She's laid down her life -— literally -— to protect the people around her. This girl has died two times, and she's still standing. You're scared? That's smart. You got questions? You should. But you doubt her motives, you think Buffy's all about the kill, then you take the little bus to battle... I've seen her heart, and this time, not literally. And I'm telling you, right now, she cares more about your lives than you will ever know. You gotta trust her. She's earned it.
+Faith: Damn. I never knew you were that cool.
+Buffy: Well, you always were a little slow.
+			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
+%
+Caleb: [to Faith] Well, you're the other one, aren't you. You're Cain to her Abel. No offense meant to Cain, of course.
+Faith: I never was one for the good book.
+Caleb: Oh, it has its moments.
+			--Episode #7.18, "Dirty Girls"
+%
+Xander: I might need a parrot.
+Willow: Huh?
+Xander: Well, to go with the eyepatch, to really complete the look. I think I still have that costume from Halloween.
+Willow: Yeah, and don't underestimate the impact of a peg leg. Maybe the hospital can hook you up with a nice one. Maybe they have a two-body-parts-for-the-price-of-one kind of deal.
+Xander: Oh, you know what the best part is? No one will ever make me watch "Jaws 3-D" again.
+			--Episode #7.19, "Empty Places"
+%
+Anya: Okay... I know you're all upset... and I, myself, would much rather be sitting at the bedside of my one-eyed ex-fiancé than killing time here with you people in this overcrowded and, might I add, increasingly ripe-smelling basement. And I would be, too, if not for a certain awkward discussion he and I recently had right over there on that cot immediately following some exciting and unexpected breakup sex.
+[The Potentials on the cot awkwardly get off it. Andrew jots down "breakup sex" on the board.]
+			--Episode #7.19, "Empty Places"
+%
+Giles: There's evidence that Caleb may have established a foothold up north.
+Buffy: That's great.
+Giles: I, em, I sent Spike to look into it.
+Buffy: Spike. Is this a mission from which you intend Spike to return alive?
+Giles: Yes. I sent Andrew with him.
+Buffy: Again I ask the question.
+			--Episode #7.19, "Empty Places"
+%
+Anya: And it's automatically you. You really do think you're better than we are.
+Buffy: No, I—
+Anya: But we don't know. We don't know if you're actually better. I mean, you came into the world with certain advantages, sure. I mean, that's the legacy.
+Buffy: I—
+Anya: But you didn't earn it. You didn't work for it. You've never had anybody come up to you and say you deserve these things more than anyone else. They were just handed to you. So that doesn't make you better than us. It makes you luckier than us.
+			--Episode #7.19, "Empty Places"
+%
+Spike: You're a hell of a woman. You're the One, Buffy.
+Buffy: I don't want to be the One.
+Spike: I don't want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear.
+			--Episode #7.20, "Touched"
+%
+Robin: That's exactly what The First does. Finds your Achilles' heel.
+Faith: Nah, it just talked to me. What? It does a heel thing, too?
+Robin: It's a phrase. Your weak spot.
+Faith: Oh. The school thing. I was kind of absent that decade.
+			--Episode #7.20, "Touched"
+%
+Andrew: Hi, everybody. I missed you guys a lot. Sorry we took so long getting back from our mission... But we had to wait out the sun and, well, I think our mission went very well. We rode on Spike's hog, which was very cool, and played some amusing games and, oh, we got some information. But do you know what? I really need to urinate.
+			--Episode #7.20, "Touched"
+%
+The First (as Buffy): I envy them. Isn't that the strangest thing?
+Caleb: Well, it does throw me just a tad. I mean, they're barely more than animals. Feedin' off each other's flesh, it's nauseatin'. But you, you're everywhere. You're in the hearts of little children. You're in the souls of the rich. You're the fire that makes people kill and hate. The fire that will cure the world of weakness. They're just sinners. You are sin.
+The First (as Buffy): I do enjoy your sermons.
+Caleb: And you're in me. Gave me strength no man can have.
+The First (as Buffy): You're the only man strong enough to BE my vessel and I know you feel me, but... I know why they grab at each other. To feel. I want to feel. I want to wrap my hands around some innocent neck and feel it crack.
+Caleb: Amen.
+			--Episode #7.20, "Touched"
+%
+Buffy: I think it's maybe some kind of scythe. The only thing I know for sure is that it made Caleb back off in a hurry.
+Willow: [to Giles] So it's true. Scythe matters.
+			--Episode #7.21, "End of Days"
+%
+Faith: There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together.
+Buffy: Also, you went evil and were killing people.
+Faith: Good point. Also a factor.
+Buffy: But you're right. I mean, like... I guess everyone's alone, but... being a Slayer? There's a burden we can't share.
+Faith: And no one else can feel it... Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.
+Buffy: Takes the edge off.
+Faith: [nods] Comforting.
+			--Episode #7.21, "End of Days"
+%
+Anya: And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die, which they-they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane... and yet here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do! They never... they never quit. So I guess I'll keep fighting too.
+Andrew: That was kind of beautiful. You, you love humans.
+Anya: I do not.
+Andrew: Yes you do. [singing] You love them.
+			--Episode #7.21, "End of Days"
+%
+Guardian: One way or another, it can only mean an end is truly near.
+Caleb: [grabs guardian's head from behind and snaps her neck] I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that last part, on account of her neck snapping and all. Did she say the end is near, or here?
+			--Episode #7.21, "End of Days"
+%
+Buffy: [about Spike] It's different. He's different. He has a soul now... What?
+Angel: That's great! Everyone's got a soul now.
+Buffy: He'll make a difference.
+Angel: You know, I started it. The whole having-a-soul. Before it was... all the cool new thing.
+Buffy: Oh my god, are you twelve?
+Angel: I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me.
+Buffy: You're not getting the brush off. Are you just gonna come here and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?
+Angel: Aha! Boyfriend!
+			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
+%
+Willow: This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, my-girlfriend-has-a-pierced-tongue kind of way.
+			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
+%
+Buffy: So here's the part where you make a choice. What if you could have that power, now? In every generation, one Slayer is born, because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. [points to Willow] This woman... is more powerful than all of them combined. [Willow whimpers] So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the Scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power, can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?
+			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
+%
+Buffy: I love you.
+Spike: No you don't. But thanks for sayin' it.
+			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
+%
+Faith: Looks like the Hellmouth is officially closed for business.
+Giles: There's another one in Cleveland. [everyone stares] Not to spoil the moment.
+			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
+%
+Faith: I just want to sleep, yo, for like a week!
+Dawn: I guess we all could. If we wanted to.
+Willow: Yeah! The First is scrunched, so, what do you think we should do, Buffy?
+Faith: Yeah, you're not the one and only Chosen anymore. Just gotta live like a person. How's that feel?
+Dawn: Yeah, Buffy. What are we going to do now?
+[Buffy begins to flash a happy smile]
+			--Episode #7.22, "Chosen"
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/calvin b/local/share/fortune/calvin
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..914631e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/calvin
@@ -0,0 +1,478 @@
+That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness 
+isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure 
+reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be 
+an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.
+Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?
+Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.
+%
+Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Calvin: Can you make a living playing silly games?
+His Dad: Actually, you can be among the most overpaid people on the 
+         planet.
+%
+If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it 
+again.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no 
+real application in life.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the 
+best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for 
+principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any 
+whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into 
+principles!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists 
+elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Calvin: Know what I pray for?
+Hobbes: What?
+Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what 
+        I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.
+%
+I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to 
+seriously re-examine your life.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He 
+demands sacrifice!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Hobbes: What would you call the creation of the universe?  
+Calvin: The Horrendous Space Kablooie!
+%
+If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, 
+then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Who wouldn't be interested in everything we do?!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each 
+other's dreams, we can play together all night.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen 
+...
+		-- Hobbes
+%
+You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+YAAH! DEATH TO OATMEAL!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my 
+life ... Procrastinating and rationalizing.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Reality continues to ruin my life.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my 
+thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.
+Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.
+%
+I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Is it a right to remain ignorant?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less 
+distraction.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Miss Wormwood: What state do you live in?  
+Calvin: Denial.  
+Miss Wormwood: I don't suppose I can argue with that...
+%
+What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if 
+nobody ever asks to see 'em?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+My life needs a rewind/erase button.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely
+pointless.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't 
+help.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a 
+cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really 
+comprehend the magnitude of it.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Susie: You'd get a good grade without doing any work.
+Calvin: So?
+Susie: It's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned.
+Calvin: I've never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that.
+%
+If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+"MOM, CAN I SET FIRE TO MY BED MATTRESS?" "No, Calvin." "CAN I RIDE MY 
+TRICYCLE ON THE ROOF?" "No, Calvin." "Then can I have a cookie?" "No, 
+Calvin." ("She's on to me.")
+%
+I like to say "quark"! Quark, quark, quark, quark!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the 
+slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+For your information, I'm staying like this, and everyone else can just 
+get used to it! If people don't like me the way I am, well TOUGH BEANS! 
+It's a free country! I don't need anyone's permission to be the way I 
+want! This is how I am - Take it or leave it!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Know what I pray for? The strength to change what I can, the inability 
+to accept what I can't and the incapacity to tell the difference.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+As usual, goodness hardly puts up a fight.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+If we don't all watch the same TV, what will keep our culture 
+homogeneous?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+My behaviour is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic 
+co-dependency. I need holistic healing and wellness before I'll accept 
+any responsibility for my actions.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+My family is dysfunctional and my parents won't empower me. 
+Consequently I'm not self actualized.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Nothing I do is my fault.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Why should I have to work for everything? It's like saying that I don't 
+deserve it.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Why do we drink cow's milk? Who was the first guy who first looked at a 
+cow and said "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things 
+when I squeeze 'em!"?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Hobbes: What if the public doesn't like your work?
+Calvin: They are not supposed to like it. This is avant-garde stuff!
+         I'm criticizing the low brows who can't appreciate great art
+         like this!
+%
+I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the 
+slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+The dame was hysterical. Dames usually are.
+		-- Calvin as Tracer Bullet
+%
+Thank you. before I begin, I'd like everyone to notice that my report 
+is in a professional, clear plastic binder... When a report looks this 
+good, you know it'll get an A. That's a tip kids. Write it down.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Calvin: I think we have got enough information now, don't you?
+Hobbes: All we have is one "fact" that you made up.
+Calvin: That's plenty. By the time we add an introduction, a few
+        illustrations and a conclusion, it'll look like a graduate 
+        thesis.
+%
+Wormwood: Calvin, how about you?
+Calvin: Hard to say ma'am. I think my cerebellum just fused.
+%
+If you want to stay dad you've got to polish your image. I think the 
+image we need to create for you is "repentant but learning".
+		-- Calvin
+%
+"Dad buried in landslide! Jubilant throngs fill streets! Stunned father 
+inconsolable - demands recount!"
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then 
+suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made. But it is 
+too late to change anything.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We are so busy watching 
+out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy 
+where we are.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Hobbes: Well, you still have afternoons and weekends.
+Calvin: That's when I watch TV.
+%
+Hobbes: Shouldn't we read the instructions?
+Calvin: Do I look like a sissy?
+%
+You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude. Yeah, you can't be 
+cool if you don't have an attitude.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Sometimes one should just look at things and think about things without 
+doing things.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with lassie? A melon-collie 
+baby! Get it?? HA HA HA OH OH HA HA!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Hobbes: How is the diorama coming along?
+Calvin: I'm almost finished.
+Hobbes: I don't see the roadrunner. Weren't you going to put one in?
+Calvin: See the cotton balls I glued down?
+Hobbes: Yeah?
+Calvin: The roadrunner just ran out of the scene leaving behind clouds
+        of dust!
+%
+It must be awful to be a girl. I'm sure it's frustrating knowing that 
+men are bigger, stronger and better at abstract thought than women.  
+Really, if you are a girl, what would make you go on living?
+		-- Calvin, Dictator-For-Life, of GROSS (Get Rid Of 
+		   Slimy girlS) 
+%
+There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Golly, I'd hate to have a kid like me!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+This is so cool I've to go to the bathroom.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I imagine girls and bugs have a dim perception that nature played a 
+cruel trick on them but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend 
+the magnitude of it.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Dad are you vicariously living through me in the hope that my 
+accomplishments will validate your mediocre life and in some way 
+compensate for all the opportunities you botched?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+If you care, you just get disappointed all the time. If you don't care 
+nothing matters so you are never upset.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Life is full of surprises but never when you need one.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and 
+happiness.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+"The dynamics of inter-being and mono logical imperatives in Dick and 
+Jane: A study in psychic transrelational gender modes". Academia, here 
+I come.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Miss Wormwood: Calvin where was the Byzantine empire?  
+Calvin: I'll take "outer planets" for $100.
+%
+How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I thrive on change... I thrive on making other people change.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Be careful or be road-kill.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+A good compromise leaves everyone mad.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Given that sooner or later we're all just going to die, what's the 
+point of learning about integers?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Miss Wormwood, could we arrange our seats in a little circle and have a 
+little discussion? Specifically, I'd like to debate whether cannibalism 
+ought to be grounds for leniency in murders since it is less wasteful.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+The only skills I have patience to learn are those that have no real 
+application in life.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+You don't get to be mom if you can't fix everything just right.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Calvin: Who can fathom the feminine mind?
+Hobbes: I like 'em anyway.
+%
+If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.
+		-- Hobbes
+%
+Summer is butter on your chin and corn mush between every tooth.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+If we wanted more leisure, we'd invent machines that do things less 
+efficiently.
+		-- Calvin's dad
+%
+To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Susie: When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.
+Calvin: I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add 
+        some lemons of your own!
+%
+If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they 
+are?
+		-- Hobbes
+%
+But the important thing is persistence.
+		-- Calvin trying to juggle eggs
+%
+I suppose the secret to happiness is learning to appreciate the moment.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely 
+pointless.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+It's hard to be mad at someone who misses you while you're asleep.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Oops, I always forget the purpose of competition is to divide people 
+into winners and losers.
+		-- Hobbes being sarcastic
+%
+Someday I'll write my own philosophy book.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Some things don't need the thought people give them.
+		-- Hobbes
+%
+Mom knows EVERYTHING!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I'm a simple man with complex tastes.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Endorsing products is the American way of expressing individuality.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+One of the joys of being a kid is that experiences are new and 
+therefore more intense.
+		-- Calvin sniffing mustard
+%
+It's great to have a friend who appreciates an earnest discussion of 
+ideas.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+That's the problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists 
+trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+All this modern technology just makes people try to do everything at 
+once.
+		-- Hobbes
+%
+I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we 
+couldn't react to a lot of life.
+		-- Hobbes
+%
+I don't understand this!  Not a single part of my horoscope came true! 
+... The paper should print Mom's daily predictions. Those sure come 
+true.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I don't know which is worse, ...that everyone has his price, or that 
+the price is always so low.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+It takes an uncommon mind to think of these things.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+That's the problem with nature, something's always stinging you or 
+oozing mucous all over you. Let's go and watch TV.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+As a math atheist, I think I should be excused from this.
+		-- Calvin, to Hobbes
+%
+This game lends itself to certain abuses.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I'm just very selective about the reality I choose to accept.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+I have plenty of common sense, I just choose to ignore it.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+A voice crackles in Calvin's radio:
+	"Enemy fighters at two o'clock!"
+	"Roger. What should I do until then?"
+%
+I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow 
+on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...?
+		-- Calvin
+%
+My ethicator machine must've had a built-in moral compromise spectral 
+release phantasmatron! I'm a genius!
+		-- Calvin
+%
+That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of 
+empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Until you stalk and overrun, you can't devour anyone.
+		-- Hobbes
+%
+The inside of my head was exploding with fireworks. Fortunately, my 
+last thought turned out the lights when it left.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I 
+believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+Verbing weirds language.
+		-- Calvin
+%
+The intrepid Spaceman Spiff is stranded on a distant planet! ...our 
+hero ruefully acknowledges that this happens fairly frequently...
+		-- Calvin as Spaceman Spiff
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/chapterhouse-dune b/local/share/fortune/chapterhouse-dune
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b0d83e7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/chapterhouse-dune
@@ -0,0 +1,294 @@
+Those who would repeat the past must control the teaching of history.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Coda
+%
+When I set out to lead humanity along my Golden Path I promised a lesson their 
+bones would remember.  I know a profound pattern humans deny with words even 
+while their actions affirm it.  They say they seek security and quiet, 
+conditions they call peace.  Even as they speak, they create seeds of turmoil 
+and violence.
+
+  -- Leto II, the God Emperor
+%
+The person who takes the banal and ordinary and illuminates it in a new way can 
+terrify.  We do not want our ideas changed.  We feel threatened by such 
+demands.  "I already know the important things!" we say.  Then Changer comes 
+and throws our old ideas away.
+
+  -- The Zensufi Master
+%
+Rules build up fortifications behind which small minds create satrapies.
+A perilous state of affairs in the best of times, disastrous during crises.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Coda
+%
+We tend to become like the worst in those we oppose.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Coda
+%
+You cannot know history unless you know how leaders move with its currents.  
+Every leader requires outsiders to perpetuate his leadership.  Examine my 
+career:  I was leader and outsider.  Do not assume I merely created a 
+Church-State.  That was my function as leader and I copied historical models.  
+Barbaric arts of my time reveal me as outsider.  Favorite poetry:  epics.  
+Popular dramatic ideal:  heroism.  Dances:  wildly abandoned.
+Stimulants to make people sense what I took from them.  What did I take?
+The right to choose a role in history.
+
+  -- Leto II (The Tyrant):  Vether Bebe Translation
+%
+You cannot manipulate a marionette with only one string.
+
+  -- The Zensunni Whip
+%
+Confine yourself to observing and you always miss the point of your own life.  
+The object can be stated this way:  Live the best life you can.  Life is a game 
+whose rules you learn if you leap into it and play it to the hilt.  Otherwise, 
+you are caught off balance, continually surprised by the shifting play.  
+Non-players often whine and complain that luck always passes them by.  They 
+refuse to see that they can create some of their own luck.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+All governments suffer a recurring problem:  Power attracts pathological 
+personalities.  It is not that power corrupts but that it is magnetic to the 
+corruptible.  Such people have a tendency to become drunk on violence, a 
+condition to which they are quickly addicted.
+
+  -- Missionaria Protectiva, Text QIV (decto)
+%
+The writing of history is largely a process of diversion.  Most historical 
+accounts distract attention from the secret influences behind great events.
+
+  -- The Bashar Teg
+%
+Corruption wears infinite disguises.
+
+  -- Tleilaxu Thu-zen
+%
+Education is no substitute for intelligence.  That elusive quality is defined 
+only in part by puzzle-solving ability.  It is in the creation of new puzzles 
+reflecting what your senses report that you round out the definition.
+
+  -- Mentat Text One (decto)
+%
+Many things we do naturally become difficult only when we try to make them 
+intellectual subjects.  It is possible to know so much about a subject that
+you become totally ignorant.
+
+  -- Mentat Text Two (dicto)
+%
+Religion (emulation of adults by the child) encysts past mythologies:  guesses, 
+hidden assumptions of trust in the universe, pronouncements made in search of 
+personal power, all mingled with shreds of enlightenment.  And always an 
+unspoken commandment:  Thou shalt not question!  We break that commandment 
+daily in the harnessing of human imagination to our deepest creativity.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Credo
+%
+Laws to suppress tend to strengthen what they would prohibit.  This is the fine 
+point on which all the legal professions of history have based their job 
+security.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Coda
+%
+We do not teach history; we recreate the experience.  We follow the chain of 
+consequences -- the tracks of the beast in its forest.  Look behind our words 
+and you see the broad sweep of social behavior that no historian has ever 
+touched.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Panoplia Propheticus
+%
+They say Mother Superior can disregard nothing -- a meaningless aphorism
+until you grasp its other significance:  I am the servant of all my Sisters.
+They watch their servant with critical eyes.  I cannot spend too much time on 
+generalities nor on trivia.  Mother Superior must display insightful action 
+else a sense of disquiet penetrates to the farthest corners of our order.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+All states are abstractions.
+
+  -- Octun Politicus, BG Archives
+%
+Some never participate.  Life happens to them.  They get by on little more than 
+dumb persistence and resist with anger or violence all things that might lift 
+them out of resentment-filled illusions of security.
+
+  -- Alma Mavis Taraza
+%
+To know a thing well, know its limits.
+Only when pushed beyond its tolerances will true nature be seen.
+  -- The Amtal Rule
+
+Do not depend only on theory if your life is at stake.
+  -- Bene Gesserit Commentary
+%
+Ready comprehension is often a knee-jerk response and the most dangerous
+form of understanding.  It blinks an opaque screen over your ability to learn.
+The judgmental precedents of law function that way, littering your path with
+dead ends.  Be warned.  Understand nothing.  All comprehension is temporary.
+
+  -- Mentat Fixe (adacto)
+%
+Major flaws in government arise from a fear of making radical internal changes 
+even though a need is clearly seen.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+Time does not count itself.  You have only to look at a circle and this is 
+apparent.
+
+  -- Leto II (The Tyrant)
+%
+A major concept guides the Missionaria Protectiva:  Purposeful
+instruction of the masses.  This is firmly seated in our belief
+that the aim of argument should be to change the nature of truth.
+In such matters, we prefer the use of power rather than force.
+
+  -- The Coda
+%
+The best art imitates life in a compelling way.  If it imitates a dream, it 
+must be a dream of life.  Otherwise, there is no place where we can connect.  
+Our plugs don't fit.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+Uproot your questions from their ground and the dangling roots will be seen.  
+More questions!
+
+  -- Mentat Zensufi
+%
+Humans are born with a susceptibility to that most persistent and debilitating 
+disease of intellect:  self-deception.  The best of all possible worlds and the 
+worst get their dramatic coloration from it.  As nearly as we can determine, 
+there is no natural immunity.  Constant alertness is required.
+
+  -- The Coda
+%
+Give me the judgment of balanced minds in preference to laws every time.
+Codes and manuals create patterned behavior.  All patterned behavior tends
+to go unquestioned, gathering destructive momentum.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+No sweeteners will cloak some forms of bitterness.
+If it tastes bitter, spit it out.
+That's what our earliest ancestors did.
+
+  -- The Coda
+%
+Enter no conflict against fanatics unless you can defuse them.
+Oppose a religion with another religion only if your proofs (miracles)
+are irrefutable or if you can mesh in a way that the fanatics accept
+you as god-inspired.  This has long been the barrier to science assuming
+a mantle of divine revelation.  Science is so obviously manmade.
+Fanatics (and many are fanatic on one subject or another) must know where
+you stand, but more important, must recognize who whispers in your ear.
+
+  -- Missionaria Protectiva, Primary Teaching
+%
+We walk a delicate line, perpetuating Atreides (Siona) genes in our population 
+because that hides us from prescience.  We carry the Kwisatz Haderach in that 
+bag!  Willfulness created Muad'Dib.  Prophets make predictions come true!
+Will we ever again dare ignore our Tao sense and cater to a culture that hates 
+chance and begs for prophecy?
+
+  -- Archival Summary (adixto)
+%
+We witness a passing phase of eternity.  Important things happen but some 
+people never notice.  Accidents intervene.  You are not present at episodes.  
+You depend on reports.  And people shutter their minds.  What good are reports? 
+ History in a news account?  Preselected at an editorial conference, digested 
+and excreted by prejudice?  Accounts you need seldom come from those who make 
+history.  Diaries, memoirs and autobiographies are subjective forms of special 
+pleading.  Archives are crammed with such suspect stuff.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+Spend energies on those who make you strong.  Energy spent on weaklings drags 
+you to doom.  (HM rule)  Bene Gesserit Commentary:  Who judges?
+
+  -- The Dortujla Record
+%
+Ish yara al-ahdab hadbat-u.
+(A hunchback does not see his own hunch. -- Folk Saying.)
+
+Bene Gesserit Commentary:  The hunch may be seen with
+the aid of mirrors but mirrors may show the whole being.
+
+  -- The Bashar Teg
+%
+Religion must be accepted as a source of energy.  It can be directed
+for our purposes, but only within limits that experience reveals.
+Here is the secret meaning of Free Will.
+
+  -- Missionaria Protectiva, Primary Teaching
+%
+Our household god is this thing we carry forward generation after generation:  
+our message for humankind if it matures.  The closest thing we have to a 
+household goddess is a failed Reverend Mother -- Chenoeh there in her niche.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+When are the witches to be trusted?  Never!  The dark side of the magic 
+universe belongs to the Bene Gesserit and we must reject them.
+
+  -- Tylwyth Waff, Master of Masters
+%
+Seek freedom and become captive of your desires.
+Seek discipline and find your liberty.
+
+  -- The Coda
+%
+Making workable choices occurs in a crucible of informative mistakes.
+Thus Intelligence accepts fallibility.  And when absolute (infallible)
+choices are not known, Intelligence takes chances with limited data in
+an arena where mistakes are not only possible but also necessary.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+Ultimately, all things are known because you want to believe you know.
+
+  -- Zensunni koan
+%
+Answers are a perilous grip on the universe.  They can appear sensible yet 
+explain nothing.
+
+  -- The Zensunni Whip
+%
+Battle?  There's always a desire for breathing space motivating it somewhere.
+
+  -- The Bashar Teg
+%
+Do not be quick to reveal judgment.  Hidden judgment often is more potent.
+It can guide reactions whose effects are felt only when too late to divert them.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Advice to Postulants
+%
+Looked at one way, the universe is Brownian movement, nothing predictable at 
+the elemental level.  Muad'Dib and his Tyrant son closed the cloud chamber 
+where movement occurred.
+
+  -- Stories from Gammu
+%
+What do Holy Accidents teach?  Be resilient.  Be strong.
+Be ready for change, for the new.  Gather many experiences
+and judge them by the steadfast nature of our faith.
+
+  -- Tleilaxu Doctrine
+%
+When you think to take determination of your fate into your own hands,
+that is the moment you can be crushed.  Be cautious.  Allow for surprises.
+When we create, there are always other forces at work.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+There's no secret to balance.  You just have to feel the waves.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade
+%
+Paired opposites define your longings and those longings imprison you.
+
+  -- The Zensunni Whip
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/children-of-dune b/local/share/fortune/children-of-dune
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+Muad'Dib's teachings have become the playground of scholastics, of the 
+superstitious and the corrupt. He taught a balanced way of life, a philosophy 
+with which a human can meet problems arising from an ever-changing universe.
+He said humankind is still evolving, in a process which will never end.
+He said this evolution moves on changing principles which are known only
+to eternity.  How can corrupted reasoning play with such an essence?
+
+  -- Words of the Mentat Duncan Idaho
+%
+  CHALLENGE: "Have you seen The Preacher?" 
+  RESPONSE: "I have seen a sandworm."
+  CHALLENGE: "What about that sandworm?" 
+  RESPONSE: "It gives us the air we breathe."
+  CHALLENGE: "Then why do we destroy its land?" 
+  RESPONSE: "Because Shai-Hulud [sandworm deified] orders it."
+  
+    -- Riddles of Arrakis by Harq al-Ada
+%
+  The sietch at the desert's rim 
+  Was Liet's, was Kynes's, 
+  Was Stilgar's, was Muad'Dib's 
+  And, once more, was Stilgar's. 
+  The Naibs one by one sleep in the sand, 
+  But the sietch endures.
+  
+    -- from a Fremen song
+%
+melange (me'-lange also ma,lanj) n-s, origin uncertain (thought to derive from 
+ancient Terran Franzh): a. mixture of spices; b. spice of Arrakis (Dune) with 
+geriatric properties first noted by Yanshuph Ashkoko, royal chemist in reign of 
+Shakkad the Wise; Arrakeen melange, found only in deepest desert sands of 
+Arrakis, linked to prophetic visions of Paul Muad'Dib (Atreides), first Fremen 
+Mahdi; also employed by Spacing Guild Navigators and the Bene Gesserit.
+
+  -- Dictionary Royal fifth edition
+%
+The Fremen must return to his original faith, to his genius in forming human 
+communities; he must return to the past, where that lesson of survival was 
+learned in the struggle with Arrakis. The only business of the Fremen should be 
+that of opening his soul to the inner teachings. The worlds of the Imperium, 
+the Landsraad and the CHOAM Confederacy have no message to give him.
+They will only rob him of his soul.
+
+  -- The Preacher at Arrakeen
+%
+I give you the desert chameleon, whose ability to blend itself into the 
+background tells you all you need to know about the roots of ecology
+and the foundations of a personal identity.
+
+  -- Book of Diatribes from the Hayt Chronicle
+%
+The Universe is God's. It is one thing, a wholeness against which all 
+separations may be identified. Transient life, even that self-aware and 
+reasoning life which we call sentient, holds only fragile trusteeship on any 
+portion of the wholeness.
+
+  -- Commentaries from the C.E.T. (Commission of Ecumenical Translators)
+%
+And I beheld another beast coming up out of the sand; and he had two horns like 
+a lamb, but his mouth was fanged and fiery as the dragon and his body shimmered 
+and burned with great heat while it did hiss like the serpent.
+
+  -- Revised Orange Catholic Bible
+%
+It is commonly reported, my dear Georad, that there exists great natural
+virtue in the melange experience.  Perhaps this is true.  There remain within
+me, however, profound doubts that every use of melange always brings virtue.
+Me seems that certain persons have corrupted the use of melange in defiance
+of God.  In the words of the Ecumenon, they have disfigured the soul.
+They skim the surface of melange and believe thereby to attain grace.
+They deride their fellows, do great harm to godliness, and they distort
+the meaning of this abundant gift maliciously, surely a mutilation beyond
+the power of man to restore.  To be truly at one with the virtue of the spice,
+uncorrupted in all ways, full of goodly honor, a man must permit his deeds and
+his words to agree.  When your actions describe a system of evil consequences,
+you should be judged by those consequences and not by your explanations.
+It is thus that we should judge Muad'Dib.
+
+  -- The Pedant Heresy
+%
+Either we abandon the long-honored Theory of Relativity, or we cease to
+believe that we can engage in continued accurate prediction of the future.
+Indeed, knowing the future raises a host of questions which cannot be answered
+under conventional assumptions unless one first projects an Observer outside of
+Time and, second, nullifies all movement.  If you accept the Theory of Relativity,
+it can be shown that Time and the Observer must stand still in relationship to 
+each or inaccuracies will intervene.  This would seem to say that it is 
+impossible to engage in accurate prediction of the future.  How, then, do we
+explain the continued seeking after this visionary goal by respected scientists?
+How, then, do we explain Muad'Dib?
+
+  -- Lectures on Prescience by Harq al-Ada
+%
+I hear the wind blowing across the desert and I see the moons of a winter night 
+rising tike great ships in the void. To them I make my vow: I will be resolute 
+and make an art of government; I will balance my inherited past and become a 
+perfect storehouse of my relic memories. And I will be known for kindliness 
+more than for knowledge. My face will shine down the corridors of time for as 
+long as humans exist.
+
+  -- Leto's Vow, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+These are illusions of popular history which a successful religion must 
+promote: Evil men never prosper; only the brave deserve the fair; honesty is 
+the best policy; actions speak louder than words; virtue always triumphs; a 
+good deed is its own reward; any bad human can be reformed; religious talismans 
+protect one from demon possession; only females understand the ancient 
+mysteries; the rich are doomed to unhappiness . . .
+
+  -- From the Instruction Manual: Missionaria Protectiva
+%
+A sophisticated human can become primitive. What this really means is that the 
+human's way of life changes. Old values change, become linked to the landscape 
+with its plants and animals. This new existence requires a working knowledge of 
+those multiplex and cross-linked events usually referred to as nature.
+It requires a measure of respect for the inertial power within such natural 
+systems. When a human gains this working knowledge and respect, that is called 
+"being primitive." The converse, of course, is equally true: the primitive can 
+become sophisticated, but not without accepting dreadful psychological damage.
+
+  -- The Leto Commentary, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+This was Muad'Dib's achievement: He saw the subliminal reservoir of each 
+individual as an unconscious bank of memories going back to the primal cell of 
+our common genesis. Each of us, he said, can measure out his distance from that 
+common origin. Seeing this and telling of it, he made the audacious leap of 
+decision. Muad'Dib set himself the task of integrating genetic memory into 
+ongoing evaluation. Thus did he break through Time's veils, making a single 
+thing of the future and the past. That was Muad'Dib's creation embodied in his 
+son and his daughter.
+
+  -- Testament of Arrakis by Harq al-Ada
+%
+And he saw a vision of armor. The armor was not his own skin; it was stronger 
+than plasteel. Nothing penetrated his armor -- not knife or poison or sand, not 
+the dust of the desert or its desiccating heat. In his right hand he carried 
+the power to make the Coriolis storm, to shake the earth and erode it into 
+nothing. His eyes were fixed upon the Golden Path and in his left hand he 
+carried the scepter of absolute mastery. And beyond the Golden Path, his eyes 
+looked into eternity which he knew to be the food of his soul and of his 
+everlasting flesh.
+
+  -- Heighia, My Brother's Dream from The Book of Ghanima
+%
+Atrocity is recognized as such by victim and perpetrator alike, by all who 
+learn about it at whatever remove.  Atrocity has no excuses, no mitigating 
+argument.  Atrocity never balances or rectifies the past. Atrocity merely arms 
+the future for more atrocity.  It is self-perpetuating upon itself -- a 
+barbarous form of incest.  Whoever commits atrocity also commits those future 
+atrocities thus bred.
+
+  -- The Apocrypha of Muad'Dib
+%
+I will not argue with the Fremen claims that they are divinely inspired to 
+transmit a religious revelation, it is their concurrent claim to ideological 
+revelation which inspires me to shower them with derision. Of course, they make 
+the dual claim in the hope that it will strengthen their mandarinate and help 
+them to endure in a universe which finds them increasingly oppressive.
+It is in the name of all those oppressed people that I warn the Fremen:
+short-term expediency always fails in the long term.
+
+  -- The Preacher at Arrakeen
+%
+The life of a single human, as the life of a family or an entire people, 
+persists as memory. My people must come to see this as part of their maturing 
+process. They are people as organism, and in this persistent memory they store 
+more and more experiences in a subliminal reservoir. Humankind hopes to call 
+upon this material if it is needed for a changing universe. But much that is 
+stored can be lost in that chance play of accident which we call "fate."
+Much may not be integrated into evolutionary relationships, and thus may not
+be evaluated and keyed into activity by those ongoing environmental changes
+which inflict themselves upon flesh.  The species can forget!  This is the
+special value of the Kwisatz Haderach which the Bene Gesserits never suspected:
+the Kwisatz Haderach cannot forget.
+
+  -- The Book of Leto, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+A Fremen dies when he is too long from the desert; this we call "the water 
+sickness."
+
+  -- Stilgar, the Commentaries
+%
+  You have loved Caladan 
+  And lamented its lost host -- 
+  But pain discovers 
+  New lovers cannot erase 
+  Those forever ghost.
+  
+    -- Refrain from The Habbanya Lament
+%
+The assumption that humans exist within an essentially impermanent universe, 
+taken as an operational precept, demands that the intellect become a totally 
+aware balancing instrument. But the intellect cannot react thus without 
+involving the entire organism. Such an organism may be recognized by its 
+burning, driving behavior. And thus it is with a society treated as organism. 
+But here we encounter an old inertia. Societies move to the goading of ancient, 
+reactive impulses. They demand permanence. Any attempt to display the universe 
+of impermanence arouses rejection patterns, fear, anger, and despair. Then how 
+do we explain the acceptance of prescience? Simply: the giver of prescient 
+visions, because he speaks of an absolute (permanent) realization, may be 
+greeted with joy by humankind even while predicting the most dire events.
+
+  -- The Book of Leto, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of 
+those who govern. The machinery of government is always subordinate to the
+will of those who administer that machinery. The most important element of 
+government, therefore, is the method of choosing leaders.
+
+  -- Law and Governance, The Spacing Guild Manual
+%
+This is the fallacy of power: ultimately it is effective only in an absolute,
+a limited universe. But the basic lesson of our relativistic universe is that 
+things change. Any power must always meet a greater power. Paul Muad'Dib taught 
+this lesson to the Sardaukar on the Plains of Arrakeen. His descendants have 
+yet to learn the lesson for themselves.
+
+  -- The Preacher at Arrakeen
+%
+When I am weaker than you, I ask you for freedom because that is according to 
+your principles; when I am stronger than you, I take away your freedom because 
+that is according to my principles.
+
+  -- Words of an ancient philosopher (Attributed by Harq al-Ada to one Louis 
+Veuillot)
+%
+You Bene Gesserit call your activity of the Panoplia Prophetica a "Science of 
+Religion." Very well. I, a seeker after another kind of scientist, find this an 
+appropriate definition. You do, indeed, build your own myths, but so do all 
+societies. You I must warn, however. You are behaving as so many other 
+misguided scientists have behaved. Your actions reveal that you wish to take 
+something out of [away from] life. It is time you were reminded of that which 
+you so often profess: One cannot have a single thing without its opposite.
+
+  -- The Preacher at Arrakeen: A Message to the Sisterhood
+%
+The universe is just there; that's the only way a Fedaykin can view it and 
+remain the master of his senses. The universe neither threatens nor promises. 
+It holds things beyond our sway: the fall of a meteor, the eruption of a 
+spiceblow, growing old and dying. These are the realities of this universe and 
+they must be faced regardless of how you feel about them. You cannot fend off 
+such realities with words. They will come at you in their own wordless way and 
+then, then you will understand what is meant by "life and death."
+Understanding this, you will be filled with joy.
+
+  -- Muad'Dib to his Fedaykin
+%
+It is said of Muad'Dib that once when he saw a weed trying to grow
+between two rocks, he moved one of the rocks.  Later, when the weed
+was seen to be flourishing, he covered it with the remaining rock.
+"That was its fate," he explained.
+
+  -- The Commentaries
+%
+Governments, if they endure, always tend increasingly toward aristocratic forms.
+No government in history has been known to evade this pattern.  And as the
+aristocracy develops, government tends more and more to act exclusively in 
+the interests of the ruling class -- whether that class be hereditary royalty, 
+oligarchs of financial empires, or entrenched bureaucracy.
+
+  -- Politics as Repeat Phenomenon: Bene Gesserit Training Manual
+%
+In this age when the means of human transport include devices which can span 
+the deeps of space in transtime, and other devices which can carry men swiftly 
+over virtually impassable planetary surfaces, it seems odd to think of 
+attempting long journeys afoot. Yet this remains a primary means of travel on 
+Arrakis, a fact attributed partly to preference and partly to the brutal 
+treatment which this planet reserves for anything mechanical. In the strictures 
+of Arrakis, human flesh remains the most durable and reliable resource for the 
+Hajj. Perhaps it is the implicit awareness of this fact which makes Arrakis the 
+ultimate mirror of the soul.
+
+  -- Handbook of the Hajj
+%
+In all major socializing forces you will find an underlying movement to gain 
+and maintain power through the use of words. From witch doctor to priest to 
+bureaucrat it is all the same. A governed populace must be conditioned to 
+accept power-words as actual things, to confuse the symbolized system with the 
+tangible universe. In the maintenance of such a power structure, certain 
+symbols are kept out of the reach of common understanding -- symbols such as 
+those dealing with economic manipulation or those which define the local 
+interpretation of sanity. Symbol-secrecy of this form leads to the development 
+of fragmented sub-languages, each being a signal that its users are 
+accumulating some form of power. With this insight into a power process, our 
+Imperial Security Force must be ever alert to the formation of sub-languages.
+
+  -- Lecture to the Arrakeen War College by, The Princess Irulan
+%
+The password was given to me by a man who died in the dungeons of Arrakeen.
+You see, that is where I got this ring in the shape of a tortoise.
+It was in the suk outside the city where I was hidden by the rebels.
+The password?  Oh, that has been changed many times since then.
+It was "Persistence."  And the countersign was "Tortoise."
+It got me out of there alive. That's why I bought this ring: a reminder.
+
+  -- Tagir Mohandis: Conversations with a Friend
+%
+I saw his blood and a piece of his robe which had been ripped by sharp claws. 
+His sister reports vividly of the tigers, the sureness of their attack.
+We have questioned one of the plotters, and others are dead or in custody.
+Everything points to a Corrino plot. A Truthsayer has attested to this testimony.
+
+  -- Stilgar's Report to the Landsraad Commission
+% 
+Above all else, the mentat must be a generalist, not a specialist.  It is
+wise to have decisions of great moment monitored by generalists. Experts and 
+specialists lead you quickly into chaos. They are a source of useless nit 
+picking, the ferocious quibble over a comma. The mentat-generalist, on the 
+other hand, should bring to decision-making a healthy common sense. He must
+not cut himself off from the broad sweep of what is happening in his universe.
+He must remain capable of saying: "There's no real mystery about this at the 
+moment. This is what we want now. It may prove wrong later, but we'll correct 
+that when we come to it." The mentat-generalist must understand that anything 
+which we can identify as our universe is merely part of larger phenomena.
+But the expert looks backward; he looks into the narrow standards of his own 
+specialty. The generalist looks outward; he looks for living principles, 
+knowing full well that such principles change, that they develop. It is to the 
+characteristics of change itself that the mentat-generalist must look.
+There can be no permanent catalogue of such change, no handbook or manual.
+You must look at it with as few preconceptions as possible, asking yourself:
+"Now what is this thing doing?"
+
+  -- The Mentat Handbook
+%
+The one-eyed view of our universe says you must not look far afield for 
+problems. Such problems may never arrive. Instead, tend to the wolf within
+your fences. The packs ranging outside may not even exist.
+
+  -- The Azhar Book; Shamra I:4
+%
+Only in the realm of mathematics can you understand Muad'Dib's precise view of 
+the future. Thus: first, we postulate any number of point-dimensions in space. 
+(This is the classic n-fold extended aggregate of n dimensions.) With this 
+framework, Time as commonly understood becomes an aggregate of one-dimensional 
+properties. Applying this to the Muad'Dib phenomenon, we find that we either 
+are confronted by new properties of Time or (by reduction through the infinity 
+calculus) we are dealing with separate systems which contain n body properties. 
+For Muad'Dib, we assume the latter. As demonstrated by the reduction, the point 
+dimensions of the n-fold can only have separate existence within different 
+frameworks of Time. Separate dimensions of Time are thus demonstrated to 
+coexist. This being the inescapable case, Muad'Dib's predictions required that 
+he perceive the n-fold not as extended aggregate but as an operation within a 
+single framework. In effect, he froze his universe into that one framework 
+which was his view of Time.
+
+  -- Palimbasha: Lectures at Sietch Tabr
+%
+We can still remember the golden days before Heisenberg, who showed humans
+the walls enclosing our predestined arguments. The lives within me find this 
+amusing. Knowledge, you see, has no uses without purpose, but purpose is what 
+builds enclosing walls.
+
+  -- Leto Atreides II, His Voice
+%
+If you believe certain words, you believe their hidden arguments. When you 
+believe something is right or wrong, true or false, you believe the assumptions 
+in the words which express the arguments. Such assumptions are often full of 
+holes, but remain most precious to the convinced.
+
+  -- The Open-Ended Proof from, The Panoplia Prophetica
+%
+Because of the one-pointed Time awareness in which the conventional mind 
+remains immersed, humans tend to think of everything in a sequential, 
+word-oriented framework. This mental trap produces very short-term concepts of 
+effectiveness and consequences, a condition of constant, unplanned response to 
+crises.
+
+  -- Liet-Kynes, The Arrakis Workbook
+%
+You will learn the integrated communication methods as you complete the next 
+step in your mentat education. This is a gestalten function which will overlay 
+data paths in your awareness, resolving complexities and masses of input from 
+the mentat index-catalogue techniques which you already have mastered. Your 
+initial problem will be the breaking tensions arising from the divergent 
+assembly of minutiae/data on specialized subjects. Be warned. Without mentat 
+overlay integration, you can be immersed in the Babel Problem, which is the 
+label we give to the omnipresent dangers of achieving wrong combinations from 
+accurate information.
+
+  -- The Mentat Handbook
+%
+  O Paul, thou Muad'Dib, 
+  Mahdi of all men, 
+  Thy breath exhaled 
+  Sent forth the hurricane.
+  
+    -- Songs of Muad'Dib
+%
+Many forces sought control of the Atreides twins and, when the death of
+Leto was announced, this movement of plot and counterplot was amplified.
+Note the relative motivations: the Sisterhood feared Alia, an adult Abomination,
+but still wanted those genetic characteristics carried by the Atreides.
+The Church hierarchy of Auqaf and Hajj saw only the power implicit in control of 
+Muad'Dib's heir. CHOAM wanted a doorway to the wealth of Dune.  Farad'n and his 
+Sardaukar sought a return to glory for House Corrino. The Spacing Guild feared 
+the equation Arrakis = melange; without the spice they could not navigate. 
+Jessica wished to repair what her disobedience to the Bene Gesserit had created.
+few thought to ask the twins what their plans might be, until it was too late.
+
+  -- The Book of Kreos
+%
+There is no guilt or innocence in you. All of that is past. Guilt belabors the 
+dead and I am not the Iron Hammer. You multitude of the dead are merely people 
+who have done certain things, and the memory of those things illuminates my path.
+
+  -- Leto II to His Memory-Lives, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+Humankind periodically goes through a speedup of its affairs, thereby 
+experiencing the race between the renewable vitality of the living and the 
+beckoning vitiation of decadence. In this periodic race, any pause becomes 
+luxury. Only then can one reflect that all is permitted; all is possible.
+
+  -- The Apocrypha of Muad'Dib
+%
+Natural selection has been described as an environment selectively screening 
+for those who will have progeny. Where humans are concerned, though, this is an 
+extremely limiting viewpoint. Reproduction by sex tends toward experiment and 
+innovation. It raises many questions, including the ancient one about whether 
+environment is a selective agent after the variation occurs, or whether 
+environment plays a pre-selective role in determining the variations which it 
+screens. Dune did not realty answer those questions: it merely raised new 
+questions which Leto and the Sisterhood may attempt to answer over the next 
+five hundred generations.
+
+  -- The Dune Catastrophe, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+  One small bird has called thee 
+  From a beak streaked crimson. 
+  It cried once over Sietch Tabr 
+  And thou went forth unto Funeral Plain.
+  
+    -- Lament for Leto II
+%
+Peace demands solutions, but we never reach living solutions; we only work 
+toward them. A fixed solution is, by definition, a dead solution. The trouble 
+with peace is that it tends to punish mistakes instead of rewarding brilliance.
+
+  -- The Words of My Father: an account of Muad'Dib reconstructed by Harq al-Ada
+%
+This rocky shrine to the skull of a ruler grants no prayers.  It has become
+the grave of lamentations. Only the wind hears the voice of this place.
+The cries of night creatures and the passing wonder of two moons, all say his
+day has ended. No more supplicants come. The visitors have gone from the feast.
+How bare the pathway down this mountain.
+
+  -- Lines at the Shrine of an Atreides Duke, Anon.
+%
+There exist obvious higher-order influences in any planetary system. This is 
+often demonstrated by introducing terraform life onto newly discovered planets. 
+In all such cases, the life in similar zones develops striking similarities of 
+adaptive form. This form signifies much more than shape; it connotes a survival 
+organization and a relationship of such organizations. The human quest for this 
+interdependent order and our niche within it represents a profound necessity. 
+The quest can, however, be perverted into a conservative grip on sameness.
+This has always proved deadly for the entire system.
+
+  -- The Dune Catastrophe, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+What you of the CHOAM directorate seem unable to understand is that you seldom 
+find real loyalties in commerce. When did you last hear of a clerk giving his 
+life for the company? Perhaps your deficiency rests in the false assumption 
+that you can order men to think and cooperate. This has been a failure of 
+everything from religions to general staffs throughout history. General staffs 
+have a long record of destroying their own nations. As to religions, I 
+recommend a rereading of Thomas Aquinas. As to you of CHOAM, what nonsense you 
+believe! Men must want to do things out of their own innermost drives. People, 
+not commercial organizations or chains of command, are what make great 
+civilizations work. Every civilization depends upon the quality of the 
+individuals it produces. If you over-organize humans, over-legalize them, 
+suppress their urge to greatness -- they cannot work and their civilization 
+collapses.
+
+  -- A letter to CHOAM, Attributed to The Preacher
+%
+The future of prescience cannot always be locked into the rules of the past.
+The threads of existence tangle according to many unknown laws. Prescient
+future insists on its own rules. It will not conform to the ordering of the
+Zensunni nor to the ordering of science. Prescience builds a relative
+integrity. It demands the work of this instant, always warning that you
+cannot weave every thread into the fabric of the past.
+
+  -- Kalima: The Words of Muad'Dib, The Shuloch Commentary
+%
+Fremen speech implies great concision, a precise sense of expression. It is 
+immersed in the illusion of absolutes. Its assumptions are a fertile ground for 
+absolutist religions. Furthermore, Fremen are fond of moralizing. They confront 
+the terrifying instability of all things with institutionalized statements. 
+They say: "We know there is no summa of all attainable knowledge; that is the 
+preserve of God. But whatever men can learn, men can contain." Out of this 
+knife-edged approach to the universe they carve a fantastic belief in signs and 
+omens and in their own destiny. This is an origin of their Kralizec legend: the 
+war at the end of the universe.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Private Reports/folio 800881
+%
+The spirit of Muad'Dib is more than words, more than the letter of the Law 
+which arises in his name. Muad'Dib must always be that inner outrage against 
+the complacently powerful, against the charlatans and the dogmatic fanatics.
+It is that inner outrage which must have its say because Muad'Dib taught us
+one thing above all others: that humans can endure only in a fraternity of
+social justice.
+
+  -- The Fedaykin Compact
+%
+Limits of survival are set by climate, those long drifts of change which a 
+generation may fail to notice. And it is the extremes of climate which set the 
+pattern. Lonely, finite humans may observe climatic provinces, fluctuations of 
+annual weather and, occasionally may observe such things as "This is a colder 
+year than I've ever known. " Such things are sensible. But humans are seldom 
+alerted to the shifting average through a great span of years. And it is 
+precisely in this alerting that humans learn how to survive on any planet.
+They must learn climate.
+
+  -- Arrakis, the Transformation, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+Thou didst divide the sand by thy strength; Thou breakest the heads of the 
+dragons in the desert. Yea, I behold thee as a beast coming up from the dunes; 
+thou hast the two horns of the lamb, but thou speakest as the dragon.
+
+  -- Revised Orange Catholic Bible Arran 11:4
+%
+Fremen were the first humans to develop a conscious/unconscious symbology 
+through which to experience the movements and relationships of their planetary 
+system. They were the first people anywhere to express climate in terms of a 
+semi-mathematic language whose written symbols embody (and internalize) the 
+external relationships. The language itself was part of the system it 
+described. Its written form carried the shape of what it described.
+The intimate local knowledge of what was available to support life was implicit
+in this development. One can measure the extent of this language/system 
+interaction by the fact that Fremen accepted themselves as foraging and 
+browsing animals.
+
+  -- The Story of Liet-Kynes by Harq al-Ada
+%
+After the Fremen, all Planetologists see life as expressions of energy and look 
+for the overriding relationships. In small pieces, bits and parcels which grow 
+into general understanding, the Fremen racial wisdom is translated into a new 
+certainty. The thing Fremen have as a people, any people can have. They need 
+but develop a sense for energy relationships. They need but observe that energy 
+soaks up the patterns of things and builds with those patterns.
+
+  -- The Arrakeen Catastrophe, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+Any path which narrows future possibilities may become a lethal trap. Humans 
+are not threading their way through a maze; they scan a vast horizon filled 
+with unique opportunities. The narrowing viewpoint of the maze should appeal 
+only to creatures with their noses buried in sand. Sexually produced uniqueness 
+and differences are the life-protection of the spices.
+
+  -- The Spacing Guild Handbook
+%
+By these acts Leto II removed himself from the evolutionary succession.
+He did it with a deliberate cutting action, saying: "To be independent is to be 
+removed." Both twins saw beyond the needs of memory as a measuring process, 
+that is, a way of determining their distance from their human origins. But it 
+was left to Leto II to do the audacious thing, recognizing that a real creation 
+is independent of its creator. He refused to reenact the evolutionary sequence, 
+saying, "That, too, takes me farther and farther from humanity." He saw the 
+implications in this: that there can be no truly closed systems in life.
+
+  -- The Holy Metamorphosis, by Harq al-Ada
+%
+Muad'Dib was disinherited and he spoke for the disinherited of all time.
+He cried out against that profound injustice which alienates the individual
+from that which he was taught to believe, from that which seemed to come to
+him as a right.
+
+  -- The Mahdinate, An Analysis by Harq al-Ada
+% 
+Church and State, scientific reason and faith, the individual and his 
+community, even progress and tradition -- all of these can be reconciled in the 
+teachings of Muad'Dib. He taught us that there exist no intransigent opposites 
+except in the beliefs of men. Anyone can rip aside the veil of Time. You can 
+discover the future in the past or in your own imagination. Doing this, you win 
+back your consciousness in your inner being. You know then that the universe is 
+a coherent whole and you are indivisible from it.
+
+  -- The Preacher at Arrakeen, After Harq al-Ada
+%
+Muad'Dib gave us a particular kind of knowledge about prophetic insight, about 
+the behavior which surrounds such insight and its influence upon events which 
+are seen to be "on line." (That is, events which are set to occur in a related 
+system which the prophet reveals and interprets.) As has been noted elsewhere, 
+such insight operates as a peculiar trap for the prophet himself. He can become 
+the victim of what he knows -- which is a relatively common human failing. The 
+danger is that those who predict real events may overtook the polarizing effect 
+brought about by overindulgence in their own truth. They tend to forget that 
+nothing in a polarized universe can exist without its opposite being present.
+
+  -- The Prescient Vision, by Harq al-Ada
+%
+The child who refuses to travel in the father's harness, this is the symbol of 
+man's most unique capability. "I do not have to be what my father was. I do not 
+have to obey my father's rules or even believe everything he believed. It is my 
+strength as a human that I can make my own choices of what to believe and what 
+not to believe, of what to be and what not to be."
+
+  -- Leto Atreides II, The Harq al-Ada Biography
+%
+The assumption that a whole system can be made to work better through
+an assault on its conscious elements betrays a dangerous ignorance.
+This has often been the ignorant approach of those who call themselves
+scientists and technologists.
+
+  -- The Butlerian Jihad, by Harq al-Ada
+%
+As with so many other religions, Muad'Dib's Golden Elixir of Life degenerated 
+into external wizardry. Its mystical signs became mere symbols for deeper 
+psychological processes, and those processes, of course, ran wild. What they 
+needed was a living god, and they didn't have one, a situation which Muad'Dib's 
+son has corrected.
+
+  -- Saying attributed to Lu Tung-pin, (Lu, The Guest of the Cavern)
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/dune b/local/share/fortune/dune
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d44028b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/dune
@@ -0,0 +1,413 @@
+A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are 
+correct. This every sister of the Bene Gesserit knows. To begin your study of 
+the life of Muad'Dib, then, take care that you first place him in his time: 
+born in the 57th year of the Padishah Emperor, Shaddam IV. And take the most 
+special care that you locate Muad'Dib in his place: the planet Arrakis. Do not 
+be deceived by the fact that he was born on Caladan and lived his first fifteen 
+years there. Arrakis, the planet known as Dune, is forever his place.
+
+  -- from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+To attempt an understanding of Muad'Dib without understanding his mortal 
+enemies, the Harkonnens, is to attempt seeing Truth without knowing Falsehood. 
+It is the attempt to see the Light without knowing Darkness. It cannot be.
+
+  -- from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Thus spoke St. Alia-of-the-Knife: "The Reverend Mother must combine the 
+seductive wiles of a courtesan with the untouchable majesty of a virgin 
+goddess, holding these attributes in tension so long as the powers of her
+youth endure. For when youth and beauty have gone, she will find that the 
+place-between, once occupied by tension, has become a wellspring of cunning
+and resourcefulness."
+
+  -- from "Muad'Dib, Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+You have read that Muad'Dib had no playmates his own age on Caladan. The 
+dangers were too great. But Muad'Dib did have wonderful companion-teachers. 
+There was Gurney Halleck, the troubadour-warrior. You will sing some of 
+Gurney's songs, as you read along in this book. There was Thufir Hawat, the old 
+Mentat Master of Assassins, who struck fear even into the heart of the Padishah 
+Emperor. There were Duncan Idaho, the Swordmaster of the Ginaz; Dr. Wellington 
+Yueh, a name black in treachery but bright in knowledge; the Lady Jessica, who 
+guided her son in the Bene Gesserit Way, and -- of course -- the Duke Leto, 
+whose qualities as a father have long been overlooked.
+
+  -- from "A Child's History of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+YUEH (yu'e), Wellington (weling-tun), Stdrd 10,082-10,191; medical doctor of 
+the Suk School (grd Stdrd 10,112); md: Wanna Marcus, B.G. (Stdrd 
+10,092-10,186?); chiefly noted as betrayer of Duke Leto Atreides. (Cf: 
+Bibliography, Appendix VII [Imperial Conditioning] and Betrayal, The.)
+
+  -- from "Dictionary of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+How do we approach the study of Muad'Dib's father? A man of surpassing warmth 
+and surprising coldness was the Duke Leto Atreides. Yet, many facts open the 
+way to this Duke: his abiding love for his Bene Gesserit lady; the dreams he 
+held for his son; the devotion with which men served him. You see him there -- 
+a man snared by Destiny, a lonely figure with his light dimmed behind the glory 
+of his son. Still, one must ask: What is the son but an extension of the father?
+
+  -- from "Muad'Dib, Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+With the Lady Jessica and Arrakis, the Bene Gesserit system of sowing 
+implant-legends through the Missionaria Protectiva came to its full fruition. 
+The wisdom of seeding the known universe with a prophecy pattern for the 
+protection of B.G. personnel has long been appreciated, but never have we seen 
+a condition-ut-extremis with more ideal mating of person and preparation. The 
+prophetic legends had taken on Arrakis even to the extent of adopted labels 
+(including Reverend Mother, canto and respondu, and most of the Shari-a 
+panoplia propheticus). And it is generally accepted now that the Lady Jessica's 
+latent abilities were grossly underestimated.
+
+  -- from "Analysis: The Arrakeen Crisis" by the Princess Irulan [Private 
+circulation: B.G. file number AR-81088587]
+%
+"Yueh! Yueh! Yueh!" goes the refrain. "A million deaths were not enough for 
+Yueh!"
+
+  -- from "A Child's History of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Many have marked the speed with which Muad'Dib learned the necessities of 
+Arrakis. The Bene Gesserit, of course, know the basis of this speed. For the 
+others, we can say that Muad'Dib learned rapidly because his first training was 
+in how to learn. And the first lesson of all was the basic trust that he could 
+learn. It is shocking to find how many people do not believe they can learn, 
+and how many more believe learning to be difficult. Muad'Dib knew that every 
+experience carries its lesson.
+
+  -- from "The Humanity of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+What had the Lady Jessica to sustain her in her time of trial? Think you 
+carefully on this Bene Gesserit proverb and perhaps you will see: "Any road 
+followed precisely to its end leads precisely nowhere. Climb the mountain just 
+a little bit to test that it's a mountain. From the top of the mountain, you 
+cannot see the mountain."
+
+  -- from "Muad'Dib: Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+It is said that the Duke Leto blinded himself to the perils of Arrakis, that he 
+walked heedlessly into the pit. Would it not be more likely to suggest he had 
+lived so long in the presence of extreme danger he misjudged a change in its 
+intensity? Or is it possible he deliberately sacrificed himself that his son 
+might find a better life? All evidence indicates the Duke was a man not easily 
+hoodwinked.
+
+  -- from "Muad'Dib: Family Commentaries" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Over the exit of the Arrakeen landing field, crudely carved as though with
+a poor instrument, there was an inscription that Muad'Dib was to repeat many 
+times. He saw it that first night on Arrakis, having been brought to the ducal 
+command post to participate in his father's first full staff conference.
+The words of the inscription were a plea to those leaving Arrakis, but they
+fell with dark import on the eyes of a boy who had just escaped a close brush
+with death. They said: "O you who know what we suffer here, do not forget us
+in your prayers."
+
+  -- from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+On that first day when Muad'Dib rode through the streets of Arrakeen with his 
+family, some of the people along the way recalled the legends and the prophecy 
+and they ventured to shout: "Mahdi!" But their shout was more a question than a 
+statement, for as yet they could only hope he was the one foretold as the Lisan 
+al-Gaib, the Voice from the Outer World. Their attention was focused, too, on 
+the mother, because they had heard she was a Bene Gesserit and it was obvious 
+to them that she was like the other Lisan al-Gaib.
+
+  -- from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+"There is probably no more terrible instant of enlightenment than the
+one in which you discover your father is a man--with human flesh."
+
+  -- from "Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+My father, the Padishah Emperor, took me by the hand one day and I sensed in 
+the ways my mother had taught me that he was disturbed. He led me down the Hall 
+of Portraits to the ego-likeness of the Duke Leto Atreides. I marked the strong 
+resemblance between them--my father and this man in the portrait--both with 
+thin, elegant faces and sharp features dominated by cold eyes. 
+"Princess-daughter," my father said, "I would that you'd been older when it 
+came time for this man to choose a woman." My father was 71 at the time and 
+looking no older than the man in the portrait, and I was but 14, yet I remember 
+deducing in that instant that my father secretly wished the Duke had been his 
+son, and disliked the political necessities that made them enemies.
+
+  -- "In My Father's House" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent. It depends in 
+part upon the myth-making imagination of humankind. The person who experiences 
+greatness must have a feeling for the myth he is in. He must reflect what is 
+projected upon him. And he must have a strong sense of the sardonic. This is 
+what uncouples him from belief in his own pretensions. The sardonic is all that 
+permits him to move within himself. Without this quality, even occasional 
+greatness will destroy a man.
+
+  -- from "Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+"There is no escape--we pay for the violence of our ancestors. "
+
+  -- from "The Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+  Do you wrestle with dreams? 
+  Do you contend with shadows? 
+  Do you move in a kind of sleep? 
+  Time has slipped away. 
+  Your life is stolen. 
+  You tarried with trifles, 
+  Victim of your folly.
+  
+    -- Dirge for Jamis on the Funeral Plain,
+       from "Songs of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+There should be a science of discontent. People need hard times
+and oppression to develop psychic muscles.
+
+  -- from "Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife--chopping off what's
+incomplete and saying: "Now, it's complete because it's ended here."
+
+  -- from "Collected Sayings of, Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+There is a legend that the instant the Duke Leto Atreides died a meteor 
+streaked across the skies above his ancestral palace on Caladan.
+
+  -- the Princess Irulan: "Introduction to A Child's History of Muad'Dib"
+%
+  O Seas of Caladan, 
+  O people of Duke Leto-- 
+  Citadel of Leto fallen, 
+  Fallen forever . . .
+  
+    -- from "Songs of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+When my father, the Padishah Emperor, heard of Duke Leto's death and the
+manner of it, he went into such a rage as we had never before seen. He blamed
+my mother and the compact forced on him to place a Bene Gesserit on the throne.
+He blamed the Guild and the evil old Baron. He blamed everyone in sight, not 
+excepting even me, for he said I was a witch like all the others. And when I 
+sought to comfort him, saying it was done according to an older law of 
+self-preservation to which even the most ancient rulers gave allegiance, he 
+sneered at me and asked if I thought him a weakling. I saw then that he had 
+been aroused to this passion not by concern over the dead Duke but by what
+that death implied for all royalty. As I look back on it, I think there may
+have been some prescience in my father, too, for it is certain that his line
+and Muad'Dib's shared common ancestry.
+
+  -- "In My Father's House," by the Princess Irulan
+%
+My father once told me that respect for the truth comes close to being the 
+basis for all morality. "Something cannot emerge from nothing," he said.
+This is profound thinking if you understand how unstable "the truth" can be.
+
+  -- from "Conversations with Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+
+Muad'Dib could indeed, see the Future, but you must understand the limits
+of this power. Think of sight. You have eyes, yet cannot see without light.
+If you are on the floor of a valley, you cannot see beyond your valley.
+Just so, Muad'Dib could not always choose to look across the mysterious
+terrain. He tells us that a single obscure decision of prophecy, perhaps
+the choice of one word over another, could change the entire aspect of the
+future. He tells us "The vision of time is broad, but when you pass through
+it, time becomes a narrow door." And always, he fought the temptation to
+choose a clear, safe course, warning "That path leads ever down into
+stagnation."
+
+  -- from "Arrakis Awakening" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+What do you despise? By this are you truly known.
+
+  -- from "Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+At the age of fifteen, he had already learned silence.
+
+  -- from "A Child's History of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+We came from Caladan--a paradise world for our form of fife. There existed no 
+need on Caladan to build a physical paradise or a paradise of the mind--we 
+could see the actuality all around us. And the price we paid was the price men 
+have always paid for achieving a paradise in this life--we went soft, we lost 
+our edge.
+
+  -- from "Muad'Dib: Conversations" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Family life of the Royal Creche is difficult for many people to understand,
+but I shall try to give you a capsule view of it. My father had only one real 
+friend, I think. That was Count Hasimir Fenring, the genetic-eunuch and one of 
+the deadliest fighters in the Imperium. The Count, a dapper and ugly little 
+man, brought a new slave-concubine to my father one day and I was dispatched
+by my mother to spy on the proceedings. All of us spied on my father as a matter 
+of self-protection. One of the slave-concubines permitted my father under the 
+Bene Gesserit-Guild agreement could not, of course, bear a Royal Successor,
+but the intrigues were constant and oppressive in their similarity. We became 
+adept, my mother and sisters and I, at avoiding subtle instruments of death.
+It may seem a dreadful thing to say, but I 'm not at all sure my father was 
+innocent in all these attempts. A Royal Family is not like other families.
+Here was a new slave-concubine, then, red-haired like my father, willowy and 
+graceful. She had a dancer's muscles, and her training obviously had included 
+neuro-enticement. My father looked at her for a long time as she postured 
+unclothed before him. Finally he said: "She is too beautiful. We will save her 
+as a gift. " You have no idea how much consternation this restraint created in 
+the Royal Creche. Subtlety and self-control were, after all, the most deadly 
+threats to us all.
+
+  -- "In My Father's House" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+This Fremen religious adaptation, then, is the source of what we now
+recognize as "The Pillars of the Universe," whose Qizara Tafwid are among us
+all with signs and proofs and prophecy. They bring us the Arrakeen mystical
+fusion whose profound beauty is typified by the stirring music built on the
+old forms, but stamped with the new awakening. Who has not heard and been
+deeply moved by "The Old Man's Hymn"?
+
+  I drove my feet through a desert 
+  Whose mirage fluttered like a host. 
+  Voracious for glory, greedy for danger, 
+  I roamed the horizons of al-Kulab, 
+  Watching time level mountains 
+  In its search and its hunger for me. 
+  And I saw the sparrows swiftly approach, 
+  Bolder than the onrushing wolf. 
+  They spread in the tree of my youth.
+  I heard the flock in my branches 
+  And was caught on their beaks and claws!
+
+  -- from "Arrakis Awakening" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Prophecy and prescience--How can they be put to the test in the face of the 
+unanswered questions? Consider: How much is actual prediction of the "waveform" 
+(as Muad'Dib referred to his vision-image) and how much is the prophet shaping 
+the future to fit the prophecy? What of the harmonics inherent in the act of 
+prophecy? Does the prophet see the future or does he see a line of weakness,
+a fault or cleavage that he may shatter with words or decisions as a 
+diamond-cutter shatters his gem with a blow of a knife?
+
+  -- "Private Reflections on Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+The Fremen were supreme in that quality the ancients called 
+"spannungsbogen"--which is the self-imposed delay between desire for a thing 
+and the act of reaching out to grasp that thing.
+
+  -- from "The Wisdom of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+My father, the Padishah Emperor, was 72 yet looked no more than 35 the year
+he encompassed the death of Duke Leto and gave Arrakis back to the Harkonnens.
+He seldom appeared in public wearing other than a Sardaukar uniform and
+a Burseg's black helmet with the imperial lion in gold upon its crest.
+The uniform was an open reminder of where his power lay. He was not always
+that blatant, though. When he wanted, he could radiate charm and sincerity,
+but I often wonder in these later days if anything about him was as it seemed.
+I think now he was a man fighting constantly to escape the bars of an invisible
+cage. You must remember that he was an emperor, father-head of a dynasty that
+reached back into the dimmest history. But we denied him a legal son.
+Was this not the most terrible defeat a ruler ever suffered? My mother obeyed
+her Sister Superiors where the Lady Jessica disobeyed. Which of them was the
+stronger? History already has answered.
+
+  -- "In My Father's House" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+God created Arrakis to train the faithful.
+
+  -- from "The Wisdom of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+The concept of progress acts as a protective mechanism
+to shield us from the terrors of the future.
+
+  -- from "Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Muad'Dib tells us in "A Time of Reflection" that his first collisions with 
+Arrakeen necessities were the true beginnings of his education. He learned then 
+how to pole the sand for its weather, learned the language of the wind's 
+needles stinging his skin, learned how the nose can buzz with sand-itch and how 
+to gather his body's precious moisture around him to guard it and preserve it. 
+As his eyes assumed the blue of the Ibad, he learned the Chakobsa way.
+
+  -- Stilgar's preface to "Muad'Dib, the Man" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+The hands move, the lips move --
+Ideas gush from his words, 
+And his eyes devour!
+He is an island of Selfdom.
+
+  -- description from "A Manual of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+No woman, no man, no child ever was deeply intimate with my father. The closest 
+anyone ever came to casual camaraderie with the Padishah Emperor was the 
+relationship offered by Count Hasimir Fenring, a companion from childhood. The 
+measure of Count Fenring's friendship may be seen first in a positive thing: he 
+allayed the Landsraad's suspicions after the Arrakis Affair. It cost more than 
+a billion solaris in spice bribes, so my mother said, and there were other 
+gifts as well: slave women, royal honors, and tokens of rank. The second major 
+evidence of the Count's friendship was negative. He refused to kill a man even 
+though it was within his capabilities and my father commanded it. I will relate 
+this presently.
+
+  -- "Count Fenring: A Profile" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that 
+makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.
+
+  -- from "The Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+There is in all things a pattern that is part of our universe. It has symmetry, 
+elegance, and grace -- those qualities you find always in that which the true 
+artist captures. You can find it in the turning of the seasons, in the way sand 
+trails along a ridge, in the branch clusters of the creosote bush or the 
+pattern of its leaves. We try to copy these patterns in our lives and our 
+society, seeking the rhythms, the dances, the forms that comfort. Yet, it is 
+possible to see peril in the finding of ultimate perfection. It is clear that 
+the ultimate pattern contains its own fixity. In such perfection, all things 
+move toward death.
+
+  -- from "The Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+"Control the coinage and the courts -- let the rabble have the rest." Thus the 
+Padishah Emperor advises you. And he tells you: "If you want profits, you must 
+rule." There is truth in these words, but I ask myself: "Who are the rabble and 
+who are the ruled?"
+
+  -- Muad'Dib's Secret Message to the Landsraad from "Arrakis Awakening" by the 
+Princess Irulan
+%
+You cannot avoid the interplay of politics within an orthodox religion. This 
+power struggle permeates the training, educating and disciplining of the 
+orthodox community. Because of this pressure, the leaders of such a community 
+inevitably must face that ultimate internal question: to succumb to complete 
+opportunism as the price of maintaining their rule, or risk sacrificing 
+themselves for the sake of the orthodox ethic.
+
+  -- from "Muad'Dib: The Religious Issues" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+When law and duty are one, united by religion, you never become fully 
+conscious, fully aware of yourself. You are always a little less than an 
+individual.
+
+  -- from "Muad'Dib: The Ninety-Nine Wonders of the Universe" by Princess Irulan
+%
+How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is 
+telling him.
+
+  -- "The Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+And it came to pass in the third year of the Desert War that Paul-Muad'Dib lay 
+alone in the Cave of Birds beneath the kiswa hangings of an inner cell. And he 
+lay as one dead, caught up in the revelation of the Water of Life, his being 
+translated beyond the boundaries of time by the poison that gives life. Thus 
+was the prophecy made true that the Lisan al-Gaib might be both dead and alive.
+
+  -- "Collected Legends of Arrakis" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+And that day dawned when Arrakis lay at the hub of the
+universe with the wheel poised to spin.
+
+  -- from "Arrakis Awakening" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+And Muad'Dib stood before them, and he said: "Though we deem the captive dead, 
+yet does she live. For her seed is my seed and her voice is my voice. And she 
+sees unto the farthest reaches of possibility. Yea, unto the vale of the 
+unknowable does she see because of me."
+
+  -- from "Arrakis Awakening" by the Princess Irulan
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/dune-messiah b/local/share/fortune/dune-messiah
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ce51993
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/dune-messiah
@@ -0,0 +1,222 @@
+Such a rich store of myths enfolds Paul Muad'dib, the Mentat Emperor, and his 
+sister, Alia, it is difficult to see the real persons behind these veils.
+But there were, after all, a man born Paul Atreides and a woman born Alia.
+Their flesh was subject to space and time. And even though their oracular
+powers placed them beyond the usual limits of time and space, they came from
+human stock. They experienced real events which left real traces upon a real 
+universe. To understand them, it must be seen that their catastrophe was the 
+catastrophe of all mankind. This work is dedicated, then, not to Muad'dib or 
+his sister, but to their heirs -- to all of us.
+
+  -- Dedication in the Muad'dib Concordance
+     as copied from The Tabla Memorium of the Mahdi Spirit Cult
+%
+There exists no separation between gods and men:
+one blends softly casual into the other.
+
+  -- Proverbs of Muad'dib
+%
+Every civilization must contend with an unconscious force which can block, 
+betray or countermand almost any conscious intention of the collectivity.
+
+  -- Tleilaxu Theorem (unproven)
+%
+The advent of the Field Process shield and the lasgun with their explosive 
+interaction, deadly to attacker and attacked, placed the current 
+determinatives, on weapons technology. We need not go into the special role of 
+atomics. The fact that any Family in my Empire could so deploy its atomics as 
+to destroy the planetary bases of fifty or more other Families causes some 
+nervousness, true. But all of us possess precautionary plans for devastating 
+retaliation. Guild and Landsraad contain the keys which hold this force in 
+check, No, my concern goes to the development of humans as special weapons. 
+Here is a virtually unlimited field which a few powers are developing.
+
+  -- Muad'dib: Lecture to the War College from The Stilgar Chronicle
+%
+Empires do not suffer emptiness of purpose at the time of their creation. It is 
+when they have become established that aims are lost and replaced by vague 
+ritual.
+
+  -- Words of Muad'dib by Princess Irulan.
+%
+"Once more the drama begins."
+
+  -- The Emperor Paul Muad'dib on his ascension to the Lion Throne
+%
+Truth suffers from too much analysis.
+
+  -- Ancient Fremen Saying
+%
+The Fremen see her as the Earth Figure, a demigoddess whose special charge is 
+to protect the tribes through her powers of violence. She is Reverend Mother to 
+their Reverend Mothers. To pilgrims who seek her out with demands that she 
+restore virility or make the barren fruitful, she is a form of antimentat.
+She feeds on that proof that the "analytic" has limits. She represents ultimate 
+tension. She is the virgin-harlot -- witty, vulgar, cruel, as destructive in 
+her whims as a coriolis storm.
+
+  -- St. Alia of the Knife as taken from The Irulan Report
+%
+The most dangerous game in the universe is to govern from an oracular base.
+We do not consider ourselves wise enough or brave enough to play that game.
+The measures detailed here for regulation in lesser matters are as near as
+we dare venture to the brink of government. For our purposes, we borrow a
+definition from the Bene Gesserit and we consider the various worlds as gene
+pools, sources of teachings and teachers, sources of the possible. Our goal
+is not to rule, but to tap these gene pools, to learn, and to free ourselves
+from all restraints imposed by dependency and government.
+
+  -- "The Orgy as a Tool of Statecraft," Chapter Three of The Steersman's Guild
+%
+  Here lies a toppled god --  
+  His fall was not a small one. 
+  We did but build his pedestal, 
+  A narrow and a tall one.
+  
+    -- Tleilaxu Epigram
+%
+I think what a joy it is to be alive, and I wonder if I'll ever leap inward
+to the root of this flesh and know myself as once I was. The root is there. 
+Whether any act of mine can find it, that remains tangled in the future.
+But all things a man can do are mine. Any act of mine may do it.
+
+  -- The Ghola Speaks Alia's Commentary
+%
+"You do not beg the sun for mercy."
+
+  -- Maud'dib's Travail from The Stilgar Commentary
+%
+"I've had a bellyful of the god and priest business! You think I don't see my 
+own mythos? Consult your data once more, Hayt. I've insinuated my rites into 
+the most elementary human acts. The people eat in the name of Muad'dib! They 
+make love in my name, are born in my name -- cross the street in my name.
+A roof beam cannot be raised in the lowliest hovel of far Gangishree
+without invoking the blessing of Muad'dib!"
+
+  -- Book of Diatribes from The Hayt Chronicle
+%
+  Oh, worm of many teeth,
+  Canst thou deny what has no cure? 
+  The flesh and breath which lure thee 
+  To the ground of all beginnings 
+  Feed on monsters twisting in a door of fire! 
+  Thou hast no robe in all thy attire 
+  To cover intoxications of divinity 
+  Or hide the burnings of desire!
+  
+    -- Wormsong from the Dunebook
+%
+The audacious nature of Muad'dib's actions may be seen in the fact that He knew 
+from the beginning whither He was bound, yet not once did He step aside from 
+that path. He put it clearly when He said: "I tell you that I come now to my 
+time of testing when it will be shown that I am the Ultimate Servant."
+Thus He weaves all into One, that both friend and foe may worship Him.
+It is for this reason and this reason only that His Apostles prayed: "Lord,
+save us from the other paths which Muad'dib covered with the Waters of His Life."
+Those "other paths" may be imagined only with the deepest revulsion.
+
+  -- from The Yiam-el-Din (Book of Judgment)
+%
+No matter how exotic human civilization becomes, no matter the developments
+of life and society nor the complexity of the machine / human interface, there 
+always come interludes of lonely power when the course of humankind, the very 
+future of humankind, depends upon the relatively simple actions of single 
+individuals.
+
+  -- from The Tlielaxu Godbuk
+%
+Production growth and income growth must not get out of step in my Empire.
+That is the substance of my command. There are to be no balance-of-payment 
+difficulties between the different spheres of influence. And the reason for 
+this is simply because I command it. I want to emphasize my authority in this 
+area. I am the supreme energy-eater of this domain, and will remain so, alive 
+or dead. My Government is the economy.
+
+  -- Order in Council The Emperor Paul Muad'dib
+%
+The convoluted wording of legalisms grew up around the necessity to hide from 
+ourselves the violence we intend toward each other. Between depriving a man of 
+one hour from his life and depriving him of his life there exists only a 
+difference of degree. You have done violence to him, consumed his energy. 
+Elaborate euphemisms may conceal your intent to kill, but behind any use of 
+power over another the ultimate assumption remains: "I feed on your energy."
+
+  -- Addenda to Orders in Council The Emperor Paul Muad'dib
+%
+  He has gone from Alia, 
+  The womb of heaven! 
+  Holy, holy, holy! 
+  Fire-sand leagues 
+  Confront our Lord. 
+  He can see 
+  Without eyes!
+  A demon upon him! 
+  Holy, holy, holy 
+  Equation:
+  He solved for 
+  Martyrdom!
+  
+    -- The Moon Falls Down Songs of Muad'dib
+%
+Tibana was an apologist for Socratic Christianity, probably a native of IV 
+Anbus who lived between the eight and ninth centuries before Corrino, likely in 
+the second reign of Dalamak. Of his writings, only a portion survives from 
+which this fragment is taken: "The hearts of all men dwell in the same 
+wilderness."
+
+  -- from The Dunebuk of Irulan
+%
+The sequential nature of actual events is not illuminated with lengthy 
+precision by the powers of prescience except under the most extraordinary 
+circumstances. The oracle grasps incidents cut out of the historic chain. 
+Eternity moves. It inflicts itself upon the oracle and the supplicant alike. 
+Let Muad'dib's subjects doubt his majesty and his oracular visions.
+Let them deny his powers. Let them never doubt Eternity.
+
+  -- The Dune Gospels
+%
+There exists a limit to the force even the most powerful may apply without 
+destroying themselves. Judging this limit is the true artistry of government. 
+Misuse of power is the fatal sin. The law cannot be a tool of vengeance,
+never a hostage, nor a fortification against the martyrs it has created.
+You cannot threaten any individual and escape the consequences.
+
+  -- Muad'dib on Law, The Stilgar Commentary
+%
+  There was a man so wise, 
+  He jumped into 
+  A sandy place 
+  And burnt out both his eyes!
+  And when he knew his eyes were gone, 
+  He offered no complaint. 
+  He summoned up a vision 
+  And made himself a saint.
+  
+    -- Children's Verse from History of Muad'dib
+%
+We say of Muad'dib that he has gone on a journey
+into that land where we walk without footprints.
+
+  -- Preamble to the Qizarate Creed
+%
+  No bitter stench of funeral-still for Muad'dib. 
+  No knell nor solemn rite to free the mind 
+  From avaricious shadows. 
+  He is the fool saint, 
+  The golden stranger living forever 
+  On the edge of reason.
+  Let your guard fall and he is there! 
+  His crimson peace and sovereign pallor 
+  Strike into our universe on prophetic webs 
+  To the verge, of a quiet glance -- there! 
+  Out of bristling star-jungles:
+  Mysterious, lethal, an oracle without eyes, 
+  Catspaw of prophecy, whose voice never dies! 
+  Shai-hulud, he awaits thee upon a strand 
+  Where couples walk and fix, eye to eye, 
+  The delicious ennui of love.
+  He strides through the long cavern of time, 
+  Scattering the fool-self of his dream.
+  
+    -- The Ghola's Hymn
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/firefly b/local/share/fortune/firefly
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..8c5906a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/firefly
@@ -0,0 +1,4014 @@
+Mal: "We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we
+are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Wash: "Everything looks good from here... (beat...playing with plastic
+dinosaurs over his console) Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will
+thrive." 
+
+(as Stegosaurus) "We will rule over all this land, and we will call it...
+'This Land'."
+
+(as T-Rex) "I think we should call it...your grave!" 
+
+(Stegosaurus) "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
+
+(T-Rex) "Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh...now die!"
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Take my love, take my land
+Take me where I cannot stand
+I don't care, I'm still free
+You can't take the sky from me
+
+Take me out to the black
+Tell them I ain't comin' back
+Burn the land and boil the sea
+You can't take the sky from me
+
+There's no place I can be
+Since I found Serenity
+But you can't take the sky from me...
+%
+Mal: "I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee
+from being cheerful." (he smiles at her, never stopping working) "Sometimes
+you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month."
+
+Kaylee: (kisses Mal) "I love my captain."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "Something ain't right."
+
+Wash: "Sweetie, we're crooks.  If everything were right, we'd be in jail."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Wash: "Just a couple of days lying around.  You with the bathing, 
+me with the watching you bathe."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Kaylee: "I'd sure like to get a new compression coil."
+
+Mal: "And I'd like to be the king of all Londinum and wear a shiny hat."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Wheel always keeps on turning, Badger."
+
+Badger: "That only matters to people on the rim."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Badger: "Crime and politics, little girl.  The situation is always... fluid."
+
+Jayne: "The only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusing to pay our wage."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Book: "The destination's not important.  How you get there's the worthier
+part."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Book: "Been out of the world for a spell.  Like to walk it a while."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into
+nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Jayne! Your mouth is talking, you'd might wanna look to that."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again."
+
+Mal: "Why not?"
+
+Zoe: "She shot you."
+
+Mal: "Well, yeah, she did a bit..."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Ain't no way in the verse they could find that compartment, even if
+they were lookin' for it."
+
+Zoe: "Why not?"
+
+Mal: "... cause?"
+
+Zoe: "Oh yeah, this is going to go great."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just...you know... shoot 'em."
+
+Zoe: "Shoot 'em?"
+
+Mal: "Politely."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Send word to Patience?"
+
+Wash: "Haven't heard back yet.  Didn't she shoot you one time?"
+
+Mal: "Everyone's making a fuss."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Simon: (concerning Jayne) "What do you pay him for?"
+
+Mal: "Public relations."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Book: "Captain, do you mind if I say grace?"
+
+Mal: "Only if you say it out loud."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "How's business?"
+
+Inara: "None of yours."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Book: "The important thing is the spices.  A man could live on enough 
+packaged food from here till judgment day as long as he has 
+enough rosemary."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "That's what governments are for, to get in a man's way."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Simon: (concerning Jayne) "What do you pay him for?"
+
+Mal: "Public relations."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Inara: "So, would you like to lecture me on the wickedness of my ways?"
+
+Book: "I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few
+very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has lepers."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Wash: "Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issue?"
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Now, you only gotta scare him."
+
+Jayne: (beat) "Pain is scary."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "It's a girl. Cute too.  'Cept I don't think she's all there, you know?
+Course, not all of her has to be."
+ 				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "I was gonna get me an ear."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Simon: "What will they do?"
+
+Zoe: "If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and
+sew our skins into their clothing and if we're very very lucky, they'll
+do it in that order."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Patience: "I have to say I didn't look to be hearing from you any time soon."
+
+Mal: "Well, we may not have parted on the best of terms. I realize certain 
+words were exchanged, also, certain... bullets."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "I believe that woman's planning to shoot me again."
+
+Jayne: "Here's  a little concept I been workin' on. Why don't we shoot
+her first?"
+
+Wash: "It is her turn."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?"
+
+Mal: "I'm standing right here."
+
+Jayne: "You're coming through good and loud."
+
+Mal: "'Cause I'm standing right here."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "Don't think its a good spot sir, she still has the advantage over us."
+
+Mal: "Everyone always does.  That's what makes us special."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Well, you were right about this being a bad idea."
+
+Zoe: "Thanks for sayin', sir."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "Sir, I'd like you to take the helm pleases.  I need this man to tear all my clothes off."
+
+Wash: "Work, work, work."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Had a good day."
+
+Simon: "You had the alliance on you, criminals and savages, half the people
+on this ship have been shot or wounded, including yourself, and
+you're harboring known fugitives."
+
+Mal: "We're still flyin'."
+
+Simon: "That's not much."
+
+Mal: "It's enough."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+Mal: (to Simon) "If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me,
+and you'll be armed."
+				--Episode #1, "Serenity"
+%
+(Mal makes a move in Chinese Checkers)
+
+Zoe: "That's a bold move."
+
+Mal: "I live on the edge."
+
+(Zoe makes a devastating move)
+
+Jayne (to Mal): "Nice work, dumbass."
+
+Mal: "I've given some thought to moving off the edge. Not an ideal location.
+Maybe a place in the middle...."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Drunk: "Hey, you gonna toast unification with me?  Six years today, the
+Alliance sent the Browncoats runnin', pissin' their pants... You know, your
+coat is kinda a brownish color."
+
+Mal: "It was on sale."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Drunk: "I'm thinking you're one of them Independents."
+
+Mal: "And I'm thinking you weren't overburdened with schooling. So why don't
+we both ignore each other until we go away."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "Say that to my face."
+
+Drunk: "I said, you're a coward, and a pisspot.  Now what are you going to do 
+about it?"
+
+Mal: "Nothing!  I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you." (Zoe
+punches the thug out) "Drunks are so cute."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Jayne: "Hey, I didn't fight in no war. Best of luck, though."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: (into com) "Wash, we've got some local color happening. Your grand
+entrance would not go amiss right now."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+(Zoe, Mal, and Jayne are backed up against the edge of a cliff by a bunch of
+drunken brawlers)
+
+Mal: "There's just an acre of you fellas, ain't there?" (to Zoe) "This is
+why we lost, you know. Superior numbers."
+
+Zoe: "Thanks for the re-enactment, sir."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Wash: "Every man there go back inside, or we will blow a new crater in this
+little moon."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Jayne: "Damn yokels can't even tell a transport freighter ain't got no guns on
+it."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Kaylee: "So, what happened? Was there a terrible brawl?"
+
+Zoe: "Oddly enough, there was."
+
+Wash: "Are you getting my wife into trouble?"
+
+Mal: "What? I didn't start it! I just wanted a quiet drink."
+
+Zoe: "Funny, sir, how you always seem to find yourself in an
+Alliance-friendly bar come U-Day, looking for a quiet drink."
+
+Mal: "See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid
+and crotchety. It breaks the heart."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "Ladies and menfolk: We've got ourselves a job."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "Take us out of the world Wash, we've got us some crime to be done."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "Well they tell you: never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on
+occasion, hilarious."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+River: "Mal. Bad. In the Latin."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "She's a little whimsical in the brainpan, seems calm enough though"
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Book: "That young man's very brave."
+
+Mal: "Yeah.  He's my hero!"
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "Well, what about you, Shepherd? How come you're flying about with us
+brigands? I mean, shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the
+Fuzzie-Wuzzies or some such?" 
+
+Book: "Oh, I got heathens aplenty right here." 
+
+Mal: "If I'm your mission, Shepherd, best give it up. You're welcome on my
+boat. God ain't."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Inara: "You have such lovely hair. I'm sure the doctor would agree."
+
+Kaylee: "Who, Simon? No, he's too... I'm just... Do you think it would look
+better up?"
+
+Inara: "We could experiment. We might even get wild later and wash your
+face."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Inara: "There's an energy about a person that's difficult to hide. You try to
+feel that..."
+
+Mal: "And then you try to feel the energy around their credit account. It has
+a sort of aura..."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Inara: (pissed) "What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?"
+
+Mal: "That it was manly and impulsive?"
+
+Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "And Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there
+monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?"
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "You're servicing crew now?"
+
+Inara: "In your lonely and pathetic dreams."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Inara: "Mal! If you're being a gentleman, I may die of shock."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Niska: "You have seen Crow.  He loves to stand at the door to say 'Boo!'"
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Niska: "Ooh!  You do not like I kill this man?"
+
+Mal: "Oh, no. I'm sure he... was a very bad person."
+
+Niska: "My wife's nephew.  At dinner I am getting earful.  
+There is no way out of that."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Zoe: "He's a psycho, you know.  Niska."
+
+Mal: "He's not the first psycho to hire us, or the last.  You think that's a
+commentary on us?"
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Inara: "You could always pray they make it back safely."
+
+Book: "I don't think the captain would much like me praying for him."
+
+Inara: "So don't tell him. I never do."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Zoe: "Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "Hell, this job I would pull for free!"
+
+Zoe: "Then can I have your share?"
+
+Mal: "No."
+
+Zoe: "If you die can I have your share?"
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Simon: "So, what are we doing?"
+
+Kaylee: "Oh, crime."
+
+Simon: "Crime?  Good, OK... crime..."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Jayne: "Time for some thrilling heroics."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Jayne: "These are stone killers, little man. They ain't cuddly like me."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+River: "They won't stop. They'll never stop. They'll just keep coming until they
+get back what you took. Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of
+blue..."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Jayne: "How's about you shut that crazy mouth?  Is that a fun game?"
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "Whatever happens, remember I love you."
+
+Zoe: "Sir?"
+
+Mal: "Because you're my wife."
+
+Zoe: "Right, sir... honey."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "That sounds like the Alliance.  Unite all the planets under one rule
+so that everybody can be interfered with or ignored equally."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Jayne: "You know what the chain of command is?  It's the chain I go get and
+beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin' command here." 
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Jayne: "You can't change that... by gettin' all... bendy."
+
+Wash: "All what?"
+
+Jayne: "You got the... the light... from the console... keep you... lift you
+up.  They shine like... (snatching at the air)... little angels..." (falls
+over, unconscious)
+
+Wash: "Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?"
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Inara: "Zoe. What would your husband say if he knew you were here?"
+
+Zoe: "I... I was weak."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Sheriff: "His story had kind of an odor to it."
+
+Inara: "Yes. It's not the only thing about him that does."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "Nice shot."
+
+Jayne: "I was aiming for his head."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Sheriff: "You were truthful back in town -- these are tough times. A man can get
+a job, he might not look too close at what that job is. But a man learns all
+the details of a situation like ours.... well, then he has a choice. "
+
+Mal: "I don't believe he does."
+				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Mal: "Now, this is all the money Niska gave us in advance.  You bring it
+back to him, tell him the job didn't work out.  
+
+(Crow spits)
+
+Mal: "We're not thieves. (beat)  Well, we are thieves.  Point is, we're not
+taking what's his.  Now, we'll stay out of his way the best we can from here
+on in.  You explain that that's best for everyone, okay?"
+
+Crow: "Keep the money.  Use it to buy a funeral.  It doesn't matter where
+you go, or how far you fly.  I will hunt you down, and the last thing you
+see will be my blade."
+
+Mal: "... Darn." (kicks Crow solidly, knocking him into one of Serenity's
+engines and killing him.  A second henchman is brought forward).  "Now, this
+is all the money Niska gave us in advance..."
+
+Henchman: (overeager) "Oh, I'm good!  Best thing for everyone!  I'm right
+there with you!"				--Episode #2, "The Train Job"
+%
+Zoe: "Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something." 
+
+Wash: (alarmed) "Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying
+this thing!?" (deadpan) "Oh right, that would be me. Back to work." 
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Jayne: "Tell you what I think -- I figure that fellow we ran into, did everyone
+on board. Then he decided to take a swim, see how fast his blood boiled out
+his ears."
+
+Wash: "You're a very 'up' person."
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Book: "Should I remind you of the story of the Good Samaritan?"
+
+Mal: "I'd rather if you didn't."
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Jayne: "It's impressive what 'nothing' can do to a man. Like that fellow we
+bumped into. He's likely stuck up under our belly about now. That's what
+space trash does, you know. Kind of latches onto the first big something
+stops long enough. Hey, now -- that'd be a bit like you and your sister,
+wouldn't it?"
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Mal: "No one's gonna hurt you... any more than we already did."
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Simon: "Ah, yes.  He's a real beast.  It's a wonder you're still alive."
+
+Jayne: "...Looked bigger when I couldn't see him."
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Mal: "Reavers might take issue with that philosophy.  If they had a 
+philosophy.  If they weren't too busy gnawing at your insides."
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Kaylee: "Looks like they've jury-rigged it with a pressure catch. It's the
+only thing that'd work with all these spare parts. We could probably bypass
+that easy, we get to the DC line." 
+
+Mal: "You tell me right now, little Kaylee, you really think you can do
+this?" 
+
+Kaylee: "Sure. Yeah. I think so. 'Sides, if I mess up, not like you'll be
+able to yell at me." 
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Mal: "Stack everything here, in plain sight.  Wouldn't want it to seem like
+we got anything to hide.  It might give them Alliance boys the wrong
+impression."
+
+Wash: "Or the right one."
+
+Mal: "That too."
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Commander: "Looks to me like an illegal salvage operation."
+
+Mal: "It does?  That's discouraging."
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Alliance Commander: "You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?" 
+
+Zoe: "Fought with a lot of people in the war." 
+
+Alliance Commander: "And your husband?" 
+
+Zoe: "Fight with him sometimes, too." 
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Alliance Commander: "Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were
+on the wrong side of." 
+
+Mal: "May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong
+one." 
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+River: "Let's go again!"
+
+Simon: "Later.  Maybe."
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Jayne: "You saved his gorram life, he still takes the cargo. Hwoon dahn."
+[jerk] 
+
+Mal: "He had to.... Couldn't let us profit. Wouldn't be civilized." 
+				--Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
+%
+Inara: "I like watching the game. As with other situations, the key seems to be
+giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back."
+
+Mal: "'Course, they won't discover it 'til they order the next round of
+drinks."
+
+Thug: "Way."
+
+Mal: "Good drinker, that one."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Zoe: "I thought you'd get land-crazy, that long in port."
+
+Wash: "Probably, but I've been sane a while now and change is good."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "Sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt"
+
+Zoe: "Wasn't planning on the dirt kissing, sir."
+
+Wash: "I wouldn't stand for it anyway, captain, jealous man like me."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Wash: (Off an alarm sounding from the console) "Closing in." 
+
+Zoe: "Planet's coming up a mite fast." 
+
+Wash: "That's just cause I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill
+us all." 
+
+Mal: "Well, that happens, let me know." 
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "Hmmm.  It sounds like one of the finest parties I could imagine 
+getting paid to go to."
+
+Inara: "I don't suppose you'd find it up to standards of your outings.  More
+conversation and somewhat less petty theft and getting hit with pool cues."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Kaylee: "Look at the pretties!"
+
+Wash: "What am I looking at, the girls or the clothes?"
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Kaylee: (pointing to a pink frilly dress) "Say, look at the fluffy one!" 
+
+Zoe: "Too much foofaraw. If I'm going to wear a dress, I'd want something
+with some slink." 
+
+Wash: "You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I
+have money for a slinky dress?" 
+
+Jayne: "I'll chip in." 
+
+Zoe: (to Jayne) "I can hurt you." 
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Kaylee: "I like the ruffles.  Inara gets to wear whatever she wants.
+
+Mal: "What are you going to do in that rig?  Flounce around the engine room? 
+Be like a sheep walking on its hind legs"
+
+(Kaylee storms off)
+
+Zoe: (angry) "See ya on the ship, Captain."
+
+Jayne: "She mad or somethin?"
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Badger: "Captain Reynolds, heard you was in town, though we might have a bit of a sit down."
+
+Mal: "Prefer a bit of a piss off."
+
+Badger: "I'm very sorry, did I give you the impression I was asking?"
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "Seems to me the last time there was a chance for a little palaver, we
+were all manner of unwelcome."
+
+Jayne: (drinking) "This ain't bad."
+
+Badger: "There's a trick to it: wood alcohol."
+
+Mal: "Now we're favored guests, treated to the finest in beverages that make
+you blind."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "You backed out of a deal last time, left us hanging..."
+
+Jayne: "...hurt our feelings."
+
+Mal: "You recall why that took place?"
+
+Badger: "Had a problem with your attitude is why. Though you was... what's the word..."
+
+Jayne: "Pretentious?"
+
+Badger: "Exactly!  You think you better than other people!"
+
+Mal: "Just the ones I'm better than."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "Does, uh... does this seem kind of tight?" 
+
+Kaylee: "Shows off your backside. Did you see the chandelier? It's hovering." 
+
+Mal: ""What's the point of that, I wonder.  I mean I see the how they did it, 
+I'm just not getting the why."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Kaylee: "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I-- how
+'bout that!" 
+
+Mal: "Yeah, well, just be careful. We cheated Badger out of good money to
+buy that frippery, and you're supposed to make me look respectable." 
+
+Kaylee: "Yessir, Captain Tight Pants." 
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "Okay, help me find our man; he's supposed to be older. Kind of stocky,
+wears a red sash crossways." 
+
+Kaylee: "Why does he do that?" 
+
+Mal: "Maybe he won the Miss Persephone pageant. Just help me look." 
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Kaylee: "Is that him?"
+
+Mal: "That's the buffet table."
+
+Kaylee: "Well, how can we be sure, unless we question it?"
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Kaylee: "I'm not saying the 80-04's hard to repair, it just ain't worth it."
+
+Older Farmer: "It's a fine machine, you just keep it tuned."
+
+Kaylee: "Tsai boo shr." [That's not it.] "The extenders ain't braced."
+
+Murphy: "I've been telling him to buy the 80-10 for years."
+
+Kaylee: "Those 'tenders snap off, don't matter how good the engine's
+cycling."
+
+Younger Farmer: "Miss Kaylee, I wonder if I could request the honor of...."
+
+Murphy: (interrupting) "Wait a minute. Let her talk. She's talking. Dance
+later."
+
+Kaylee: "By the way, the 80-10's the same machine, they just changed the
+plating and hope no one noticed."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Zoe: (sighs) "I thought you wanted to spend more time off ship this visit."
+
+Wash: "I don't know.  Out there it seems like all fancy parties. I like our 
+party better.  The dress codes easier and I know all the steps."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Wash: "Don't fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of character. Ask
+anyone! You're acting captain. Know what happens you fall asleep now?" 
+
+Zoe: "Jayne slits my throat and takes over." 
+
+Wash: "That's right." 
+
+Zoe: "And we can't stop it." 
+
+Wash: "Well, I wash my hands of it. It's a hopeless case. I'll read a nice
+poem at the funeral. Something with imagery." 
+
+Zoe: "You could lock the door and keep the power-hungry maniac at bay." 
+
+Wash: "Oh, no, I'm starting to like this poetry idea now. 'Here lies my
+beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now she's all
+corpsified and gross'..."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Bitca: "It's not as good as last year."
+
+Kaylee: "Oh, really? What'd they have last year?"
+
+Bitca: "Standards."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Gentleman: "Why, Banning Miller! What a vision you are in your fine dress.
+It must have taken a dozen slaves a dozen days to get you into that getup. 
+
+Of course, your daddy tells me it takes the space of a schoolboy's wink to 
+get you out of it again."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Harrow: "I know him. And I think he's a psychotic lowlife." 
+
+Mal: "And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife
+community." 
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Inara: "I see Kaylee's here."
+
+Mal: "Cried Cinderella tears. You should have seen her when I told her she
+could have that layer cake she's wearing."
+
+Inara: "I think she looks adorable."
+
+Mal: "Yeah, but I never said it."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "Use of a swhat?"
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Kaylee: Up until the punching, it was a real nice party.
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Simon: "The captain's a good fighter, must know how to handle a sword."
+
+Zoe: "I think he knows which end to hold."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Inara: "Atherton's a heavy sleeper the night before a big day. You know, he's
+got the killing in the morning, then a haircut later."
+
+Mal: "Such a comfort, having friends visit at a time like this."
+
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "I actually thought I was defending your honor and I _never_ back down 
+from a fight!"
+
+Inara: "Yes, you do. You do all the time."
+
+Mal: "Well... yea... but I'm not backing down from this one."
+
+Inara: "He's an expert swordsman, Mal -- you had trouble with the pillar. How
+will your death help my honor?"
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Jayne: "What we need's a diversion. I say Zoe gets naked."
+
+Wash: "Nope."
+
+Jayne: "I could get naked."
+
+Wash and Simon, in unison: "No!"
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Badger: "Why ain't she talking? She's got a secret."
+
+River: "Sure, I got a secret. More'n one. Don't seem likely I'd tell them to you
+now, do it?  Anyone off Dyton Colony knows better than to talk to strangers.
+You're talkin' loud enough for the both of us, though, ain't ya?  I've known
+a dozen like you. Skipped off home early.  Run graft jobs 'ere and there.
+Spent some time in the lockdown, but less than you claim.  Now you're what?
+Petty thief with illusions of standing.  Sad little king of a sad little
+hill."
+
+Badger: "...Nice to see someone from the old homestead."
+
+River: "Not really."  (to Simon)  "Call me if anyone interesting shows up."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Jayne: "That there? Exactly the kind of diversion we could have used."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Inara: "Attack." (Mal lunges at her with sword; she sidesteps and swats him
+on the butt; he grunts in pain) "How did I avoid that?" 
+
+Mal: "By being fast like a freak?" 
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Inara: "You have a strange sense of nobility. You'll lay a man out for implying
+I'm a whore, but you keep calling me one to my face."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Inara: "You are always breaking the rules, no matter what society you're in! 
+You don't get along with ordinary criminals either, which is why you are
+constantly getting in trouble!"
+
+Mal: "And you think following rules will buy you a nice life, even if the
+rules make you a slave."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "Don't take his offer."
+
+Inara: "What?"
+
+Mal: "Don't do it.  Because in the case that it happens, that means he's 
+the fellow that killed me. And I don't like fellows that killed me, not 
+in general."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Harrow: "You have to finish it, lad. You have to finish it. For a man to lay
+beaten... and yet breathing? It makes him a coward." 
+
+Inara: "It's humiliation." 
+
+Mal: "Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better
+man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly
+stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I'm just a good one. (stabs him again)
+Well, I'm all right." 
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Atherton: "You set this up, whore! After I bought and paid for you. I should have
+uglied you up so no one else would want you."
+
+Mal: "See how I'm not punching him? I think I've grown."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Atherton: "Well, get ready to starve! I'll see to it you never work again."
+
+Inara: "Actually, that's not how it works. You see, you've earned yourself a
+black mark in the client registry. No Companion is going to contact with you
+ever again."
+
+Harrow: "You'll have to rely on your winning personality to get women. God help
+you."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Harrow: "You didn't have to wound the man." 
+
+Mal: "Yeah, I know, it was just funny." 
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Jayne: "We was just about to spring into action, Captain. Complicated
+escape-and-rescue operation."
+
+Wash: "I was going to watch. It was very exciting."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Inara: "Thank you for the wine. It's very... fresh." 
+
+Mal: "To Kaylee, and her inter-engine fermentation system."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Inara: "Are you in pain?" 
+
+Mal: "Absolutely. I got stabbed, you know. Right here." 
+
+Inara: "I saw." 
+
+Mal: "Don't care much for fancy parties. Too rough." 
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Inara: "It wasn't entirely a disaster." 
+
+Mal: "I got stabbed! Right here!" 
+
+Inara: "You also lined up exciting new crime."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Mal: "It's good to have cargo.  Makes us a target for every other scavenger 
+out there of course, but, sometimes that's fun too."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+Inara: "I am grateful, you know. For the ill-conceived and high-handed attempt
+to defend my honor although I didn't want you to."
+
+Mal: "Gracious as that is, as I look back, probably should have stayed out of 
+your world."
+				--Episode #4, "Shindig"
+%
+River: "We got outflanked by an Independent squad, and we're never gonna make it
+back to our platoon. We need to resort to cannibalism."
+
+Simon: "That was fast. Don't we have rations or anything?"
+
+River: "They got lost. We're going to have to eat the men."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mr. Tam: "I will not have it in my house. But since your mother's already
+ordered one, I guess I might as well give up the fantasy that this is my
+house."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "So, she's added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire.
+She really is a prodigy." 
+
+Simon: "It's just a bad day." 
+
+Mal: "No, a bad day is when someone's yellin' spooks the cattle. Understand?
+You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kind of
+like a...a meat grinder. And it'll lose us half the herd." 
+
+Simon: "She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle." 
+
+Mal: "No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two
+miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we
+unload, she can holler until our ears bleed." (to River) "Although I would
+take it as a kindness if she didn't." 
+
+River: "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate
+vacuuming systems." 
+
+Mal: (to Simon) "See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long
+as she does it quiet-like." 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "You know, they walk just as easy if you lead them."
+
+Jayne: "I like smackin' them."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Zoe: "Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller."
+
+Wash: "Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles..."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+River: "Little soul big world.  Eat and sleep and eat...  Many souls.  Very
+straight, very simple"
+
+Mal: "Cattle on the ship three weeks, she don't go near 'em.  Suddenly,
+we're on Jiangyin and she's got a driving need to commune with the beasts?"
+
+River: "They weren't cows inside.  They were waiting to be, but they forgot. 
+Now they see sky and they remember what they are."
+
+Mal: "Is it bad that what she just said makes perfect sense to me?"
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "When a man engages in clandestine dealings, he has this preference for
+things going smoothly. She makes things not be smooth."
+
+Simon: "Right. I'm very sorry she tipped off anyone about your cunningly
+concealed herd of cows."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Inara: "Does it seem every supply store on every border planet has the same
+five rag dolls and the same wood carvings of... What is this?  A duck?"
+
+Kaylee: "That's a swan.  And I like it"
+
+Inara: "You do?"
+
+Kaylee: "It looks like it was made with, you know... longing.  Made by a
+person who really longed to see a swan."
+
+Inara: "Perhaps because they'd only heard of them by rough description."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "This is the last time.  The last time with cows.  I hear there is 
+an idea involving beagles, they have smallish droppings?"
+
+Zoe: "I believe so sir." 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Grange: "Scrawny."
+
+Mal: "Milk and hay, three times a day, fed to them by beautiful women."
+
+Jayne: "It was something to see."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Grande: "They's branded."
+
+Mal: "Now you boys are hitting all the selling points.  A fresh 
+brand is a dead give-away. Claim them as your own."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Grange: "We can go to 25."
+
+Mal: "Well... we'll be taking a loss. But you seem like clean and virtuous
+boys. Done."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "It never goes smooth.  How come it never goes smooth?"
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Book: "That's... that's quite a lot of blood, isn't it?"
+
+Mal: "Just means you ain't dead."
+
+Book: " 'fraid I might be needin' a preacher."
+
+Mal: "That's good.  You just lie there and be ironical." (to Jayne)
+"Stretcher!"
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Simon: "Some of these words -- they're misspelled. She started correcting my
+spelling when she was three."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Book: "That bad?" 
+
+Zoe: "Battle wounds are nothing new to me, preacher. I've seen men live
+with a dozen holes in 'em this size." 
+
+Book: "That right?" 
+
+Zoe: "Surely is. Knew a man once who had a hole clean through his whole
+shoulder. Used to keep a spare hankie in there." 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Jayne: (mock reading Simon's journal) "Dear Diary...today I was pompous and
+my sister was crazy." (flips page) "Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk
+never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Kaylee: "Well, we're headed for help... right?" 
+
+Zoe: "Captain will come up with a plan." 
+
+Kaylee: "That's good. Right?" 
+
+Zoe: "Possibly you're not recalling some of his previous plans." 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Zoe: "You sanguine about the kind of reception we're apt to receive on an
+Alliance ship, Cap'n?" 
+
+Mal: "Absolutely." (beat) "What's 'sanguine' mean?" 
+
+Zoe: " 'Sanguine'. Hopeful. Plus -- point of interest -- it also means
+'bloody'." 
+
+Mal: "Well, that pretty much covers all the options, don't it?" 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Doralee: "Place like this might be good for your sister. Quiet, 
+safe, place where folks take care of each other."
+
+Simon: "Yes, seems like a lovely little community of kidnappers."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+River: "I took you away from there."
+
+Simon: "No."
+
+River: "I know I did. You don't think I do, but... I get confused. I remember
+everything. I remember too much and.... Some of it's made up and... some of
+it can't be quantified and there's secrets..."
+
+Simon: "It's okay."
+
+River: "But I understand. You gave up everything to find me, and you found me
+broken. It's hard for you. You gave up everything you had."
+
+Simon: "Mei mei, everything I have is right here."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Simon: "These are better than the Camberson's berries."
+
+River: "They are. Except they're poison."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Simon: "It's been a big day, what with the abduction and all."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Simon: "I'm sorry, Dad. You know I would never have tried to save River's life
+if I'd known there was a dinner party at risk."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mr. Tam: "Are you trying to destroy this family?"
+
+Simon: "I didn't realize it would be so easy."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "What kind of ident card gets us that kind of reception and send off?"
+
+Book: "I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God." 
+
+Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged." 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time.
+Whaddya suppose that makes us?" 
+
+Zoe: "Big damn heroes, sir." 
+
+Mal: "Ain't we just!" 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "Sorry to interrupt, folks.  Y'all got something that belongs to us 
+and we'd like it back."
+
+Patron: "This is a holy cleansing, you cannot think to thwart God's will."
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big
+gun? Now I'm not saying you weren't easy to find but it was kinda out of our
+way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill
+some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting." 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: (to Simon) "Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin' folk is near
+miraculous." 
+
+Simon: "Yes, I'm very proud." 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "Cut her down."
+
+Patron: "That girl is a witch!"
+
+Mal: "Yeah, but she's our witch.  So cut her the hell down!"
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Simon: "So finally...a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I'm
+sorry." 
+
+Mal: "Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens." 
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Mal: "So Shepard says to a Companion, "Well, a good goat will do that." "
+				--Episode #5, "Safe"
+%
+Bandit #1: "And I think maybe you're gonna give me a little one-on-one
+time with the missus." 
+
+Jayne/Husband: "Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part.
+See, I married me a powerful ugly creature." 
+
+Mal/Wife: "How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new
+people?" 
+
+Jayne/Husband: "If I could make you purtier, I would." 
+
+Mal/Wife: "You are not the man I met a year ago." 
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now.
+They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail
+cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I
+will end you."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Inara: "So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn't in the dress?" 
+
+Mal: "Tactics, woman! Needed her in the back. 'Sides, them soft cotton
+dresses feel kind of nice. There's a whole airflow." 
+
+Inara: "And you would know that because...?" 
+
+Mal: "You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman,
+I'm a mystery." 
+
+Inara: "Best keep it that way. I withdraw the question."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "I'm sorry.  Go back to the part where you're my wife."
+
+Saffron: (downcast) "I don't please you."
+
+Mal: "You can't please me.  You've never met me." (Zoe and Jayne enter) "Zoe,
+why do I have a wife?"
+
+Jayne: "You got a wife?"
+
+Zoe: "What's she doing here?"
+
+Jayne: "All I got was that dumb-ass stick that sounds like it's raining. 
+How come you got a wife?"
+
+Mal: "I didn't." (to Saffron) "We're not married."
+
+Saffron: "I'm sorry if I shame you..."
+
+Mal: "You don't shame me.  Zoe, get Wash down here."
+
+Zoe: (hits comm) "This is Zoe.  We need all personnel in the cargo bay."
+
+Mal: "All?  I said Wash!"
+
+Zoe: "Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day
+of bliss."
+
+Mal: "There's no bliss!  I don't even know this girl."
+
+Jayne: "Then can I know her?"
+
+Zoe: "Jayne!  Don't sully this."
+
+Mal: "Zoe, you are going to be cleaning out the latrine with your face, you
+don't cut that out."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Book: "Who's the new recruit?"
+
+Zoe: "Everybody, I want you to meet Mrs. Reynolds."
+
+Kaylee: (excited) "You got married?!"
+
+Simon: "Well, that's... congratulations."
+
+Wash: "We always hoped you two kids would get together.  Who is she?"
+
+Mal: "She's no one!"
+
+(Saffron starts to cry)
+
+Kaylee: "Captain!"
+
+Mal: (at a loss) "Stop that."
+
+Saffron: "I'm... sorry..."
+
+Wash: "You brute."
+
+Kaylee: (to Saffron) "Oh, sweetie, don't feel bad.  He makes everybody cry. 
+He's like a monster."
+
+Mal: "I'm not a monster.  Wash, turn the ship around."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "This isn't happening." (to Saffron) "Will you stop crying?"
+
+Inara: "Oh, for God's sake, Mal, can you be a human being for thirty
+seconds?"
+
+Wash: "Speaking as one married man to another..."
+
+Mal: "I am not married!" (to Saffron) "I'm sorry.  You don't shame me, you
+have very nice qualities but I didn't ever marry you."
+
+Book: (holding encyclopedia) "I believe you did.  Last night."
+
+(Mal hesitates, as does everyone)
+
+Mal: (to Jayne, quiet) "How drunk was I last night?"
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Book: "If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very
+special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people
+who talk at the theater." 
+
+Mal: "What -- I am not... preacher, you've got a smutty mind!"
+
+Book: "Perhaps I spoke out of turn."
+
+Mal: "You may perhaps I'm thinking!"
+
+Book: "I apologize.  I'll make her up a room in the passenger dorm."
+
+Mal: "Good"
+
+(Book walks away and around the corner.  A beat later, he pokes his head
+back around to speak)
+
+Book: "The *special* hell."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Saffron: "Are you gonna kill me?"
+
+Mal: "What?  What kind of crappy planet is that?  Kill you?"
+
+Saffron: "In the maiden's home, I heard talk of men who weren't pleased
+with their brides, who..."
+
+Mal: "Well I ain't them. And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing.
+Someone tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back. Wife or no,
+you're no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right same as
+anyone to live and to try to kill people. I mean, you know. People
+that are... That's a dumb planet."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Saffron: "I'd be a good wife."
+
+Mal: "Yeah, well, I'd be a terrible husband.  You got five whole days to
+figure that out."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Saffron: "I didn't think to make enough for your friends." (to Zoe) "But
+I've everything laid out if you'd like to cook for your husband..."
+
+(Wash looks at Zoe for a microsecond of hope, before laughing
+overcompensationally)
+
+Wash: "Ta ha ha... Isn't she quaint?  I'm just not hungry..."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Zoe: (to Mal) "So, are you enjoying your own nubile little slave girl?"
+
+Mal: (mouth full) "I'm not... (chewing) nubile ... (swallows) Look, she
+wanted to make me dinner.  At least she's not crying..."
+
+Wash: "I might.  Did she really make fresh bao?" (notices Zoe's glare)
+"Quaint!"
+
+Zoe: "Remember that sex we were planning to have ever again?"
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "I would appreciate it if one person on this boat did not assume I was
+an evil, lecherous hump."
+
+Zoe: "Nobody's saying that, sir."
+
+Wash: "Yeah, we're mostly just giving each other significant glances and
+laughing incessantly.  Is that cider?"
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "Can I come in?"
+
+Inara: "No."
+
+Mal: "See, that's why I usually don't ask."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "Are you offering me a trade?" 
+
+Jayne: "A trade!? Hell, it's theft. This is the best damn gun made by man.
+It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy than what you got." 
+
+Mal: "What I got? She has a name." 
+
+Jayne: "So does this!" (caresses the gun lovingly) "I call it Vera."
+
+Mal: "Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a
+middle." 
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "Jayne: Go play with your night-stick."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Saffron: "You're a good man."
+
+Mal: "You clearly haven't been talking to anyone else on this boat..."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Wash: "Every planet has its own weird customs.  About a year before we met,
+I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was
+juggling geese.  My hand to God.  Baby geese.  Goslings.  They were juggled"
+
+Zoe: "Of course the man rushes in to defend her..."
+
+Wash: "(Huh?) I'm talking about geese."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: (looking at Saffron, shocked) "Whoa, hey... flesh..."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Saffron: "On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man
+as the furrow to the plow. He shall work in her again and again, 'til she
+bring him to his full. And rest him then upon the sweat of her breast." 
+
+Mal: "Whoa - good bible..."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell..."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Wash: "Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh (Holy mother 
+of God and all her wacky nephews), do I wish I was somebody else right now.  
+Somebody not married, not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can 
+kill me with her pinky." 
+
+Saffron: "I've been too forward."
+
+Wash: "No.  Well, yes.  But I actually like that in a woman.  That's part of
+why Zoe and I are, as previously mentioned, married."
+
+Saffron: "I thought... she didn't seem to respect you."
+
+Wash: "Not everybody gets me and Zoe at first glance.  Did it get very hot
+in here?  I need airflow."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Inara: "Come into my shuttle."
+
+Saffron: "You would lie with me?"
+
+(alarms sound)
+
+Inara: "I guess we've lied enough."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Inara: (to Mal) "You were drugged."
+
+Jayne: "That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth"
+
+(Everyone falls deathly silent)
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Zoe: "So you two were kissing?"
+
+Book: "Well, isn't that... special?"
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "You woulda kissed her too!"
+
+Zoe: "Wash didn't."
+
+Mal: "But she was naked!  And... articulate!"
+
+Wash: "Okay.  Everyone NOT talking about their sex lives, in here.  Everyone
+else, elsewhere."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Book: "You were victimized, Wash was assaulted, and then Inara found you
+here."
+
+Inara (groggy): "And then I fell and hit my head.  Like Wash."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "So why the big act?  What was she after?"
+
+Book: "Besides molesting innocent captains?"
+
+Mal: "You want to stow it, preacher?  We're in some peril here."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Zoe: "If she can fly this thing, why'd she take the shuttle?"
+
+Wash: "Maybe she likes shuttles.  Some people juggle geese!"
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Jayne: "See, Vera? Dress yourself up you get taken out somewhere fun."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Saffron: "You gonna kill me?" 
+
+Mal: "Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason for me not to?" 
+
+Saffron: "I didn't kill you." 
+
+Mal: "You handed me and my crew over to those that would kill us. That buys
+you nothing." 
+
+Saffron: (smiles) "I made you dinner." 
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Mal: "You got all kinds of learning, and you make me look a fool without even
+trying, and yet here I am with a gun to your head. That's cause I got people
+with me, people who trust each other, and do for each other, and ain't
+always looking for an advantage."
+
+Saffron: "Promise me you're going to kill me soon."
+				--Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
+%
+Simon: "I swear - when it's appropriate."
+
+Kaylee: "Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Kaylee: (seeing Inara off) "Goodbye, now.  Have good sex!"
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Simon: "My God - you're like a trained ape.  Without the training."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Simon: (to Jayne) "Enemies?  You?  No, how can it be?"
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Simon: "All right, fine, I'll go... Just, stop describing me."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Simon: "Yes, I... I've heard good things about the mud.  Lots of people
+talking about the mud..."
+
+Wash: (to Kaylee) "What happened to Simon?  Who is this diabolical master of
+disguise?"
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Mal: "You wanna tell me how come there's a statue of you here, looking at me
+like I owe him something?" 
+
+Jayne: "Wishin' I could, Captain." 
+
+Mal: "No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me--?" 
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Jayne: "Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea. I was here a few years back, like
+I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up
+on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They
+don't...put you on a pedestal in town square for that." 
+
+Mal: "Yeah, 'cept I'm looking at some fair compelling evidence says they do." 
+
+Simon: (staring at the statue) "This must be what going mad feels like." 
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Wash: (looking at Jayne's statue) "I think they captured him, though.  You
+know, captured his essence."
+
+Kaylee: "Looks sorta angry, don't he?"
+
+Wash: "That's kinda what I meant."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Jayne: "Uh, hey, I got a idea. Instead of us hanging around playing art
+critic 'til I get pinched by the man, how's about we move away from this
+eerie-ass piece of work, and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day.
+How's that?" 
+
+Mal: "I don't know.  This here's a spectacle might warrant a moment's consideration."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Book: "What are we up to, sweetheart?" 
+
+River: "Fixing your Bible." 
+
+Book: "I, um...(alarmed)...what?" 
+
+River: "Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make
+sense." (she's marked up the bible, crossed out passages) 
+
+Book: "No, no. You - you can't... "
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+River: "So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's
+creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there.
+Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven
+eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem." 
+
+Book: "Really?" 
+
+River: "We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to
+fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat." (rips out page) 
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Book: "River, you don't... fix the Bible."
+
+River: "It's broken.  It doesn't make sense."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Book: "You don't fix faith, River.  It fixes you."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Jayne: "Can't be a statue of me.  No reason for it.  Flies in the 
+face of every kind of sense."
+
+Mal: "Won't argue with that."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Wash: (spits out his first taste of his drink) swears in Chinese
+
+Jayne: "Mmm. They call it 'mudder's milk."  
+
+Wash: (gags)
+
+Jayne: "All the protein, vitamins and carbs of you grandma's best 
+turkey dinner... plus 15 percent alcohol.
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Contact: "Last week, the factory foreman and his prod crew heard he was
+moving contraband through town.  Gave him a peck of trouble for it."
+
+Mal: "What kind of peck was that?"
+
+Contact: "The kind where they hacked off his hands and feet with a machete,
+rolled him into the bog."
+
+Wash: "They peck pretty hard around here."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+("The Man They Call Jayne" is being sung in the background)
+
+Mal: "Uh, Jayne?"
+
+Jayne: "Yeah, Mal?"
+
+Mal: "You got any light you'd like to shed on this development?"
+
+Jayne: "No, Mal."
+
+Simon: "No... *This* must be what going mad feels like..."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+He robbed from the rich
+ and he gave to the poor.
+ Stood up to the man
+ and gave him what for.
+ Our love for him now
+ ain't hard to explain.
+ The hero of Canton
+ the man they call Jayne. 
+
+Our Jayne saw the mudders' backs breakin'. 
+ He saw the mudders' lament. 
+ And he saw the Magistrate takin' 
+ every dollar and leavin' five cents. 
+ So he said "You can't do that to my people." 
+ He said "You can't crush them under your heel." 
+ So Jayne strapped on his hat 
+ and in 5 seconds flat 
+ stole everythin' Boss Higgins had to steal. 
+
+He robbed from the rich 
+ and he gave to the poor. 
+ Stood up to the man 
+ and gave him what for. 
+ Our love for him now 
+ ain't hard to explain. 
+ The hero of Canton 
+ the man they call Jayne. 
+
+Now here is what separates heroes 
+ from common folk like you and I. 
+ The man they call Jayne 
+ he turned 'round his plane 
+ and let that money hit sky. 
+
+He dropped it onto our houses 
+ he dropped it into our yards. 
+ The man they called Jayne 
+ he stole away our pain 
+ and headed out for the stars! 
+
+Here we go! 
+
+He robbed from the rich 
+ and he gave to the poor. 
+ Stood up to the man 
+ and gave him what for. 
+ Our love for him now 
+ ain't hard to explain. 
+ The hero of Canton 
+ the man they call Jayne. 
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Wash: "We gotta go to a crappy town where I'm a hero!"
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Simon: "You know... I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I reattached a
+girl's leg - her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a
+hamster. He drops a box money, he gets a town."
+
+Kaylee: "Hamsters is nice."
+
+Simon: "To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong... thing."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+River: "I tore these out of your symbol, and they turned into paper."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+River: "They say the snow on the roof was too heavy. The ceiling will cave in,
+his brains are in terrible danger!"
+
+Book: "River? Please. Why don't you come out?"
+
+River: "No! Can't! Too much hair!"
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Zoe: "River, honey, he's putting the hair away now."
+
+River: "Doesn't matter.  It'll still be there... waiting."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Jayne: "You guys had a riot?  On account of me?  My very own riot?"
+
+Mudder: "I can't believe you're back."
+
+Jayne: (all emotional) "How could I stay away?!!"
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Jayne: "You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?"
+
+Mal: "You better laugh when you say that."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Zoe: "Is that Jayne? Is that really him? Wash, pinch me, I must be
+dreaming!"
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Inara: "I.. I know this man. He's... he just has this idiotic sense of
+nobility, you know?  He can never just let things go. He thinks he's this
+hard-hearted criminal and he can be unrelenting, but... there's a side to
+him that's just so...."
+
+Fess: "You mean you actually know Jayne?"
+
+Inara: "Jayne? Jayne Cobb?"
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+River: "Just keep walking, preacher-man."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Kaylee: "So, when we made love last night..."
+
+Simon: "When we what???"
+
+Kaylee: "You really are such an easy mark!"
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Mal: "It's my estimation that... every man ever got a statue made of him was
+one kind of sumbitch or another. It ain't about you, Jayne. It's about what
+they need."
+				--Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
+%
+Zoe: "You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?" 
+
+Mal: "What? Come on, seriously, Zoe. Whaddya think?" 
+
+Zoe: "Honestly, sir? I think you got robbed." 
+
+Mal: "Robbed? What? No. What do you mean?" 
+
+Zoe: "It's a piece of fei-oo." [fei-oo. = junk] 
+
+Mal: "Fei-oo? Okay, she won't be winning any beauty contests anytime soon.
+But she's solid. Ship like this, be with ya 'til the day you die." 
+
+Zoe: "Cause it's a deathtrap." 
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Mal: "You are very much lacking in imagination."
+
+Zoe: "I imagine that's so, sir."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Mal: "Try and see past what she is, to what she can be."
+
+Zoe: "What's that, sir?"
+
+Mal: "Freedom, that's what."
+
+Zoe: (pointing) "I meant, what's that?"
+
+Mal: "Oh. Yeah, just step around that. I think something must have been living
+in here."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Zoe: "Get her running again?"
+
+Mal: "Yeah.
+
+Zoe: "So, not running now?"
+
+Mal: "Not so much."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Jayne: "Now, Inara, she's gotta have some real funny whorin stories, I
+wager."
+
+Inara: "Oh, do I ever!  Funny and sexy!  You have no idea.  And you never
+will."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Simon: "How did you know?  River, did you...?"
+
+River: "Day is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles. 
+It's not applicable."  (beat)  "I didn't get you anything."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Kaylee: "Catalyzer on the port compression coil blew.  That's where the
+trouble started."
+
+Mal: "I need that in Captain Dummy talk, Kaylee."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Inara: "I love this ship.  I have from the first moment I saw it."
+
+Simon: "I just don't want to die on it."
+
+Inara: "I don't want to die at all."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+River: "Don't be afraid.  That's what it says, don't be afraid."
+
+Book: "Yes."
+
+River: "You're afraid we're going to run out of air.  That we'll die gasping. 
+But we won't.  That's not going to happen.  We'll freeze to death first."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Mal: "Wave your arms around, jump up and down, divert the navsats to the
+transmitter, whatever."
+
+Wash: "Divert the navsats to-- Right! Because teenage pranks are fun when
+you're about to die!"
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Wash: "Even if some passerby did happen to receive it, all it would do is muck
+up their navigation."
+
+Mal: "Could be that's true."
+
+Wash: "Damn right it's true! They'd be forced to stop and dig out our signal
+before they could even go anyplace."
+
+(Mal stares)
+
+Wash: "Well, maybe I should do that, then!"
+
+Mal: "Maybe you should!"
+
+Wash: "Okay!"
+
+Mal: "Good!"
+
+Wash: "Fine!"
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Jayne: "What do you two think you're doing?  Fightin' at a time like this."  
+(beat) "You'll use up all the air."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Kaylee: "Ain't nothin wrong with your grav boot.  Grav boot's just fine. 
+Hello!"
+
+Bester: "She doesn't... that's not what... no it ain't!"
+
+Kaylee: "Sure it is.  Grav boot ain't your trouble.  I seen the trouble
+plain as day when I was down there on my back before..."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Mal: "Jayne'll be worth something if you run into trouble, but don't trust
+him, and don't let him take over. You're paid up through the end of the
+month, this is still your ship."
+
+Inara: "Mal..."
+
+Mal: "As far as your security deposit goes, that I might have to owe you. "
+%
+Mal: "If it's Alliance trouble you got, you might want to consider another
+ship. Some onboard here fought for the Independents."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Inara: "The Alliance has no quarrel with me. I supported Unification."
+
+Mal: Did ya?  Well, I don't suppose you're the only whore that did."
+
+Inara: "Oh, one further addendum -- that's the last time you get to call me
+"whore"."
+
+Mal: "Absolutely. Never again."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Mal: "And try not to talk. Talking uses up air.  Ain't no need for it."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Inara: "Mal, you don't have to die alone."
+
+Mal: "Everybody dies alone."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Mal: "Which one do you figured tracked us?" 
+
+Zoe: "The ugly one, sir." 
+
+Mal: (beat) "Could you be more specific?"
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Mal: "Well, looks can be deceiving." 
+
+Jayne: "Not as deceiving as a lowdown, dirty... deceiver." 
+
+Mal: "Well said. Wasn't that well said, Zoe?" 
+
+Zoe: "Had a kind of poetry to it, sir."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Jayne: "You want I should shoot 'em now, Marco?"
+
+Marco: "Wait till they tell us where they put the stuff."
+
+Jayne: "That's a good idea.  Good idea. Tell us where the 
+stuff's at, so I can shoot ya."
+
+Mal: (raises hand) "Point of interest. Offering to shoot us 
+might not work so well as an incentive as you might imagine."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Mal: "I mean, let's say you did kill us... or didn't. There could be torture
+- whatever - but somehow, you found the goods. What would your cut be?" 
+
+Jayne: "Seven percent, straight off the top." 
+
+Mal: "Seven? Oh." 
+
+Jayne: "What?" 
+
+Mal: "Hmm? Nothing. Not a thing. No, I just... (to Zoe) does that seem low to
+you?" 
+
+Zoe: "It does, sir." 
+
+Jayne: "That ain't low." 
+
+Marco: "Stop it!" 
+
+Jayne: "Seven percent, standard." 
+
+Mal: (laughs) "Okay. Zoe, I'm paying you too much." 
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Kaylee: "Catalyzer's a nothing part, captain."
+
+Mal: "It's nothing until you don't got one. Then it appears to be everything."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+Captain: "You would have done the same."
+
+Mal: "You can already see I haven't.  Now get the hell off my ship."
+				--Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
+%
+
+Wash: "Could you please tell my wife the fun she's missing out on?"
+
+Inara: "Ariel's quite nice place, actually.  There are some lovely museums,
+not to mention some of the finest restaurants in the quadrant."
+
+Wash: "But not boring like she made it sound."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "You could have got off with Shepard Book at Bathgate Abbey.  You could
+have been meditating on the wonders of your rock garden by now."
+
+Jayne: "Well, it beats just sitting."
+
+Wash: "It IS just sitting."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Simon: "Could you not do that while we're... ever?"
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Wash: "Two days in a hospital?  Don't you just hate doctors?"
+
+Simon: "Hey!"
+
+Wash: "Present company excluded."
+
+Jayne: "Let's not be excluding people.  That'd be rude."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Wash: "You know, it's all very sweet, stealing from the rich, selling to the
+poor..."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Kaylee: "Figures.  First time on the Core and what do I get to do? Dig
+through trash.  Why couldn't he send me shopping at the triplex, or... 
+Oooh, synchronizers!"
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "Patients were cynical and not responding and we couldn't bring 'em
+back-"
+
+Simon: "They were cyanotic and not responsive."
+
+Simon: (to Jayne) "What about cortical electrodes?"
+
+Jayne: "Oh..." (obviously doesn't know the answer) "We forgot 'em."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "Pupils were fixed and dilapidated-"
+
+Simon: "Dilated-"
+
+Mal: "Dilated! Dilated! Ching-wao tsao duh liou mahng!" [Frog-humping sonofabitch]
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Jayne: "Hell, I don't know.  If I'd wanted schooling, I'd have gone to school."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "Now all we need is a coupla patients."
+
+Simon: "Corpses, actually. For this plan to work, River and I will have to
+be dead."
+
+Jayne: (smiling) "I'm starting to like this plan."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "Look, you got a little stabbed the other day.  It's bound
+to make anyone a mite ornery."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Jayne: "Nothing buys bygones quicker than cash."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+River (startling Jayne, jumping up from unconsciousness): "Copper for a kiss?"
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "Two lefts, two rights, and we're there. You see anyone, smile."
+
+Zoe: "I don't think anyone smiles in hospitals."
+
+Mal: "Course they do, it's the Core. Everyone's rich and happy here, why
+wouldn't they smile?"
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Pompous Doctor: "Walk with me a minute." 
+
+Mal: "Where're we going?" (Zoe sneaks away, around and behind the doctor) 
+
+Pompous Doctor:"You see this badge? It says 'doctor'. I say walk, you
+walk." 
+
+Mal: "Yeah but, where're we going?" 
+
+Pompous Doctor: "You must be new." (Zoe walks up behind him) "Don't get
+comfortable, your type never lasts long around here. When your supervisor
+hears about the rude and disrespect--ARGH!!!" (falls to the ground,
+unconscious, revealing Zoe standing behind him with defib paddles) 
+
+Zoe: (shrugs) "Clear."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+River: (cryptically to Jayne) "They took Christmas away."
+
+Jayne: (confused) "What the hell now?"
+
+River: "Came downstairs for the shiny presents...they took the tree, and the
+stockings...nothing left but coal."
+
+Jayne: (to Simon) "Would you shut her up?"
+
+River: (to Jayne) "Don't look in the closet, either -- it's greedy."
+(smiles) "It's not in the spirit of the holiday."
+
+Jayne: "You shut the hell up right now or so help me, I'll shut you up."
+Zoe: "Can we find someplace with a beach?"
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Wash: (grinning and skipping to her) "Maybe a naked beach?" (they kiss)
+
+Mal: "Cut it out. Job's not done 'til we're back on Serenity."
+
+Zoe: "Sorry, sir, didn't mean to enjoy the moment."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Simon: "Agent McGinnis, I'm certain you're working under a superior keeping
+close tabs on this case. I'm certain of that because important people don't
+do fieldwork. I'm also certain your superior wants me and my sister alive.
+Now, I'm not going to move from this start until one of two things happens:
+you answer my very simple question, or you shoot me."
+
+McGinnis: "We're transferring you to a holding center, until you can be
+retrieved."
+
+Simon: "Retrieved? By who?"
+
+McGinnis: "People who want you alive.  People, not me."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Jayne: Shee-nio high tech Alliance crap!"
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Kaylee: "Hey there, Inara! How was your checkup?"
+
+Inara: "Same as last year. What's going on?"
+
+Kaylee: (cheerfully) "Oh well let's see...we killed Simon and River, stole a
+bunch of medicine, and now the Captain and Zoe are off springing the others 
+that got snatched by the feds."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "Hey! How was your thing?"
+
+Inara: "As advertised -- lots of needles and cold exam tables. I heard you
+had some excitement."
+
+Mal: "Oh, nothin' much -- lotsa runnin' round, little gunplay...couple
+needles."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Simon: "He was amazing! (to Jayne) "We wouldn't be standing here if it
+weren't for you."
+
+Jayne: "Well, uh...you're part of my crew."
+
+Mal: (sarcastic) "I think I might cry."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "You called the Feds."
+
+Jayne: "What?  I got pinched!"
+
+Mal: "Which is what happens when you call the Feds."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "You know, I hear tell they used to keelhaul traitors back in the day. 
+I don't have a keel to haul you on, so..."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Jayne: "What are you taking this so personal for? It ain't like I ratted you out
+to the Feds."
+
+Mal: "But you did. You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me! If that's a
+concept that you can't seem to wrap your head around, then you got no place
+here. You did it to me, Jayne, and that's a fact."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Mal: "Next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to
+my face."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+River: "Is it time to go to sleep again?"
+
+Simon: "No, mei mei.  It's time to wake up."
+				--Episode #9, "Ariel"
+%
+Book: "He said, 'Live with a man forty years, share his house, his meals, speak
+on every subject... then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge.
+And on that day, you will finally meet the man.' "
+
+Simon: "What if you don't live near a volcano?"
+
+Book: "I expect he was being poetical."
+
+Simon: "Sadistic crap legitimized by florid prose. Tell me you're not a
+fan."
+
+Book: "I'm just wondering if they were. The people who did this to your
+sister."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Book: "A government is a body of people -- usually notably ungoverned.
+
+Simon: "Now you're quoting the captain."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Book: "Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now.
+Got your next heist planned?" 
+
+Simon: "No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a
+traditionalist."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Mal: "Don't worry, I'm not gonna start any sword fights -- I'm over that
+phase."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Mal: "One of you is going to fall and kill yourself, and I'm not cleaning it
+up!"
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: "It's Jayne being so generous with his cut that confuses and frightens
+me."
+
+Zoe: "It does kind of freeze the blood."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Zoe: "We mentioned that we were out of rations, and ten minutes later, a bunch
+of apples rained into the trench."
+
+Wash: "And they grew into a big tree, and they all climbed up the tree into a
+magical land with unicorns and a harp."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: "And then came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the
+highlight of this little adventure." 
+
+Zoe: "Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?" 
+
+Wash: "You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lamby-toes." 
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: "I love that you two are old Army buddies, you have wacky stories with
+rib cages in them, but could you have an opinion of your own, please?"
+
+Zoe: "You're losing the high ground here, sweetcakes."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: "I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. Don't hide behind Mal
+because you know he'll shoot it down!"
+
+Zoe: "Right. Because what this marriage needs is one more shouting match."
+
+Wash: "No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. Right now it's kind of
+crowded."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+River: "Going back. Like apple bits, coming back up."
+
+Simon: "But you felt okay this morning?"
+
+River: "Played with Kaylee. The sun came out and I walked on my feet and heard
+with my ears. I ate the bits.. the bits that stay down and I work, I
+function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away. The sun
+grows dark and chaos has come again.  Its fluids.... What am I?"
+
+Simon: "You are my beautiful sister."
+
+River: "I threw up on your bed."
+
+Simon: "Yup. Definitely my sister."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: "Didn't want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you
+taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead. Me and the
+Captain." 
+
+Mal: "The Captain who's standing right here telling you that's not gonna
+happen?" 
+
+Wash: "Well, it's a dangerous mission, sir. I can't stand the thought of
+something happening that might cause you two to come back with another
+thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can't take that right now." 
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Mal: "Okay, um, I'm lost. Uh, I'm angry, and I'm armed, so if you two have
+something that you need to work out --" 
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: (to a departing Zoe) "Bye, hon! We promise not to stop for beers with
+the fellas!" (sits down, starts the engines, then to Mal) "So, are we gonna
+sing army songs or something?" 
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: "Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire."
+(beat) "Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity." 
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Jayne: "I'll be in my bunk."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Book: "This is precision work; sharpshooters. From the look of these wounds,
+I'd say a 54-R sniper rifle. Laser sights."
+
+Jayne: "Do a lot of shooting at the abbey there, Shepard?"
+
+Book: "Rabbits."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: "I don't want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what's
+happening, then you tell me. You wouldn't spare Zoe if she were in this
+situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting and
+possibly scheming. So whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna
+do. Do you know why? No matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back
+with the stories. So... I'm Zoe. Now, what do I do?" 
+
+Mal: "Probably not talk quite so much." 
+
+Wash: "Right. Less talking. She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight
+school, I was laconic."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: "I mean, I'm the one that she swore to love, honor and obey." 
+
+Mal: "Listen, if..." (beat) "She swore to obey?" 
+
+Wash: "Well, no, not... But that's just my point! You she obeys! She obeys
+you! There's obeying going on right under my nose!"
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: (to Mal) "Screw you!"
+
+Mal: "Get in line!"
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Niska: "This is not enough.  Not enough for two.  But sufficient 
+perhaps for one.  Ah, now you have to..."
+
+Zoe: "Him. I'm sorry, you were going to ask me to choose, right? 
+Do you want to finish?"
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Simon: "Well, it's a clean cut.  With the right equipment, I should be able
+to reattach it.  That's assuming there's a head..."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Niska: "Do you know the writings of Shan Yu?"
+
+Mal: "You starting a book club."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Zoe: "We're getting him back!"
+
+Jayne: "What are we going to do, clone him?"
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Niska: "This is not a time for extraordinary men. Business is not war, heroics
+are unseemly. They complicate."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Wash: "Grenades?"
+
+Zoe: "Oh, yes. Thank you, dear."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Zoe: "We're going to get the captain."
+
+Kaylee: "Oh... Good.... Can they do that?"
+
+Jayne: "No."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say
+about killing? 
+
+Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of
+kneecaps."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Zoe: "It's like throwing a dart, Jayne, and hitting a bullseye 6,000 miles
+away. That's my man."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Zoe: "Okay, people -- if it moves, shoot it."
+
+Kaylee: "Unless it's the captain!"
+
+Zoe: "Unless it's the captain."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Mal: "Listen, if you got guests, I can come back later."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+River: "No power in the 'verse can stop me."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+(Mal, fighting with his torturer on the edge of the factory shaft precipice,
+is interrupted by the arrival of his crew.  Jayne lifts his gun, and takes
+aim; however, Zoe grabs his arm.)
+
+Zoe: "This is something the Captain needs to do himself."
+
+(Jayne lowers his gun)
+
+Mal: (Calling back to them) "No, it's not --"
+
+Zoe: "Oh."  (All aim and fire in unison)
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Inara: "I just wish you'd killed that old bastard."
+
+Mal: "I got regrets on that score my own self."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Simon: "I never shot anyone before."
+
+Book: "I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone yet."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Mal: (unenthusiastically) "I know it's a difficult mission, but you and I...
+have to get it on."
+
+Zoe: (unenthusiastically) "I understand.  We have no choice. Take me, sir. 
+Take me hard."
+
+Jayne: "Now something about that is downright unsettling..."
+				--Episode #10, "War Stories"
+%
+Mal (naked, alone in the desert): "Yep... that went well."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Monty: "Damn you, Bridget! Damn you ta Hades! You broke my heart in a
+million pieces! You made me love you, and then y-- I SHAVED MY BEARD FOR
+YOU, DEVIL WOMAN!"
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Jayne: "Whoa there, Cap'n...tell me you didn't get into a fight with Monty."
+
+Kaylee: "Really? But I thought we loved Monty!" (to Zoe, uncertain) "Don't
+we love Monty?"
+
+Zoe: "Sweetie, if he had a tussle with that Sasquatch, we'd be in the dirt
+right about now, scoopin' up the Captain's teeth." 
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Inara: "I'm not sleeping with you, Mal."
+
+Mal: "Uh, no, I think I would have noticed. I think my keenly 
+trained senses would..."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Mal: "This is one of the crazier things I've heard today and when I
+tell you about the rest of my day, you'll appreciate..."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Mal: "Hey, no, we'll just set course for Planet of the Lonely, Rich, and
+Appropriately Hygienic Man. I'll just tell Wash, we can park there for a
+month."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Inara: "Right. You're a criminal mastermind. What was the last cargo we
+snuck past the Alliance to transport?"
+
+Mal: "That was--"
+
+Inara: "What was the cargo?"
+
+Mal: "They were dolls."
+
+Inara: "They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!"
+
+Mal: "Hey, people love those!"
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Mal: "Petty?"
+
+Inara: "I didn't mean petty."
+
+Mal: "What did you mean?"
+
+Inara: "Suo-shee?"
+
+Mal: "That's Chinese for petty."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Mal: "I'm confused--"
+
+Saffron: "You're asking yourself: if I've got the security 
+codes, why don't I grab it for myself?"
+
+Wash: "No, actually, I was wondering...  What's she doing on 
+this ship?  Didn't she try to kill us?"
+
+Saffron: "Please. Nobody died last time."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Wash: "We're in space.  How'd she get here?"
+
+Mal: "She hitched."
+
+Wash: "I don't recall pulling over."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Jayne: "Captain says you're to stay put. Doesn't want you runnin' afoul of
+his blushin' psychotic bride. She figures out who you are, she'll turn you
+in 'fore you can say... 'don't turn me in, lady'."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+River: (looking at Jayne) "She's a liar."
+
+Jayne: "That don't exactly set her apart from the rest of us. And the
+plunder sounds fun enough."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+River: "She's a liar and no good will come of her."
+
+Jayne: "Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+River: "Jayne is a girl's name."
+
+Jayne: "Well, Jayne ain't a girl!  If she starts in on that 'girl's name' 
+thing,  I'll show her good an' all I got man parts."
+
+Simon: "I'm trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. It's just not
+coming."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Saffron: (to Durran) "They set on me at Parth, these awful men..."
+
+Mal: "That wasn't me, though.  I don't know those men..."
+
+Saffron: "They said they wanted ransom, but they... they sold me to
+slavers..."
+
+Mal: "Also unknown to me."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Saffron: "We gotta move fast."
+
+Mal: "Yeah, he might come back and hug us in the act."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Saffron: "He's my husband."
+
+Mal: "Well who in the damn galaxy isn't?"
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Mal: "I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we
+gotta move."
+
+Saffron: "I should've killed Durran."
+
+Mal: "Right. The one guy that don't have it coming. The man who knows you
+and still loves you, treachery and all. Can't have him walking about."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Mal: "I've seen you without your clothes on before.  Never thought I'd see
+you naked."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Saffron: "You won't tell anyone about me breaking down? 
+
+Mal: "I won't."
+
+Saffron: "Then I won't tell anyone how easily I got your gun out of your
+holster."
+
+Mal: "I'd take that as a kindness."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+River: "Also, I can kill you with my brain."
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Inara: "You call this going well?"
+
+Mal: "We got the loot, didn't we?"
+
+Inara: "Yes, but--"
+
+Mal: "Then I call it a win.  What's the problem?"
+
+Inara: "Should I start with the part where you're stranded in the 
+middle of nowhere... or the part where you have no clothes?"
+				--Episode #11, "Trash"
+%
+Wash: "Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Zoe: "Scared her away again, did you?"
+
+Simon: "This may come as a shock, but I'm actually not very good at talking
+to girls."
+
+Zoe: "Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?"
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Wash: (to a jar with a cow fetus, mock-serious) "Do not fear me. Ours is a
+peaceful race, and we must live in harmony..."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+River: (trying to eat an 'ice-planet') "My food is troublesome."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Jayne: "I got post?"
+
+Book: "Might we all want to step back a few paces before he opens that?"
+
+Jayne: "Ha ha. It's from my mother."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Jayne: (wearing ugly homemade hat) "How's it sit? Pretty cunning,
+ don'tchya think?"
+
+Kaylee: "I think it's the sweetest hat ever."
+
+Book: "Makes a statement."
+
+Jayne: "Yeah, yeah!"
+
+Wash: "A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid
+of anything."
+
+Jayne: "Damn straight."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Tracey: "Thanks. Didn't know you were there."
+
+Zoe: "That's sort of the point. Stealth, you may have heard of it."
+
+Tracey: "I don't think they covered that in basic."
+
+Zoe: "Well, at least they covered 'Dropping your weapon so you can eat beans
+and get yourself shot'."
+
+Tracey: "Yeah, I got a badge in that."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Mal: "Vitelli's out of it. That bumblebee laid down arms at the first sign
+of inevitable crushing defeat, can you imagine such a cowardly creature?"
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Mal: "Everybody dies, Tracey.  Someone's carrying a bullet for you right
+now, doesn't even know it.  The trick is to die of old age before it finds
+you."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Jayne: "We're taking him on board?"
+
+Mal: "We are."
+
+Jayne: "Don't figure the percentage in that."
+
+Mal: "Don't strain your brain trying, then. Might break something."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Zoe: "I don't get this.  They're after Tracey?"
+
+Mal: "Or there's something else in that box."
+
+(later)
+
+Mal: "Anything?"
+
+Jayne: "Not unless this crate's made of magical wish-granting planks."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Mal: "Using corpses for smuggling is a time-honored repulsive custom."
+
+Jayne: "Maybe it's gold!"
+
+Zoe: "And maybe this was a friend of ours, and you wanna show a little
+respect."
+
+Jayne: "I got respect.  But I'm just saying... gold!"
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+Mal: "When you can't run anymore, you crawl, and when you can't do that, you
+find someone to carry you."
+%
+Tracey: "That call means you just murdered me!"
+
+Mal: "You murdered yourself, son.  I just carried the bullet for a while."
+				--Episode #12, "The Message"
+%
+
+Inara: "Hi."
+
+Mal: (terribly startled while working on his guns) "BWAAA!"
+
+Inara: "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle."
+
+Mal: "You didn't." (repeating, as if he meant to) "BWAAA!  That's kind of a
+warrior... It's a... strikes fear into..." (nothing) "Bwaa?" (gives up) "You
+know, it ain't altogether wise, sneaking up on a man when he's handling a
+weapon."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Mal: "You know, not altogether wise, sneaking up on a man when he's
+handling his weapon."
+
+Inara: "I'm sure I've heard that said. But perhaps the dining area isn't the
+place for this sort of thing?"
+
+Mal: "What do you mean? Only place with a table big enough."
+
+Inara: "Of course. In that case..." (rearranges guns) "Every well-bred petty
+crook knows -- the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of
+the place setting."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Mal: "This distress call wouldn't be taking place in someone's pants, would
+it?"
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Inara: "It sounds like the sort of thing this crew can handle. I can't
+guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but-"
+
+Nandi: "If they got guns, and brains at all..."
+
+Inara: "They have guns."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Zoe: "No one's gonna force you to go, Jayne. As has been stated -- this
+job's strictly speculative."
+
+Jayne: "Good. 'Cause I don't know these folks, don't much care to."
+
+Mal: "They're whores."
+
+Jayne: "I'm in."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Mal: "Any friend of Inara's is a strictly business-like relationship of
+mine."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Mal: "I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew later.  They're good folk."
+
+Jayne: (calls out from across the room) "Can I start gettin' sexed already?"
+
+Mal: "Well, that's one kind of horrific."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Jayne: "My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly about the room,
+there's so much tasty in here."
+
+Wash: "Would be you'd get you most poetical about your pecker."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Kaylee: "Everybody's got somebody..." (wistfully) "Wash, tell me I'm
+pretty..." 
+
+Wash: "Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."
+
+Kaylee: "'Cause I'm pretty?"
+
+Wash: "'Cause you're pretty."
+
+Kaylee: "Thank you.  That was very restorative."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Mal: "Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?"
+
+Inara: "Will you wash it first?"
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Mal: "Well, lady I must say..." (admiring smile) "...you're my kinda
+stupid."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Zoe: "I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try
+to have it."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+River: (near a woman in labor) "Who do you think is in there?"
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Mal: "Miss Nandi, I have a confession to make."
+
+Nandi: "Maybe I should get the Shepherd."
+
+Mal: "Well, I ain't sinned yet, and I'd feel more than a little awkward
+having him here when I do."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Kaylee: "Captain seem a little funny to you at breakfast this morning?"
+
+Wash: "Come on, Kaylee. We all know I'm the funny one."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Inara: "This is just a moment in time.  Step aside and let it happen."
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Petaline: "Jonah, say hello to your daddy." (aims gun).  "Say goodbye to
+your daddy, Jonah." (fires)
+				--Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
+%
+Simon: "I wish I was lying!  I just... you know, we'd all made surgeon. 
+That was it.  We were the elite.  The world was ours, you know."
+
+Kaylee: "So you had to be naked?"
+
+Simon: "Naked, yes.  And on top of the statue of Hippocrates.  Can't you
+just picture me?"
+
+Kaylee: "What, naked?  Oh well, hmm... let's see.  I'm gonna have to conjure
+up... Yeah, that's gonna be difficult... so, did the Feds come?"
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Simon: "This is not funny.  This is a morality tale about the evils of
+sake."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Simon: "It was either that or the National Anthem.  Reports vary."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Jayne: "Saint Jayne, it's got a ring to it!"
+
+Book: "I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed."
+
+Jayne: "I once hit a guy in the neck from 500 yards with a bent scope.  Does
+that count upstairs?"
+
+Book: "Oh, it will be taken into consideration."
+
+Jayne: "You made that sound kind of ominous."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+River: "It's just an object.  Doesn't mean what you think."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Mal: "Fully loaded, safety off.  This here's a recipe for unpleasantness. 
+Does she understand that?"
+
+River: "She understands.  She doesn't comprehend.
+
+Mal: "Well, I'm glad we've made that distinction."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Mal: "When I want a lot of medical jargon, I'll talk to a doctor. 
+
+Simon: "You are talking to a doctor." 
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Mal: "We're in deep space, corner of no and where."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Wash: "Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do
+next?" 
+
+Zoe: "Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up." 
+
+Wash: "I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all
+die from it."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Jayne: "Let's move this conversation in a not-Jayne's-fault direction."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Jayne: "Anyone remember her coming at me with a butcher knife?"
+
+Wash: "Wacky fun..."
+
+Jayne: "You want to go, little man?"
+
+Wash: "Only if it's someplace with candlelight."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Zoe: "I don't think she'd harm anyone."
+
+Jayne: "Butcher knife!"
+
+Zoe: "Anyone we can't spare."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Kaylee: "Didn't make much account of myself, I'm afraid."
+
+Mal: "I got no problem with the notion of you not killing no one, Kaylee."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Kaylee: "She just did the math."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Inara: "This is not a joking matter!  This is about our lives!  And
+River's."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Simon: "She's just a kid.  She just... wants to be a kid."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Mal: "But she does have an oddness to her. And I ain't just talking about
+her proficiency with firearms. Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't.
+Things she couldn't." 
+
+Jayne: "Wha-...are you-are you sayin' she's a witch?" 
+
+Wash: (sarcastically) "Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with
+the beast." 
+
+Jayne: "She's in Congress?" 
+
+Wash: (amazed) "How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so
+curious."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Wash: "Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction." 
+
+Zoe: "We live in a space ship, dear." 
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Jayne: "... and if wishes were horses we'd all be eating steak!"
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Kaylee: "Don't let the space bugs bite!  (embarrassed, to herself) "Space
+bugs?"
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early: "Strains the mind a bit.  You think you're all alone... Maybe I come
+down the chimney, Kaylee.  Bring presents to all the good girls and boys. 
+Maybe not, though.  Maybe I've always been here."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Simon: "And which part of your plan dictated the necessity of beating up a
+shepard?"
+
+Early: "That ain't a shepard."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early: "Is it still her room when it's empty?  Does the room, the thing,
+have purpose?  Or do we... What's the word?"
+
+Simon: "I really can't help you."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Simon: "So you're a bounty hunter."
+
+Early: "That ain't it at all."
+
+Simon: "Then what are you?"
+
+Early: "I'm a bounty hunter."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early: "They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get
+certified, but they don't make surgeons get cut on.  That seem right to you?"
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early: "You ever been shot?"
+
+Simon: "No."
+
+Early: "You out to be shot.  Or stabbed.  Lose a leg.  To be a surgeon, you
+know.  Know what kind of pain you're dealing with."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Simon: "Come on out, River.  The nice man wants to kidnap you."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Inara: "This is pointless, you know."
+
+Early: "200,000 seems fairly pointed to me."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Inara: "Serenity is a smuggling ship.  I've been here a year, I couldn't
+name all the places she might hide."
+
+Early: "I don't have a year." (beat) " Your sister is being a real annoyance."
+
+Simon: "I feel for you."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early: "Man is stronger by far than woman, but only woman can create a
+child.  Does that seem right to you?"
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early: "You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget,
+this girl is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport. Yet by far the
+most troublesome. Does that seem right to you?"
+
+Simon: "What'd he do?"
+
+Early: "Who?"
+
+Simon: "The midget."
+
+Early: "Arson. Little man loved fire."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+River/Serenity: "You're wrong about River.  River's not on the ship.  They
+didn't want her here, but she couldn't make herself leave.  So she melted...
+Melted away.  They didn't know she could do that, but she did."
+
+Early: "I'm not sure I take your meaning there."
+
+River/Serenity: "I'm not on the ship.  I'm in the ship." (beat) "I am the
+ship."
+
+Simon: "River..."
+
+River/Serenity: "River's gone."
+
+Early: "Then who exactly are we talking to?"
+
+River/Serenity: "You're talking to Serenity.  And, Early... Serenity is very
+unhappy."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early: "I only hurt people because they keep getting in the way of me
+finding you." (to Simon): "Tell her."
+
+Simon: "What am I?  Your advocate?"
+
+Early: (aiming his gun) "You are now."
+
+Simon: "He's really very... gentle... and fuzzy.  We're becoming fast
+friends."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+(River/Serenity laughs)
+
+Early: "You folks are all insane."
+
+Simon: "Well, my sister's a ship.  We had a complicated childhood."
+
+Early: Doesn't anybody care that I have a finely crafted gun pointed at this
+boy's head?"
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early: "Where'd she go?"
+
+Simon: "I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a
+spaceship.  Don't look at me."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Mal: "There's a guy.. he's very blurry.  You gotta be careful." (beat)
+"Oh... how come there's a guy on board?  How come you're all of a sudden the
+ship?"
+
+River/Serenity: "I know you have questions."
+
+Mal: "That would be why I just asked them."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Mal: "Am I dreaming?"
+
+River/Serenity: "We all are." (beat) "Don't make faces."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Wash: "How about his face?  Is his face wearing armor?"
+
+River/Serenity: "No touching guns!"
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early: "I'll be a son of a whore!  You're not in my gorram mind!  You're in
+my gorram ship!"
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+River/Serenity: "You're not right, Early.  You're not righteous.  You got
+issues.
+
+Early: "No.  Well, yes.  I could have that."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+River: "Don't belong.  Dangerous, like you.  Can't be controlled.  Can't be
+trusted.  Everyone can just go on without me and not have to worry.  People
+could be what they wanted to be.  Could be with the people they wanted. 
+Live simple.  No secrets..."
+
+Simon: "No..."
+
+River: "I'll be fine.  I'll be your bounty, Jubal Early.  And I'll just fade
+away."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+River: "Permission to come aboard?"
+
+Mal: "You know, you ain't quite right."
+
+River: "It's the popular theory."
+
+Mal: "Go on.  Get in there. Give your brother a thrashing for messing up
+your plan."
+
+River: "He takes so much looking after."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Zoe: "This is really not my area of expertise, doctor.  I tend to be putting
+these into people more than the other thing."
+
+Wash: "Can I mop your brow?  I am at the ready with the fearsome brow
+mopper."
+
+Simon: "You got the bullet.  Okay, I'm going to pass out now, but you're
+doing great."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Jayne: "All them years of priest training, taken out by one bounty hunter."
+
+Book: "Don't get me wrong, I gave him a hell of a fight."
+
+Jayne: "Epic, I'm guessing."
+
+Book: "There'll be poems and songs, just you wait."
+
+Jayne: "At least you got some play.  I missed every damn thing."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Early (drifting): "Well... here I am..."
+				--Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
+%
+Cashier: "Nineteen.  Twenty."
+
+Mal: "And done."
+
+(The cashier hands Mal a wad of bills; Mal starts to count it.)
+
+Mal: "Not that I don't trust you... but I don't trust you."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Wash: "Let's go get us some of those curly carrots.  Love 'em deep fried."
+
+(Wash starts to move Zoe off; she stops him and turns to Mal)
+
+Zoe: "Capt'n?"
+
+Wash: (drops arm) "Yeah, dad.  Can we go?  Promise to be home before
+midnight."
+
+Mal: "Go.  Wouldn't want to be responsible for cold curly carrots."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Mal: "Guess I'm not giving you money."
+
+Inara: "No."
+
+Mal: (smilin') "Well, unless there'd be some kind of benefit for the
+exchange of said money..."
+
+Inara: "Definitely, no."
+
+Mal: "Then I suppose the least I can do is escort you to the fair."
+
+Inara: "How adolescent... and charming of you."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Simon: "River has never been to a fair and she hasn't had a chance to
+do much that is fun in awhile..."
+
+Mal: "Alliance jail could be fun."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Kaylee: "You shouldn't feel bad you didn't guess the fat lady's weight.
+I actually thought it was quite sweet to drop fifty pounds."
+
+Book: "Seemed a wise choice."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Mal: "Now you can't tell me that an attractive lady like yourself has
+never been escorted to a fair?"
+
+Inara: (laughing) "They weren't quite the thing where I was raised."
+
+(Mal stops, not loving that comment, then tosses another ring. Makes it
+again.)
+
+Mal: "Poor little Inara, not allowed to get her hands dirty with us
+common folk."
+
+Inara: (taken aback) "That's not what I --"  (Mal throws another) "I
+guess not everyone's lucky enough to fulfill their lifelong dream of
+becoming an expert ring tosser."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Cmdr. Tanaka: "Thanks to the good Alliance people of Verbena, our gear
+shift factory is opening ten days ahead of schedule."
+
+(The crowd around the stage cheers. Mal claps, hollers.)
+
+Mal: "Oh, yeah. Let's all hear it for the good Alliance."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+(Jayne approaches, injured stuffed turtle in hand.  Holds it up.)
+
+Mal: "Jayne."
+
+Jayne: "<Bastards> singed my turtle."
+
+(Everyone stares at Jayne)
+
+Zoe: "Let me find a medic."
+
+Jayne: "Thanks."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+(River motions Mal over to her, like she has a secret)
+
+Mal: "Yeah?"
+
+River: "Purple elephants are flying."
+
+Mal: "Good.  Thanks for the update."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Inara: "What should I do?"
+
+Simon: (hands her bandages): "Tie it off."
+
+Inara: "Simon, I'm good with anatomy, but not like this..."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Wash: "Zoe?"
+
+Zoe: "Yeah."
+
+Wash: "What if this guy, you know, did it?"
+
+Zoe: "Trust me, darling, this guy couldn't even tie his shoelaces if it
+wasn't described to him using step by step graphics."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Jayne: "Come out, come out, wherever you are.  We won't hurt you...
+much."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Jayne: "Hey!"
+
+Kaylee: "Sorry."
+
+Jayne: "Got any thread?" (Holds up stuffed turtle; its neck is almost
+gone) "His floppy neck's makin' me sad."
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+River reads a story, surrounded by little injured children:
+
+River: (sweet voice) "And the beautiful princess every night prayed for
+her handsome prince... "
+
+River: (continuing) "... to fight through the terrible ivy of thorns
+and climb up to her room and slay all the wicked, evil demons... "
+
+River: (much later, sweetly sing-songy) "And then the beautiful princess
+got tired of waiting for her handsome prince and tried to escape, but
+they found her and to punish her they locked her in a smelly, white,
+cold room where the evil blue demons strapped electrodes to her face
+and started to shock her. Zap, zap, zap, until she couldn't stop
+screaming. Only no one could hear."
+
+(River remains smiling; the kids not so much.  In fact, they're just a
+little bit freaked out by the story and by the freaky lady telling it)
+				--Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
+%
+Teacher: "The Central Planets formed the Alliance, so everyone can
+enjoy the comfort and enlightenment of true civilization."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "Do you know what your sin is?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "The minds behind every diplomatic, military, and covert 
+operation in the galaxy, and you put them in a room with a psychic."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "In certain older civilized cultures, when men failed as 
+completely as you have, they would throw themselves on their swords."
+
+Dr. Mathias: "Well, unfortunately, I forgot to bring a sword..."
+
+(Schhhhing -- the Operative pulls one out)
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "I believe in something that is greater than myself.  A 
+better world.  A world without sin."
+
+Mal: "So me and mine got to lie down and die so you can live in your 
+better world?"
+
+Operative: "I'm not going to live there.  There's no place for me there."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "Every minute you keep River Tam from me, more people will die."
+
+Mal: "You think I care?"
+
+Operative: "Of course you do.  You're not a reaver, Mal."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "I don't murder children."
+
+Operative: "I do.  If I have to."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "This is a good death.  There is no shame in this."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Wash: "This landing is gonna get pretty interesting."
+
+Mal: "Define 'interesting'".
+
+Wash: "Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "We may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode."
+
+Jayne (whining): "Explode?  I don't wanna explode!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "You told me the entry couplings would hold for another week!"
+
+Kaylee: "That was six months ago, cap'n."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Fear is nothing to be ashamed of, Doc."
+
+Simon: "This isn't fear.  This is anger."
+
+Mal: "Well, it's hard to tell the one from t'other, face like yours."
+
+Simon: "I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider."
+
+Mal: "I'll look for that next time."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "I am taking your sister under my protection here.  That means that if
+anything happens to her, I swear to you I will get very choked up.  Honestly.  
+There could be tears."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Simon: "It's okay to leave them to die."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "Are those grenades?"
+
+Jayne: "Cap'n doesn't want 'em."
+
+Zoe: "We're robbing the place.  We're not occupying it."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "Shiny.  Lets be bad guys."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "We mean to be thieving here, but what we are after is not yours.  So
+let's have no undue fuss."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "I see a head start to rise, violence is gonna ensue."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "You know what the definition of a hero is?  It's someone who gets other 
+people killed.  You can look it up later."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe (after breaking into a nearly empty bank safe): "At last, we can retire
+and give up this life of crime."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Guard: "You have to give me your authorization password."
+
+(Jayne fires down into the vault... there is a delay)
+
+Guard: "Okay!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Leg's good.  It'll bleed plenty and we avoid any necessary organs."
+
+Guard: "I was thinking, more of a graze..."
+
+Mal: "Well, you don't want it to look like you just gave up."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about
+at all."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "Mal!  MAL!"
+
+Mal: "Every heist, he's gotta start yelling my name."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal (being pursued closely by Reavers): "Faster.  Faster.  Faster would be 
+better!!!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne (being attacked by reavers, after being made to leave his weapons
+behind): "Boy, sure would be nice to have some GRENADES, don'tcha think?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "I won't get eaten!  You shoot me if they take me!"
+
+(Mal aims toward Jayne in an attempt to free him)
+
+Jayne: "Well don't shoot me FIRST!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+River: "He didn't lie down.  They never lie down."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Kaylee (to Simon): "Are you okay?"
+
+Mal: "Is HE okay?"
+
+Simon (rushing to River, who is seemingly unfazed): "River?"
+
+River: "I swallowed a bug."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's going to start a
+fair fight... or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman.. or I'm gettin' paid.
+Mostly if I'm gettin' paid."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Kaylee (to Simon, as he leaves): "Don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38 
+engine, they fall right out of the sky!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+River: "It's not safe..."
+
+Simon: "Yes.  Yes, I fear it's not safe anymore."
+
+River: "...for them."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "In the time of war, we woulda never left a man stranded."
+
+Mal: "Maybe that's why we lost."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Mingo.  Fanty."
+
+Mingo (pointing to Fanty): "He's Mingo."
+
+Mal: "He's Fanty.  You're Mingo."
+
+Mingo: "Ghahh!  How is it you always know?"
+
+Mal: "Fanty's prettier."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Kaylee: "Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run
+on batteries."
+
+Mal: "Oh God!  I can't know that!"
+
+Jayne: "I could stand to hear a little more..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Fanty: "You know that girl?"
+
+Mal: "I really don't..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Wash: "Can we start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety
+pound girl?  'Cause I don't think that's ever getting old."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne (interrupting the "safe words" that make River fall asleep): "Well don't
+say it!!!"
+
+Zoe: "It only works on her, Jayne."
+
+Jayne: "Oh.  Well, now I know that."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "Didn't we have a intricate plan how they was gonna be not here anymore?"
+
+Kaylee: "We couldn't leave them now...!"
+
+Jayne: "No, now that she's a... killer woman, we oughta be bringing her tea and
+dumplings."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mr. Universe: "You guys always bring me the very best violence."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+River: "Put a bullet to me.  Bullet in the brainpan, squish."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+River: "It isn't mine.  The memory.  I didn't bring it and I shouldn't have to 
+carry it, it isn't mine."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Simon: "Am I talking to Miranda now?"  (River makes a face)  "No.  Right."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Book: "You got a plan?"
+
+Mal: "Hiding ain't a plan?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Book: "When I talk about belief, why do you always assume I'm talking about
+God?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Kaylee's been missing you something fierce."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "So.. Trap?"
+
+Mal: "Trap."
+
+Zoe: "We goin' in?"
+
+Mal: "Ain't nothin' but a few hours out."
+
+Wash: "But, remember the part where it's a trap?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Kaylee: "How can you be sure Inara just don't wanna see you?  Sometimes
+people have feelings - I'm referring here to people..."
+
+Mal: "Y'all were watching, I take it?"
+
+(guilty glances)
+
+Mal: "Did you see us fight?"
+
+Kaylee: "No."
+
+Mal: "Trap."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Zoe, ship is yours.  ...you don't hear from me within the hour, you 
+take this ship and you come and rescue me!"
+
+Zoe: "What?  And risk my ship?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Dear Buddha: please send me a pony, and a plastic rocket, and..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Inara: "Mal, what are you doing here?"
+
+Mal: "You invited me."
+
+Inara: "Yes, but I never thought for a second you'd be stupid enough to come!"
+
+Mal: "Well that makes you kind of a tease, doesn't it?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "I'm impressed that you would come for her yourself.  And that 
+you would make it this far in that outfit."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "It's worse than you know."
+
+Mal: "It usually is."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship.  She's 
+an albatross, Captain."
+
+Mal: "Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck... till some idiot 
+killed it." (to Inara) "Yes, I've read a poem.  Try not to faint."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "If the alliance wanted to show me reason, they shouldn't have sent an 
+assassin."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative (to Mal): "You can not make me angry."
+
+Inara: "Please - spend an hour with him!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "I want to resolve this like civilized men.  I'm not threatening
+you.  I'm unarmed."
+
+Mal: "Good." (draws and fires; operative falls to the ground, but comes back
+up fighting)
+
+Operative: "I am of course wearing full body armor.  I am not a moron."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "Nothing here is what it seems.  He's not the plucky hero.  The 
+Alliance isn't some evil empire.  This isn't the grand arena."
+
+Inara: "And that's not incense." (explosion ensues)
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "Have you found the nav sat?"
+
+Officer: "Sir?  We found seven."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative (to ensign): "Define 'disappeared'."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "Do you really think any of us are gonna get through this?"
+
+Jayne: "... I might..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Book: "It's not your way."
+
+Mal: "I have a way?  Is that better than a plan?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "I'm a monster.  What I do is evil, I've no illusions about that.  
+But it must be done."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Book: "They'll come at you sideways.  It's how they think: sideways.  
+Sidle up and smile, hit you where you're weak."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "No offense, Doc, I think it's noble as a grape the way you 
+look after River, but she ain't my sister, and she ain't your crew."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the
+same place.  So now I'm asking more of you than I have before.  Maybe all.  
+'Cause as sure as I know anything, I know this: they will try again.  
+...they'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better.  
+And I do not hold to that.  So no more running.  I aim to misbehave."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Are you anything but a weapon?  I've staked my crew's life on the theory 
+that you're a person, actual and whole, and if I'm wrong, you'd better shoot me 
+now..."
+
+(River cocks gun)
+
+Mal: "... or, we could talk more."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+River: "I had to show them.  I didn't know if you were going to make me sleep."
+
+Simon: "You could have asked."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Do you want to run this ship?"
+
+Jayne: "Yes."
+
+Mal: (beat) "Well... you can't!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Inara: "I just want to know who I'm dealing with.  I've seen too many versions 
+of you to be sure."
+
+Mal: "I start fighting a war I guarantee you'll see something new."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: ".... I wish like hell you was elsewhere."
+
+Inara: "I was."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Wash: "Can I suggest something that doesn't involve violence, or is this the
+wrong crowd for that?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Simon: "We'll get off.  River and I will get off and..."
+
+Kaylee: "Nobody's saying that."
+
+Wash: "Nobody besides Jayne is saying that."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal (to a badly injured Book): "Shepherd... don't move."
+
+Book: "Won't go far."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Book: "I shot him down... I killed the ship... that killed us.  Not very 
+Christian of me."
+
+Mal: "You did what's right."
+
+Book: "...coming from you, that means... almost nothing."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Shouldn't have been you - they shoulda hit us."
+
+Book: "That crossed my mind..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+River: "Runtse duh shang-dee, ching daiwuhtzo [Merciful God, please take me
+away].  Make them stop, they're everywhere, every city every house every
+room, they're all inside me.  I can hear them all and they're saying nothing! 
+GET UP!  PLEASE GET THEM UP!  Wuoshang mayer, maysheen, byen shr-too [I will 
+close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone], please God, make me a stone!"
+
+Jayne: "She is starting to damage my calm."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal (after Simon punches him): "Tzao ss-ma?  Nee-yow wuh-kai chang?" [You
+wanna bullet?  You wanna bullet right in the throat?]
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+(in response to Mal's plan to reaverize Serenity)
+
+Inara: "Runtse de fwotzoo, ching baoyo wuomun..." [Oh merciful Buddha,
+protect us...]
+
+Wash: "Juhguh jee hua jun kuhpah!" [This plan is horrific.]
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "It's of interest to me how much you know about that world."
+
+Book: "I wasn't born a Shepherd, Mal."
+
+Mal: "Have to tell me about that sometime."
+
+Book: "No, I don't."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "And we're gonna need paint.  We're going to need red paint."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "Sir.  Do you really mean to turn our home into an abomination 
+so we can make a suicidal attempt at passing through Reaver space?"
+
+Mal: "I mean to live.  I mean for us to live.  The Alliance won't
+have that, so we go where they won't follow."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "How much ammo is left?"
+
+Jayne: "Three mags and my swinging cod!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Simon: "River - I'm sorry..."
+
+River: "No.  No."
+
+Simon: "I hate to... leave..."
+
+River: "You won't.  You take care of me.  You've always taken care of me." 
+(pause)  "My turn."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "The Alliance knows about Mr. Universe.  They're gonna see this coming."
+
+Mal: "No.  They're not going to see this coming."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "Target the reavers.  Target the reavers!  Target everything!  
+Somebody, fire!!!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Simon: "My one true regret in all this is never being with you."
+
+Kaylee: "With me?  You mean to say, as... sex?"
+
+Simon: "... I mean to say."
+
+Kaylee (cocking gun): "Hell with this!  I'm gonna live!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "It's finished.  We're finished."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mr. Universe: "They can't stop the signal, Mal.  They can never stop the 
+signal."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mr. Universe/lovebot: "Mal?  Guy killed me, Mal.  He killed me with a sword. 
+How weird is that?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal (looking at the transmitter past a fall to certain doom): "'Hard to get
+to'?!  That's a fact!"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "Are you willing to die for that belief?"
+
+Mal: (beat) "Yes."  (He and the Operative draw on each other.  Mal fires first,
+disarming the Operative.)  " 'Course, that ain't exactly plan A."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "That's what you want, isn't it?"
+
+Inara: "I don't know."
+
+Mal: "Good answer."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "Do you know what your sin is?
+
+Mal: "Aw hell, I'm a big fan of all seven... but right now, I'm gonna have to go
+with wrath."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Wash: "I am a leaf on the wind.  Watch how I soar."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "I ain't gonna kill you.  Hell, I'm gonna grant your greatest wish.  
+I'm gonna show you a world without sin."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Ok, clearly some aptitude for this, but it ain't all buttons and
+charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flying is? Well, I
+suppose you do, since you already know what I'm about to say. "
+
+River: "I do. But I like to hear you say it."
+
+Mal: "Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat
+into the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the
+turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down,
+tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home."
+
+River: "Storm's getting worse."
+
+Mal: "We'll pass through it soon enough."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "When your quarry goes to ground, leave no ground to go to."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Half of writing history is hiding the truth."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "She's tore up plenty.  But she'll fly true."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "Go hwong-tong [Enough of this nonsense].  No trouble now, little 
+crazy person...  we're going for a nice shuttle ride..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Keep on talking... You're not getting a location trace off this wave..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+River: "I can't shut them up, they're all made up of rage..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Zoe?  Are you here?"
+
+Zoe: "Do the job, sir."
+
+Mal.  You hold.  Hold till I'm back."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "You should know there's no shame in this.  You've done remarkable 
+things.  But you're fighting a war you've already lost."
+
+Mal: "Yeah, I'm known for that."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "I don't plan on any shooting taking place during this job."
+
+Jayne: "Well, what you plan and what takes place ain't ever exactly been 
+similar."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Just get us on the ground!"
+
+Wash: "That part'll happen, pretty definitely."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Fanty: "You're unpredictable, Mal... you run when you oughtta fight, 
+fight when you oughtta deal.  Makes a business person twitchy..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+River: "Show me off like a dog, old men covered in blood, it never 
+touched them but they're drowning in it... I don't know what I'm 
+saying, I never know what I'm saying..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "We locked on to Serenity's pulse beacon the moment you 
+hit atmo.  I can speak a word and send a missile to that exact location 
+inside of three minutes."
+
+Mal: "You do that, best make peace with your dear and fluffy lord."
+(tosses a gadget to the Operative)
+
+Operative: "... pulse beacon..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Piece of shrapnel tore up that nerve cluster my first
+tour.  Had it moved."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+River: "Miranda."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "What was that?"
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "I, uh, better go see how the inevitable mutiny is coming along..."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Teacher: "...so why would [the independents] fight so hard against us?"
+
+River: "We meddle."
+
+Teacher: "River?"
+
+River: "People don't like to be meddled with.  We tell them what to do, 
+what to think, don't run don't walk we're in their homes and in their heads 
+and we haven't the right.  We're meddlesome."
+
+Teacher: "River, we're not telling people what to think.  We're just trying 
+to show them how."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Dr. Mathias: "All our subjects are conditioned for combat, but River... 
+she's a creature of extraordinary grace."
+
+Simon: "Yes.  She always did love to dance."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Operative: "We're making a better world.  All of them, better worlds."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Zoe: "Nobody flies like my mister."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Simon: "I bring River all the way out to the raggedy edge of the 'verse 
+so she can hide from the Alliance by robbing banks."
+
+Kaylee: "I know the cap'n'll look out for her.  They'll be back before you 
+can spit." (beat)  "Not that you spit."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Jayne: "How come they ain't blowin' us out of the air?"
+
+Mal: "They wanna run us down.  The up close kill."
+
+River: "They want us alive when they eat us."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Screen in a bar, advertising candy: "Not Mandatory"
+
+[Ed: There's mandatory candy?]
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Hello, little one.  You know your part in this?"
+
+River: (beat) "Do you?"
+
+Mal: "It's what I do, darlin'."  (sighing) "It's what I do."
+				--"Serenity"
+%
+Mal: "Ready to go to work, darlin'?"
+
+River: "There's no pattern to the pebbles here.  Completely random.  "I
+tried to count them, but you drove too fast.  Hummingbird.
+
+Mal: "Alright.  Great.  Lets go."
+				--"Serenity", deleted scenes
+%
+Sheydra: "All the more reason the girls look to you.  You've seen so much.
+You're a figure of great romance to them."
+
+Inara: "Great romance has nothing to do with being a companion, Sheydra; you
+should know better."
+
+Sheydra: (coyly) "I'm not the one who had a torrid affair with a pirate."
+
+Inara: (shocked) "A who?  With a what?"
+
+Sheydra: "It's the talk of the house.  The girls all trade stories in the
+dorms at night."
+
+Inara: "I... didn't... have a... pirate!"
+
+Sheydra: "In one of the stories, you make love in a burning temple.  I think
+that's my favorite."
+				--"Serenity", deleted scenes
+%
+Book: "Lord - I'm walking your way.  Let me in, for my feet are sore.  My
+clothes are ragged.  Look in my eyes, Lord, and my sins will play out in
+them as on the screen.  Read them off.  Forgive what you can, and send me
+on my path.  I will walk on until you give me rest."
+				--"Serenity", deleted scenes
+%
+Mal:"They take you down, I don't expect to grieve over it much.  I'd like
+to kill you myself if I ever see you again."
+
+Operative: "You won't." (pause) "There is nothing left to see."
+
+(Operative walks off, then stops near the engine, looking up at the ship
+through the rain)
+
+Operative: "Serenity.  You lost everything in that battle.  Everything you
+had, everything you were.  How did you go on?"
+
+Mal: "You're still standing there when that engine starts, you never will
+figure it out." (walks into Serenity)  "What a whiner!"
+				--"Serenity", deleted scenes
+%
+Zoe: (to Wash, lovingly) "That was close."  (They hug each other playfully)
+
+Mal: "Hey, what are you guys doin?" (beat) "Making out?"
+
+Wash: (flips off Mal) "Blow it, captain."
+				--"Serenity", outtakes
+%
+Mal: "Whoa, Whoa, you see that?  You see it, right?  You see that?"
+
+Mal: "Turn?  Would you turn?"
+
+Wash: "You want to fly this thing?"
+
+Mal: "You want me... would you pull over?  Is that what you call what you're
+doing?"
+
+Wash: "I will pull over this spaceship right now!"
+
+Mal: "Christ almighty!"
+
+Wash: "Dammit, I don't need a back spaceship driver!"
+
+Mal: "Get out of the way!!!"
+
+Wash: "Christ, that's it!" (throws up hands, leaves seat) "You wanna fly,
+f'in fly!" (off set) "I'll be in my bunk."
+				--"Serenity", outtakes
+%
+Everyone: "Summer!"
+
+[Ed: It was a running joke on-set that whenever anything went wrong, it was
+actress Summer Glau (River)'s fault.]
+
+				--"Serenity", outtakes
+%
+Mal: "TRAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!"
+				--"Serenity", outtakes
+%
+Mal: "Don't f'in tell me what to goddamn do!"
+
+Kaylee: (laughing) "Goddamn do?"
+				--"Serenity", outtakes
+%
+Mal: "Get these bodies together!"
+
+Zoe: "We got time for gravedigging?"
+
+Mal: "Zoe, take this and rope them together; five or six of them, I want
+them laid out on the nose of our ship."
+
+Simon: "Are you insane?"
+
+Mal: "Put Book front and center.  He's our friend; we should honor him. 
+Kaylee!  Find that kid who's taking a dirt nap with Baby Jesus; we need a
+hood ornament.  Jayne!  Try not to steal too much of their shit."
+				--"Serenity", outtakes
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/god-emperor b/local/share/fortune/god-emperor
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+I am the most ardent people-watcher who ever lived. I watch them inside me and 
+outside. Past and present can mingle with odd impositions in me. And as the 
+metamorphosis continues in my flesh wonderful things happen to my senses.
+It's as though I sensed everything in close-up. I have extremely acute hearing
+and vision, plus a sense of smell extraordinarily discriminating. I can detect
+and identify pheromones at three parts per million. I know. I have tested it.
+You cannot hide very much from my senses. I think it would horrify you what
+I can detect by smell alone. Your pheromones tell me what you are doing or are 
+prepared to do. And gesture and posture! I stared for half a day once at an old 
+man sitting on a bench in Arrakeen. He was a fifth-generation descendant of 
+Stilgar the Naib and did not even know it. I studied the angle of his neck,
+the skin flaps below his chin, the cracked lips and moistness about his
+nostrils, the pores behind his ears, the wisps of gray hair which crept from
+beneath the hood of his antique stillsuit. Not once did he detect that he was
+being watched. Hah! Stilgar would have known it in a second or two. But this
+old man was just waiting for someone who never came. He got up finally and
+tottered off. He was very stiff after all of that sitting. I knew I would
+never see him in the flesh again. He was that near death and his water was
+sure to be wasted. Well, that no longer mattered.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Oh, the landscapes I have seen! And the people! The far wanderings of the 
+Fremen and all the rest of it. Even back through the myths to Terra. Oh, the 
+lessons in astronomy and intrigue, the migrations, the disheveled flights, the 
+leg aching and lung-aching runs through so many nights on all of those cosmic 
+specks where we have defended our transient possession. I tell you we are a 
+marvel and my memories leave no doubt of this.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Sometimes I indulge myself in safaris which no other being may take. I strike 
+inward along the axis of my memories. Like a schoolchild reporting on a 
+vacation trip, I take up my subject. Let it be . . . female intellectuals!
+I course backward into the ocean which is my ancestors. I am a great winged
+fish in the depths. The mouth of my awareness opens and I scoop them up! 
+Sometimes... sometimes I hunt out specific persons recorded in our histories. 
+What a private joy to relive the life of such a one while I mock the academic 
+pretentions which supposedly formed a biography.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+You, the first person to encounter my chronicles for at least four thousand 
+years, beware. Do not feel honored by your primacy in reading the revelations 
+of my Ixian storehouse. You will find much pain in it. Other than the few 
+glimpses required to assure me that the Golden Path continued. I never wanted 
+to peer beyond those four millennia. Therefore, I am not sure what the events 
+in my journals may signify to your times. I only know that my journals have 
+suffered oblivion and that the events which I recount have undoubtedly been 
+submitted to historical distortion for eons. I assure you that the ability
+to view our futures can become a bore. Even to be thought of as a god,
+as I certainly was, can become ultimately boring. It has occurred to me
+more than once that holy boredom is good and sufficient reason for the
+invention of free will.
+
+  -- Inscription on the storehouse at bar-es-Balat
+%
+I tell you this in the hope that it will help you understand why I ad as I do 
+in the full knowledge that great forces accumulate in my Empire with but one 
+wish-the wish to destroy me. You who read these words may know full well what 
+actually happened, but I doubt that you understand it.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Some say I have no conscience. How false they are, even to themselves.
+I am the only conscience which has ever existed. As wine retains the perfume
+of its cask, I retain the essence of my most ancient genesis, and that is
+the seed of conscience. That is what makes me holy. I am God because I am
+the only one who really knows his heredity!
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+You must remember that I have at my internal demand every expertise known to 
+our history. This is the fund of energy I -draw upon when I address the 
+mentality of war. If you have not heard the moaning cries of the wounded and 
+the dying, you do not know about war. I have heard those cries in such numbers 
+that they haunt me. I have cried out myself in the aftermath of battle. I have 
+suffered wounds in every epoch-wounds from fist and club and rock, from 
+shell-studded limb and bronze sword, from the mace and the cannon, from arrows 
+and lasguns and the silent smothering of atomic dust, from biological invasions 
+which blacken the tongue and drown the lungs, from the swift gush of flame and 
+the silent working of slow poisons. . . and more I will not recount! I have 
+seen and felt them all. To those who dare ask why I behave as I do, I say: With 
+my memories, I can do nothing else. I am not a coward and once I was human.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Your Lord knows very well what is in your heart. Your soul suffices this day as 
+a reckoner against you. I need no witnesses. You do not listen to your soul, 
+but listen instead to your anger and your rage.
+
+  -- Lord Leto to a Penitent, From the Oral History
+%
+Odd as it may seem, great struggles such as the one you can see emerging from 
+my journals are not always visible to the participants. Much depends on what 
+people dream in the secrecy of their hearts. I have always been as concerned 
+with the shaping of dreams as with the shaping of actions. Between the lines of 
+my journals is the struggle with humankind's view of itself-a sweaty contest on 
+a field where motives from our darkest past can well up out of an unconscious 
+reservoir and become events with which we not only must live but contend.
+It is the hydraheaded monster which always attacks from your blind side.
+I pray, therefore, that when you have traversed my portion of the Golden Path
+you no longer will be innocent children dancing to music you cannot hear.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+How sad it was that the Shadout of old had become today's Fish Speaker. And a 
+true crysknife had been used to bind a servant more strongly to her master.
+He knew that some thought his Fish Speakers were really priestesses 
+
+  -- Leto's answer to the Bene Gesserit.
+%
+The Duncans always think it odd that I choose women for combat forces, but my 
+Fish Speakers are a temporary army in every sense. While they can be violent 
+and vicious, women are profoundly different from men in their dedication to 
+battle. The cradle of genesis ultimately predisposes them to behavior more 
+protective of life. They have proved to be the best keepers of the Golden Path. 
+I reinforce this in my design for their training. They are set aside for a time 
+from ordinary routines. I give them special sharings which they can look back 
+upon' with pleasure for the rest of their lives. They come of age in the 
+company of their sisters in preparation for events more profound. What you 
+share in such companionship always prepares you for greater things. The haze
+of nostalgia covers their days among their sisters, making those days into 
+something different than they were. That's the way today changes history.
+All contemporaries do not inhabit the same time. The past is always changing,
+but few realize it.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+I know the evil of my ancestors because I am those people. The balance is 
+delicate in the extreme. I know that few of you who read my words have ever 
+thought about your ancestors this way. It has not occurred to you that your 
+ancestors were survivors and that the survival itself sometimes involved savage 
+decisions, a kind of wanton brutality which civilized humankind works very hard 
+to suppress. What price will you pay for that suppression? Will you accept your 
+own extinction?
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+What is the most profound difference between us, between you and me? You 
+already know it. It's these ancestral memories. Mine come at me in the full 
+glare of awareness. Yours work from your blind side. Some call it instinct or 
+fate. The memories apply their leverages to each of us-on what we think and 
+what we do. You think you are immune to such influences? I am Galileo. I stand 
+here and tell you: "Yet it moves." That which moves can exert its force in ways 
+no mortal power ever before dared stem. I am here to dare this.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+The female sense of sharing originated as familial sharing-care of the young, 
+the gathering and preparation of food, sharing joys, love and sorrows. Funeral 
+lamentation originated with women. Religion began as a female monopoly, wrested 
+from them only after its social power became too dominant. Women were the first 
+medical researchers and Practitioners. There has never been any clear balance 
+between the sexes because power goes with certain roles as it certainly goes 
+with knowledge.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Unceasing warfare gives rise to its own social conditions which have been 
+similar in all epochs. People enter a permanent state of alertness to ward
+off attacks. You seethe absolute rule of the autocrat. All new things become 
+dangerous frontier districts-new planets, new economic areas to exploit, new 
+ideas or new devices, visitors-everything suspect. Feudalism takes firm hold, 
+sometimes disguised as a politbureau or similar structure, but always present. 
+Hereditary succession follows the lines of power. The blood of the powerful 
+dominates. The vice regents of heaven or their equivalent apportion the wealth. 
+And their know they must control inheritance or slowly let the power melt away. 
+Now, do you understand Leto's Peace?
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+
+Our ancestor, Assur-nasir-apli, who was known as the cruelest of the cruel,
+seized the throne by slaying his own father and starting the reign of the
+sword. His conquests included the Ururnia Lake region. which led him to
+Commagene and Khabur. His son received tribute from the Shuites, from Tyre,
+Sidon, Gebel and even from Jehu, son of Omri whose very name struck terror
+into thousands. The conquests which began with Assur-nasirapli carried arms
+into Media and later into Israel, Damascus, Edom, Arpad, Babylon and Umlias.
+Does anyone remember these names and places now? I have given you enough clues:
+Try to name the planet.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+I am beginning to hate water. The sandtrout skin which impels my metamorphosis 
+has learned the sensitivities of the worm. Moneo and many of my guards know my 
+aversion, Only Moneo suspects the truth, that this marks an important waypoint. 
+I can feel my ending in it, not soon as Moneo measures time, but soon enough as 
+I endure it. Sandtrout swarmed to water in the Dune days, a problem during the 
+early stages of our symbiosis. The enforcement of my will power controlled the 
+urge then, and until we reached a time of balance. Now, I must avoid water 
+because there are no other sandtrout, only the half dormant creatures of my 
+skin. Without sandtrout to bring this world back to desert, Shai-Hulud will not 
+emerge; the sandworm cannot evolve until the land is parched. I am their only 
+hope.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+"Another Festival so soon?" the Lord Leto asked.
+"It has been ten years," the majordomo said.
+Do you think by this exchange that the Lord Leto betrays an ignorance of time's 
+passage?
+
+  -- The Oral History
+%
+From that welter of memories which I can tap at will, patterns emerge. They are 
+like another language which I see so clearly The social-alarm signals which put 
+societies into the postures of defense attack are like shouted words to me.
+As a people. you react against threats to innocence and the peril of the
+helpless young. Unexplained sounds, visions and smells raise the hackles you
+have forgotten you possess. When alarmed, you cling to your native language
+because all the other patterned sounds are strange. You demand acceptable
+dress because a strange costume is threatening. This is system feedback at
+its most primitive level. Your cells remember
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Safaris through ancestral memories teach me many things. The patterns, ahhh, 
+the patterns Liberal bigots are the ones who trouble me most. I distrust the 
+extremes. Scratch a conservative and you find someone who prefers the past over 
+any future. Scratch a liberal and find a closet aristocrat. It's true! Liberal 
+governments always develop into aristocracies The bureaucracies betray the true 
+intent of people who form such governments. Right from the first, the little 
+people who formed the governments which promised to equalize the social burdens 
+found themselves suddenly in the hands of bureaucratic aristocracies. Of 
+course, all bureaucracies follow this pattern. but what a hypocrisy to find 
+this even under a communized banner Ahhh, well, if patterns teach me anything 
+it's that patterns are repeated. My oppressions. by and large, are no worse 
+than any of the others and, at least. I teach a new lesson.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+The trance-state of prophecy is like no other visionary experience. It is not
+a retreat from the raw exposure of the senses (as are many trance-states) but
+an immersion in a multitude of new movements. Things moue. It is an ultimate 
+pragmatism in the midst of Infinity, a demanding consciousness where you come 
+at last into the unbroken awareness that the universe moves of itself, that it 
+changes, that its rules change. that nothing remains permanent or absolute 
+throughout all such movement, that mechanical explanations for anything can 
+work only within precise confinements and, once the walls are broken down, the 
+old explanations shatter and dissolve, blown away by new movements. The things 
+you see in this trance are sobering, often shattering They demand your utmost 
+effort to remain whole and. even so, you emerge from that state profoundly 
+changed.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+When I set out to lead humankind along my Golden Path. I promised them a lesson 
+their bones would remember. I know a profound pattern which humans deny with 
+their words even while their actions affirm it. They say they seek security and 
+quiet, the condition they call peace. Even as they speak. they create the seeds 
+of turmoil and violence. If they find their quiet security. they squirm in it. 
+How boring they find it. Look at them now. Look at what they do while I record 
+these words. Hah! I give them enduring eons of enforced tranquility which plods 
+on and on despite their every effort to escape into chaos. Believe me, the 
+memory of Leto's Peace shall abide with them forever. They will seek their 
+quiet security thereafter only with extreme caution and steadfast preparation.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+As each day passes, you become increasingly unreal, more alien and remote from 
+what I find myself to be on that new day. I am the only reality and, as you 
+differ from me, you lose reality. The more curious I become, the less curious 
+are those who worship me. Religion suppresses curiosity. What I do subtracts 
+from the worshipper. Thus it is that eventually I will do nothing, giving it 
+all back to frightened people who will ,find themselves on that day alone and 
+forced to act for themselves.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+The problem of leadership is inevitably: Who will play God?
+
+  -- Muad'Dib. From the Oral History
+%
+I am both father and mother to my people. I have known the ecstasy of birth and 
+the ecstasy of death and I know the patterns that you must team. Have I not 
+wandered intoxicated through the universe of shapes? Yes! I have seen you 
+outlined in light. That universe which you say you see and feel, that universe 
+is my dream. My energies focus upon it and I am in any realm and every realm. 
+Thus, you are born.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+I have isolated the city-experience within me and have examined it closely.
+The idea of a city fascinates me. The formation of a biological community
+without a functioning, supportive social community leads to havoc. Whole
+worlds have become single biological communities without an interrelated
+social structure and this has always led to ruin. It becomes dramatically
+instructive under overcrowded conditions. The ghetto is lethal. Psychic
+stresses of overcrowding create pressures which will erupt. The city is an
+attempt to manage these forces. The social forms by which cities make the
+attempt are worth study.  Remember that there exists a certain malevolence
+about the formation of any social order. It is the struggle for existence
+by an artificial entity.  Despotism and slavery hover at the edges.
+Many injuries occur and, thus, the need for laws. The law develops its
+own power structure, creating more wounds and new injustices. Such trauma
+can be healed by cooperation, not by confrontation. The summons to cooperate
+identifies the healer.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+The singular multiplicity of this universe draws my deepest attention.
+It is a thing of ultimate beauty.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Groups tend to condition their surroundings for group survival. When they 
+deviate from this it may be taken as a sign of group sickness. There are
+many telltale symptoms. I watch the sharing of food. This is a form of 
+communication, an inescapable sign of mutual aid which also contains a deadly 
+signal of dependency. It is interesting that men are the ones who usually tend 
+the landscape today. They are husband-men. Once, that was the sole province of 
+women.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+If you know all of your ancestors, you were a personal witness to the events 
+which created the myths and religions of our past. Recognizing this, you must 
+think of me as a myth-maker.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Let there be no doubt that I am the assemblage of our ancestors, the arena in 
+which they exercise my moments. They are my cells and I am their body. This is 
+the favrashi of which I speak, the soul, the collective unconscious, the source 
+of archetypes, the repository of all trauma and joy. I am the choice of their 
+awakening. My samhadi is their samhadi. Their experiences are mine! Their 
+knowledge distilled is mfr inheritance. Those billions are my one.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+"Make no heroes," my father said.
+
+  -- The voice of Ghanima, From the Oral History
+%
+The prophet is not diverted by illusions of past, present and future. The 
+fixity of language determines such linear distinctions. Prophets hold a key to 
+the lock in a language. The mechanical image remains only an image to them. 
+This is not a mechanical universe. The linear progression of events is imposed 
+by the observer. Cause and effect? That's not it at all. The prophet utters 
+fateful words. You glimpse a thing "destined to occur." But the prophetic 
+instant releases something of infinite portent and power. The universe 
+undergoes a ghostly shift. Thus, the wise prophet conceals actuality behind 
+shimmering labels. The uninitiated then believe the prophetic language is 
+ambiguous. The listener distrusts the prophetic messenger. Instinct tells
+you how the utterance blunts the power of such words. The best prophets
+lead you up to the curtain and let you peer through for yourself.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+The pattern of monarchies and similar systems has a message of value for all 
+political forms. My memories assure me that governments of any kind could 
+profit from this message. Governments can be useful to the governed only so 
+long as inherent tendencies toward tyranny are restrained. Monarchies have
+some good features beyond their star qualities. They can reduce the size and 
+parasitic nature of the management bureaucracy. They can make speedy decisions 
+when necessary. They fit an ancient human demand for a parental (tribal/feudal) 
+hierarchy where every person knows his place. It is valuable to know your 
+place, even if that place is temporary. It is galling to be held in place 
+against your will. This is why I teach about tyranny in the best possible way 
+by example. Even though you read these words after a passage of eons, my 
+tyranny will not be forgotten. My Golden Path assures this. Knowing my message, 
+I expect you to be exceedingly careful about the powers you delegate to any 
+government.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+You know the myth of the Great Spice Hoard? Yes, I know about that story, too. 
+A majordomo brought it to me one day to amuse me. The story says there is a 
+hoard of melange, a gigantic hoard, big as a great mountain. The hoard is 
+concealed in the depths of a distant planet. It is not Arrakis, that planet.
+It is not Dune. The spice was hidden there long ago, even before the First
+Empire and the Spacing Guild. The story says Paul Muad'Dib went there and
+lives yet beside the hoard, kept alive by it, waiting. The majordomo did not
+understand why the story disturbed me.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Memory has a curious meaning to me, a meaning I have hoped others might share. 
+It continually astonished me how people hide from their ancestral memories, 
+shielding themselves behind a thick barrier of mythos. Ohhh, I do not expect 
+them to seek the terrible immediacy of every living moment which I must 
+experience. I can understand that they might not want to be submerged in a mush 
+of petty ancestral details. You have reason to fear that your living moments 
+might be taken over by others. Yet, the meaning is there within those memories. 
+We carry all of our ancestry forward like a living wave, all of the hopes and 
+joys and griefs, the agonies and the exultations of our past. Nothing within 
+those memories remains completely without meaning or influence, not as long as 
+there is a humankind somewhere. We have that bright Infinity all around us, 
+that Golden Path of forever to which we can continually pledge our puny but 
+inspired allegiance.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+The realization of what I am occurs in the timeless awareness which does not 
+stimulate nor delude. I create a field without self or center, a field where 
+even death becomes only analogy. I desire no results. I merely permit this 
+field which has no goals nor desires, no perfections nor even visions of 
+achievements. In that field, omnipresent primal awareness is all. It is the 
+light which pours through the windows of my universe.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+One of the most terrible words in any language is Soldier. The synonyms parade 
+through our history: yogahnee, trooper, hussar, kareebo, cossack, deranzeef, 
+legionnaire, sardaukar, fish speaker... I know them all. They stand there in 
+the ranks of my memory to remind me: Always make sure you have the army with 
+you.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Do you know what guerrillas often say? They claim that their rebellions are 
+invulnerable to economic warfare because they have no economy, that they are 
+parasitic on those they would overthrow. The fools merely fail to assess the 
+coin in which they must inevitably pay. The pattern is inexorable in its 
+degenerative failures. You see it repeated in the systems of slavery, of 
+welfare states, of caste-ridden religions, of socializing bureaucracies-in
+any system which creates and maintains dependencies. Too long a parasite and
+you cannot exist without a host.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+In the cradle of our past, I lay upon my back in a cave so shallow I could 
+penetrate it only by squirming, not by crawling. There, by the dancing light of 
+a resin torch, I drew upon walls and ceiling the creatures of the hunt and the 
+souls of my people. How illuminating it is to peer backward through a perfect 
+circle at that ancient struggle for the visible moment of the soul. All time 
+vibrates to that call: "Here I am!" With a mind informed by artist-giants who 
+came afterward, I peer at handprints and flowing muscles drawn upon the rock 
+with charcoal and vegetable dyes. How much more we are than mere mechanical 
+events! And my anti-civil self demands: "Why is it that they do not want to 
+leave the cave?"
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+
+The Duncans sometimes ask if I understand the exotic ideas of our past?
+And if I understand them, why can't I explain them? Knowledge, the Duncans
+believe, resides only in particulars. I try to tell them that all words are
+plastic. Word images begin to distort in the instant of utterance.  Ideas
+imbedded in a language require that particular language for expression.
+This is the very essence of the meaning within the word exotic. See how it
+begins to distort?  Translation squirms in the presence of the exotic.
+The Galach which I speak here imposes itself. It is an outside frame of
+reference, a particular system.  Dangers lurk in all systems.  Systems
+incorporate the unexamined beliefs of their creators. Adopt a system, accept
+its beliefs, and you help strengthen the resistance to change.  Does it
+serve any purpose for me to tell the Duncans that there are no languages
+for some things? Ahhh! But the Duncans believe that all languages are mine.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Given enough time for the generations to evolve, the predator produces 
+particular survival adaptations in its prey which, through the circular 
+operation of feedback, produce changes in the predator which again change the 
+prey etcetera, etcetera, etcetera .... Many powerful forces do the same thing. 
+You can count religions among such forces.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+It required almost a thousand years before the dust of Dune's old planet-wide 
+desert left the atmosphere to be bound up in soil and water. The wind called 
+sandblaster has not been seen on Arrakis for some twenty-five hundred years. 
+Twenty billion tons of dust could be carried suspended in the wind of just one 
+of those storms. The sky often had a silvery look to it then. Fremen said:
+"The desert is a surgeon cutting away the skin to expose what's underneath."
+The planet and the people had layers. You could see them. My Sareer is but
+a weak echo of what was. I must be the sandblaster today.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Most civilization is based on cowardice. It's so easy to civilize by teaching 
+cowardice. You water down the standards which would lead to bravery.
+You restrain the will. You regulate the appetites. You fence in the horizons.
+You make a law for every movement. You deny the existence of chaos.
+You teach even the children to breathe slowly. You tame.
+
+  --  The Stolen Journals
+%
+What is the most immediate danger to my stewardship? I will tell you.
+It is a true visionary, a person who has stood in the presence of God
+with the full knowledge of where he stands. Visionary ecstasy releases
+energies which are like the energies of sex-uncaring for anything
+except creation. One act of creation can be much like another.
+Everything depends upon the vision.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+
+You cannot understand history unless you understand its flowings, its
+currents and the ways leaders move within such forces. A leader tries to
+perpetuate the conditions which demand his leadership. Thus, the leader
+requires the outsider.  I caution you to examine my career with care.
+I am both leader and outsider.  Do not make the mistake of assuming that I
+only created the Church which was the State. That was my function as leader
+and I had many historical models to use as pattern. For a clue to my role as
+outsider, look at the arts of my time.  The arts are barbaric. The favorite
+poetry? The Epic. The popular dramatic ideal?  Heroism. Dances? Wildly
+abandoned. From Moneo's viewpoint, he is correct in describing this as
+dangerous. It stimulates the imagination. It makes people feel the lack of
+that which I have taken from them. What did I take from them?  The right to
+participate in history.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+You think power may be the most unstable of all human achievements?
+Then what of the apparent exceptions to this inherent instability?
+Some families endure.  Very powerful religious bureaucracies have been known
+to endure. Consider the relationship between faith and power. Are they
+mutually exclusive when each depends upon the other? The Bene Gesserit have
+been reasonably secure within the loyal walls of faith for thousands of
+years. But where has their power gone?
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+Think of it as plastic memory, this force within you which trends you and your 
+fellows toward tribal forms. This plastic memory seeks to return to its ancient 
+shape, the tribal society. It is all around you-the feudatory, the diocese, the 
+corporation, the platoon, the sports club, the dance troupes, the rebel cell, 
+the planning council, the prayer group . . . each with its master and servants, 
+its host and parasites. And the swarms of alienating devices (including these 
+very words!) tend eventually to be enlisted in the argument for a return to 
+"those better rimes." I despair of teaching you other ways. You have square 
+thoughts which resist circles.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+What am I eliminating? The bourgeois infatuation with peaceful conservation
+of the past. This is a binding force, a thing which holds humankind into one
+vulnerable unit in spite of illusionary separations across parsecs of space.
+If I can find the scattered bits, others can find them. When you are
+together, you can share a common catastrophe. You can be exterminated
+together. Thus, I demonstrate the terrible danger of a gliding, passionless
+mediocrity, a movement without ambitions or aims. I show you that entire
+civilizations can do this thing. I give you eons of life which slips gently
+toward death without fuss or stirring, without even asking 'Why?' I show you
+the false happiness and the shadow-catastrophe called Leto, the God
+Emperor. Now, will you learn the real happiness?
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
+In all of my universe I have seen no law of nature, unchanging and inexorable. 
+This universe presents only changing relationships which are sometimes seen as 
+laws by short-lived awareness. These fleshly sensoria which we call self are 
+ephemera withering in the blaze of infinity, fleetingly aware of temporary 
+conditions which confine our activities and change as our activities change.
+If you must label the absolute, use it's proper name: Temporary.
+
+  -- The Stolen Journals
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/heretics-of-dune b/local/share/fortune/heretics-of-dune
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f75bcff
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/heretics-of-dune
@@ -0,0 +1,358 @@
+Most discipline is hidden discipline, designed not to liberate but to limit.  
+Do not ask Why?  Be cautious with How?  Why? leads inexorably to paradox.
+How? traps you in a universe of cause and effect.  Both deny the infinite. 
+
+  -- The Apocrypha of Arrakis
+%
+Explosions are also compressions of time.  Observable changes in the natural
+universe all are explosive to some degree and from some point of view;
+otherwise you would not notice them.  Smooth Continuity of change, if slowed
+sufficiently, goes without notice by observers whose time/attention span is
+too short.  Thus, I tell you, I have seen changes you would never have
+marked.
+
+  -- Leto II
+%
+The existence of no-ships raises the possibility of destroying entire
+planets without retaliation.  A large object, asteroid or equivalent, may be
+sent against the planet.  Or the people can be set against each other by
+sexual subversion, and then can be armed to destroy themselves.  These
+Honored Matres appear to favor this latter technique.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Analysis
+%
+Humans live best when each has his place to stand, when each knows where he be
+longs in the scheme of things and what he may achieve.  Destroy the place and 
+you destroy the person.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Teaching
+%
+Has not religion claimed a patent on creation for all of these millennia?
+
+  -- The Tleilaxu Question, from Muad'dib Speaks
+%
+Some days it's melange; some days it's bitter dirt.
+
+  -- Rakian Aphorism
+%
+The trouble with some kinds of warfare (and be certain the Tyrant knew this,
+because it is implicit in his lesson) is that they destroy all moral decency
+in susceptible types.  Warfare of these kinds will dump the destroyed
+survivors back into an innocent population that is incapable of even
+imagining what such returned soldiers might do. 
+
+  -- Teachings of the Golden Path, Bene Gesserit Archives
+%
+Ten thousand years since Leto II began his metamorphosis from human into the
+sandworm of Rakis and historians still argue over his motives.  Was he
+driven by the desire for long life?  He lived more than ten times the normal
+span of three hundred SY, but consider the price he paid.  Was it the lure
+of power?  He is called the Tyrant for good reason but what did power bring
+him that a human might want?  Was he driven to save humankind from itself?
+We have only his own words about his Golden Path to answer this and I cannot
+accept the self-serving records of Dar-es-Balat.  Might there have been
+other gratifications, which only his experiences would illuminate?  Without
+better evidence the question is moot.  We are reduced to saying only that
+"He did it!" The physical fact alone is undeniable. 
+
+  -- The Metamorphosis of Leto II, 10,000th Anniversary Peroration by Gaus Andaud
+%
+Technology, in common with many other activities, tends toward avoidance of
+risks by investors.  Uncertainty is ruled out if possible.  Capital
+investment follows this rule, since people generally prefer the predictable.
+Few recognize how destructive this can be, how it imposes severe limits on
+variability and thus makes whole populations fatally vulnerable to the
+shocking ways our universe can throw the dice. 
+
+  -- Assessment of Ix, Bene Gesserit Archives
+%
+In my estimation, more misery has been created by reformers than by any
+other force in human history.  Show me someone who says "Something must be
+done!" and I will show you a head full of vicious intentions that have no
+other outlet. What we must strive for always! is to find the natural flow
+and go with it.
+
+  -- The Reverend Mother Taraza, Conversational Record, BG File GSXXMAT9
+%
+The Tleilaxu secret must be in their sperm.  Our tests prove that their
+sperm does not carry forward in a straight genetic fashion.  Gaps occur.
+Every Tleilaxu we have examined has hidden his inner self from us.  They are
+naturally immune to an Ixian Probe!  Secrecy at the deepest levels, that is
+their ultimate armor and their ultimate weapon.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Analysis, Archives Code:  BTXX441WOR
+%
+The outer surface of a balloon is always larger than the center of the
+damned thing!  That's the whole point of the Scattering! 
+
+  --  Bene Gesserit response to an Ixian suggestion that new
+      investigative probes be sent out among the Lost Ones 
+%
+The failure of CHOAM?  Quite simple:  They ignore the fact that larger
+commercial powers wait at the edges of their activities, powers that could
+swallow them the way a slig swallows garbage.  This is the true threat of
+the Scattering -- to them and to us all. 
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Council notes, Archives #SXX90CH
+%
+At the quantum level our universe can be seen as an indeterminate place,
+predictable in a statistical way only when you employ large enough numbers.
+Between that universe and a relatively predictable one where the passage of
+a single planet can be timed to a picosecond, other forces come into play.
+For the in-between universe where we find our daily lives, that which you
+believe is a dominant force.  Your beliefs order the unfolding of daily
+events.  If enough of us believe, a new thing can be made to exist.  Belief
+structure creates a filter through which chaos is sifted into order. 
+
+  -- Analysis of the Tyrant, the Taraza File:  BG Archives
+%
+Life cannot find reasons to sustain it, cannot be a source of decent mutual
+regard, unless each of us resolves to breathe such qualities into it. 
+
+  -- Chenoeh:  "Conversations with Leto II"
+%
+Law always chooses sides on the basis of enforcement power.  Morality and
+legal niceties have little to do with it when the real question is:  Who has
+the clout? 
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Council Proceedings:  Archives #XOX232
+%
+The basic rule is this:  Never support weakness; always support strength.
+
+  -- The Bene Gesserit Coda
+%
+Nothing surpasses the complexity of the human mind.
+
+  -- Leto II:  Dar-es-Balat Records
+%
+The significant fact is this:  No Bene Tleilax female has ever been seen
+away from the protection of their core planets.  (Face Dancer mules who
+simulate females do not count in this analysis.  They cannot be breeders.)
+The Tleilaxu sequester their females to keep them from our hands.  This is
+our primary deduction.  It must also be in the eggs that the Tleilaxu
+Masters conceal their most essential secrets. 
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Analysis -- Archives #XOXTM99 ..... 041
+%
+What social inheritances went outward with the Scattering?  We know those
+times intimately.  We know both the mental and physical settings.  The Lost
+Ones took with them a consciousness confined mostly to manpower and
+hardware.  There was a desperate need for room to expand driven by the myth
+of Freedom.  Most had not learned the deeper lesson of the Tyrant, that
+violence builds its own limits.  The Scattering was wild and random movement
+interpreted as growth (expansion).  It was goaded by a profound fear (often
+unconscious) of stagnation and death. 
+
+  -- The Scattering:  Bene Gesserit Analysis (Archives)
+%
+Liberty and Freedom are complex concepts.  They go back to religious ideas
+of Free Will and are related to the Ruler Mystique implicit in absolute
+monarchs. Without absolute monarchs patterned after the Old Gods and ruling
+by the grace of a belief in religious indulgence, Liberty and Freedom would
+never have gained their present meaning.  These ideals owe their very
+existence to past examples of oppression.  And the forces that maintain such
+ideas will erode unless renewed by dramatic teaching or new oppressions.
+This is the most basic key to my life. 
+
+  -- Leto II, God Emperor of Dune:  Dar-es-Balat Records
+%
+Quite naturally, holders of power wish to suppress wild research.
+Unrestricted questing after knowledge has a long history of producing
+unwanted competition.  The powerful want a "safe line of investigations,"
+which will develop only those products and ideas that can be controlled and,
+most important, that will allow the larger part of the benefits to be
+captured by inside investors.  Unfortunately, a random universe full of
+relative variables does not insure such a "safe line of investigations." 
+
+  -- Assessment of Ix, Bene Gesserit Archives
+%
+Bureaucracy destroys initiative.  There is little that bureaucrats hate more
+than innovation, especially innovation that produces better results than the
+old routines.  Improvements always make those at the top of the heap look
+inept. Who enjoys appearing inept? 
+
+  -- A Guide to Trial and Error in Government, Bene Gesserit Archives
+%
+The long table on the right is set for a banquet of roast desert hare in
+sauce cepeda.  The other dishes, clockwise to the right from the far end of
+the table, are aplomage sirian, chukka under glass, coffee with melange
+(note the hawk crest of the Atreides on the urn), pot-a-oie and, in the
+Balut crystal bottle, sparkling Caladan wine.  Note the ancient poison
+detector concealed in the chandelier. 
+
+  -- Dar-es-Balat, Description at a Museum Display
+%
+People always want something more than immediate joy or that deeper sense
+called happiness.  This is one of the secrets by which we shape the
+fulfillment of our designs.  The something more assumes amplified power with
+people who cannot give it a name or who (most often the case) do not even
+suspect its existence.  Most people only react unconsciously to such hidden
+forces.  Thus, we have only to call a calculated something more into
+existence, define it and give it shape, then people will follow. 
+
+  -- Leadership Secrets of the Bene Gesserit
+%
+There was this drylander who was asked which was more important, a literjon
+of water or a vast pool of water?  The drylander thought a moment and then
+said: "The literjon is more important.  No single person could own a great
+pool of water.  But a literjon you could hide under your cloak and run away
+with it.  No one would know."
+
+  -- The Jokes of Ancient Dune, Bene Gesserit Archives
+%
+By your belief in singularities, in granular absolutes, you deny movement,
+even the movement of evolution!  While you cause a granular universe to
+persist in your awareness, you are blind to movement.  When things change,
+your absolute universe vanishes, no longer accessible to your self-limiting
+perceptions.  The universe has moved beyond you.
+
+  -- First Draft, Atreides Manifesto, Bene Gesserit Archives
+%
+We have long known that the objects of our palpable sense experiences can be
+influenced by choice -- both conscious choice and unconscious.  This is a
+demonstrated fact that does not require that we believe some force within us
+reaches out and touches the universe.  I address a pragmatic relationship
+between belief and what we identify as "real."  All of our judgments carry a
+heavy burden of ancestral beliefs to which we of the Bene Gesserit tend to
+be more susceptible than most.  It is not enough that we are aware of this
+and guard against it.  Alternative interpretations must always receive our
+attention. 
+
+  -- Mother Superior Taraza:  Argument in Council
+%
+This is the awe-inspiring universe of magic:  There are no atoms, only waves
+and motions all around.  Here, you discard all belief in barriers to
+understanding.  You put aside understanding itself.  This universe cannot be
+seen, cannot be heard, cannot be detected in any way by fixed perceptions.
+It is the ultimate void where no preordained screens occur upon which forms
+may be projected.  You have only one awareness here -- the screen of the
+magi:  Imagination! Here, you learn what it is to be human.  You are a
+creator of order, of beautiful shapes and systems, an organizer of chaos. 
+
+  -- The Atreides Manifesto, Bene Gesserit Archives
+%
+This room reconstructs a bit of the desert of Dune.  The sandcrawler
+directly in front of you dates from the Atreides times.  Grouped around it,
+moving clockwise from your left, are a small harvester, a carryall, a
+primitive spice factory and the other support equipment.  All are explained
+at each station.  Note the illuminated quotation above the display:  "FOR
+THEY SHALL SUCK OF THE ABUNDANCE OF THE SEAS AND OF THE TREASURE IN THE
+SAND."  This ancient religious quotation was oft repeated by the famous
+Gurney Halleck. 
+
+  -- Guide Announcement, Museum of Dar-es-Balat
+%
+  Our fathers ate manna in the desert,
+  In the burning place where whirlwinds came.
+  Lord, save us from that horrible land!
+  Save us, oh-h-h-h-h save us
+  From that dry and thirsty land.
+  
+    -- Songs of Gurney Halleck, Museum of Dar-es-Balat
+%
+All organized religions face a common problem, a tender spot through which we 
+may enter and shift them to our designs:  How do they distinguish hubris from 
+revelation?
+
+  -- Missionaria Protectiva, the Inner Teachings
+%
+  I remember friends from wars all but we forgot.
+  All of them distilled into each wound we caught.
+  Those wounds are all the painful places where we fought.
+  Battles better left behind, ones we never sought.
+  What is it that we spent and what was it we bought?
+  
+    -- Songs of the Scattering
+%
+It is your fate, forgetfulness.  All of the old lessons of life, you lose and 
+gain and lose and gain again.
+
+  -- Leto II, the Voice of Dar-es-Balat
+%
+Survival of self, of species, and of environment, these are what drive
+humans.  You can observe how the order of importance changes in a lifetime.
+What are the things of immediate concern at a given age?  Weather?  The
+state of the digestion?  Does she (or he) really care?  All of those various
+hungers that flesh can sense and hope to satisfy.  What else could possibly
+matter? 
+
+  -- Leto II to Hwi Noree, His Voice:  Dar-es-Balat
+%
+There was a man who sat each day looking out through a narrow vertical
+opening where a single board had been removed from a tall wooden fence.
+Each day a wild ass of the desert passed outside the fence and across the
+narrow opening -- first the nose, then the head, the forelegs, the long
+brown back, the hindlegs, and lastly the tail.  One day, the man leaped to
+his feet with the light of discovery in his eyes and he shouted for all who
+could hear him:  "It is obvious!  The nose causes the tail!" 
+
+  -- Stories of the Hidden Wisdom, from the Oral History of Rakis
+%
+Historians exercise great power and some of them know it.  They recreate the
+past, changing it to fit their own interpretations.  Thus, they change the
+future as well. 
+
+  -- Leto II, His Voice, from Dar-es-Balat
+%
+"I must rule with eye and claw -- as the hawk among lesser birds."
+
+  -- Atreides assertion (Ref:  BG Archives)
+%
+Memory never recaptures reality.  Memory reconstructs.  All reconstructions
+change the original, becoming external frames of reference that inevitably
+fall short. 
+
+  -- Mentat Handbook
+%
+Concealed behind strong barriers the heart becomes ice.
+
+  -- Darwi Odrade, Argument in Council
+%
+When strangers meet, great allowance should be made for differences of custom 
+and training.
+
+  -- The Lady Jessica, from "Wisdom of Arrakis"
+%
+May you die on Caladan!
+
+  -- Ancient Drinking Toast
+%
+The worst potential competition for any organism can come from its own kind.
+The species consumes necessities.  Growth is limited by that necessity which
+is present in the least amount.  The least favorable condition controls the
+rate of growth.  (Law of the Minimum) 
+
+  -- From "Lessons of Arrakis"
+%
+O you who know what we suffer here, do not forget us in your prayers.
+
+  -- Sign over Arrakeen Landing Field (Historical Records:  Dar-es-Balat)
+%
+  The world is for the living.  Who are they?
+  We dared the dark to reach the white and warm.
+  She was the wind when the wind was in my way.
+  Alive at noon, I perished in her form.
+  Who rise from the flesh to spirit know the fall:
+  The word outleaps the world and light is all.
+  
+    -- Theodore Roethke (Historical Quotations:  Dar-es-Balat)
+%
+Justice?  Who asks for justice.  We make our own justice.  We make it here on 
+Arrakis -- win or die.  Let us not rail about justice as long as we have arms 
+and the freedom to use them.
+
+  -- Leto I:  Bene Gesserit Archives
+%
+We are not looking at a new state of matter but at a newly recognized
+relationship between consciousness and matter, which provides a more
+penetrating insight into the workings of prescience.  The oracle shapes a
+projected inner universe to produce new external probabilities out of forces
+that are not understood.  There is no need to understand these forces before
+using them to shape the physical universe.  Ancient metal workers had no
+need to understand the molecular and submolecular complexities of their
+steel, bronze, copper, gold, and tin.  They invented mystical powers to
+describe the unknown while they continued to operate their forges and wield
+their hammers. 
+
+  -- Mother Superior Taraza, Argument in Council
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/hitchhiker b/local/share/fortune/hitchhiker
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0ea3338
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/hitchhiker
@@ -0,0 +1,667 @@
+"`...You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call 
+attention to them had you? I mean like actually telling 
+anyone or anything.'
+`But the plans were on display...'
+`On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to 
+find them.'
+`That's the display department.'
+`With a torch.'
+`Ah, well the lights had probably gone.'
+`So had the stairs.'
+`But look you found the notice didn't you?'
+`Yes,' said Arthur, `yes I did. It was on display in the 
+bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused 
+lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of The 
+Leopard".'"
+
+- Arthur singing the praises of the local council planning department. 
+%
+"`Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.'
+`Very deep,' said Arthur, `you should send that in to the 
+"Reader's Digest". They've got a page for people like you.'"
+
+- Ford convincing Arthur to drink three pints in ten minutes at lunchtime. 
+%
+"`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking 
+low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of 
+Thursdays.'" 
+
+- Arthur, on what was to be his last Thursday on Earth. 
+%
+"Pages one and two [of Zaphod's presidential speech] had 
+been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had 
+already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form 
+of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed 
+largely of papier mache and it was virtually impossible for 
+a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran 
+Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of 
+the species but wanted no truck with it." 
+
+- An example of Damogran wildlife. 
+%
+"`How do you feel?' he asked him.
+`Like a military academy,' said Arthur, `bits of me keep 
+passing out.'" ....
+`We're safe,' he said.
+`Oh good,' said Arthur.
+`We're in a small galley cabin,' said Ford, `in one of the 
+spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.'
+`Ah,' said Arthur, `this is obviously some strange usage of 
+the word "safe" that I wasn't previously aware of.'
+
+- Arthur after his first ever teleport ride. 
+%
+"`The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick 
+your finger down his throat...'" 
+
+- The Book, on one of the Vogon's social inadequacies. 
+%
+"`You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. 
+It's unpleasantly like being drunk.'
+`What's so unpleasant about being drunk?'
+`You ask a glass of water.'"
+
+- Arthur getting ready for his first jump into hyperspace. 
+%
+"`You know,' said Arthur, `it's at times like this, when 
+I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, 
+and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I 
+really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I 
+was young.'
+`Why, what did she tell you?'
+`I don't know, I didn't listen.'"
+
+- Arthur coping with certain death as best as he could. 
+%
+"`Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.'" 
+
+- Arthur experiences the improbability drive at work. 
+%
+"`I think you ought to know that I'm feeling very 
+depressed.'"
+"`Life, don't talk to me about life.'"
+"`Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to 
+take you down to the bridge. Call that "job satisfaction"? 
+'Cos I don't.'"
+"`I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my 
+left side.'"
+
+- Guess who. 
+%
+"`If there's anything more important than my ego around, I 
+want it caught and shot now.'" 
+
+- Zaphod. 
+%
+"`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, 
+men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry 
+creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry 
+creatures from Aplha Centauri.'" 
+
+- The Book getting all nostalgic. 
+%
+"`Hey this is terrific!' Zaphod said. `Someone down there 
+is trying to kill us!'
+`Terrific,' said Arthur.
+`But don't you see what this means?'
+`Yes. We are going to die.'
+`Yes, but apart from that.'
+`APART from that?'
+`It means we must be on to something!'
+`How soon can we get off it?'"
+
+- Zaphod and Arthur in a certain death situation over Magrathea. 
+%
+"And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very 
+fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a 
+big wide sounding word like... ow... ound... round... 
+ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground!
+I wonder if it will be friends with me?" 
+
+- For the sperm whale, it wasn't. 
+%
+"Oh no, not again." 
+
+- A bowl of petunias on it's way to certain death. 
+%
+"`Er, hey Earthman...'
+`Arthur,' said Arthur.
+`Yeah, could you just sort of keep this robot with you and 
+guard this end of the passageway. OK?'
+`Guard?' said Arthur. `What from? You just said there's no 
+one here.'
+`Yeah, well, just for safety, OK?' said Zaphod.
+`Whose? Yours or mine?'"
+
+- Arthur drawing the short straw on Magrathea. 
+%
+"There are of course many problems connected with life, of 
+which some of the most popular are `Why are people born?' 
+`Why do they die?' `Why do they spend so much of the 
+intervening time wearing digital watches?'" 
+
+- The Book. 
+%
+"`Right,' said Ford, `I'm going to have a look.'
+He glanced round at the others.
+`Is no one going to say, "No you can't possibly, let me go 
+instead"?'
+They all shook their heads.
+`Oh well.'"
+
+- Ford attempting to be heroic whilst being seiged by Shooty and Bangbang. 
+%
+"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a 
+lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad 
+move." - The Book just recapping what happened in the last 
+book. 
+"`I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in 
+me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over 
+my pelvis.'" 
+
+- Zaphod being cool. 
+%
+"`You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?'
+`Yeah,' said Zaphod, `but don't shout it out or they'll all 
+want one.'
+`THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?'
+`No, just A Zaphod Bebblebrox, didn't you hear I come in 
+six packs?'
+`But sir,' it squealed, `I just heard on the sub-ether 
+radio report. It said you were dead...'
+`Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.'"
+
+- Zaphod and the Guide's receptionist. 
+%
+"The fronting for the eighty-yard-long marble-topped bar 
+had been made by stitching together nearly twenty thousand 
+Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins, despite the fact that the 
+twenty thousand lizards concerned had needed them to keep 
+their insides in." 
+
+- The Book decribing Milliways' politically incorrect decor. 
+%
+"`...and the Universe,' continued the waiter, determined 
+not to be deflected on his home stretch, `will explode 
+later for your pleasure.'
+Ford's head swivelled slowly towards him. He spoke with 
+feeling.
+`Wow,' he said, `What sort of drinks do you serve in this 
+place?'
+The waiter laughed a polite little waiter's laugh.
+`Ah,' he said, `I think sir has perhaps misunderstood me.'
+`Oh, I hope not,' breathed Ford."
+
+- Ford in paradise. 
+%
+"Zaphod grinned two manic grins, sauntered over to the bar
+and bought most of it." 
+
+- Zaphod in paradise. 
+%
+"`Maybe somebody here tipped off the Galactic Police,' said 
+Trillian. `Everybody saw you come in.'
+`You mean they want to arrest me over the phone?' said 
+Zaphod, `Could be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm 
+cornered.'
+`Yeah,' said a voice from under the table [Ford's now 
+completely rat-arsed at this point], `you go to pieces so 
+fast people get hit by the shrapnel.'"
+
+- Zaphod getting paranoid over a phone call. 
+%
+"`Hand me the rap-rod, Plate Captain.'
+The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in 
+confusion.
+`I beg your pardon, sir?' he said.
+`The phone, waiter,' said Zaphod, grabbing it off him. 
+`Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't 
+fall off.'"
+
+- Zaphod discovers that waiters are the least hip people in the Universe. 
+%
+"The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford 
+nevertheless weaved his way through it." 
+
+- Ford making his way out of Milliways whilst under the 
+influence of enough alcohol to make a rhino sing. 
+%
+"`The first ten million years were the worst,' said Marvin, 
+`and the second ten million, they were the worst too. The 
+third ten million I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went 
+into a bit of a decline.'" 
+
+- Marvin reflecting back on his 576,000,003,579 year 
+career as Milliways' car park attendent. 
+%
+"`Incidentally,' he said, `what does teleport mean?'
+Another moment passed.
+Slowly, the others turned to face him.
+`Probably the wrong moment to ask,' said Arthur, `It's just 
+I remember you use the word a short while ago and I only 
+bring it up because...'
+`Where,' said Ford quietly, `does it say teleport?'
+`Well, just over here in fact,' said Arthur, pointing at a 
+dark control box in the rear of the cabin, `Just under the 
+word "emergency", above the word "system" and beside the 
+sign saying "out of order".'"
+
+- Arthur finding an escape route from a certain death situation. 
+%
+"I teleported home one night
+With Ron and Sid and Meg.
+Ron stole Meggie's heart away
+And I got Sidney's leg."
+
+- A poem about matter transference beams. 
+%
+"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President 
+should on no account be allowed to do the job." 
+
+- Some wisdom from The Book. 
+%
+"`We've got to find out what people want from fire, how 
+they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them.'
+The crowd were tense. They were expecting something 
+wonderful from Ford.
+`Stick it up your nose,' he said.
+`Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know,' 
+insisted the girl, `Do people want fire that can be fitted 
+nasally?'"
+
+- Ford "debating" what to do with fire with a marketing 
+girl. 
+%
+"The story goes that I first had the idea for THHGTTG while 
+lying drunk in a field in Innsbruck (or `Spain' as the BBC 
+TV publicity department authoritatively has it, probably 
+because it's easier to spell)." - Foreward by DNA. 
+
+FORD 	Six pints of bitter. And quickly please, the world's about to
+	end.
+BARMAN	Oh yes, sir? Nice weather for it.
+%
+BOOK	Meanwhile, the starship has landed on the surface of Magrathea
+	and Trillian is about to make one of the most important
+	statements of her life. Its importance is not immediately
+	recognised by her companions.
+TRILL.	Hey, my white mice have escaped.
+ZAPHOD	Nuts to your white mice.
+%
+BOOK	...Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than
+	dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York,
+	wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck
+	about in the water having a good time. But conversely the
+	dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for
+	precisely the same reasons.
+%
+ARTHUR	What is an Algolian Zylatburger anyway?
+FORD	They're a kind of meatburger made from the most unpleasant parts
+	of a creature well known for its total lack of any pleasant
+	parts.
+ARTHUR	So you mean that the Universe does actually end not with a bang
+	but with a Wimpy?
+
+- Cut dialogue from Fit the Fifth. 
+%
+BOOK	There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers
+	exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will
+	instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more
+	bizarrely inexplicable.
+	There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
+
+- Introduction to Fit the Seventh. 
+%
+FORD	Tell me Arthur...
+ARTHUR	Yes?
+FORD	This boulder we're stuck under, how big would you say it was? Roughly?
+ARTHUR	Oh, about the size of Coventry Cathedral.
+FORD	Do you think we could move it? (Arthur doesn't reply) Just asking.
+
+- Ford and Arthur in a tricky situation, Fit the Eighth. 
+%
+BOOK	What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground
+	underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of
+	rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to
+	you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so
+	far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely,
+	consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much
+	longer.
+
+- Comforting advice for Ford and Arthur in this current
+situation, Fit the Eighth. 
+%
+ZAPHOD	Hey, this rock...
+FORD	Marble...
+ZAPHOD	Marble...
+FORD	Ice-covered marble...
+ZAPHOD	Right... it's as slippery as... as... What's the slipperiest
+	thing you can think of?
+FORD	At the moment? This marble.
+ZAPHOD	Right. This marble is as slippery as this marble.
+
+- Zaphod and Ford trying to get a grip on things in Brontitall, Fit the Tenth. 
+%
+ARTHUR	It's not a question of whose habitat it is, it's a 
+	question of how hard you hit it.
+
+- Arthur pointing out one of the disadvantages of gravity, Fit the Tenth. 
+%
+ARTHUR	It probably seems a terrible thing to say, but you 
+	know what I sometimes think would be useful in these situations?
+LINT.	What?
+ARTHUR	A gun of some sort.
+LINT.2	Will this help?
+ARTHUR	What is it?
+LINT.2	A gun of some sort.
+ARTHUR	Oh, that'll help. Can you make it fire?
+LINT.	Er...
+F/X	DEAFENING ROAR
+LINT.	Yes.
+
+- Arthur and the Lintillas gaining the upper hand, Fit the Twelfth. 
+%
+"He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the 
+fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the 
+rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arms out wide. `I 
+will go mad!' he announced." 
+
+- Arthur discovering a way of coping with life on Prehistoric Earth. 
+%
+"`... then I decided that I was a lemon for a couple of 
+weeks. I kept myself amused all that time jumping in and 
+out of a gin and tonic.'
+Arthur cleared his throat, and then did it again.
+`Where,' he said, `did you...?'
+`Find a gin and tonic?' said Ford brightly. `I found a 
+small lake that thought it was a gin and tonic, and jumped 
+in and out of that. At least, I think it thought it was a 
+gin and tonic.'
+`I may,' he addded with a grin which would have sent sane 
+men scampering into the trees, `have been imagining it.'"
+
+- Ford updating Arthur about what he's been doing for the past four years. 
+%
+"`Eddies,' said Ford, `in the space-time continuum.'
+`Ah,' nodded Arthur, `is he? Is he?'"
+
+- Arthur failing in his first lesson of galactic physics in four years. 
+%
+"Ford grabbed him by the lapels of his dressing gown and 
+spoke to him as slowly and distinctly and patiently as if 
+he were somebody from a telephone company accounts 
+department." 
+
+- Ford trying to rectify that situation. 
+%
+"...[Arthur] leapt to his feet like an author hearing the 
+phone ring..." 
+
+- Who says that the character of Arthur isn't autobiographical? 
+%
+"Arthur's consciousness approached his body as from a great 
+distance, and reluctantly. It had had some bad times in 
+there. Slowly, nervously, it entered and settled down into 
+its accustomed position.
+Arthur sat up.
+`Where am I?' he said.
+`Lord's Cricket Ground,' said Ford.
+`Fine,' said Arthur, and his consciousness stepped out 
+again for a quick breather. His body flopped back on the 
+grass."
+
+- Arthur coping with his return to Earth as best as he could. 
+%
+"`A curse,' said Slartibartfast, `which will engulf the 
+Galaxy in fire and destruction, and possibly bring the 
+Universe to a premature doom. I mean it,' he added.
+`Sounds like a bad time,' said Ford, `with luck I'll be 
+drunk enough not to notice.'"
+
+- Ford ensuring everyone knew where his priorities lay. 
+%
+"`My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland 
+and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am 
+therefore excused from saving Universes.'" 
+
+- Ford's last-ditch attempt to get out of helping Slartibartfast. 
+%
+"Trillian did a little research in the ship's copy of 
+THHGTTG. It had some advice to offer on drunkenness.
+`Go to it,' it said, `and good luck.'
+It was cross-referenced to the entry concerning the size of 
+the Universe and ways of coping with that."
+
+- One of the more preferable pieces of advice contained in the Guide. 
+%
+"His eyes seemed to be popping out of his head. He wasn't 
+certain if this was because they were trying to see more 
+clearly, or if they simply wanted to leave at this point." 
+
+- Arthur trying to see who had diverted him from going to a party. 
+%
+"Arthur yawed wildly as his skin tried to jump one way and 
+his skeleton the other, whilst his brain tried to work out 
+which of his ears it most wanted to crawl out of.
+`Bet you weren't expecting to see me again,' said the 
+monster, which Arthur couldn't help thinking was a strange 
+remark for it to make, seeing as he had never met the 
+creature before. He could tell that he hadn't met the 
+creature before from the simple fact that he was able to 
+sleep at nights." 
+
+- Arthur discovering who had diverted him from going to a party. 
+%
+"`That young girl is one of the least benightedly 
+unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound 
+lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.'" 
+
+- Marvin's first ever compliment about anybody. 
+%
+"Arthur hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. 
+Then he realised there was a contradiction there and merely 
+hoped that there wasn't an afterlife." 
+
+- Arthur realising that he's in a certain death situation 
+with a supernova bomb that is shaped like a cricket ball. 
+%
+"`Credit?' he said. `Aaaargggh...'
+These two words are usually coupled together in the Old 
+Pink Dog Bar."
+
+- Ford in a spot of bother. 
+%
+"`...we might as well start with where your hand is now.'
+Arthur said, `So which way do I go?'
+`Down,' said Fenchurch, `on this occasion.'
+He moved his hand.
+`Down,' she said, `is in fact the other way.'
+`Oh yes.'"
+
+- Arthur trying to discover which part of Fenchurch is wrong. 
+%
+"There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily 
+escaped the chronicler's mind." 
+
+- This line perhaps best sums up the whole book. 
+%
+"The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred 
+character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in 
+at number 79. ....
+When it's fall in New York, the air smells as if someone's 
+been frying goats in it, and if you are keen to breathe the 
+best plan is to open a window and stick your head in a 
+building." 
+
+- Nuff said?? 
+%
+"`What's been happening here?' he demanded.
+`Oh just the nicest things, sir, just the nicest things. 
+can I sit on your lap please?'"
+"`Colin, I am going to abandon you to your fate.'
+`I'm so happy.'"
+"`It will be very, very nasty for you, and that's just too 
+bad. Got it?'
+`I gurgle with pleasure.'"
+
+- Ford and Colin the robot. 
+%
+"What the hell, he thought, you're only young once, and 
+threw himself out of the window. That would at least keep 
+the element of surprise on his side." 
+
+- Ford outwitting a Vogon with a rocket launcher by going 
+into another certain death situation. 
+%
+"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong 
+and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a 
+thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually 
+turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." 
+
+- One of the laws of computers and programming revealed. 
+%
+"`You know they've reintroduced the death penalty for 
+insurance company directors?'
+`Really?' said Arthur. `No I didn't. For what offence?'
+Trillian frowned.
+`What do you mean, offence?'
+`I see.'"
+
+- Evidence that there will be some justice in the Universe eventually. 
+%
+"`She hit me on the head with the rock again.'
+`I think I can confirm that that was my daughter.'
+`Sweet kid.'
+`You have to get to know her,' said Arthur.
+`She eases up does she?'
+`No,' said Arthur, `but you get a better sense of when to 
+duck.'"
+
+- Ford and Arthur on Random. 
+%
+"Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable 
+end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small 
+unregarded yellow sun. "
+%
+"Ah, " said Arthur, "this is obviously some strange usage 
+of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of. "
+%
+"I don't know, " said the voice on the PA, "apathetic 
+bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all. "
+%
+"Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that 
+anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely 
+by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the 
+final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
+"The argument goes something like this: `I refuse to prove 
+that I exist,' says God, `for proof denies faith, and 
+without faith I am nothing.'
+"`But,' says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't 
+it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you 
+exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. 
+QED.'
+%
+"Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz smiled very slowly. This was done 
+not so much for effect as because he was trying to remember 
+the sequence of muscle movements. "
+%
+"OK, so ten out of ten for style, but minus several million 
+for good thinking, yeah? "
+%
+"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, 
+men were real men, women were real women, and small furry 
+creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry 
+creatures from Alpha Centauri. "
+%
+"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or 
+so, nothing continued to happen. "
+%
+(aikamuotojen käyttö aikamatkustuksessa)
+"You can arrive (mayan arivan on-when) for any sitting you 
+like without prior (late fore-when) reservation because you 
+can book retrospectively, as it were when you return to 
+your own time. (you can have on-book haventa forewhen 
+presooning returningwenta retrohome.) "
+%
+"The suit into which the man's body had been stuffed looked 
+as if it's only purpose in life was to demonstrate how 
+difficult it was to get this sort of body into a suit. "
+%
+"He dropped his voice still lower. In the stillness, a fly 
+would not have dared clear its throat. " 
+%
+"And finally, " said Max, quieting the audience down and 
+putting on his solemn face, "finally I believe we have with 
+us here tonight, a party of believers, very devout 
+believers, from the Church of the Second Coming of the 
+Great Prophet Zarquon. " ... "There they are, " said Max, 
+"sitting there, patiently. He said he'd come again, and 
+he's kept you waiting a long time, so let's hope he's 
+hurrying fellas, because he's only got eight minutes left! "
+%
+"As he came into the light they could see his black and 
+gold uniform on which the buttons were so highly polished 
+that they shone with an intensity that would have made an 
+approaching motorist flash his lights in annoyance. " 
+%
+"You're very sure of your facts, " he said at last, "I 
+couldn't trust the thinking of a man who takes the Universe 
+- if there is one - for granted. "
+%
+"What are you talking about? "
+"Never mind, eat the fruit. "
+"You know, this place almost looks like the Garden of Eden. 
+"
+"Eat the fruit. "
+"Sounds quite like it too. "
+%
+"Rome wasn't burned in a day. "
+%
+"Does it worry you that you don't talk any kind of sense? "
+%
+"One's never alone with a rubber duck. "
+%
+"Another world, another day, another dawn. "
+%
+"He expanded his chest to make it totally clear that here 
+was the sort of man you only dared to cross if you had a 
+team of Sherpas with you. "
+%
+"It was real. At least, if it wasn't real, it did support 
+them, and as that is what sofas are supposed to do, this, 
+by any test that mattered, was a real sofa. "
+%
+Arthur said, "So which way do I go? "
+"Down, " said Fenchurch, "on this occasion. "
+He moved his hand.
+"Down, " she said, "is in fact the other way. "
+"Oh yes. "
+%
+"You're one hundred percent positive that the ship which is 
+crashed on the bottom of this ocean is the ship which you 
+said you were one hundred percent positive could one 
+hundred percent positively never crash? "
+%
+"Yes, it's the right planet, all right, " he said again. 
+"Right planet, wrong universe. "
+%
+"Ford had his own code of ethics. It wasn't much of one, 
+but it was his and he stuck by it, more or less. One rule 
+he made was never to buy his own drinks. He wasn't sure if 
+that counted as an ethic, but you have to go with what 
+you've got. "
+%
+"Arthur felt at a bit of a loss. There was a whole Galaxy 
+of stuff out there for him, and he wondered if it was 
+churlish of him to complain to himself that it lacked just 
+two things: the world he was born on and the woman he 
+loved. "
+%
+"What was the self-sacrifice? "
+"I jettisoned half of a much loved and I think 
+irreplaceable pair of shoes. "
+"Why was that self-sacrifice? "
+"Because they were mine! " said Ford crossly.
+"I think we have different value systems. "
+"Well mine's better. "
+"That's according to your... oh never mind. "
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/house-atreides b/local/share/fortune/house-atreides
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3792818
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/house-atreides
@@ -0,0 +1,514 @@
+Melange is the financial crux of CHOAM activities.  Without this spice,
+Bene Gesserit Reverend Mothers could not perform feats of observation and
+human control, Guild Navigators could not see safe pathways across space,
+and billions of Imperial citizens would die of addictive withdrawal.
+Any simpleton knows that such dependence upon a single commodity
+leads to abuse.  We are all at risk.
+
+  -- CHOAM Economic Analysis of Materiel Flow Patterns
+%
+We are generalists.  You can't draw neat
+lines around planetwide problems.
+Planetology is a cut-and-fit science.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES, Treatise on the Environmental Recovery
+     of Post-Holocaust Salusa Secundus
+%
+Thou shalt not make a machine in the likeness of a human mind.
+
+  -- Chief commandment resulting from the Butlerian Jihad,
+     found in the Orange Catholic Bible
+%
+Spacing Guild:   one leg of the political tripod maintaining the Great 
+Convention.  The Guild was the second mental-physical training school
+(see Bene Gesserit) after the Butlerian Jihad.  The Guild monopoly on
+space travel and transport and upon international banking is taken as
+the beginning point of the Imperial Calendar.
+
+  -- Terminology of the Imperium
+%
+The highest function of ecology is the understanding of consequences.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES, Ecology of Bela Tegeuse, Initial Report to the Imperium
+%
+One observes the survivors, and learns from them.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Teaching
+%
+The populace must think their ruler is a greater man than they,
+else why should they follow him?  Above all a leader must be a showman,
+giving his people the bread and circuses they require.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES
+%
+N'kee:   Slow-acting poison that builds up in the adrenal glands; one of the 
+most insidious toxins permitted under the accords of Guild Peace and the 
+restrictions of the Great Convention.  (See War of Assassins.)
+
+  -- The Assassins' Handbook
+%
+Kwisatz Haderach:  "Shortening of the Way."  This is the label applied by
+the Bene Gesserit to the unknown for which they sought a genetic solution:
+a male Bene Gesserit whose organic mental powers would bridge space and time.
+
+  -- Terminology of the Imperium
+%
+In response to the strict Butlerian taboo against machines that perform mental 
+functions, a number of schools developed enhanced human beings to subsume most 
+of the functions formerly performed by computers.  Some of the key schools 
+arising out of the Jihad include the Bene Gesserit, with their intense mental 
+and physical training, the Spacing Guild, with the prescient ability to find a 
+safe path through foldspace, and the Mentats, whose computerlike minds are 
+capable of extraordinary acts of reasoning.
+
+  -- Ikbhan's Treatise on the Mind, Volume I
+%
+The paintbrush of history has depicted Abulurd Harkonnen in a most unfavorable 
+light.  Judged by the standards of his older half brother, Baron Vladimir, and 
+his own children Glossu Rabban and Feyd-Rautha Rabban, Abulurd was a different 
+sort of man entirely.  We must, however, assess the frequent descriptions of 
+his weakness, incompetence, and foolhardy decisions in light of the ultimate 
+failure of House Harkonnen.  Though exiled to Lankiveil and stripped of any 
+real power, Abulurd secured a victory unmatched by anyone else in his extended 
+family:  He learned how to be happy with his life.
+
+  -- Landsraad Encyclopedia of Great Houses, post-Jihad edition
+%
+Four things cannot be hidden -- Love, smoke, a pillar of fire,
+and a man striding across the open bled.
+
+  -- Fremen Wisdom
+%
+Who can know whether Ix has gone too far?  They hide their facilities,
+keep their workers enslaved, and claim the right of secrecy.
+Under such circumstances, how can they not be tempted to step
+beyond the restrictions of the Butlerian Jihad?
+
+  -- COUNT ILBAN RICHESE, third appeal to the Landsraad
+%
+There are weapons you cannot hold in your hand.
+You can only hold them in your mind.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Teaching
+%
+The basic rule is this:   Never support weakness; always support strength.
+
+  -- The Bene Gesserit Azhar Book, Compilation of Great Secrets
+%
+Many elements of the Imperium believe they hold the ultimate power:  the 
+Spacing Guild with their monopoly on interstellar travel, CHOAM with its 
+economic stranglehold, the Bene Gesserit with their secrets, the Mentats with 
+their control of mental processes, House Corrino with their throne, the Great 
+and Minor Houses of the Landsraad with their extensive holdings.  Woe to us on 
+the day that one of those factions decides to prove the point.
+
+  -- COUNT HASIMIR FENRING, Dispatches from Arrakis
+%
+The slave concubines permitted my father under the Bene Gesserit-Guild 
+agreement could not, of course, bear a Royal Successor, but the intrigues were 
+constant and oppressive in their similarity.  We became adept, my mother and 
+sisters and I, at avoiding subtle instruments of death.
+
+  -- From "In My Father's House" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+The working Planetologist has access to many resources, data, and projections.  
+However, his most important tools are human beings.  Only by cultivating 
+ecological literacy among the people themselves can he save an entire planet.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES, The Case for Bela Tegeuse
+%
+It's easier to be terrified by an enemy you admire.
+
+  -- THUFIR HAWAT, Mentat and Security Commander to House Atreides
+%
+We consider the various worlds as gene pools, sources of teachings and 
+teachers, sources of the possible.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Analysis, Wallach IX Archives
+%
+Many inventions have selectively improved particular skills or abilities, 
+emphasizing one aspect or another.  But no achievement has ever scratched
+the complexity or adaptability of the human mind.
+
+  -- Ikbhan's Treatise on the Mind, Volume II
+%
+We must do a thing on Arrakis never before attempted for an entire planet.
+We must use man as a constructive ecological force -- inserting adapted
+terraform life:  a plant here, an animal there, a man in that place --
+to transform the water cycle, to build a new kind of landscape.
+
+  -- Report from Imperial Planetologist PARDOT KYNES,
+     directed to Padishah EMPEROR ELROOD IX (unsent)
+%
+My Father had only one real friend, I think.  That was Count Hasimir Fenring, 
+the genetic-eunuch and one of the deadliest fighters in the Imperium.
+
+  -- From "In My Father's House" by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Blindness can take many forms other than the inability to see.
+Fanatics are often blinded in their thoughts.
+Leaders are often blinded in their hearts.
+
+  -- The Orange Catholic Bible
+%
+
+Hope can be the greatest weapon of a downtrodden people,
+or the greatest enemy of those who are about to fail.
+We must remain aware of its advantages and its limitations.
+
+  -- LADY HELENA ATREIDES, her personal journals
+
+%
+History allows us to see the obvious -- but unfortunately,
+not until it is too late.
+
+  -- PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO
+%
+Like the knowledge of your own being, the sietch forms a firm base
+from which you move out into the world and into the universe.
+
+  -- Fremen Teaching
+%
+Two hundred thirty-eight planets searched, many of only marginal habitability.  
+(See star charts attached in separate file.) Resource surveys list valuable
+raw materials.  Many of these planets deserve a second look, either for
+mineral exploitation or possible colonization.  As in previous reports,
+however, no spice found.
+
+  -- Independent scout survey, third expedition,
+     delivered to EMPEROR FONDIL CORRINO III
+%
+The Spacing Guild has worked for centuries to surround our elite Navigators 
+with mystique.  They are revered, from the lowest Pilot to the most talented 
+Steersman.  They live in tanks of spice gas, see all paths through space and 
+time, guide ships to the far reaches of the Imperium.  But no one knows the 
+human cost of becoming a Navigator.  We must keep this a secret, for if they 
+really knew the truth, they would pity us.
+
+  -- Spacing Guild Training Manual Handbook for Steersmen (Classified)
+%
+The human body is a machine, a system of organic chemicals, fluid conduits, 
+electrical impulses; a government is likewise a machine of interacting 
+societies, laws, cultures, rewards and punishments, patterns of behavior.   
+Ultimately, the universe itself is a machine, planets around suns, stars 
+gathered into clusters, clusters and other suns forming entire galaxies . . . . 
+ Our job is to keep the machinery functioning.
+
+  -- Suk Inner School, Primary Doctrine
+%
+The leaders of the Butlerian Jihad did not adequately define artificial 
+intelligence, failing to foresee all possibilities of an imaginative society.  
+Therefore, we have substantial gray areas in which to maneuver.
+
+  -- Confidential Ixian Legal Opinion
+%
+No outsider has ever seen a Tleilaxu female and lived to tell about it.  
+Considering the Tleilaxu penchant for genetic manipulation -- see, e.g., 
+related memos on clones and gholas -- this simple observation raises a
+wealth of additional questions.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Analysis
+%
+Like many culinary delicacies, revenge is a dish best savored slowly,
+after long and delicate preparation.
+
+  -- EMPEROR ELROOD IX, Deathbed Insights
+%
+In the Imperium there exists the "principle of the individual," noble but 
+rarely utilized, whereby a person who violates a written law in a situation
+of extreme peril or need can request a special session of the court of 
+jurisdiction in order to explain and support the necessity of his actions.
+A number of legal procedures derive from this principle, among them the Drey 
+Jury, the Blind Tribunal, and the Trial by Forfeiture.
+
+  -- Law of the Imperium:  Commentaries
+%
+Even the poorest House can be rich in loyalty.  Allegiance that must be 
+purchased by bribes or wages is hollow and flawed, and could break at the worst 
+possible moment.  Allegiance that comes from the heart, though, is stronger 
+than adamantium and more valuable than purest melange.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES
+%
+Only God can make living, sentient creatures.
+
+  -- The Orange Catholic Bible
+%
+Without a goal, a life is nothing.  Sometimes the goal becomes a man's entire 
+life, an all-consuming passion.  But once that goal is achieved, what then?  
+Oh, poor man, what then?
+
+  -- LADY HELENA ATREIDES, her personal journals
+%
+History has seldom been good to those who must be punished.
+Bene Gesserit punishments cannot be forgotten.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Dictum
+%
+How simple things were when our Messiah was only a dream.
+
+  -- STILGAR, Naib of Sietch Tabr
+%
+The haughty do but build castle walls behind which they seek to hide their 
+doubts and fears.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Axiom
+%
+Any path that narrows future possibilities may become a lethal trap.
+Humans do not thread their way through a maze; they scan a vast
+horizon filled with unique opportunities.
+
+  -- The Spacing Guild Handbook
+%
+Perceptions rule the universe.
+  -- Bene Gesserit Saying
+%
+You of fearful heart, be strong and fear not.  Behold, your God will come with 
+a vengeance; He will come and save you from the worshipers of machines.
+
+  -- The Orange Catholic Bible
+%
+Man is but a pebble dropped in a pool.
+And if man is but a pebble, then
+all his works can be no more.
+
+  -- Zensunni Saying
+%
+Among the responsibilities of command is the necessity to punish . . .
+but only when the victim demands it.
+
+  -- PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, Discourses on Leadership in a Galactic Imperium,
+     12th Edition
+%
+Speak the truth.  That is always much easier,
+and is often the most powerful argument.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Axiom
+%
+Imperfections, if viewed in the proper light, can be extremely valuable.
+The Great Schools, with their incessant questing for perfection, often
+find this postulate difficult to understand, until it is proven to them
+that nothing in the universe is random.
+
+  -- From The Philosophies of Old Terra, one of the recovered manuscripts
+%
+One who rules assumes irrevocable responsibility for the ruled.
+You are a husbandman.  This demands, at times, a selfless act of
+love which may be amusing only to those you rule.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES
+%
+Machine-vaccine principle:  Every technological device contains
+within it the tools of its opposite, and of its own destruction.
+
+  -- GIAN KANA, Imperial Patent Czar
+%
+The ultimate question:  Why does life exist?
+The answer:  For life's sake.
+
+  -- ANONYMOUS, thought to be of Zensunni origin
+%
+The surest way to keep a secret is to make
+people believe they already know the answer.
+
+  -- Ancient Fremen Wisdom
+%
+Hatred is as dangerous an emotion as love.  The capacity for either one is the 
+capacity for its opposite.
+
+  -- Cautionary Instructions for the Sisterhood, Bene Gesserit Archives, Wallach IX
+%
+I must rule with eye and claw -- as the hawk among lesser birds.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES, The Atreides Assertion
+%
+In adverse circumstances, every creature becomes something else, evolving or 
+devolving.  What makes us human is that we know what we once were, and --
+let us hope -- we remember how to change back.
+
+  -- AMBASSADOR CAMMAR PILRU, Dispatches in Defense of Ix
+%
+We all live in the shadows of our predecessors for a time.  But we who 
+determine the fate of planets eventually reach the point at which we
+become not the shadows, but the light itself.
+
+  -- PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, Discourses on Leadership
+%
+History demonstrates that the advancement of technology is not a steady upward 
+curve.  There are flat periods, upward spurts, and even reversals.
+
+  -- Technology of the Imperium, 532nd Edition
+%
+Memory and History are two sides of the same coin.  In time, however, History 
+tends to slant itself toward a favorable impression of events, while Memory is 
+doomed to preserve the worst aspects.
+
+  -- LADY HELENA ATREIDES, her personal journals
+%
+What senses do we lack that we cannot see or hear another world all around us?
+
+  -- The Orange Catholic Bible
+%
+No one but a Tleilaxu may set foot in Bandalong, holiest city of the Bene 
+Tleilax, for it is fanatically guarded hallowed ground, purified by their God.
+
+  -- Diplomacy in the Imperium, a Landsraad publication
+%
+Our timetable will achieve the stature of a natural phenomenon.  A planet's
+life is a vast, tightly interwoven fabric.  Vegetation and animal changes
+will be determined at first by the raw physical forces we manipulate.
+As they establish themselves, though, our changes will become controlling
+influences in their own right -- and we will have to deal with them, too.
+Keep in mind, though, that we need control only three percent of the energy
+surface -- only three percent -- to tip the entire structure over into our
+self-sustaining system.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES, Arrakis Dreams
+%
+Even innocents carry within them their own guilt in their own way.
+No one makes it through life without paying, in one fashion or another.
+
+  -- LADY HELENA ATREIDES, her personal journals
+%
+Innovations seem to have a life and a sentience of their own.  When conditions 
+are right, a radical new idea -- a paradigm shift -- may appear simultaneously 
+from many minds at once.  Or it may remain secret in the thoughts of one man 
+for years, decades, centuries . . . until someone else thinks of the same 
+thing.  How many brilliant discoveries die stillborn, or lie dormant,
+never to be embraced by the Imperium as a whole?
+
+  -- OMBUDSMEN OF RICHESE, Rebuttal to the Landsraad, The True Domain
+     of the Intellect -- Private Property, or Resources for the Galaxy?
+%
+They demonstrate subtle, highly effective skills in the aligned arts of 
+observation and data collection.  Information is their stock-in-trade.
+
+  -- Imperial Report on the Bene Gesserit, used for tutoring purposes
+%
+When the center of the storm does not move, you are in its path.
+
+  -- Ancient Fremen Wisdom
+%
+Storms beget storms.  Rage begets rage.
+Revenge begets revenge. Wars beget wars.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Conundrum
+%
+Tio Holtzman was one of the most productive Ixian inventors on record.
+He often went on creative binges, locking himself up for months on end
+so that he could work without interruption.  Sometimes upon emerging he
+required hospitalization, and there were constant concerns over his
+sanity and well-being.  Holtzman died young -- barely past thirty Standard
+Years -- but the results of his efforts changed the galaxy forever.
+
+  -- Biographical Capsules, an Imperial filmbook
+%
+In the long history of our House, we have been constantly shadowed by 
+Misfortune, as if we were its prey.  One might almost believe the curse
+of Atreus from ancient Greek times on Old Terra.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES, from a speech to his generals
+%
+Truth is a chameleon.
+
+  -- Zensunni Aphorism
+%
+In a Trial by Forfeiture, the normal rules of evidence do not apply.  There are 
+no disclosure requirements that evidence be revealed to the opposition or to 
+the magistrates prior to the court proceedings.  This places the person with 
+secret knowledge in a uniquely powerful position -- commensurate with the 
+extreme risk he takes.
+
+  -- Rogan's Rules of Evidence, 3rd Edition
+%
+The written Law of the Imperium cannot be changed, no matter which Great House 
+holds dominion or which Emperor sits on the Golden Lion Throne.  The documents 
+of the Imperial Constitution have been established for thousands of years.  
+This is not to say that each regime is legally identical; the variations stem 
+from subtleties of interpretation and from microscopic loopholes that become 
+large enough to drive a Heighliner through.
+
+  -- Law of the Imperium:  Commentaries and Rebuttals
+%
+The worst sort of alliances are those which weaken us.  Worse still is
+when an Emperor fails to recognize such an alliance for what it is.
+
+  -- PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, Discourses on Leadership
+%
+The worst sort of protection is confidence.  The best defense is suspicion.
+
+  -- HASIMIR FENRING
+%
+As seen from orbit, the world of Ix is pristine and placid.  But beneath
+its surface, immense projects are undertaken and great works are achieved.
+In this way, our planet is a metaphor for the Imperium itself.
+
+  -- DOMINIC VERNIUS, The Secret Workings of Ix
+%
+When faced with necessary actions, there are always choices.  So long as the 
+job gets done.
+
+  -- COUNT HASIMIR FENRING, Dispatches from Arrakis
+%
+In plotting any course of revenge, one must savor the anticipation phase
+and all its moments, for the actual execution often differs widely from the 
+original plan.
+
+  -- HASIMIR FENRING, Dispatches from Arrakis
+%
+What matters more, the form of justice or the actual outcome?  No matter how a 
+court may dissect the evidence, the foundation of genuine truth remains 
+unblemished.  Unfortunately for many of the accused, such genuine truth is 
+often known only to the victim and the perpetrator.  All others must make up 
+their own minds.
+
+  -- Landsraad Law, codicils and analyses
+%
+We do what we must.  Friendship and loyalty be damned.  We do what we must!
+
+  -- LADY HELENA ATREIDES,
+her personal journals
+%
+All persons are contained within a single individual, just as all time is in a 
+moment, and the entire universe is in a grain of sand.
+
+  -- Fremen Saying
+%
+In the final analysis, the legendary event called Leto's Gambit became the 
+basis of the young Duke Atreides's immense popularity.  He successfully 
+projected himself as a shining beacon of honor in a galactic sea of darkness.  
+To many members of the Landsraad, Leto's honesty and naivete became a symbol of 
+honor that shamed many of the Great and Minor Houses to alter their behavior 
+toward each other . . . for a short time, at least, until familiar old patterns 
+reemerged.
+
+  -- Origins of House Atreides:  Seeds of the Future in the Galactic Imperium,
+     by Bronso of Ix
+%
+The universe contains untapped and heretofore unimagined energy sources.
+They are before your very eyes, yet you cannot see them.
+They are in your mind, yet you cannot think them.  But I can!
+
+  -- TIO HOLTZMAN, Collected Lectures
+%
+Only fools leave witnesses.
+
+  -- HASIMIR FENRING
+%
+Progress and profit require a substantial investment in personnel, equipment, 
+and capital funding.  However, the resource most often overlooked, yet which 
+can often provide the greatest payoff, is an investment in time.
+
+  -- DOMINIC VERNIUS, The Secret Workings of Ix
+%
+A world is supported by four things:  the teaming of the wise, the justice
+of the great, the prayers of the righteous, and the valor of the brave.
+But all of these are as nothing without a ruler who knows the art of ruling.
+
+  -- PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, Discourses on Galactic Leadership
+%
+A requirement of creativity is that it contributes to change.
+Creativity keeps the creator alive.
+
+  -- FRANK HERBERT, unpublished notes
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/house-harkonnen b/local/share/fortune/house-harkonnen
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..090df36
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/house-harkonnen
@@ -0,0 +1,577 @@
+Discovery is dangerous . . . but so is life.
+A man unwilling to take risk is doomed
+never to learn, never to grow, never to live.
+
+  -- PLANETOLOGIST PARDOT KYNES, An Arrakis Primer, written for his son Liet
+%
+Behold, O Man, you can create life.  You can destroy life.
+But, lo, you have no choice but to experience life.
+And therein lies both your greatest strength and
+your greatest weakness.
+
+  -- Orange Catholic Bible, Book of Kimla Septima, 5:3
+%
+Secrets are an important aspect of power.
+The effective leader spreads them in 
+order to keep men in line.
+
+  -- PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, Discourses on Leadership
+     in a Galactic Imperium, Twelfth Edition
+%
+In the days of Old Terra there were experts in poisons, deviously clever 
+persons who dealt in what were known as "the powders of inheritance."
+
+  -- Filmbook excerpt, Royal Library of Kaitain
+%
+It is said that there is nothing firm, nothing balanced, nothing durable in all 
+the universe -- that nothing remains in its original state, that each day, each 
+hour, each moment, there is change.
+
+  -- Panoplia Propheticus of the Bene Gesserit
+%
+Nature commits no errors; right and wrong are human categories.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES, Arrakis Lectures
+%
+Before us, all methods of learning were tainted by instinct.  Before us, 
+instinct-ridden researchers possessed a limited attention span -- often no 
+longer than a single lifetime.  Projects stretching across fifty or more 
+generations never occurred to them.  The concept of total muscle/nerve training 
+had not entered their awareness.  We learned how to learn.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Azhar Book
+%
+"Xuttuh" is a word that means many things.  Every Bene Tleilax knows it was the 
+name of the first Master.  But just as that man was more than a mere mortal, so 
+there are depths and complexities in the appellation.  Depending upon tone and 
+vocal inflection, "Xuttuh" can mean "hello" or "blessings be upon you."  Or it 
+can constitute a prayer encompassed in a single word, as a devotee prepares to 
+die for the Great Belief.  For such reasons, we have chosen this as our new 
+name for the conquered planet formerly known as Ix.
+
+  -- Tleilaxu Training Disk
+%
+A center for the coordination of rebellion can be mobile; it does not need to 
+be a permanent place where people meet.
+
+  -- CAMMAR PILRU, Ixian Ambassador in Exile:  Treatise on the Downfall
+     of Unjust Governments
+%
+It is said that the Fremen has no conscience, having lost it in a burning 
+desire for revenge.  This is foolish.  Only the rawest primitive and the 
+sociopath have no conscience.  The Fremen possesses a highly evolved worldview 
+centered on the welfare of his people.  His sense of belonging to the community 
+is almost stronger than his sense of self.  It is only to outsiders that these 
+desert dwellers seem brutish . . . just as outsiders appear to them.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES, The People of Arrakis
+%
+An empire built on power cannot attract the affections and loyalty that men 
+bestow willingly on a regime of ideas and beauty.  Adorn your Grand Empire with 
+beauty, with culture.
+
+  -- From a speech by CROWN PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO:  L'Institut de Kaitain Archives
+%
+Military victories are meaningless unless they reflect the wishes
+of the populace.  An Emperor exists only to clarify those wishes.
+He executes the popular will, or his time is short.
+
+  -- Principium, Imperial Leadership Academy
+%
+Organizational structure is crucial to the success of a movement.
+It is, as well, a prime target for attack.
+
+  -- CAMMAR PILRU, Ixian Ambassador in Exile:  Treatise on the Downfall
+     of Unjust Governments
+%
+The universe is our picture.  Only the immature imagine the cosmos to be what 
+they think it is.
+
+  -- SIGAN VISEE, First Head Instructor, Guild Navigator School
+%
+War is a form of organic behavior.  The army is a means of survival for the 
+all-male group.  The all-female group, on the other hand, is traditionally 
+religion-oriented.  They are the keepers of sacred mysteries.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Teaching
+%
+What is this Love that so many speak of with such apparent familiarity?
+Do they truly comprehend how unattainable it is?  Are there not as many 
+definitions of Love as there are stars in the universe?
+
+  -- The Bene Gesserit Question Book
+%
+When you ask a question, do you truly want to know the answer, or are you 
+merely flaunting your power?
+
+  -- DMITRI HARKONNEN, Notes to My Sons
+%
+Some lies are easier to believe than the truth.
+
+  -- Orange Catholic Bible
+%
+The strictest limits are self-imposed.
+
+  -- FRIEDRE GINAZ, Philosophy of the Swordmaster
+%
+Special knowledge can be a terrible disadvantage if it leads you too far along 
+a path that you cannot explain anymore.
+
+  -- Mentat Admonition
+%
+Too much knowledge never makes for simple decisions.
+
+  -- CROWN PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, Discourses on Leadership
+%
+The desert is a surgeon cutting away the skin to expose what is underneath.
+
+  -- Fremen Saying
+%
+The purpose of argument is to change the nature of truth.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Precept
+%
+Religion is the emulation of the adult by the child.  Religion is the 
+encystment of past beliefs:  mythology, which is guesswork, the hidden 
+assumptions of trust in the universe, those pronouncements which men have made 
+in search of personal power . . . all mingled with shreds of enlightenment.  
+And always the ultimate unspoken commandment is "Thou shalt not question!"
+But we do anyway.  We break that commandment as a matter of course.
+The work to which we have set ourselves is the liberating of the imagination,
+the harnessing of imagination to humankind's deepest sense of creativity.
+
+  -- Credo of the Bene Gesserit Sisterhood
+%
+Humiliation is a thing never forgotten.
+
+  -- REBEC of Ginaz
+%
+Learn to recognize the future the way a Steersman identifies
+guiding stars and corrects the course of his vessel.
+Learn from the past; never use it as an anchor.
+
+  -- SIGAN VISEE, First Head Instructor, Guild Navigator School
+%
+The Unknown surrounds us at any given moment.  That is where we seek knowledge.
+
+  -- MOTHER SUPERIOR RAQUELLA BERTO-ANIRUL:  Oratory Against Fear
+%
+Thinking, and the methods by which thoughts are communicated,
+inevitably create a system permeated by illusions.
+
+  -- Zensunni Teaching
+%
+There is no reality -- only our own order imposed on everything.
+
+  -- Basic Bene Gesserit Dictum
+%
+Immobility is often mistaken for peace.
+
+  -- EMPEROR ELROOD CORRINO IX
+%
+To learn about this universe, one must embark on a course of discovery where 
+real dangers exist.  Education cannot impart this discovery; it is not a thing 
+to be taught and used or put away.  It has no goals.  In our universe, we 
+consider goals to be end products, and they are deadly if one becomes fixated 
+on them.
+
+  -- FRIEDRE GINAZ, Philosophy of the Swordmaster
+%
+Never underestimate the power of the human mind to believe
+what it wants to believe, no matter the conflicting evidence.
+
+  -- CAEDMON ERB, Politics and Reality
+%
+It is the Atreides way to be examples of honor for our children,
+so that they may be the same for their own progeny.
+
+  -- DUKE LETO ATREIDES, First Speech to the Caladan Assembly
+%
+It is true that one may become rich through practicing evil, but the power of 
+Truth and Justice is that they endure . . . and that a man can say of them, 
+"They are a heritage from my father."
+
+  -- Fifth Dynasty (Old Terra) calendar:  The Wisdom of Ptahhotep
+%
+A man who persists in stalking game in a place where there is none may wait 
+forever without finding any success.  Persistence in search is not enough.
+
+  -- Zensunni Wisdom of the Wanderings
+%
+The effective ruler punishes opposition while rewarding assistance; he shifts 
+his forces in random fashion; he conceals major elements of his power; he sets 
+up a rhythm of counter movement that keeps opponents off balance.
+
+  -- WESTHEIMER ATREIDES, Elements of Leadership
+%
+The Universe operates on a basic principle of economics:  everything has
+its cost.  We pay to create our future, we pay for the mistakes of the past.
+We pay for every change we make . . . and we pay just as dearly if we
+refuse to change.
+
+  -- Guild Bank Annals, Philosophical Register
+%
+The increasing variety and abundance of life itself vastly multiplies the 
+number of niches available for life.  The resulting system is a web of makers 
+and users, eaters and eaten, collaborators and competitors.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES, Report to Emperor Shaddam IV
+%
+To know what one ought to do is not enough.
+
+  -- PRINCE RHOMBUR VERNIUS
+%
+Facts mean nothing when they are preempted by appearances.
+Do not underestimate the power of impression over reality.
+
+  -- CROWN PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, The Rudiments of Power
+%
+If you surrender, you have already lost.  If you refuse to give up, though,
+no matter the odds against you, at least you have succeeded in trying.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES
+%
+Dreams are as simple or as complicated as the dreamer.
+
+  -- LIET-KYNES, In the Footsteps of My Father
+%
+Water is the image of life.  We came from water, adapted from its 
+all-encompassing presence . . . and we continue to adapt.
+
+  -- IMPERIAL PLANETOLOGIST PARDOT KYNES
+%
+I stand in the sacred human presence.  As I do now, so should you stand some 
+day.  I pray to your presence that this be so.  Let the future remain uncertain 
+for that is the canvas to receive our desires.  Thus the human condition faces 
+its perpetual tabula rasa.  We possess no more than this moment where we 
+dedicate ourselves continuously to the sacred presence we share and create.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Benediction
+%
+I fought in great wars to defend the Imperium and slew many men in the 
+Emperor's name.  I attended Landsraad functions.  I toured the continents of 
+Caladan.  I managed all the tedious business matters required to run a Great 
+House.  And still the best of times were those I spent with my son.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES
+%
+Body and mind are two phenomena, observed under different conditions, but of 
+one and the same ultimate reality.  Body and mind are aspects of the living 
+being.  They operate within a peculiar principle of synchronicity wherein 
+things happen together and behave as if they are the same . . . yet can be 
+conceived of as separate.
+
+  -- Staff Medical Manual, Ginaz School
+%
+The Universe is a place inaccessible, unintelligible, completely absurd . . . 
+from which life -- especially rational life -- is estranged.  There is no place 
+of safety, or basic principle upon which the Universe depends.  There are only 
+transitory, masked relationships, confined within limited dimensions, and bound 
+for inevitable change.
+
+  -- Meditations from Bifrost Eyrie, Buddislamic Text
+%
+The Bene Gesserit tell no casual lies.  Truth serves us better.
+
+  -- BENE GESSERIT CODA
+%
+The man who gives in to adrenaline addiction turns against all humanity.
+He turns against himself.  He runs away from the workable issues of life and 
+admits a defeat which his own violent actions help to create.
+
+  -- CAMMAR PILRU, Ixian Ambassador in Exile:  Treatise on the Downfall of Unjust 
+Governments
+%
+There exists no way of exchanging information without making judgments.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Axiom
+%
+Infinity attracts us like a floodlight in the night, blinding us to the 
+excesses it can inflict upon the finite.
+
+  -- Meditations from Bifrost Eyrie, Buddislamic Text
+%
+Love is the highest achievement to which any human may aspire.
+It is an emotion that encompasses the full depth of heart, mind, and soul.
+
+  -- Zensunni Wisdom from the Wandering
+%
+It is possible to become intoxicated with rebellion for rebellion's sake.
+
+  -- DOMINIC VERNIUS, Ecaz Memoirs
+%
+What is each man but a memory for those who follow?
+
+  -- DUKE LETO ATREIDES
+%
+A man may fight the greatest enemy, take the longest journey, survive the most 
+grievous wound -- and still be helpless in the hands of the woman he loves.
+
+  -- Zensunni Wisdom from the Wandering
+%
+Political leaders often don't recognize the practical uses of imagination and 
+innovative new ideas until such forms are thrust under their noses by bloody 
+hands.
+
+  -- CROWN PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, Discourses on Galactic Leadership
+%
+Enemies strengthen you; allies weaken.
+
+  -- EMPEROR ELROOD IX, Deathbed Insights
+%
+The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be 
+experienced.
+
+  -- Meditations from Bifrost Eyrie, Buddislamic Text
+%
+The work to which we have set ourselves is the liberating of the imagination, 
+and the harnessing of the imagination to man's physical creativity.
+
+  -- FRIEDRE GINAZ, Philosophy of the Swordmaster
+%
+Nature has moved inexplicably backward and forward to produce this marvelous, 
+subtle Spice.  One is tempted to suggest that only divine intervention could 
+possibly have produced a substance which in one aspect extends human life and 
+in another opens the inner doors of the psyche to the wonders of Time and 
+Creation.
+
+  -- HIDAR FEN AJIDICA, Laboratory Notes on the Nature of Melange
+%
+Freedom is an elusive concept.  Some men hold themselves prisoner even
+when they have the power to do as they please and go where they choose,
+while others are free in their hearts, even as shackles restrain them.
+
+  -- Zensunni Wisdom from the Wandering
+%
+Heaven must be the sound of running water.
+
+  -- Fremen Saying
+%
+Look inside yourself and you can see the universe.
+
+  -- Zensunni Aphorism
+%
+Unceasing warfare gives rise to its own social conditions, which have been 
+similar throughout the ages.  One such condition is a permanent state of 
+alertness to ward off attack.  Another is the rule of the autocrat.
+
+  -- CAMMAR PILRU, Ixian Ambassador in Exile:  Treatise on the Downfall
+     of Unjust Governments
+%
+Beneath a world -- in its rocks, its dirt and sedimentary overlays --
+there you find the planet's memory, the complete analog of its existence,
+its ecological memory.
+
+  -- PARROT KYNES, An Arrakis Primer
+%
+A Duke must always take control of his household, for if he does not
+rule those closest to him, he cannot hope to govern a planet.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES
+%
+We create our own future by our own beliefs, which control our actions.
+A strong enough belief system, a sufficiently powerful conviction,
+can make anything happen.  This is how we create our consensus reality,
+including our gods.
+
+  -- REVEREND MOTHER RAMALLO, Sayyadina of the Fremen
+%
+Challenge:  Time?
+Answer:  A brilliant, many-faceted gem.
+
+Challenge:  Time?
+Answer:  A dark stone, reflecting no visible light.
+
+  -- Fremen wisdom, from The Riddle Game
+%
+It requires a desperate and lonely sort of courage to challenge the accepted 
+wisdom upon which social peace of mind rests.
+
+  -- CROWN PRINCE RAPHAEL CORRINO, In Defense of Change in the Face of Tradition
+%
+There is no such thing as a law of nature.  There is only a series of laws 
+relating to man's practical experience with nature.  These are laws of man's 
+activities.  They change as man's activities change.
+
+  -- PARROT KYNES, An Arrakis Primer
+%
+One uses power by grasping it lightly.  To grasp with too much force is to be 
+taken over by power, thus becoming its victim.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Axiom
+%
+No one has yet determined the power of the human species . . . what it may 
+perform by instinct, and what it may accomplish with rational determination.
+
+  -- Mentat Objective Analysis of Human Capabilities
+%
+Power and deceit are tools of statecraft, yes.  But remember that power deludes 
+the ones who wield it -- making them believe it can overcome the defects of 
+their ignorance.
+
+  -- COUNT FLAMBERT MUTELLI, early speech in Landsraad Hall of Oratory
+%
+Never be in the company of anyone with whom you would not want to die.
+
+  -- Fremen Saying
+%
+If a man can accept his sin, he can live with it.  If a man cannot accept 
+personal sin, he suffers unbearable consequences.
+
+  -- Meditations from Bifrost Eyrie, Buddislamic Text
+%
+The capacity to learn is a gift; The ability to learn is a skill; The 
+willingness to learn is a choice.
+
+  -- REBEC OF GINAZ
+%
+How to define the Kwisatz Haderach?  The male who is everywhere simultaneously, 
+the only man who can truly become the greatest human of all of us, mingling 
+masculine and feminine ancestry with inseparable power.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Azhar Book
+%
+You carve wounds upon my flesh and write there in salt!
+
+  -- Fremen Lament
+%
+The stone is heavy and the sand weighty; but a fool's wrath is heavier than 
+them both.
+
+  -- DUKE LETO ATREIDES
+%
+Innovation and daring create heroes.  Mindless adherence
+to outdated rules creates only politicians.
+
+  -- VISCOUNT HUNDRO MORITANI
+%
+How easily grief becomes anger, and revenge gains arguments.
+
+  -- PADISHAH EMPEROR HASSIK III, Lament for Salusa Secundus
+%
+Paradise on my right, Hell on my left, and the Angel of Death behind me.
+
+  -- Fremen Conundrum
+%
+If God wishes thee to perish, He causes thy steps to
+lead thee to the place of thy demise.
+
+  -- Cant of the Shariat
+%
+Treachery and quick-thinking will defeat hard-and-fast rules any day.
+Why should we be afraid to seize the opportunities we see?
+
+  -- VISCOUNT HUNDRO MORITANI, Response to Landsraad Court Summons
+%
+All technology is suspect, and must be considered potentially dangerous.
+
+  -- BUTLERIAN JIHAD, Handbook for Our Grandchildren
+%
+The seats of power inevitably try to harness any new knowledge to their own 
+desires.  But knowledge can have no fixed desires -- neither in the past nor in 
+the future.
+
+  -- DMITRI HARKONNEN, Lessons for My Sons
+%
+The haughty do but build castle walls behind which they try to hide their 
+doubts and fears.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Axiom
+%
+The individual is the key, the final effective unit of all biological processes.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES
+%
+Good leadership is largely invisible.  When everything runs smoothly, no one 
+notices a Duke's work.  That is why he must give the people something to cheer, 
+something to talk about, something to remember.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES
+%
+War, as the foremost ecological disaster of any age, merely reflects the larger 
+state of human affairs in which the total organism called "humanity" finds its 
+existence.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES, Reflections on the Disaster at Salusa Secundus
+%
+Beware the seeds you sow and the crops you reap.  Do not curse God for the 
+punishment you inflict upon yourself.
+
+  -- Orange Catholic Bible
+%
+Every man dreams of the future, though not all of us will be there to see it.
+
+  -- TIO HOLTZMAN, Speculations on Time and Space
+%
+Knowledge is pitiless.
+
+  -- Orange Catholic Bible
+%
+The greatest and most important problems of life cannot be solved.
+They can only be outgrown.
+
+  -- SISTER JESSICA, private journal entry
+%
+Why look for meaning where there is none?
+Would you follow a path you know leads nowhere?
+
+  -- Query of the Mentat School
+%
+Humans must never submit to animals.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Teaching
+%
+To keep from dying is not the same as "to live."
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Saying
+%
+We are always human and carry the whole burden of being human.
+
+  -- DUKE LETO ATREIDES
+%
+No one person can ever know everything that is in the heart of another.
+We are all Face Dancers in our souls.
+
+  -- Tleilaxu Secret Handbook
+%
+We as humans tend to make pointless demands of our universe, asking meaningless 
+questions.  Too often we make such queries after developing an expertise within 
+a frame of reference which has little or no relationship to the context in 
+which the question is asked.
+
+  -- Zensunni Observation
+%
+The ego is only a bit of consciousness swimming upon the ocean of dark things.  
+We are an enigma unto ourselves.
+
+  -- The Mentat Handbook
+%
+The individual is shocked by the overwhelming discovery of his own mortality.  
+The species, however, is different.  It need not die.
+
+  -- PARDOT KYNES, An Arrakis Primer
+%
+The man faced with a life-and-death decision must commit himself,
+or he will remain caught in the pendulum.
+
+  -- From "In My Father's House," by the Princess Irulan
+%
+Love is an ancient force, one that served its purpose in its day but is no 
+longer essential for the survival of the species.
+
+  -- Bene Gesserit Axiom
+%
+How will I be remembered by my children?  This is the true measure of a man.
+
+  -- ABULURD HARKONNEN
+%
+Some say that the anticipation of a thing is better than the thing itself.
+In my view, this is utter nonsense.  Any fool can imagine a prize.
+I desire the tangible.
+
+  -- HASIMIR FENRING, Letters from Arrakis
+%
+Though death will cancel it, life in this world is a glorious thing.
+
+  -- DUKE PAULUS ATREIDES
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/ideas b/local/share/fortune/ideas
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4733e08
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/ideas
@@ -0,0 +1,297 @@
+Watchmen in minetown should get angry when you lock them in a room--if they see you close the door, and it gets locked, they assume you did it. (Unless they should be given keys?)
+  -- JoshJ
+%
+Armor that stores: To carry mass amounts of items around, shove some of your horded treasure into a piece of armor and let your pet wear it. Thus Yarzok the Elvenking can lug your entire supply of dilithium crystals to the Astral Plane for you!
+  -- TheShrewdDude
+%
+New conduct "virgin" -- broken when the player consorts with a foocubus.  Unicorns are more likely to be peaceful around virgins and will not try so hard to stay out of gem-throwing lines.
+  -- Yui
+%
+gas spores should propel levitators to the wall in a straight line upon exploding. (zoom!)
+  -- mathx
+%
+If you're hallucinating when reading an uncursed scroll of genocide, it should tell you that it wiped out your role just to mess with you.
+  -- aioli
+%
+vegetarians are immune to heart attacks
+  -- onlawn
+%
+Pooping in a sink should be -3 to luck.
+  -- aioli
+%
+when hallucinating, a heart attack is identified with the message "I'm coming to join you, Elizabeth!"
+  -- onlawn
+%
+worms use [pass through] secret doors without identifying the secret passage
+  -- onlawn
+%
+There should be a conduct "virgin" or "chaste" for if you've never had sex with a foocubus.
+  -- aioli
+%
+email randomly spawns worms?
+  -- onlawn
+%
+Thou shalt have sex with a bonobo to genocide people DAT IZ, BRUTHA deletedly thubvert thtupid or indigent IKEAs.  (WOW, SO USEFUL)
+  -- aristotle73
+%
+There should be three stooges uniques in nethack! ROFL!!
+  -- aioli
+%
+Some kind of "virgin" conduct where you never consort with a succubus incubus or nymph
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Get nethack to adjust the screen size to ttyrec so I can get it to work on my vic-20.
+  -- assended
+%
+I really think that quaffing see invisible should cure blindness.  I mean, think about it. It makes sense.
+  -- aioli
+%
+^^ rename it to potion of see visible
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Rodney should be responsive
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Eidolos should not be allowed near Rodney.
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+People should get shot for playing with ??ideas. Wait... damn.  *shoots self*
+  -- Dentarthurdent_
+%
+It would be cool if the game kept track of whether or not you've consorted with an incubus or succubus.
+  -- aioli
+%
+There should be a conduct under which you can only eat organic, fair-trade food. Breaking this conduct loses some score. Help promote global consciousness!
+  -- lament
+%
+Sokoban level
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+How about adding a graphical interface? ASCII graphics are decades old, and annoying to watch.
+  -- lament
+%
+A player class based on Norse mythology.
+  -- lament
+%
+ARISTOTLE $1S.
+  -- aristotle73
+%
+donut shaped boulders
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+zapping a wand of digging at a boulders make a donut-shaped boulder.
+  -- aioli
+%
+casting stone to flesh at a donut-shaped bouder makes a huge meat ring (huge meat belt?)
+  -- assended
+%
+eating a huge meat ring while poly'd into an Incubus should trigger the message "I've eaten bigger".
+  -- Rapidfire
+%
+A huge meat ring, if fireproof, can be used as a life preserver in lava.
+  -- aioli
+%
+Players should be able to sacrifice themselves.
+  -- lament
+%
+Confused scroll of earth make donut shaped boulders
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Klein bottles. When attempting to quaff from one, a message appears: "That is a Klein bottle, not a potion!"
+  -- lament
+%
+DONUT SHAPED BOULDER GOLEMS
+  -- doy
+%
+Your z-score is this avg rank/sqrt(#games)
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+Maybe yafm when a caveman makes a donut-shaped boulder
+  -- jmr
+%
+attempting to polypile large amounts of donut-shaped boulders might make a donut-shaped boulder golem
+  -- aioli
+%
+Stone to flesh wand
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Zapping a wand of stone to flesh at a donut-shaped boulder golem makes donut-shaped meat golems
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Flesh to stone wand zapped confused at a cockatrice turns it into a greased donut-shaped golem.
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+The stone to flesh wand is immune from turning into a meat stick
+  -- aioli
+%
+Zapping flesh to stone at a cursed meat stick while confused produces a stone dildo.
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+Zapping a rope to fish wand at a rope golem turns it into several (amount depends on dungeon level) fishy monsters
+  -- lament
+%
+Genociding monsters that are already extinct should do something
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+New class: surfer
+  -- aioli
+%
+wand of flesh to stone
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+There should be a YAFM for genociding surfers
+  -- aioli
+%
+wand of calculate z-score
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+tin of altoids
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Throwing wooden items at the Oracle should make YAFM about woodchuckers.
+  -- assended
+%
+Better yet, throwing wooden items while poly'd into a woodchuck. 
+  -- Dentarthurdent_
+%
+new extended command #sniff for magic markers, makes you hallucinate for 2d35 turns
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+eating a tin of altoids cancels the effect against undead of having eaten garlic recently
+  -- aioli
+%
+Adding an altoid to a potion of coke makes an explosion, damaging you for 4d5
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+you should be able to genocide/revgeno items
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Potion of lube: mixing a flesh-to-stoned meatstick with one produces a +3 dildo and summons a succubus
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+PVC pipes
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Way to access ideas entry from the game
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+hamsters
+  -- doy
+%
+a wand of coitus interruptus
+  -- aioli
+%
+Sacrificing a giant meat ring on the neutral high altar should have a yafm
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+ducks
+  -- assended
+%
+ducktape
+  -- assended
+%
+polymorphing a duck corpse makes duck tape.
+  -- aioli
+%
+People should stop submitting ideas that consist of "$foo should have YAFM". At least come up with a message yourself, doofi.
+  -- Dentarthurdent_
+%
+implement real-time pinball as a replacement for sokoban
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+fort ludios should have even more dragons
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+implement tetris as a replacement for real time pinball
+  -- doy
+%
+tin of spam
+  -- assended
+%
+What about a new conduct: "You never had sex"
+  -- aioli
+%
+Cursed hats should sometimes have smaller hats inside them.  recursively.
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+The final score listing should mock one who has extincted puddings. 'A chior sings out: "Farmer!"
+  -- jmr
+%
+If you're not wearing pants by the time you get to minetown, the guards should detain you for indecent exposure.
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+Cursed Worms should have smaller worms inside them, recursively
+  -- Rapidfire
+%
+Opening a tin of worm meat should have a yafm
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+YAFM list
+  -- assended
+%
+spellbook of create familiar should teleport you back to a dungeon level you've fully explored
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Monks should be able to run across lava barefoot as a test of skill and courage
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+Dune references
+  -- aioli
+%
+Adding a YAFM should produce a smaller YAFM inside then, recursively
+  -- jsn-
+%
+convert Bag of holding to bag of tricks by filling it with corpses and zapping with turn undead.
+  -- assended
+%
+Expand the foodless conduct
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+After ants and snakes have been geno'd/extincted, priests should summon donut-shaped meat golems
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+new role: mentat
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+sudokuban
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Crossword puzzles!
+  -- Crassworm
+%
+scroll of random uselessness like from crawl, also butterflies
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Arrows should have a malus when fighting donut-shaped * golems.
+  -- aioli
+%
+Oh right. I understand the problem. NOW that we got explicit rules, common sense is not applicable anymore, right?
+  -- anselmus
+%
+more information about hacking networks
+  -- doy
+%
+Lasers
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+Shooting lasers at boulders should make large donut shaped boulders
+  -- doy
+%
+Golem golem: if you zap a /oPoly at a line of three or more golems they merge and become a supergolem!
+  -- alphamale
+%
+An elaborate laser/mirror puzzle
+  -- HMSbatman
+%
+Sharks in the castle moat should shoot Frickin' Lasers
+  -- Rapidfire
+%
+death star
+  -- Eidolos
+%
+frickin jedis
+  -- DainDwarf
+%
+if you have exactly 7777 hp you should enter 7777 mode where every hit does 7777 damage
+  -- Eidolos 
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/kernelcookies b/local/share/fortune/kernelcookies
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3dcb616
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/kernelcookies
@@ -0,0 +1,581 @@
+/* Only Sun can take such nice parts and fuck up the programming interface
+ * like this.  Good job guys...
+ */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/sunhme.c
+%
+/* This card is _fucking_ hot... */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/sunhme.c
+%
+If you don't see why, please stay the fuck away from my code.
+        Rusty, in linux-2.6.6/Documentation/DocBook/kernel-locking.tmpl        
+%
+/* Fuck, we are miserable poor guys... */
+        linux-2.6.6/net/xfrm/xfrm_algo.c
+%
+/* Ugly, ugly fucker. */
+        linux-2.6.6/include/linux/netfilter_ipv4/ipt_limit.h
+%
+/* XXX: where the fuck is ->f_vfsmnt? */
+        linux-2.6.6/fs/intermezzo/vfs.c
+%
+        if(ct<0)
+                ct=2;        /* Shit happens.. */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/wan/z85230.c
+%
+/* Remember: "Different name, same old buggy as shit hardware." */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/sunhme.c
+%
+/* This is total bullshit: */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/video/sis/init301.c
+%
+/* The HME is the biggest piece of shit I have ever seen. */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/scsi/esp.h
+%
+/* Sun, you just can't beat me, you just can't.  Stop trying,
+ * give up.  I'm serious, I am going to kick the living shit
+ * out of you, game over, lights out.
+ */
+         linux-2.6.6/arch/sparc/lib/checksum.S
+%
+printk("WE HAVE A BUG HERE!!! stk=0x%p\n", stk);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/block/cciss_scsi.c
+%
+printk("%s: huh ? Who issued this format command ?\n")
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/block/ps2esdi.c
+%
+printk("whoops, seeking 0\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/block/swim3.c
+%
+printk("GSCD: magic ...\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/cdrom/gscd.c
+%
+printk(" (Read error)");        /* Bitch about the problem. */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/cdrom/mcd.c
+%
+printk(" Speed now 1x");        /* Pull my finger! */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/cdrom/mcd.c
+%
+printk("%s: confused, missing data\n", drive->name);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/ide/ide-cd.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "ide: huh? queue was plugged!\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/ide/ide-io.c:
+%
+printk ("%s: This looks like a LART board to me.\n",module_name);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/mtd/devices/lart.c
+%
+panic("Damn it Jim! I'm a doctor, not a programmer! "
+                "Oh, wait a sec, I am a programmer. "
+                "And, who's Jim?!?!\n"
+                "Arrgghh! We've done it again!\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/message/fusion/mptlan.c
+%
+/* panic??  These should never occur in our application. */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/scsi/aic7xxx/aiclib.c
+%
+panic("This never returns");
+        linux-2.6.6/kernel/power/swsusp.c
+%
+panic("do_trap: can't hit this");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/i386/mm/extable.c
+%
+panic("Alas, I survived.\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/ppc64/kernel/rtas.c
+%
+tracer_panic("I'm tracing myself and I can't get out");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/um/kernel/tt/syscall_user.c
+%
+panic("Halt failed!");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/sparc/kernel/process.c
+%
+panic("smp_callin() AAAAaaaaahhhh....\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/parisc/kernel/smp.c
+%
+panic("If this is a 64-bit machine, please try a 64-bit kernel.\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/parisc/kernel/inventory.c
+%
+panic("Yeee, unsupported cache architecture.");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/mips/mm/cache.c
+%
+panic("\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/mips/tx4927/common/tx4927_irq.c
+%
+panic("%s called.  This Does Not Happen (TM).", __FUNCTION__);
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/mips/mm-64/tlb-dbg-r4k.c
+%
+panic("No information about myself?");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/mips/sgi-ip27/ip27-timer.c
+%
+panic("%s: CORRUPTED BTREE OR SOMETHING", __FUNCTION__);
+        linux-2.6.6/fs/xfs/xfs_bmap.c
+%
+printk (KERN_ERR "%s: Oops - your private data area is hosed!\n", ...)
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/ewrk3.c
+%
+rio_dprintk (RIO_DEBUG_ROUTE, "LIES! DAMN LIES! %d LIES!\n",Lies);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/char/rio/rioroute.c
+%
+printk("NONONONOO!!!!\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/atm/zatm.c
+%
+printk("@#*$!!!!  (%08x)\n", ...)
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/atm/zatm.c
+%
+fs_dprintk (FS_DEBUG_IRQ, "Iiiin-coming (0)!!!!\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/atm/firestream.c
+%
+fs_dprintk (FS_DEBUG_INIT, "Ha! Initialized OK!\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/atm/firestream.c
+%
+DPRINTK("strange things happen ...\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/atm/eni.c
+%
+DPRINTK("doing direct send\n"); /* @@@ well, this doesn't work anyway */
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/atm/eni.c
+%
+printk(CARDNAME": Bad Craziness - sent packet while busy.\n" );
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/smc9194.c
+%
+printk(KERN_DEBUG "%s: Done reprogramming Xilinx, %d bits, good luck!\n",...);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/wan/lmc/lmc_main.c
+%
+printk(KERN_WARNING "Hey who turned the DMA off?\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/wan/z85230.c
+%
+printk(KERN_DEBUG "%s: Flex. Ttttt...\n", DRV_NAME);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/wan/dscc4.c
+%
+printk(KERN_DEBUG "%s: BUG... transmitter died. Kicking it.\n",...)
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/acenic.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "%s: Something Wicked happened! %4.4x.\n",...);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/sundance.c
+%
+printk ("Kicking board.\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/lp486e.c
+%
+DPRINTK("Last time you were disconnected, how about now?\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/tokenring/ibmtr.c
+%
+DPRINTK("FAILURE, CAPUT\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/tokenring/ibmtr.c
+%
+printk(KERN_WARNING "%s: Thanks, I feel much better now!\n", dev->name);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/de620.c
+%
+dprintk("kick_rx: maybe kicking\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/ns83820.c
+%
+Dprintk("oh dear, we are idle\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/ns83820.c
+%
+printk(KERN_DEBUG "%s: burped during tx load.\n", dev->name)
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/3c501.c
+%
+printk(KERN_DEBUG "%s: I'm broken.\n", dev->name);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/plip.c
+%
+printk("%s: TDR is ga-ga (status %04x)\n", ...);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/eexpress.c
+%
+printk("3c505 is sulking\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/3c505.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "happy meal: Fry guys.");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/sunhme.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "happy meal: Transceiver and a coke please.");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/sunhme.c
+%
+printk("Churning and Burning -");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/char/lcd.c
+%
+printk(KERN_CRIT PFX "Reboot didn't ?????\n");
+    linux-2.6.6/drivers/char/watchdog/softdog.c
+%
+printk (KERN_DEBUG "Somebody wants the port\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/parport/parport_pc.c
+%
+printk(KERN_WARNING MYNAM ": (time to go bang on somebodies door)\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/message/fusion/mptctl.c
+%
+printk(KERN_WARNING MYNAM ": (bad VooDoo)\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/message/fusion/mptctl.c
+%
+printk(KERN_INFO MYNAM ": English readable SCSI-3 strings enabled :-)\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/message/fusion/mptbase.c
+%
+printk("NULL POINTER IDIOT\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/media/dvb/dvb-core/dvb_filter.c
+%
+dprintk(5, KERN_DEBUG "Jotti is een held!\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/media/video/zoran_card.c
+%
+printk ("scsi%d : Oh no Mr. Bill!\n", host->host_no);
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/scsi/53c7xx.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "scsi%d: !!BINGO!! Falcon has no lock in NCR5380_abort\n", ...)
+        linux-2.6.6/drivers/scsi/atari_NCR5380.c
+%
+printk(KERN_CRIT "Whee.. Swapped out page in kernel page table\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/mm/vmalloc.c
+%
+printk("ip6t_hook: happy cracking.\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/net/ipv6/netfilter/ip6table_filter.c
+%
+printk("HAL2: Whee?! Open door and go away!\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/sound/oss/hal2.c
+%
+printk("----------- [cut here ] --------- [please bite here ] ---------\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/x86_64/kernel/traps.
+%
+printk (KERN_ALERT "You are screwed! " ...);
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/i386/kernel/efi.c
+%
+printk("you lose buddy boy...\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
+%
+printk ("Barf\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/v850/kernel/module.c
+%
+printk(KERN_EMERG "PCI: Tell willy he's wrong\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/parisc/kernel/pci.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "Danger Will Robinson: failed to re-trigger IRQ%d\n", irq);
+        linux-2.6.6/arch/arm/common/sa1111.c
+%
+printk("; crashing the system because you wanted it\n");
+        linux-2.6.6/fs/hpfs/super.c
+%
+printk("??? No FDIV bug? Lucky you...\n");
+        linux-2.2.16/include/asm-i386/bugs.h
+%
+/* These are the most dangerous and useful defines. They do printk() during
+ * the interrupt processing routine(s), so if you manage to get "flooded" by
+ * irq's, start thinking about the "Power off/on" button...
+ */
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/sbus/char/aurora.h
+%
+panic("floppy: Port bolixed.");
+        linux-2.2.16/include/asm-sparc/floppy.h
+%
+panic("sun_82072_fd_inb: How did I get here?");
+        linux-2.2.16/include/asm-sparc/floppy.h
+%
+#define BB_STAT2_TMP_INTR    0x10    /* My Penguins are burning. 
+Are you able to smell it? */
+        linux-2.2.16/include/asm-sparc/obio.h
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "msp3400: chip reset failed, penguin on i2c bus?\n");
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/char/msp3400.c
+%
+panic("esp_handle: current_SC == penguin within interrupt!");
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/scsi/esp.c
+%
+/* Host controller interrupts must not be running while calling this
+ * function or the penguins will get angry. */
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/usb/ohci.c
+%
+/* Identify the flock of penguins.  */
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/alpha/kernel/setup.c
+%
+die_if_kernel("Whee... Hello Mr. Penguin", current->tss.kregs);
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
+%
+die_if_kernel("Penguin instruction from Penguin mode??!?!", regs);
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
+%
+die_if_kernel("Kernel gets FloatingPenguinUnit disabled trap", regs);
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
+%
+/* When we have more time, we can teach the penguin to say 
+ * "By your command" or "Activating turbo boost, Michael".
+ */
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/sparc/prom/sun4prom.c
+%
+printk("Entering UltraSMPenguin Mode...\n");
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/sparc64/kernel/smp.c
+%
+panic("Attempted to kill the idle task!");
+        linux-2.2.16/kernel/exit.c
+%
+panic("kmem_cache_init(): Offsets are wrong - I've been messed with!");
+        linux-2.2.16/mm/slab.c
+%
+panic("Detected a card I can't drive - whoops\n");
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/net/daynaport.c
+%
+panic("mother...");
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/block/cpqarray.c
+%
+panic("Foooooooood fight!");
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/scsi/aha1542.c
+%
+panic("Unable to find empty mailbox for aha1542.\n");
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/scsi/aha1542.c
+%
+panic("aha1740.c"); /* Goodbye */
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/scsi/aha1740.c
+%
+panic("esp: what could it be... I wonder...");
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/scsi/esp.c
+%
+panic ("Splunge!");
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/scsi/psi240i.c
+%
+panic("huh?\n");
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/i386/kernel/smp.c
+%
+panic("Tell me what a watchpoint trap is, and I'll then 
+deal with such a beast...");
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/arch/sparc/kernel/traps.c
+%
+panic("Oh boy, that early out of memory?");
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/mips/mm/init.c
+%
+panic("CPU too expensive - making holiday in the ANDES!");
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/mips/kernel/traps.c
+%
+panic("IRQ, you lose...");
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/mips/sgi/kernel/indy_int.c
+%
+panic("Lucy in the sky....");
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/sparc64/kernel/starfire.c
+%
+printk("Illegal format on cdrom.  Pester manufacturer.\n"); 
+        linux-2.2.16/fs/isofs/inode.c
+%
+printk(KERN_WARNING "%s: Short circuit detected on the lobe\n",
+dev->name);
+        linux-2.4.0-test2/drivers/net/tokenring/lanstreamer.c
+%
+/*
+ * Hash table gook..
+ */
+        linux-2.4.0-test2/fs/buffer.c
+%
+/* After several hours of tedious analysis, the following hash
+ * function won.  Do not mess with it... -DaveM
+ */
+        linux-2.2.16/fs/buffer.c
+%
+/*
+ * We used to try various strange things. Let's not.
+ */
+        linux-2.2.16/fs/buffer.c
+%
+#if 0
+        linux-2.2.16/fs/buffer.c
+%
+/*
+ * For moronic filesystems that do not allow holes in file.
+ * We may have to extend the file.
+ */
+        linux-2.4.0-test2/fs/buffer.c
+%
+printk(KERN_WARNING "Warning: defective CD-ROM (volume sequence
+number). Enabling \"cruft\" mount option.\n");
+        linux-2.2.16/fs/isofs/inode.c
+%
+printk(KERN_WARNING "Multi-volume CD somehow got mounted.\n");
+        linux-2.2.16/fs/isofs/inode.c
+%
+/* Fuck me gently with a chainsaw... */
+        linux-2.0.38/arch/sparc/kernel/ptrace.c
+%
+/* Binary compatibility is good American knowhow fuckin' up. */
+        linux-2.2.16/arch/sparc/kernel/sunos_ioctl.c
+%
+/* Am I fucking pedantic or what? */
+        linux-2.2.16/drivers/scsi/qlogicpti.h
+%
+/* vsprintf.c -- Lars Wirzenius & Linus Torvalds. */
+ *
+ * Wirzenius wrote this portably, Torvalds fucked it up :-)
+ */
+        linux-2.2.16/lib/vsprintf.c
+%
+printk("Penguin %d is stuck in the bottle.\n", i);
+        linux-2.0.38/arch/sparc/kernel/smp.c
+%
+prom_printf("Detected PenguinPages, getting out of here.\n");
+        linux-2.0.38/arch/sparc/mm/srmmu.c
+%
+panic("Aarggh: attempting to free lock with active wait queue - shoot Andy");
+        linux-2.0.38/fs/locks.c
+%
+panic("bad_user_access_length executed (not cool, dude)");
+        linux-2.0.38/kernel/panic.c
+%
+/*
+ *   Should be panic but... (Why are BSD people panic obsessed ??)
+ */
+        linux-2.0.38/net/ipv4/ip_fw.c
+%
+/* Nobody will ever see this message :-) */
+panic("Cannot initialize video hardware\n");
+        linux-2.0.38/arch/m68k/atari/atafb.c
+%
+printk("ufs_read_super: fucking Sun blows me\n");
+        linux-2.0.38/fs/ufs/ufs_super.c
+%
+printk("autofs: Out of inode numbers -- what the heck did you do??\n"); 
+        linux-2.0.38/fs/autofs/root.c
+%
+HARDFAIL("Not enough magic.");
+        linux-2.4.0-test2/drivers/block/nbd.c
+%
+#ifdef STUPIDLY_TRUST_BROKEN_PCMD_ENA_BIT
+        linux-2.4.0-test2/drivers/ide/cmd640.c
+%
+if (user_specified)
+    /* Didn't work, but the user is convinced this is the
+     * place. */
+        linux-2.4.0-test2/drivers/parport/parport_pc.c
+%
+printk("VFS: Busy inodes after unmount. "
+        "Self-destruct in 5 seconds.  Have a nice day...\n");
+        linux-2.3.99-pre8/fs/super.c
+%
+# Basic IBM dingbats, some of which will never have a purpose clear
+# to mankind
+        linux-2.4.0/drivers/char/cp437.uni
+%
+# Okay, what on Earth is this one supposed to be used for?
+        linux-2.4.0/drivers/char/cp437.uni
+%
+/* Fuck.  The f-word is here so you can grep for it :-)  */
+        linux-2.4.3/include/asm-mips/mmu_context.h
+%
+/* Thanks to Rob `CmdrTaco' Malda for not influencing this code in any
+ * way.
+ */
+        linux-2.4.3/net/core/netfilter.c
+%
+/* James M doesn't say fuck enough. */
+        linux-2.4.3/net/core/netfilter.c
+%
+/* So there I am, in the middle of my `netfilter-is-wonderful'
+   talk in Sydney, and someone asks `What happens if you try
+   to enlarge a 64k packet here?'.  I think I said something
+   eloquent like `fuck'. */
+        linux-2.4.3/net/ipv4/netfilter/ip_nat_ftp.c
+%
+panic ("No CPUs found.  System halted.\n");
+        linux-2.4.3/arch/parisc/kernel/setup.c
+%
+printk("HPFS: Grrrr... Kernel memory corrupted ... going on, but 
+        it'll crash very soon :-(\n");
+        linux-2.4.3/fs/hpfs/super.c
+%
+printk("; corrupted filesystem mounted read/write - your computer 
+        will explode within 20 seconds ... but you wanted it so!\n");
+        linux-2.4.3/fs/hpfs/super.c
+%
+printk("What? oldfid != cii->c_fid. Call 911.\n");
+        linux-2.4.3/fs/coda/cnode.c
+%
+printk("Cool stuff's happening!\n")
+        linux-2.4.3/fs/jffs/intrep.c
+%
+printk("MASQUERADE: No route: Rusty's brain broke!\n");
+        linux-2.4.3/net/ipv4/netfilter/ipt_MASQUERADE.c
+%
+printk("CPU[%d]: Sending penguins to jail...",smp_processor_id());
+        linux-2.4.8/arch/sparc64/kernel/smp.c
+%
+printk("CPU[%d]: Giving pardon to imprisoned penguins\n", smp_processor_id());
+        linux-2.4.8/arch/sparc64/kernel/smp.c
+%
+printk("CPU[%d]: Sending penguins to jail...",smp_processor_id());
+ [... 20 lines ...]
+printk("CPU[%d]: Giving pardon to imprisoned penguins\n", smp_processor_id());
+        linux-2.4.8/arch/sparc64/kernel/smp.c
+%
+/* Welcome to Sun Microsystems, can I take your order please? */
+/* Would you like fries with that? */
+/* Anything else? */
+/* Fifty-two cents is your change, have a nice day. */
+/* Would you like to try our SMCC Delux? */
+/* We have a special on GNU/Viking hardware bugs today. */
+/* Will that be all? */
+/* Don't forget your vik_1137125_wa.  Have a nice day. */
+/* We're consolidating our STB products, it's your lucky day. */
+/* Come back next week when we are "Sun Microelectronics". */
+/* Remember: "Different name, same old buggy as shit hardware." */
+	linux-2.6.6/drivers/net/sunhme.c
+%
+printk (KERN_INFO "NM256: Congratulations. You're not running Eunice.\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/sound/oss/nm256_audio.c
+%
+printk (KERN_ERR "NM256: Fire in the hole! Unknown status 0x%x\n", ...);
+	linux-2.6.19/sound/oss/nm256_audio.c
+%
+printk(KERN_DEBUG "adintr: Why?\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/sound/oss/ad1848.c
+%
+snd_printk(KERN_ERR "Unable to scan for card signature in video RAM\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/sound/pci/nm256/nm256.c
+	(Note what source file this is in -- Ed.)
+%
+printk("Pretending it's a 3/80, but very afraid...\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/arch/m68k/sun3x/prom.c
+%
+printk("IOP: oh my god, they killed the ISM IOP!\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/arch/m68k/mac/iop.c
+%
+fprintf (stderr, "Not ELF nor a.out. Don't blame me.\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/arch/sparc64/boot/piggyback.c
+%
+printk("starfire_translate: Are you kidding me?\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/arch/sparc64/kernel/starfire.c
+%
+raw_printk("Oops: bitten by watchdog\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/arch/cris/arch-v32/kernel/time.c
+%
+printk(KERN_CRIT "How did I get here?\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/arch/mips/kernel/syscall.c
+%
+printk(KERN_EMERG "This is not a software problem!\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/arch/x86_64/kernel/mce.c
+%
+prom_printf("No VAC. Get some bucks and buy a real computer.");
+	linux-2.6.19/arch/sparc/mm/sun4c.c
+%
+printk ("scsi%d : danger Will Robinson!\n", ...);
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/scsi/53c7xx.c
+%
+printk("sim710.c irq nasty\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/scsi/sim710.c
+%
+/* if it speaks printer language, it's
+ * probably a printer */
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/parport/probe.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "BIGMAC: Would you like that for here or to go?\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/net/sunbmac.c
+%
+printk("%s: Boo!\n", dev->name);
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/net/depca.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "happy meal: Eieee, rx config register gets greasy fries.\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/net/sunhme.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "happy meal: Transceiver BigMac ATTACK!");
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/net/sunhme.c
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "happy meal: Receiver BigMac ATTACK!");
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/net/sunhme.c
+%
+printk(KERN_WARNING "GSCD: DMA kann ich noch nicht!\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/cdrom/gscd.c
+	(Do we have i18n'ed messages now? -- Ed.)
+%
+printk(KERN_ERR "i82092aa: Oops, you did something we didn't think of.\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/drivers/pcmcia/i82092.c
+%
+dprintk("NFSD: laundromat service - starting\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/fs/nfsd/nfs4state.c
+%
+printk("ip6t_hook: happy cracking.\n");
+	linux-2.6.19/net/ipv6/netfilter/ip6table_filter.c
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/perl b/local/share/fortune/perl
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e283cb0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/perl
@@ -0,0 +1,1026 @@
+All language designers are arrogant.  Goes with the territory... :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1991Jul13.010945.19157@netlabs.com
+%
+Although the Perl Slogan is There's More Than One Way to Do It, I hesitate
+to make 10 ways to do something.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <9695@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+And don't tell me there isn't one bit of difference between null and space,
+because that's exactly how much difference there is.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <10209@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+"And I don't like doing silly things (except on purpose)."
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Jul3.191825.14435@netlabs.com>
+%
+:        And it goes against the grain of building small tools.
+Innocent, Your Honor.  Perl users build small tools all day long.
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com>
+%
+/* And you'll never guess what the dog had */
+/*   in its mouth... */
+             -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code
+%
+Because . doesn't match \n.  [\0-\377] is the most efficient way to match
+everything currently.  Maybe \e should match everything.  And \E would
+of course match nothing.   :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <9847@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+Be consistent.
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+Besides, including <std_ice_cubes.h> is a fatal error on machines that
+don't have it yet.  Bad language design, there...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1991Aug22.220929.6857@netlabs.com>
+%
+Besides, it's good to force C programmers to use the toolbox occasionally.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1991May31.181659.28817@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov>
+%
+Besides, REAL computers have a rename() system call.    :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <7937@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+break;                          /* don't do magic till later */
+             -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code
+%
+But you have to allow a little for the desire to evangelize when you
+think you have good news.
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com>
+%
+Chip Salzenberg sent me a complete patch to add System V IPC (msg, sem and
+shm calls), so I added them.  If that bothers you, you can always undefine
+them in config.sh.  :-) -- Larry Wall in <9384@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+/* dbmrefcnt--;  */     /* doesn't work, rats */
+             -- Larry Wall in hash.c from the perl source code
+%
+#define NULL 0           /* silly thing is, we don't even use this */
+             -- Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code
+%
+#define SIGILL 6         /* blech */
+             -- Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code
+%
+Does the same as the system call of that name.
+If you don't know what it does, don't worry about it.
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page regarding chroot(2)
+%
+double value;                /* or your money back! */
+short changed;               /* so triple your money back! */
+             -- Larry Wall in cons.c from the perl source code
+%
+Down that path lies madness.  On the other hand, the road to hell is
+paved with melting snowballs.
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Jul2.222039.26476@netlabs.com>
+%
+echo "Congratulations.  You aren't running Eunice."
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+echo "Hmmm...you don't have Berkeley networking in libc.a..."
+echo "but the Wollongong group seems to have hacked it in."
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+echo "ICK, NOTHING WORKED!!!  You may have to diddle the includes.";;
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+echo $package has manual pages available in source form.
+echo "However, you don't have nroff, so they're probably useless to you."
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+echo "Your stdio isn't very std."
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+#else /* !STDSTDIO */     /* The big, slow, and stupid way */
+             -- Larry Wall in str.c from the perl source code
+%
+[End of diatribe.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled
+programming...]
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+Even if you aren't in doubt, consider the mental welfare of the person who
+has to maintain the code after you, and who will probably put parens in
+the wrong place.  -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+"Help save the world!"              -- Larry Wall in README
+%
+Hey, I had to let awk be better at *something*...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1991Nov7.200504.25280@netlabs.com>1
+%
+I already have too much problem with people thinking the efficiency of
+a perl construct is related to its length.  On the other hand, I'm
+perfectly capable of changing my mind next week...  :-) --lwall
+%
+I don't know if it's what you want, but it's what you get.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <10502@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+I dunno, I dream in Perl sometimes...
+             -- Larry Wall in  <8538@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+If I allowed "next $label" then I'd also have to allow "goto $label",
+and I don't think you really want that...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1991Mar11.230002.27271@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov>
+%
+If I don't document something, it's usually either for a good reason,
+or a bad reason.  In this case it's a good reason.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Jan17.005405.16806@netlabs.com>
+%
+"I find this a nice feature but it is not according to the documentation.
+Or is it a BUG?"
+"Let's call it an accidental feature. :-)"
+             -- Larry Wall in <6909@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+if (instr(buf,sys_errlist[errno]))  /* you don't see this */
+             -- Larry Wall in eval.c from the perl source code
+%
+if (rsfp = mypopen("/bin/mail root","w")) {     /* heh, heh */
+             -- Larry Wall in perl.c from the perl source code
+%
+If you consistently take an antagonistic approach, however, people are
+going to start thinking you're from New York.   :-)
+             -- Larry Wall to Dan Bernstein in <10187@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+If you want to program in C, program in C.  It's a nice language.  I
+use it occasionally...   :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <7577@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+If you want to see useful Perl examples, we can certainly arrange to have
+comp.lang.misc flooded with them, but I don't think that would help the
+advance of civilization.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Mar5.180926.19041@netlabs.com>
+%
+If you want your program to be readable, consider supplying the argument.
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+I know it's weird, but it does make it easier to write poetry in perl.    :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <7865@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+I'll say it again for the logic impaired.
+             -- Larry Wall
+%
+I might be able to shoehorn a reference count in on top of the numeric
+value by disallowing multiple references on scalars with a numeric value,
+but it wouldn't be as clean.  I do occasionally worry about that. --lwall
+%
+I'm sure that that could be indented more readably, but I'm scared of
+the awk parser.
+             -- Larry Wall in <6849@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+In general, if you think something isn't in Perl, try it out, because it
+usually is.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1991Jul31.174523.9447@netlabs.com>
+%
+In general, they do what you want, unless you want consistency.
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+Interestingly enough, since subroutine declarations can come anywhere,
+you wouldn't have to put BEGIN {} at the beginning, nor END {} at the
+end.  Interesting, no?  I wonder if Henry would like it. :-) --lwall
+%
+I think it's a new feature.  Don't tell anyone it was an accident.  :-)
+         -- Larry Wall on s/foo/bar/eieio in <10911@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+"It is easier to port a shell than a shell script."
+             -- Larry Wall
+%
+It is, of course, written in Perl.  Translation to C is left as an
+exercise for the reader.  :-)  -- Larry Wall in <7448@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+It's all magic.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <7282@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+It's documented in The Book, somewhere...
+             -- Larry Wall in <10502@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+> (It's sorta like sed, but not.  It's sorta like awk, but not.  etc.)
+Guilty as charged.  Perl is happily ugly, and happily derivative.
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com>
+%
+It's there as a sop to former Ada programmers.  :-)
+     -- Larry Wall regarding 10_000_000 in <11556@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+It won't be covered in the book.  The source code has to be useful for
+something, after all...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <10160@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+:  I've heard that there is a shell (bourne or csh) to perl filter, does
+:  anyone know of this or where I can get it?
+Yeah, you filter it through Tom Christiansen.  :-)  -- Larry Wall
+%
+:       I've tried (in vi) "g/[a-z]\n[a-z]/s//_/"...but that doesn't
+: cut it.  Any ideas?  (I take it that it may be a two-pass sort of solution).
+In the first pass, install perl. :-)
+             -- Larry Wall <6849@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+I won't mention any names, because I don't want to get sun4's into
+trouble...  :-)     -- Larry Wall in <11333@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+Just don't compare it with a real language, or you'll be unhappy...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992May12.190238.5667@netlabs.com>
+%
+Just don't create a file called -rf.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <11393@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+last|perl -pe '$_ x=/(..:..)...(.*)/&&"'$1'"ge$1&&"'$1'"lt$2'
+That's gonna be tough for Randal to beat...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in  <1991Apr29.072206.5621@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov>
+%
+Let's say the docs present a simplified view of reality...    :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in  <6940@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+Let us be charitable, and call it a misleading feature  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <2609@jato.Jpl.Nasa.Gov>
+%
+Lispers are among the best grads of the Sweep-It-Under-Someone-Else's-Carpet
+School of Simulated Simplicity.  [Was that sufficiently incendiary?  :-)]
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Jan10.201804.11926@netlabs.com
+%
+No, I'm not going to explain it.  If you can't figure it out, you didn't
+want to know anyway...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1991Aug7.180856.2854@netlabs.com>
+%
+/* now make a new head in the exact same spot */
+             -- Larry Wall in cons.c from the perl source code
+%
+OK, enough hype.
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+OOPS!  You naughty creature!  You didn't run Configure with sh!
+I will attempt to remedy the situation by running sh for you...
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+Perl is designed to give you several ways to do anything, so
+consider picking the most readable one.
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+Perl itself is usually pretty good about telling you what you shouldn't
+do. :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <11091@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+Perl programming is an *empirical* science!
+             -- Larry Wall in <10226@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+pos += screamnext[pos]  /* does this goof up anywhere? */
+             -- Larry Wall in util.c from the perl source code
+%
+Q. Why is this so clumsy?
+A. The trick is to use Perl's strengths rather than its weaknesses.
+             -- Larry Wall in <8225@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+Randal said it would be tough to do in sed.  He didn't say he didn't
+understand sed.  Randal understands sed quite well.  Which is why he
+uses Perl.   :-)  -- Larry Wall in <7874@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.   :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in  <8571@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+Remember though that
+THERE IS NO GENERAL RULE FOR CONVERTING A LIST INTO A SCALAR.
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+s = (char*)(long)retval;                /* ouch */
+             -- Larry Wall in doio.c from the perl source code
+%
+signal(i, SIG_DFL); /* crunch, crunch, crunch */
+             -- Larry Wall in doarg.c from the perl source code
+%
+Sorry.  My testing organization is either too small, or too large, depending
+on how you look at it.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1991Apr22.175438.8564@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov>
+%
+stab_val(stab)->str_nok = 1;    /* what a wonderful hack! */
+             -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code
+%
+str->str_pok |= SP_FBM;                     /* deep magic */
+s = (unsigned char*)(str->str_ptr);         /* deeper magic */
+             -- Larry Wall in util.c from the perl source code
+%
+Tactical?  TACTICAL!?!?  Hey, buddy, we went from kilotons to megatons
+several minutes ago.  We don't need no stinkin' tactical nukes.
+(By the way, do you have change for 10 million people?) --lwall
+%
+That means I'll have to use $ans to suppress newlines now.
+Life is ridiculous.
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+The autodecrement is not magical.
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+The only disadvantage I see is that it would force everyone to get Perl.
+Horrors.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in  <8854@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+*** The previous line contains the naughty word "$&".\n
+if /(ibm|apple|awk)/;      # :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+There ain't nothin' in this world that's worth being a snot over.
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug19.041614.6963@netlabs.com>
+%
+There are many times when you want it to ignore the rest of the string just
+like atof() does.  Oddly enough, Perl calls atof().  How convenient.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1991Jun24.231628.14446@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov>
+%
+There are probably better ways to do that, but it would make the parser
+more complex.  I do, occasionally, struggle feebly against complexity...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <7886@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+There are still some other things to do, so don't think if I didn't fix
+your favorite bug that your bug report is in the bit bucket.  (It may be,
+but don't think it.  :-)  Larry Wall in <7238@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+There is, however, a strange, musty smell in the air that reminds me of
+something...hmm...yes...I've got it...there's a VMS nearby, or I'm a Blit.
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+"The road to hell is paved with melting snowballs."
+             -- Larry Wall in  <1992Jul2.222039.26476@netlabs.com>
+%
+/* This bit of chicanery makes a unary function followed by
+a parenthesis into a function with one argument, highest precedence. */
+             -- Larry Wall in toke.c from the perl source code
+%
+"...this does not mean that some of us should not want, in a rather
+dispassionate sort of way, to put a bullet through csh's head."
+Larry Wall in <1992Aug6.221512.5963@netlabs.com>
+%
+> This made me wonder, suddenly: can telnet be written in perl?
+Of course it can be written in Perl.  Now if you'd said nroff,
+that would be more challenging...   -- Larry Wall
+%
+Though I'll admit readability suffers slightly...
+             -- Larry Wall in <2969@jato.Jpl.Nasa.Gov>
+%
+tmps_base = tmps_max;                /* protect our mortal string */
+             -- Larry Wall in stab.c from the perl source code
+%
+Unix is like a toll road on which you have to stop every 50 feet to
+pay another nickel.  But hey!  You only feel 5 cents poorer each time.
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug13.192357.15731@netlabs.com>
+%
+"We all agree on the necessity of compromise.  We just can't agree on
+when it's necessary to compromise."
+             -- Larry Wall in  <1991Nov13.194420.28091@netlabs.com>
+%
+/* we have tried to make this normal case as abnormal as possible */
+             -- Larry Wall in cmd.c from the perl source code
+%
+What about WRITING it first and rationalizing it afterwords?  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <8162@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+: 1.  What is the possibility of this being added in the future?
+In the near future, the probability is close to zero.  In the distant
+future, I'll be dead, and posterity can do whatever they like...  :-) --lwall
+%
+"What is the sound of Perl?  Is it not the sound of a wall that
+people have stopped banging their heads against?"
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com>
+%
+When in doubt, parenthesize.  At the very least it will let some
+poor schmuck bounce on the % key in vi.
+             -- Larry Wall in the perl man page
+%
+"You can't have filenames longer than 14 chars.
+You can't even think about them!"
+             -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+You have to admit that it's difficult to misplace the Perl sources.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <1992Aug26.184221.29627@netlabs.com>
+%
+Your csh still thinks true is false.  Write to your vendor today and tell
+them that next year Configure ought to "rm /bin/csh" unless they fix their
+blasted shell. :-)   -- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution
+%
+You want it in one line?  Does it have to fit in 80 columns?   :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <7349@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>
+%
+Well, enough clowning around.  Perl is, in intent, a cleaned up and
+summarized version of that wonderful semi-natural language known as
+"Unix".
+             -- Larry Wall in <1994Apr6.184419.3687@netlabs.com>
+%
+Anyway, there's plenty of room for doubt.  It might seem easy enough,
+but computer language design is just like a stroll in the park.
+
+Jurassic Park, that is.
+             -- Larry Wall in <1994Jun15.074039.2654@netlabs.com>
+%
+I want to see people using Perl to glue things together creatively, not
+just technically but also socially.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org>
+%
+The whole history of computers is rampant with cheerleading at best and
+bigotry at worst.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org>
+%
+Unix weanies are as bad at this as anyone.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org>
+%
+If someone stinks, view it as a reason to help them, not a reason to
+avoid them.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702111730.JAA28598@wall.org>
+%
+As usual, I'm overstating the case to knock a few neurons loose, but the
+truth is usually somewhere in the muddle, uh, middle.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702111639.IAA28425@wall.org>
+%
+Odd that we think definitions are definitive.   :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org>
+%
+: But for some things, Perl just isn't the optimal choice.
+
+(yet)   :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org>
+%
+I don't like this official/unofficial distinction.  It sound, er, officious.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org>
+%
+If you write something wrong enough, I'll be glad to make up a new
+witticism just for you.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702221943.LAA20388@wall.org>
+%
+Perl 5 introduced everything else, including the ability to introduce
+everything else.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702252152.NAA28845@wall.org>
+%
+So far we've managed to avoid turning Perl into APL.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702251904.LAA28261@wall.org>
+%
+Not that I have anything much against redundancy.  But I said that already.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199702271735.JAA04048@wall.org>
+%
+They can always run stderr through uniq.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199704012331.PAA16535@wall.org>
+%
+I'd put my money where my mouth is, but my mouth keeps moving.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199704051723.JAA28035@wall.org>
+%
+Of course, I reserve the right to make wholly stupid changes to Perl
+if I think they improve the language.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199704251604.JAA27300@wall.org>
+%
+Call me bored, but don't call me boring.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+I think $[ is more like a coelacanth than a mastadon.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+: I used to think that this was just another demonstration of Larry's
+: enormous skill at pulling off what other people would fail or balk at.
+
+Well, everyone else knew it was impossible, so they didn't try.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+We question most of the mantras around here periodically, in case
+you hadn't noticed.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+(Presuming for the sake of argument that it's even *possible* to design
+better code in Perl than in C.  :-)
+    -- Larry Wall on core code vs. module code design
+%
+: The hierarchy is excessive.
+
+So is the anarchy.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+That could certainly be done, but I don't want to fall into the Forth
+trap, where every running Forth implementation is really a different
+language.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+Tcl long ago fell into the Forth trap, and is now trying desperately to
+extricate itself (with some help from Sun's marketing department).
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+The core is not frozen, but slushy.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+The whole intent of Perl 5's module system was to encourage the growth
+of Perl culture rather than the Perl core.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+Randal can write one-liners again.  Everyone is happy, and peace spreads
+over the whole Earth.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+Life gets boring, someone invents another necessity, and once again we
+turn the crank on the screwjack of progress hoping that nobody gets
+screwed.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705101952.MAA00756@wall.org>
+%
+No prisoner's dilemma here.  Over the long term, symbiosis is more
+useful than parasitism.  More fun, too.  Ask any mitochondria.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705102042.NAA00851@wall.org>
+%
+Obviously I was either onto something, or on something.
+             -- Larry Wall on the creation of Perl
+%
+It's the Magic that counts.
+             -- Larry Wall on Perl's apparent ugliness
+%
+May you do Good Magic with Perl.
+             -- Larry Wall's blessing
+%
+P.S. Perl's master plan (or what passes for one) is to take over the
+world like English did.  Er, *as* English did...
+             -- Larry Wall in <199705201832.LAA28393@wall.org>
+%
+You can prove anything by mentioning another computer language.  :-)
+
+             -- Larry Wall in <199706242038.NAA29853@wall.org>
+%
+I think you didn't get a reply because you used the terms "correct" and
+"proper", neither of which has much meaning in Perl culture.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199706251602.JAA01786@wall.org>
+%
+I'm sure a mathematician would claim that 0 and 1 are both very
+interesting numbers.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org>
+%
+True, it returns "" for false, but "" is an even more interesting
+number than 0.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org>
+%
+Any false value is gonna be fairly boring in Perl, mathematicians
+notwithstanding.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org>
+%
+We didn't put in ^^ because then we'd have to keep telling people what
+it means, and then we'd have to keep telling them why it doesn't short
+circuit.  :-/
+             -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org>
+%
+Anybody want a binary telemetry frame editor written in Perl?
+             -- Larry Wall in <199708012226.PAA22015@wall.org>
+%
+Most places distinguish them merely by using the appropriate value.
+Hooray for context...
+             -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org>
+%
+But then it's a bit odd to think that declaring something int could
+actually slow down the program, if it ended up forcing more conversions
+back to string.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org>
+%
+It's possible that I'm just an idiot, and don't recognize a sleepy
+slavemaster when I see one.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org>
+%
+Perhaps I'm missing the gene for making enemies.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199708040319.UAA16213@wall.org>
+%
+Perl has a long tradition of working around compilers.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199708252256.PAA00105@wall.org>
+%
+Personally, I like to defiantly split my infinitives.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199708271551.IAA10211@wall.org>
+%
+Real theology is always rather shocking to people who already
+think they know what they think.  I'm still shocked myself.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199708261932.MAA05218@wall.org>
+%
+But maybe we don't really need that...
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709011851.LAA07101@wall.org>
+%
+The computer should be doing the hard work.  That's what it's paid to do,
+after all.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709012312.QAA08121@wall.org>
+%
+The following two statements are usually both true:
+
+There's not enough documentation.
+
+There's too much documentation.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709020026.RAA08431@wall.org>
+%
+I don't think I'm gonna agree with that.  Way too much visual confusion...
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709021627.JAA11966@wall.org>
+%
+There's certainly precedent for that already too.  (Not claiming it's
+*good* precedent, mind you. :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709021744.KAA12428@wall.org>
+%
+Of course, this being Perl, we could always take both approaches.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709021744.KAA12428@wall.org>
+%
+For the run-time caching, I was going to suggest "cached" (doh!), but
+perhaps "once" is more meaningful to ordinary people.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709021812.LAA12571@wall.org>
+%
+The random quantum fluctuations of my brain are historical accidents that
+happen to have decided that the concepts of dynamic scoping and lexical
+scoping are orthogonal and should remain that way.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709021854.LAA12794@wall.org>
+%
+At many levels, Perl is a "diagonal" language.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709021854.LAA12794@wall.org>
+%
+I'm serious about thinking through all the possibilities before we
+settle on anything.  All things have the advantages of their
+disadvantages, and vice versa.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org>
+%
+Part of language design is purturbing the proposed feature in various
+directions to see how it might generalize in the future.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org>
+%
+Sometimes we choose the generalization.  Sometimes we don't.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org>
+%
+I wouldn't ever write the full sentence myself, but then, I never use
+goto either.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org>
+%
+It's appositival, if it's there.  And it doesn't have to be there.
+And it's really obvious that it's there when it's there.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org>
+%
+Oh, get ahold of yourself.  Nobody's proposing that we parse English.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org>
+%
+As with all the other proposals, it's basically just a list of words.
+You can deal with that... :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org>
+%
+I hope I'm not getting so famous that I can't think out load [sic] anymore.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709032332.QAA21669@wall.org>
+%
+It would be possible to optimize some forms of goto, but I haven't
+bothered.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709041935.MAA27136@wall.org>
+%
+A "goto" in Perl falls into the category of hard things that should be
+possible, not easy things that should be easy.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709041935.MAA27136@wall.org>
+%
+How do Crays and Alphas handle the POSIX problem?
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709050042.RAA29379@wall.org>
+%
+One of the reasons Perl is faster than certain other unnamed interpreted
+languages is that it binds variable names to a particular package (or
+scope) at compile time rather than at run time.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709050035.RAA29328@wall.org>
+%
+Well, that's more-or-less what I was saying, though obviously addition
+is a little more cosmic than the bitwise operators.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709051808.LAA01780@wall.org>
+%
+You tell it that it's indicative by appending $!.  That's why we made $!
+such a short variable name, after all.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709081801.LAA20629@wall.org>
+%
+The choice of approaches could be made the responsibility of the
+programmer.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709081901.MAA20863@wall.org>
+%
+As someone pointed out, you could have an attribute that says "optimize
+the heck out of this routine", and your definition of heck would be a
+parameter to the optimizer.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709081854.LAA20830@wall.org>
+%
+I guess what I'm saying is that the croak in question is requiring
+agreement (in the linguistic sense) that isn't buying us anything.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709241628.JAA08908@wall.org>
+%
+If you're going to define a shortcut, then make it the base [sic] darn
+shortcut you can.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709241628.JAA08908@wall.org>
+%
+It is my job in life to travel all roads, so that some may take the road
+less travelled, and others the road more travelled, and all have a
+pleasant day.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709241628.JAA08908@wall.org>
+%
+It's getting harder and harder to think out loud.  One of these days
+someone's gonna go off and kill Thomas a'Becket for me...
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709242015.NAA10312@wall.org>
+%
+I was about to say, "Avoid fame like the plague," but you know, they can
+cure the plague with penicillin these days.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709242015.NAA10312@wall.org>
+%
+But the possibility of abuse may be a good reason for leaving
+capabilities out of other computer languages, it's not a good reason for
+leaving capabilities out of Perl.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709251614.JAA15718@wall.org>
+%
+Oh, wait, that was Randal...nevermind...
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709261754.KAA23761@wall.org>
+%
+:-) your own self.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709261754.KAA23761@wall.org>
+%
+P.S.  I suppose I really should be nicer to people today, considering
+I'll be singing in Billy Graham's choir tonight...   :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709261754.KAA23761@wall.org>
+%
+Magically turning people's old scalar contexts into list contexts is a
+recipe for several kinds of disaster.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709291631.JAA08648@wall.org>
+%
+: The following (relative to AutoSplit 1.03) attempts to please everyone
+: and perhaps pleases no one:
+
+I think that's way cool.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709292015.NAA09627@wall.org>
+%
+And we can always supply them with a program that makes identical files
+into links to a single file.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709292012.NAA09616@wall.org>
+%
+I wasn't recommending that we make the links for them, only provide them
+with the tools to do so if they want to take the gamble (or the gambol).
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709292259.PAA10407@wall.org>
+%
+This has been planned for some time.  I guess we'll just have to find
+someone with an exceptionally round tuit.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709302338.QAA17037@wall.org>
+%
+    switch (ref $@) {
+    OverflowError =>
+
+warn "Dam needs to be drained";
+    DomainError =>
+
+warn "King needs to be trained";
+    NuclearWarError =>
+
+die;
+    }
+             -- Larry Wall in <199709302338.QAA17037@wall.org>
+%
+I surely do hope that's a syntax error.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710011752.KAA21624@wall.org>
+%
+Soitainly.  I was assuming that came with the OO-ness of it.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710011802.LAA21692@wall.org>
+%
+Because the demand for it is low enough that it would be best handled
+as an XSUB, and the demand for it is low enough that nobody has
+bothered to write it as an XSUB.
+             -- Larry Wall on in-place Perl sorting
+%
+But that looks a little too much like a declaration for my tastes, when
+in fact it isn't one.  So forget I mentioned it.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org>
+%
+I'm not sure whether that's actually useful...
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org>
+%
+Anyway, my money is still on use strict vars . . .
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org>
+%
+By rule #1, 5.005 should always allow localization of lexical @_ . . .
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710011704.KAA21395@wall.org>
+%
+I *know* it's weird, but strict vars already comes very, very close to
+partitioning the crowd into those who can deal with local lexicals and
+those who can't.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710050130.SAA04762@wall.org>
+%
+If you remove stricture from a large Perl program currently, you're just
+installing delayed bugs, whereas with this feature, you're installing an
+instant bug that's easily fixed.  Whoopee.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710050130.SAA04762@wall.org>
+%
+The reason I like hitching a ride on strict vars is that it cuts down
+the number of rarely used pragmas people have to remember, yet provides
+a way to get to the point where we might, just maybe, someday, make
+local lexicals the default for everyone, without having useless pragmas
+wandering around various programs, or using up another bit in $^H.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710050130.SAA04762@wall.org>
+%
+I don't think it's worth washing hogs over.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710060253.TAA09723@wall.org>
+%
+It's certainly easy to calculate the average attendance for Perl
+conferences.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710071721.KAA19014@wall.org>
+%
+Tcl tends to get ported to weird places like routers.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710071721.KAA19014@wall.org>
+%
+Historically Tcl has always stored all intermediate results as strings.
+(With 8.0 they're rethinking that.  Of course, Perl rethought that from
+the start.)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710071721.KAA19014@wall.org>
+%
+I knew I'd hate COBOL the moment I saw they'd used "perform" instead of
+"do".
+             -- Larry Wall on a not-so-popular programming language
+%
+Just don't make the '9' format pack/unpack numbers...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710091434.HAA00838@wall.org>
+%
+I think that's easier to read.  Pardon me.  Less difficult to read.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710120226.TAA06867@wall.org>
+%
+That wouldn't be good enough.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710131621.JAA14907@wall.org>
+%
+To ordinary folks, conversion is not always automatic.  It's something
+that may or may not require explicit assistance.  See Billy Graham.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710141738.KAA22289@wall.org>
+%
+The prayer of serenity applies here.  To both of us.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710141802.LAA22443@wall.org>
+%
+Well, you can implement a Perl peek() with unpack('P',...).  Once you
+have that, there's only security through obscurity.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710161537.IAA07828@wall.org>
+%
+It may be possible to get this condition from within Perl if a signal
+handler runs at just the wrong moment.  Another point for Chip...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710161546.IAA07885@wall.org>
+%
+As pointed out in a followup, Real Perl Programmers prefer things to be
+visually distinct.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org>
+%
+The Harvard Law states:  Under controlled conditions of light, temperature,
+humidity, and nutrition, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org>
+%
+That should probably be written:
+    no !@#$%^&*:@!semicolon
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710161841.LAA13208@wall.org>
+%
+That gets us out of deciding how to spell Reg[eE]xp?|RE . . .
+Of course, then we have to decide what ref $re returns...  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710171838.LAA24968@wall.org>
+%
+Depends on how you define "always".  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710211647.JAA17957@wall.org>
+%
+'Course, that doesn't work when 'a' contains parentheses.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710211647.JAA17957@wall.org>
+%
+I was trying not to mention backtracking.  Which, of course, means that
+yours is "righter" than mine, in a theoretical sense.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org>
+%
+Not that I'm against sneaking some notions into people's heads upon
+occasion.  (Or blasting them in outright.)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org>
+%
+(To the extent that anyone but a Prolog programmer can understand \X totally.
+(And to the extent that a Prolog programmer can understand "cut". :-))
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org>
+%
+But you'll notice Perl has a goto.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org>
+%
+Suppose you're working on an optimizer to render \X unnecessary (or
+rather, redundant, which isn't the same thing in my book).
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710211624.JAA17833@wall.org>
+%
+Wow, I'm being shot at from both sides.  That means I *must* be right.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710211959.MAA18990@wall.org>
+%
+You don't have to wait--you can have it in 5.004_54 or so.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221740.KAA24455@wall.org>
+%
+There's something to be said for returning the whole syntax tree.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221833.LAA24741@wall.org>
+%
+It's not really a rule--it's more like a trend.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221721.KAA24321@wall.org>
+%
+Double *sigh*.  _04 is going onto thousands of CDs even as we speak,
+so to speak.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221718.KAA24299@wall.org>
+%
+The code also assumes that it's difficult to misspell "a" or "b".  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221731.KAA24396@wall.org>
+%
+Well, hey, let's just make everything into a closure, and then we'll
+have our general garbage collector, installed by "use less memory".
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221744.KAA24484@wall.org>
+%
+No, that'd be silly.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org>
+%
+People who understand context would be steamed to have someone else
+dictating how they can call it.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org>
+%
+For the sake of argument I'll ignore all your fighting words.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org>
+%
+Think of prototypes as a funny markup language--the interpretation is
+left up to the rendering engine.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221710.KAA24242@wall.org>
+%
+Either approach may give birth to various sorts of monstrosities.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221950.MAA25210@wall.org>
+%
+The way these things go, there are probably 6 or 8 kludgey ways to do
+it, and a better way that involves rethinking something that hasn't
+been rethunk yet.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221859.LAA24889@wall.org>
+%
+Obviously your filters are throwing away mail from Randal.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221937.MAA25131@wall.org>
+%
+Beauty?  What's that?
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710221937.MAA25131@wall.org>
+%
+Oh yeah.  Forgot about those.  Getting senile, I guess...
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710261551.HAA17791@wall.org>
+%
+'Course, I haven't weighed in yet.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710281816.KAA29614@wall.org>
+%
+I'm afraid my gut level reaction is basically, "'proceed' is cute, but
+cute doesn't cut it in the emergency room."
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710281816.KAA29614@wall.org>
+%
+I suppose one could claim that an undocumented feature has no
+semantics.  :-(
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710290036.QAA01818@wall.org>
+%
+: How would you disambiguate these situations?
+
+By shooting the person who did the latter.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710290235.SAA02444@wall.org>
+%
+Yes, we have consensus that we need 64 bit support.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710291922.LAA07101@wall.org>
+%
+:  - cut in regexps
+
+I don't think we reached consensus on that.  We're still backtracking...
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710291922.LAA07101@wall.org>
+%
+Maybe it's time to break that.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710311718.JAA19082@wall.org>
+%
+Boss: You forgot to assign the result of your map!
+
+Hacker: Dang, I'm always forgetting my assignations...
+
+Boss: And what's that "goto" doing there?!?
+
+Hacker: Er, I guess my finger slipped when I was typing "getservbyport"...
+
+Boss: Ah well, accidents will happen.  Maybe we should have picked APL.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710311732.JAA19169@wall.org>
+%
+Perhaps they will have to outlaw sending random lists of words.  fee fie
+foe foo [sic]
+             -- Larry Wall in <199710311916.LAA19760@wall.org>
+%
+Hey, if pi == 3, and three == 0, does that make pi == 0?  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199711011926.LAA25557@wall.org>
+%
+I think you're letting your knowledge of internals interfere with your
+linguistic judgement here.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199711011949.LAA25651@wall.org>
+%
+(Never thought I'd be telling Malcolm and Ilya the same thing... :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199711071819.KAA29909@wall.org>
+%
+And other operators aren't so special syntactically, but weird
+in other ways, like "scalar", and "goto".
+             -- Larry Wall in <199711071749.JAA29751@wall.org>
+%
+Portability should be the default.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199711072201.OAA01123@wall.org>
+%
+Actually, it also looks like we should optimize (13,2,42,8,'hike') into
+a pp_padav copy as well.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199711081945.LAA06315@wall.org>
+%
+If this were Ada, I suppose we'd just constant fold 1/0 into
+
+    die "Illegal division by zero"
+             -- Larry Wall in <199711100226.SAA12549@wall.org>
+%
+Are you perchance running on a 64-bit machine?
+             -- Larry Wall in <199711102149.NAA16878@wall.org>
+%
+Almost nothing in Perl serves a single purpose.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199712040054.QAA13811@wall.org>
+%
+There's some entertainment value in watching people juggle nitroglycerin.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199712041747.JAA18908@wall.org>
+%
+Reserve your abuse for your true friends.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199712041852.KAA19364@wall.org>
+%
+Er, Tom, I hate to be the one to point this out, but your fix list
+is starting to resemble a feature list.  You must be human or something.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199801081824.KAA29602@wall.org>
+%
+It's hard to tune heavily tuned code.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199801141725.JAA07555@wall.org>
+%
+Perl will always provide the null.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199801151818.KAA14538@wall.org>
+%
+It's easy to solve the halting problem with a shotgun.   :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199801151836.KAA14656@wall.org>
+%
+Well, I think Perl should run faster than C.  :-)
+             -- Larry Wall in <199801200306.TAA11638@wall.org>
+%
+To Perl, or not to Perl, that is the kvetching.
+             -- Larry Wall in <199801200310.TAA11670@wall.org>
+%
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/song-of-ice-and-fire b/local/share/fortune/song-of-ice-and-fire
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b892ff4
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/song-of-ice-and-fire
@@ -0,0 +1,290 @@
+Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.
+  -- Oath of the Night's Watch
+%
+When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground.
+  -- Cersei Lannister
+%
+When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives.
+  -- Eddard Stark
+%
+What is dead may never die, but rises again, harder and stronger.
+  -- Aeron Damphair
+%
+There are no men like me. There's only me.
+  -- Jaime Lannister
+%
+Never forget who you are, for surely the world won’t. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister
+%
+Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died.
+  -- Jorah Mormont
+%
+Bran: "Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?"
+Eddard: "That is the only time a man can be brave."
+%
+"The things I do for love."
+  -- Jaime Lannister
+%
+Qyburn: "There will be pain."
+Jaime: "I'll scream."
+Qyburn: "A great deal of pain."
+Jaime: "I'll scream very loudly."
+%
+That's no law, just a sword. Happens I got one, too.
+  -- Yoren
+%
+You know nothing, Jon Snow.
+  -- Ygritte
+%
+First lesson. Stick them with the pointy end.
+  -- Jon Snow, to Arya Stark
+%
+Men call me Darkstar, and I am of the night.
+  -- Gerold Dayne, to Myrcella Baratheon
+%
+If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die.
+  -- Eddard Stark
+%
+Oak and iron guard me well, or else I'm dead and doomed to hell.
+  -- Ser Duncan the Tall
+%
+We're children. We're supposed to be childish.
+  -- Myrcella Baratheon
+%
+Jon: "I don't know who my mother was."
+Tyrion: "Some woman, no doubt. Most of them are."
+%
+I prefer my history dead. Dead history is writ in ink, the living sort in blood.
+  -- Rodrik "The Reader" Harlaw
+%
+There is no creature on earth half so terrifying as a truly just man.
+  -- Varys
+%
+Laws are a tedious business and counting coppers is worse.
+  -- Robert Baratheon
+%
+Those are brave men. Let's go kill them.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister
+%
+The gall of them, fighting back!
+  -- Tyrion Lannister
+%
+Whatever you do, make certain your hands are clean.
+  -- Petyr Baelish
+%
+Valor is a poor substitute for numbers.
+  -- Doran Martell
+%
+A bag of dragons buys a man's silence for a while, but a well-placed quarrel buys it forever.
+  -- Petyr Baelish
+%
+The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints - 'the ground's too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does HE get more worms than I do...'
+  -- "Dolorous" Edd Tollett
+%
+Do you have any notion what happens when a city is sacked, Sansa? No, you wouldn’t, would you? All you know of life you learned from singers, and there is such a dearth of good sacking songs.
+  -- Cersei Lannister
+%
+You may well have the better claim, but I have the larger army.
+  -- Renly Baratheon
+%
+Once they figure a way to work a dead horse, we'll be next. Likely I'll be the first too. 'Edd,' they'll say, 'dying's no excuse for laying down no more, so get on up and take this spear, you've got first watch tonight.' Well, I shouldn't be so gloomy. Might be I'll die before they work it out.
+  -- "Dolorous" Edd Tollett
+%
+Amerei Frey: "Father had only gone out to ransom Petyr Pimple. He brought them the gold they asked for, but they hung him anyway."
+Mariya Darry: "Hanged, Ami. Your father was not a tapestry."
+%
+We'll never find that one, and I'll be blamed. Nothing ever goes missing that they don't look at me, ever since that time I lost my horse. As if that could be helped. He was white and it was snowing, what did they expect?
+  -- "Dolorous" Edd Tollett
+%
+I think it passing odd that I am loved by one for a kindness I never did, and reviled by so many for my finest act.
+  -- Jaime Lannister
+%
+There are no true knights, no more than there are gods. If you can't protect yourself, die and get out of the way of those who can. Sharp steel and strong arms rule this world, don't ever believe any different.
+  -- Sandor Clegane
+%
+There's nothing half so mortal as a grey goose feather.
+  -- Theon Greyjoy
+%
+Is there gold hidden in the village? Is there silver? Gems? Is there food? Where is Lord Beric? Where did he go? How many men were with him? How many knights? How many bowmen? How many, how many, how many, how many, how many, how many? Is there gold in the village?
+  -- Arya Stark, stabbing in rhythm
+%
+Lommy: "What if the wolves come?"
+Arya: "Yield"
+%
+In the dark, I am the Knight of Flowers.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister to Sansa Stark, on the night of their marriage
+%
+A girl should be bloody too. This is her work.
+  -- Jaqen H'ghar to Arya Stark
+%
+Vengeance. Justice. Fire and Blood.
+  -- Doran Martell
+%
+Why is it always the innocents who suffer most, when you high lords play your game of thrones?
+  -- Varys, to Eddard Stark
+%
+You tell him this, m'lord. You tell him he's bound on marching the wrong way. It's north he should be taking his swords. North, not south. You hear me?
+  -- Osha
+%
+The king eats, they say, and the Hand takes the shit.
+  -- Robert Baratheon
+%
+And I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples and bastards and broken things.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister
+%
+My mind is my weapon. My brother has his sword, King Robert has his warhammer, and I have my mind... and a mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister
+%
+You feed your dog bones under the table, you do not seat him beside you on the high bench.
+  -- Tywin Lannister
+%
+Some battles are won with swords and spears, others with quills and ravens.
+  -- Tywin Lannister
+%
+Mummers and monkeys require applause. So did Aerys, for that matter.
+  -- Tywin Lannister
+%
+There is a tool for every task, and a task for every tool.
+  -- Tywin Lannister
+%
+And any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king at all.
+  -- Tywin Lannister
+%
+You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night.
+  -- Tywin Lannister
+%
+This is how you start a war. Not with a crown of gold, but with a blade of steel.
+  -- Gerold Dayne
+%
+Better to mock the game than to play and lose.
+  -- Genna Lannister
+%
+Men are such thundering great fools. Even the sort who come along once in a thousand years.
+  -- Genna Lannister
+%
+Words are wind.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister
+%
+Dreams are what we have.
+  -- Jojen Reed
+%
+Kill the boy, Jon Snow. Winter is almost upon us. Kill the boy and let the man be born.
+  -- Maester Aemon, to Jon Snow
+%
+No man is free. Only children and fools think elsewise.
+  -- Tywin Lannister
+%
+Kings and corpses always draw attendants
+  -- Davos Seaworth
+%
+A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one.
+  -- Jojen Reed, to Bran Stark
+%
+A man must know how to look before he can hope to see.
+  -- Brynden Rivers, to Bran Stark
+%
+Never fear the darkness, Bran. The strongest trees are rooted in the dark places of the earth. Darkness will be your cloak, your shield, your mother's milk. Darkness will make you strong.
+  -- Brynden Rivers, to Bran Stark
+%
+Qarth wants no khalasars seething round our walls. The stench of all those horses ... meaning no offense, Khaleesi."
+  -- Xaro Xhoan Daxos
+%
+If I could pray with my cock, I would be much more religious.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister
+%
+King Jaehaerys once told me that madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. every time a new Targaryen is born, he said, the gods toss the coin in the air, and the world holds its breath to see how it will land.
+  -- Barristan Selmy
+%
+It all goes back and back, to our mothers and fathers and theirs before them. We are puppets dancing on the strings of those who came before us, and one day our own children will take up our strings and dance in our steads.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister
+%
+The Red Viper: "Do you know who I am?"
+Gregor Clegane: "Some dead man."
+%
+I seldom fling children from towers to improve their health.
+  -- Jaime Lannister
+%
+If your enemy defies you, serve him steel and fire. But if he bends the knee, you must help him back to his feet, else no man will ever kneel to you.
+  -- Tywin Lannister
+%
+Let me give you some counsel, bastard. Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be a weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister, to Jon Snow
+%
+In the game of thrones, even the humblest pieces can have wills of their own. Sometimes they refuse to make the moves you've planned for them.
+  -- Petyr Baelish
+%
+Fear cuts deeper than swords.
+  -- Syrio Florel
+%
+Love is poison. A sweet poison, yes, but it will kill you all the same.
+  -- Cersei Lannister
+%
+Tyrion: "I am sorry for your loss as well, Joffrey."
+Joffrey: "What loss?"
+Tyrion: "Your royal father? A large fierce man with a black beard; you'll recall him if you try. He was king before you."
+%
+Jaime: "Even if the boy does live, he will be a cripple. Worse than a cripple. A grotesque. Give me a good clean death."
+Tyrion: "Speaking for the grotesques, I beg to differ. Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities."
+%
+Why should a man humble himself when the world is so full of men eager to do that job for him?
+  -- Theon Greyjoy
+%
+I did warn you not to trust me, you know.
+  -- Petyr Baelish, to Eddard Stark
+%
+All dwarves may be bastards, yet not all bastards need be dwarves.
+  -- Tyrion Lannister
+%
+[He] pronounced it admirable. Doubtless if I showed him the content of my privy, he would pronounce it admirable as well.
+  -- Jaime Lannister
+%
+We look at mountains and call them eternal, and so they seem…but in the course of time, mountains rise and fall, rivers change their courses, stars fall from the sky, and great cities sink beneath the sea. Even gods die, we think. Everything changes.
+  -- Maester Luwin
+%
+My father is very good at doing nothing. He calls it thinking.
+  -- Arienne Martell
+%
+A good act does not wash out the bad, nor a bad act the good. Each should have its own reward.
+  -- Stannis Baratheon
+%
+"As High as Honor"
+  -- Arryn words
+%
+"Ours is the Fury"
+  -- Baratheon words
+%
+"We Do Not Sow"
+  -- Greyjoy words
+%
+"Hear Me Roar"
+  -- Lannister words
+%
+"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"
+  -- Martell words
+%
+"Winter Is Coming"
+  -- Stark words
+%
+"Fire and Blood"
+  -- Targaryen words
+%
+"Family, Duty, Honor"
+  -- Tully words
+%
+"Growing Strong"
+  -- Tyrell words
+%
+[Power is] a shadow on the wall, yet shadows can kill. And ofttimes a very small man can cast a very large shadow.
+  -- Varys
+%
+Love is the bane of honor, the death of duty. What is honor compared to a woman's love? What is duty against the feel of a newborn son in your arms ... or the memory of a brother's smile? Wind and words. Wind and words. We are only human, and the gods have fashioned us for love. That is our great glory, and our great tragedy.
+  -- Maester Aemon
+%
+Life is not a song, sweetling. You'll learn that one day to your sorrow.
+  -- Petyr Baelish
+%
+Meryn Trant: "You are quick, for a dancing master."
+Syrio Forel: "You are slow, for a knight."
+%
+Renly: "You'll be pleased to learn she came to me a maid."
+Stannis: "In your bed, she's like to die that way."
diff --git a/local/share/fortune/yasd-fortune b/local/share/fortune/yasd-fortune
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..7307b57
--- /dev/null
+++ b/local/share/fortune/yasd-fortune
@@ -0,0 +1,2662 @@
+<Nerull> ?? it burns
+<GreyKnight> Nerull: you have spicy food last night?
+%
+<Magus> Vlad appears before you! You wield a thoroughly rusted thoroughly corroded tin opener. Vlad looks worried! "I could get tetanus from that!"
+%
+< Rodney> Aleister (Wiz Hum Mal Cha), 34 points, killed by a water moccasin
+< WEERD> when will they learn?
+< WEERD> my death rate went down so fast ever since I stopped drinking from the fountins
+< WEERD> actully also while I stopped drinking while playing 'hack
+%
+< SpeedEvi1> Shopkeeper wanted 20K for my vorpal blade.
+< blindcoder> until he lost his head?
+%
+<lorimer> new subject:  boobies
+<Eidolos> I seriously doubt Rodney would use a constant rng seed.
+<`Masque> The source would doubt that too.
+<Eidolos> I didn't feel like loading up the ole browser. :)
+<lorimer> BOOBIES
+<lorimer> firm, round boobies the size of canteloupes
+<Eidolos> Lorimer makes an interesting point.
+<ZenMasterJG> shouldnt it use the length of @arg in rand() instead of just @arg?
+<lorimer> going bugejabugejabugejabugeja
+<GreyKnight> Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to learn more.
+<lorimer> ZenMasterJG: boobies
+* ZenMasterJG gets distracted by boobies.
+%
+* cjfp missed the pun because he isn't part of the mmorpg world
+< itsblah> be glad you are not
+< cjfp> why?
+< itsblah> it draws you in like nethack
+< cjfp> i can believe it
+< itsblah> but you also get the added bonus of annoying asses
+%
+<zid> cool my holy water is blessed
+<mucknert>  Heh.
+<tomp>  uhhh, holy water is always blessed, it's blessed water
+<mucknert>  Blessed holy water would be a funny thing to see. ;)
+<Jove_> Now with TWICE the uncursing power.  It's Blessed Holy Water(tm).  Available at fine temples near you.
+<fontp> like twice baked potatos
+<fontp> this water is so holy, it will cure your MOTHER's lycanthropy!
+<Jove_> Refried beans.
+<tomp>  unless you mother is chaotic of course...
+%
+< semi_> heh. shop keeper wants me to leave the cursed axe i'm wielding outside. so inconsiderate :(
+< rast> at least he axed nicely
+%
+<Shabby^> You wrest one last charge from the worn-out wand.--More--
+<Shabby^> For what do you wish? a blessed rustproof +2 helm of brilliance
+<GreyPaladin> Shabby^: bored?
+<Shabby^> obsessed.
+<Shabby^> Your helm of brilliance named Helm #18 violently glows silver for a while, then
+<Shabby^> evaporates.--More--
+%
+< itsblah> now you must prepare for the menace of conduct games
+< itsblah> lets start you off as atheist genoless wishless polyless polyselfless?
+< fishbowl> i'll start with "polearm-less"
+%
+< kupior> The only reason anyone would ever need to be su on someone else's box would be to ensure Nethack works properly
+%
+< Cheapy|> Reene: What I don't get is how they can be protected with such small clothing.
+< Violist> yeah... you'd think a sword would knock off a breast with one swipe
+< Cheapy|> "Even though I am showing roughly 85% of my skin, this bullet does nothing to me!"
+< Reene> Cheapy|: They can't. But somehow despite the huge knockers they can evade everything?
+< Cheapy|> Yes. The Huge Knockers have AC bonus of +5 and they cause displacement.
+%
+<sjdevnull> Apparently I just passed out on my keybord.  Luckily my wizard survived it.
+%
+<Rodney> nailbunny (Wiz Hum Mal Neu), 6879 points, killed by a winter wolf, while helpless
+<nailbunny> ...
+<nailbunny> note to self: sleep rays bounce
+%
+< bclewis> Heh.  I was in a vault, and I ate a mimic corpse:
+< bclewis> Suddenly one of the Vault's guards enters!
+< bclewis> Puzzled, he turns around and leaves.
+< _Q> "Hey! Who left that orange in here?"
+%
+< itsblah> yasd : yet another school day
+< itsblah> i mean, yasds suck either way, right?
+%
+* Mucknert throws daggers after Cheapy|
+< Mucknert> erm
+* Mucknert throws daggers after cbus_
+< paxed> you aiming sucks, Mucknert
+%
+< Rodney> MadCow (Val Hum Fem Neu), 1934 points, killed by an elven arrow
+< sawtooth> go team elven arrow!
+< Violist> go team elvish chicks with big weapons! :)
+< greycat> and green leather!
+%
+< Arcane> The succubus takes 3808 zorkmids for services rendered!
+< Cheapy_> You just got laid, congrats!
+< Arcane> 3808 gold pieces.
+< Arcane> Overchargin' ho.
+%
+< fishbowl> a twelfth spellbook of invisibility! Thanks Mars!!!
+%
+<ashel> For once, I'd like to meet some non-killer bees
+<fizztpok> Yeah, I know, hehe
+<GreyKnight> a - a fuzzy wuzzy bumble bee
+<fizztpok> See, that would be so much nicer!
+<fraggsta> I think "slightly annoying bees which just sting a bit" might not be too good a foe..
+<ashel> Sure, they sting a bit, but you'd only encounter them at 1hp remaining
+%
+<Exedor> a wave of psychic energy pours over me
+<Exedor> he's getting closer
+<Exedor> it locks on to my latent telepathy
+<sjdevnull> They are not that tough to kill, but if they hit you it really sucks.
+%
+<DW`> hmmm
+<DW`> that was a tad silly
+<DW`> checking through my inventory
+<DW`> wondering why i am burdened
+<DW`> i notice i am carrying 51 rocks
+<DW`> that probably does it
+%
+<Rodney> zid (Wiz Hum Mal Neu), 35 points, killed by a water demon
+<zid> wtf that water demon had a potion of gain level :P
+<Eidolos> Something tells me that the gain level potion was irrelevant in your death.
+%
+< cbus> madness: my illiterate rocks!
+< madness> cbus: then why are you typing to me ? ;)
+< madness> cbus: you're obviously not an rp'er :P
+< cbus> rp:er? :)
+< madness> cbus: "roleplayer"
+< cbus> madness: hmm how should i play? ;)
+< madness> cbus: otherwise you'd be like all ... "dlwkjwlejw,cnwoiyehrkjh"
+%
+< joshk> e - the blessed partly eaten Hand of Vecna
+< joshk>                   |  choked on the   |
+< joshk>                   |  Hand of Vecna   |
+%
+< pakaran> however, line drawing characters on makes the walls look like walls, not | and - and such
+< pakaran> and more specifically makes them NOT look like altars
+< greycat> but... but... | is a wall!  It looks very wall-like!
+< Soul-Burn> grey, the | has blank spots in it's sides
+< greycat> crevices!
+%
+<braindancer> dracony: next item should be an eyepatch that makes you see all gold on the level and changes all messages you get to pirate speak
+<_Masque> braindancer: Now THAT is a GOOD idea.
+* _Masque &
+<SpeedEvil> braindancer: New B: parrot.
+<dracony> whats pirate speak?
+<braindancer> arr
+<dracony> oh
+<braindancer> a voice booms out 'shiver ye timbers mortal' -more-
+<braindancer> kos is displeased
+%
+< TauPan> uhm, I ascended in 3.4.3 and vlad had teleported to the rogue level
+< TauPan> which was kind of smart of him, since it's black and white :-)
+< TauPan> I'm just ze regular vampire, you don't haf a grudge viz me!
+< TauPan> But the power of '/' exposed him, ha!
+%
+<sjdevnull> So my wizard is entering Sokoban with AC -4, magic missile/sleep/force bolt/detect foot, and +7 frost brand.
+<aioli> detect foot, hehe
+<sjdevnull> You see a foot at the end of your leg.
+<GreyKnight> Your nose tingles, and you smell feet!
+%
+< Lyss> ole.. yeah, i wann take all my clothes off,  but i think its a bit dangerous with a troll.. ill eat him
+%
+<SimonRC> "The clown throws a bucket of water.  The water hits the clown.  The clown turns around to see what is going on.  The clown's ladder hits the clown!  The clown throws a cream pie.  The cream pie hits the clown."
+%
+<SimonRC> being blind in NH sucks
+<SimonRC> (in the early stages, at least)
+<itsblah> being blind in real life would be worse
+<SimonRC> I need a guide dog.
+<itsblah> imagine all the troubles trying to play IRC or read nethack
+<SimonRC> indeed
+%
+< _Q> ah SHIT
+< _Q> I just prayed
+< _Q> and lost all of my protection
+< _Q> AC went from -70 to -33
+< _Q> what idiot on the devteam decided to put the 'offer' command next to the 'pray' command?
+< TSC> Try Dvorak; P isn't next to O (:
+%
+< sawtooth> lol...out of one pit and right into another!
+%
+< Soul-Burn> what does the xx part mean in strength = 18/xx ?
+< greycat> it really means "We played way too damned much AD&D."
+< greycat> think of it as "18.03"
+< Soul-Burn> so y teh hell ?
+< greycat> Soul-Burn: because Gary Gygax did too much LSD?
+< Tatter> It means "oh shit, we need more strength values, but we ran out of numbers between 3 and 18."
+< Soul-Burn> so why between 3 and 18
+< Soul-Burn> and not make it 0 to 3000 ?
+< greycat> because you roll 3d6.
+< Tatter> Because they didn't want to let go of their casino dice...
+< racoon> tatter: 4d6?
+< Soul-Burn> 10d10
+< racoon> 1d100
+< Soul-Burn> 100d1
+< Tatter> Hmm... good point, I guess the LSD explanation is more likely
+%
+<Shabby^> btw
+<Shabby^> quorn is actually really good
+<Shabby^> tho I'd rather have been ignorant about the manufacturing process
+<nekrom> what is it made using baby dolphin labour?
+<GreyKnight> Ground-up unicorn horns and babies' dreams
+<Shabby^> nekrom: now it's just grown in huge tanks of oxygenated water
+<GreyKnight> By baby dolphins
+%
+<DukGalNamu> mumaks are pushovers
+<DukGalNamu> hmm
+<DukGalNamu> speaking of which
+<DukGalNamu> there should be a #tip option
+<DukGalNamu> tip a sleeping mumak gives you points
+<DukGalNamu> only if chaotic
+%
+<Konstant1n> !ping
+<Rodney> Pong!
+<GreyPalad_n> !pong
+<Rodney> I wish you kids would quit bothering me...
+<DukGalNamu> !ping_of_death
+<DukGalNamu> huh
+<GreyPalad_n> !learn add #nethack:!deathping $ACT pings $ARGS to death
+<Rodney> Term #nethack:!deathping[1] successfully added.
+<GreyPalad_n> !deathping DukGalNamu
+* Rodney pings DukGalNamu to death
+<DukGalNamu> NOOOOOO
+%
+< cbus> There is an amber flash as a lamp called magic hits the altar.
+* sauzan starts to sing Genie in a Bottle
+%
+-->| GreyOoze has joined #nethack
+|<-- GreyKnight has left chat.freenode.net (Nick collision from services.)
+=-= GreyOoze is now known as GreyKnight
+* SimonRC was about to try pudding-farming with the grey ooze.
+*GreyKnight touches SimonRC
+<GreyKnight> Oh wait... not oozy anymore
+<GreyKnight> Now I just look perverted :-(
+%
+< cbus> which status of the scroll of earth produces one rock?
+< Mucknert> cursed
+< Mucknert> directly on your head
+< cbus> perfect
+< cbus> just what i need !
+%
+=-= GreyKnight is now known as GreyPaladin
+<GreyPaladin> I multiclassed.
+* GreyPaladin tries out his new powers
+<GreyPaladin> Smite Perversion!
+|<-- Arramiy has left chat.freenode.net ()
+<GreyPaladin> Hah! Got one.
+%
+< thu> wow!
+< thu> lynxes are FAST
+< jilles> as fast as a minotaur, jaguar or fox
+< Skyp> they don't have to load the images, so they are faster
+%
+-->| dtype (n=dtype@c-67-169-185-21.hsd1.ca.comcast.net) has joined #nethack
+<Cheapy|> Heyyyyy
+<dtype> !ping
+<Cheapy|> it's dtype!
+<Rodney> Pong!
+<Cheapy|> And he came to see if his machine was up...
+%
+< madgarden> I just turned into a wererat. I guess I shouldn't have eaten that wererat.
+< madgarden> How am I supposed to do anything as a rat? :)
+< konso> You can... err... squeak?
+%
+< pakaran> grr
+< pakaran> BAD kitty
+< pakaran> GET OUT OF THE WEAY OF MY EXERCISE BOULDER!
+%
+< pakaran> and Melkor's altars in gehennom?
+< Mucknert> melkor?
+< Mucknert> its moloch
+< pakaran> sorry
+< pakaran> i'm an angband player
+%
+<dpkg> well, nethack is a tty-based Dungeons and Dragons game that kicks butt all over *angband. The best variant of nethack is slashem. Sadly, the dev team seems to like releasing about 20 minutes worth of work every 2 years...
+%
+< Rodney> Skyp (Mon Hum Mal Neu), 2153484 points, escaped (in celestial disgrace)
+< Mucknert> Skyp: loser :p
+< Skyp> Ok, what can I say... these chinese names all soudn the same, don't they? ,)
+%
+< Rodney> Lyss (Val Dwa Fem Law), 2017 points, killed by a gas cloud
+< Lyss> oops
+< jilles> scroll of stinking cloud?
+< stormbin1> changed boots ;)
+%
+< Firien> got 11532 points, best yet, and swarmed by killer beer >:(
+< Firien> er
+< Firien> bees
+%
+< Racoontje> oh lol my dragon ate the priest
+< Racoontje> the god isnt angry
+< greycat> speak softly, and carry a black dragon
+%
+<SpeedEvil> Actually, a blessed scroll of enchant car, and a potion of booze'd work too.
+<Tek-69> yo i second that potion
+<SpeedEvil> "The rust dissapears from your piece of crap."
+%
+< Rodney> Klesha (Wiz Orc Mal Cha), 3027 points, killed by a dog
+< Gout> yeenoghu was easy that dog was hell;-)
+< paxed> the bitch from gehennom. :P
+%
+< Racoontje> What can you do if you are being stiffened?
+< Racoontje> Not that its happening atm, but, still
+* madness stifles naughty response
+< madness> "think of your grandmother on the toilet"
+%
+< matthewmodern> i'm whoring out minetown while avoiding running them dry
+< caphuso> don't dip in minetown
+< matthewmodern> why?  as long as I avoid running them dry I should be fine, no?
+< matthewmodern> whoops.  got excalibur and annoyed guards on same turn
+< matthewmodern> was hoping for "trickle" message first
+< caphuso> well, getting excalibur always dries up the fountain, AFAIK
+< matthewmodern> oh, i somehow missed that detail.  whoops.
+%
+< dtype> t - 28 uncursed dilithium crystals
+< paxed> you can go to the edge of the universe with that amount.
+%
+< matthewmodern> tomorro I intend to spend the majority of a 6 hour flight playing nethack on a PocketPC.   As a result, I will most likely require both laser corresctive eye surgery and carpal tunnel treatment upon arrival.
+%
+< Tatter> You thought I was crazy to search the ENTIRE FLOOR in the dark
+< Tatter> But I have a TOWEL now, and it was all worthwhile!
+%
+< _Q> I *might* get +8 armor
+< _Q> once everything is +7
+< _Q> since you have to overenchant it to get to +7 in the first place
+< _Q> any other tasks you can think of?
+* greycat mentions something about a social life
+%
+< paxed> hmm... a new bug listed on the bugpage.  "Pets can be pulled through closed doors with a leash."
+< Pit> paxed: perhaps all the doors were outfitted with catflaps?
+%
+< Rodney> tek69 (Wiz Elf Mal Cha), 1641 points, killed by an elf zombie
+< Tek-69> damn I failed to elbereth 6 times in a row
+%
+< kriebly> I had a dream where I walked into a cockatrice nest completely naked. I woke up petrified.
+%
+< kriebly> nethack has to be female
+< itsblah> why?
+< kriebly> okay first, nethack has very complicated needs
+< kriebly> make a mistake, and its game over
+< kriebly> then, nethack is never the same each time you encounter her
+< kriebly> also, nethack often gives you crpytic messages that are hard to understand
+< kriebly> also, to conquer nethack, you must be very attentive at all times
+< kriebly> finally, to conquer nethack, you must love her for what she is
+< itsblah> you dont have to love nethack for what it is to ascend
+< itsblah> i have plenty of ascensions on my record
+< itsblah> i dont need to love nethack
+< kriebly> you are so cruel to treat her so!
+< itsblah> you must not let her radiance distract you from the goal of beating her
+< itsblah> because yes, we are all out to beat nethack, right?
+< skittles> so finishing nethack is now a euphemism for spousal abuse?
+%
+<hacken_> eww you play in black and white?
+<braindancer> b/w rules
+<braindancer> it is how it is meant to be played
+<braindancer> look, back in the day we didn't even have a colour screen
+<hacken_> and then they invented color, and they saw this, and it was good.
+<sjdevnull> Back in the day, they didn't have an addressible cursor.
+<sjdevnull> We had glass ttys, and we liked it!
+<Wolfechu> How do you enter commands, punch cards?
+<hacken_> they had to reprogram the vacuum tubes
+<sjdevnull> Vacuum tubes! Bah!  We god Ada Lovelace to move the rods around in our difference engine!
+<jcdangerously> Yeah, well, I had to walk three miles uphill in a blizzard just to get terminal access.
+<sjdevnull> Well, we walked three miles uphill in a blizzard to get terminal access--and then 3 miles uphill to get back home when we were done.
+<jcdangerously> Nice.
+<nornagon> mm, escher.
+%
+< Arcane> ... A COPE?
+< Arcane> I have..
+< Arcane> An ornamental..
+< Arcane> COPE?
+< SpeedEvil> Just learn to cope.
+%
+< art> Is there an advantage to playing females?
+< kriebly> chance to explore feminine side
+< Irashtar> Its a full moon! You feel pissed off at the universe
+%
+<Rodney> tek69 (Wiz Elf Mal Cha), 6561 points, killed by a soldier ant
+<bobbens> Go team ant :)
+<Tek-69> go team everyone actually. I love when rng decides it's gang bang time.
+%
+<Jabberwock> I'm wondering why sys_write segfaults in my shellcode
+<mrivan> If it dumpd core you may have eaten an apple?
+%
+<Nerull> ?? chickatrice
+<sylphie> ?? Kentucky Fried Chickatrice
+<sylphie> The soldier begins bashing you with a fried chickatrice. The soldier hits! You turned into a statue of the Colonel by the door.
+%
+< Snpr> i have been abusing my body? when does this happen?
+< DrPotato> saturday morning (actually closer to noon) usually for me after being out on friday night.
+%
+* paxed doesn't understand how levitation can work. isn't it supposed to be a plane filled with water that has bubbles of air in it?
+< jmstylr> it's a PLANE of water :)
+%
+< Arcane> You feel shaking in your pack. A killer food ration flies out!
+%
+< Yammz0r> i found out wil wheaton plays nethack
+< Yammz0r> now i gotta say, i'm not so crazy about playing
+< Yammz0r> i gotta say, the idea of doing somthing that wil wheaton does is -not- very appealing
+< itsblah> wil wheaton is living
+< itsblah> you say living isnt very appealing since wil wheaton is?
+< Yammz0r> yes.
+%
+<Eidolos> merlincorey: So patch Rodney. :)
+<merlincorey> Eidolos: not a fan of perl
+<Eidolos> That's everyone's excuse!
+<Eidolos> Oh Larry Wall murdered my family, so I can't use Perl.
+<SpeedEvil> !lart Larry Wall
+* Rodney zaps a wand of larting at Larry Wall. Nothing happens...
+<Eidolos> Larry Wall is immune to Perl-based attacks.
+%
+<SpeedEvil> !gamesby mind
+<SpeedEvil> !gamesby matter
+<Rodney> mind has played 19 games, between 20060327 and 20060330, highest score 310369, died 19 times
+<Rodney> No games for matter.
+%
+< krilly> SO you basically go deep into the dungeon, find this peice of metal crap thing, sell it for a cheap hoe, a bottle of wisky, and you and your pet get shitfaced and enjoy a hand job each? Sounds interesting!
+%
+< kbi> how come vault guards aren't detected by telepathy?
+< greycat> kbi: because they're not on the map until you summon them
+< kbi> greycat: even tho i can hear him counting?
+< greycat> it's, uh, an automatic counting machine.
+%
+< paintcan> ah, i delete counterstrike to help my study and instead i play nethack
+%
+< richard-> though if you YASD'd i might start a new game to get to your bones. :)
+< Arcane> OVER MY DEAD BODY
+< Arcane> Oh, wait, crap
+%
+< Arcane> What exactly IS motionless?
+< nesta> you only move by teleportation or by being displaced
+< |404notfound> being displaced, as in only on the receiving end?
+< nesta> you don't even step off the starting square, and you sure don't use stairs
+< itsblah> sounds impossible
+< |404notfound> I take it motionless wasn't a conduct devised with ascension in mind
+< nesta> itsblah: that's been said about every loony conduct.
+%
+< nailbunny> i like how the shopkeep mentions the usage fee even when he's asleep
+%
+<nightswim> how long does hallucinating from a violet fungus last?
+<ContraDuck> nightswim: 200 or more turns
+<zezozose> the trip comes on in like 20 turns...you peak at about 100 turns which lasts about 75 turns, then you start to come down
+* Eidolos snickers.
+<Eidolos> Hallucination turn 131 is the best.
+<Eidolos> That's when the phones fly in.
+%
+< SpeedEvil> Easy sokoban kit:Pickaxe, reverse genocide paper golems.
+< SpeedEvil> And a magic marker.
+< KimmoKM> Really easy sokoban-kit: Brains.
+%
+< Snpr> what's with wizard's str?
+< Snpr> they are too powerful anyway :|
+< greycat> St: caps are racial, not class...ial.
+%
+< Mucknert> happy birthday to me
+< SpeedEvil> How many candles should we put on your candelabrum?
+< Mucknert> SpeedEvil: 7
+< SpeedEvil> Too illiteral... How many candles on cake?
+< Mucknert> 22
+< sawtooth> hmm...couldn't find a cake...how about 22 candles in a cream pie?
+* sawtooth gets out the expensive camera to take a picture
+* Mucknert applies a looking glass in his direction first
+* sawtooth gets the game of "pin the tail on the floating eye" out.  Don't try to cheat either! ;)
+%
+<ihope> Getting rid of the floor is SO much easier with boots of levitation.
+<Eidolos> ihope: You better not be doing what I think you're doing!
+<ihope> Eidolos: what do you think I'm doing?
+<Eidolos> Can't tell ya, it's a secret.
+<argiopeweb> I bet he thinks you're digging out the mines...
+%
+<SpeedEvil> Nethack really needs ginger as a food.
+<Eidolos> OPTIONS=fruit:a Tupperware(tm) container half-filled with ginger
+<SpeedEvil> Apply it to a horse, and it's a temporary speed boost.
+%
+<SpeedEvil> Sigh. I need to learn to think. Went into a room - thought 'aha, a boulder, gotta be careful of traps'
+<SpeedEvil> Click! You trigger a rolling boulder trap!  You are hit by a boulder!--More--
+<Rodney> oj8 (Hea Hum Mal Neu), 133 points, killed by a boulder
+* argiopeweb doesn't want to laugh that that.
+<Eidolos> Too late?
+<argiopeweb> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
+<argiopeweb> Now it is.
+<Eidolos> Hmm, it wasn't quote HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! funny, IMO. ;)
+<SpeedEvil> The sad thing was that I was out of line when I thought of that, then moved into line
+* argiopeweb is ashamed of himself.
+<argiopeweb> No, maybe a couple more HAs and an ROFL.
+<Eidolos> The guy DIED, man!
+<Eidolos> "We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of our belov-" "ROFL ROFL ROFL HE GOT BOULDER'D"
+%
+< kriebly> ki-rins wear hats?
+< kriebly> that is just so CUUUTTE
+%
+< Arkane> BAD ROUTER! Bad!
+< greycat> the cursed rusty -2 router named Packetsbane
+%
+<towo> You("are bathed in radiance. An invisible choir sings: ");
+<towo> pline("Haha. Just kidding. April fools!");
+%
+[19:24:56] <Rodney> ShenShei (Mon Hum Mal Neu), 8439 points, killed by a giant ant, while helpless
+[19:25:26] <Rodney> doy (Wiz Elf Fem Cha), 780 points, killed by the ghost of ShenShei, while helpless
+[19:25:42] <Eidolos> That was quick, is there a floating eye in that bones or something?
+[19:26:24] <doy> Eidolos: yup
+%
+< SpeedEvil> Wheee, amulet of lifesaving on a leprechaun...
+< billnye> it hurts even more when it's a nymph, and the amulet used to be yours
+%
+< richard-> i see that both purple h and H are able to very wicked.
+< itsblah> yes, they are
+< itsblah> in fact, purple tends to be nasty in general
+< itsblah> you have your quest nemeses, the riders, major demons, towels, archons, titans, flayers, etc
+< richard-> grid bugs
+< itsblah> as i said, purple tends to be nasty
+%
+<zezozose> it's not a good idea to talk about nethack to the uninitiated
+<zezozose> you sound like a mad man
+<jhaig> I ate one to stop it, but obviously you can only do that with one.  In fact it came back to life while I was eating it at first.
+%
+<aioli> i perhaps haven't been paying as much attention to the asc% as i should have
+<aioli> but at least i killed myself with a grappling hook
+<ContraDuck> you also appear to have choked on a big cock at one stage too
+<aioli> hehe good times
+%
+<kroisis> things learned the hard way:  If you are hunting mimics in an armor shop, don't try casting 'force bolt' along a line of armor at a known mimic unless you are SURE there are no 'crystal plate mail's between you and your target.  Alternately, have major $ handy to pay for the ones you shatter -OR- you are ready to take on a shopkeeper and the 'keystone kops'... :(
+<nornagon> :/
+<kroisis> ...lost a very promising wizard just a bit ago that way....
+<ContraDuck> Traditionally people learn the "No force bolt in a shop" lesson in potion shops. I like your style, you do things differently.
+%
+<kroisis> several years ago I had a char that killed 3 shopkeepers...his luck was attrocious after that...EVERYBODY hated him...he was in such dire straits a succubus wouldn't give him the time of day...he was in such dire straits, nymphs kept attacking him by giving him cursed stuff he was in such dire strait vampires didn't even want his blood....he was in such dire straits Jubilex looked at him and said to a nearby trapper "you eat that?  Y
+<kroisis> our're CRAZY man!"
+%
+< blindcoder> Sent in some mind flayers.
+< blindcoder> Oops
+< jilles> good elberething!
+< blindcoder> jilles: you know... I totally forgot about that one :(
+%
+< nesta> Minotaur butts and Xan pricks
+%
+< tilman> i just morphed into a frigging piranha, what to do now?
+< SpeedEvil> flop around looking toothy?
+< kbi> avoid bigger fish?
+%
+< krilly> Pfff, tengu
+< krilly> I eat them for breakfast.
+< SpeedEvil> Tengu-flakes!
+< krilly> Tengu on toast, actually.
+%
+< Reene> actually nymphs are more like high school girls
+< itsblah> how?
+< emcee> they're annoying
+< Reene> they charm you into giving them shit and they still won't have sex with you.
+%
+<Talia> i wish my friend who got me into the game warned me about that.
+<Rodney> Queensownt (Val Hum Fem Neu), 1251966 points, killed by the wrath of Moloch
+<Rodney> Queensownt reaches #1943 on the top 2000 list.
+<Talia> *cry*
+<HiSPeed> hehe a convertor in votd ?
+<SpeedEvil> :/
+* SpeedEvil confronts Talia.
+<SpeedEvil> Err, comforts.
+<Talia> well.. live and learn.. as all the other times I died, I guess. :P
+<SpeedEvil> Sigh.
+<Talia> note to self: praying in gehennom = bad.
+%
+<_bryce> Heh, I was reading the inventory list and misread it. Saw "magic marker" and "mirror" and read "magic mirror".
+<_bryce> That would be a funny item. "Who's the fairest of them all?" "Not you, you only have CHA 5."
+<SpeedEvil> invoke for poisoned apples?
+%
+< Raeth> Is it sad that I consider watching TV to be watching someone else play NetHack?
+< nailbunny> hey at least you think while watching someone play nethack (hopefully)
+< nailbunny> and no commercials is nice
+%
+<Cheapy|> GO TEAM @!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
+* GreyKnight thinks Cheapy|'s drunk too many of those potions already
+<dtype> I'm working on "identify"ing a few drinks from the fridge myself
+%
+<itsblah> i usually have a slot for most of my tools
+<psyklops> I make my digger d, my whistle w, and my key/lockpick f (because it kinda looks like one, k is too far away from home keys)
+<psyklops> A-lamp, z-touchstone
+<psyklops> yep...
+<zezozose> y-cockatrice corpse
+<_bryce> uh
+<_bryce> that would be bad...
+%
+<Rodney> psyklops (Sam Hum Mal Law), 518 points, killed by a wand
+<_bryce> bad day, eh psyklops? I was having one yesterday...
+<psyklops> bad day? haha... just average
+%
+<psyklops> whoa, a scroll just calmed a shopkeeper...
+<psyklops> is ittaming?
+<braindancer> guess so
+<HiSPeed> cant think of any other scroll than a ?oFire (killing you in the process)
+<_bryce> a tame shopkeeper? that would be interesting...
+<HiSPeed> which tames the shk indirectly ;)
+* HiSPeed once had an army of captain-pets ;)
+<GreyKnight> Forward, my minions!
+<psyklops> why is he so mad at me for kicking his door down, it reappeared in seconds
+<GreyKnight> <shk> It had *sentimental value*!
+%
+<Rodney> Exedor (Hea Hum Fem Neu), 326 points, choked on a newt corpse
+<GreyKnight> The lengths some people will go to to get a buzz.
+%
+<psyklops> heh, do -1 levitation increase gravity?
+%
+< Cheapy> Leocrottas are hard to explain; They are basically a bunch of animals in one
+< tweek__> bottom line: if you see one, run like fuck
+%
+<MaximumRock_> i think
+<MaximumRock_> i am
+<MaximumRock_> going to
+<MaximumRock_> die
+<GreyKnight> That's
+<GreyKnight> most
+<GreyKnight> unfortunate
+<GreyKnight> my
+<GreyKnight> commiserations
+<GreyKnight> to
+<GreyKnight> your
+<GreyKnight> family
+%
+<MaximumRock> OH GOD
+<MaximumRock> SNAKES
+<MaximumRock> ??water moccasin
+<GreyKnight> Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?
+<_bryce> you an Arc? that would make it funnier.
+<zezozose> You open the blessed Ark of the Covenant.  Your head explodes.--More--
+%
+<_bryce> any way to tell if a fortune cookie tells the truth or is lying?
+<GreyKnight> BUC status helps
+<merlincorey> I think blessed ones have to be true
+<GreyKnight> yea
+<merlincorey> or at least I know cursed ones are bad
+<GreyKnight> blessed --> true, cursed --> false, uncursed --> either
+<zezozose> if you find a fortune cookie that says: 'this sentence is false', what would be the buc status of the cookie?
+<_bryce> wow. profound.
+%
+<braindancer> ?>leocrotta[2]
+<braindancer> yeah was trying to send that to the channel so someone who died to it would read it..
+<braindancer> mischanneled and sat there for half a minute thinking rodney was lagging
+%
+< Arcane> AlRIGHT!
+< Arcane> I got a Shopkeeper Killing Kit!
+< KimmoKM> What is it?
+< Arcane> Sleep XD
+%
+<SpeedEvil> Hmm. Low cha valkyries may get bulemia...
+<ScottishPig> lol.
+<ScottishPig> Ugh. Rotten Egg. You suddenly vomit. You feel prettier!
+<ScottishPig> Cha++
+%
+<Rodney> psyklops (Sam Hum Mal Law), 62702 points, killed by a wraith
+<psyklops> I'm so stupid... I don't deserve this game
+%
+<lament> mrivan: you should explain that mathx guy why drinking from fountains is bad.
+<mrivan> it's bad because even I died from it
+%
+* anselmus still doesn't believe in electricity
+<GreyKnight> anselmus: Must make blue dragons easier to deal with.
+<GreyKnight> 'Course, they're all white to you.
+%
+<Rodney> Gralg (Pri Hum Mal Neu), 14283 points, killed by a raven, while helpless
+<sawtooth> nevermore!
+%
+< zid> #a#a#a#a#a#a#a#a#a#
+< zid> nice organised bees :P
+< ix_> aaa
+< ix_> a@a
+< ix_> aaa   <-- way better organization
+%
+<zid> eating is for pussies
+<zid> B - an uncursed ring of slow digestion (on left hand)
+<zid> T - an uncursed ring of slow digestion (on right hand)
+%
+<zid> whoo 18/33 :P
+<zid> getting there
+<mathx> zid. find a store. purchase a life. only 56 zorkmids
+<mathx> YOU NETHACK TOO MUCH! LOL
+%
+<pak21> I know this must have been done: a trainspotting spoof in Nethack style. Anyone?
+<SpeedEvil> small @ crawling across the ceiling, as a grave appears
+%
+<zid> ?> mummy rapping
+<Rodney> mummy_rapping[1]: If you ever see this, run away.  Quickly.  Vanilla Ice was bad enough.
+%
+<hifi> I kick my pet to death :
+<hifi> :(
+<SpeedEvil> I wish I'd kicked my pet to death
+<SpeedEvil> Useless bastard.
+%
+<hifi> am I playing too much nethack when I almost kick my dog irl if it's in the way? :s
+<Eidolos> hifi: Just displace it.
+<braindancer> yeah, really
+<braindancer> or say: pardon me, <dogname>
+<Eidolos> Throwing tripe at a wall works too.
+<GM_nethack> #chat to it
+<hifi> it will look at me with the "wtf" -face
+%
+<fontp> hrm. this is price IDing as a luckstone, but I can name it Heart of Ahriman
+<GreyKnight> Spelt correctly?
+<fontp> yeah, cut and pasted from the rodney entry
+<PLS> have you tried "The Heart of Ahriman"?
+<fontp> yea
+<fontp> that's wierd.
+<peabrain> You're not playing slash'em by mistake?
+%
+<zid> can I steal minetown for my own ends?
+<zid> kill priest, convert altar?
+<towo> 'course.
+<Eidolos> I doubt Minetown will fit in your knapsack.
+%
+<Arafangion> So, how do I use a crossbow?
+<zezozose> wield it and 'f'ire the bolts
+<Arafangion> Ahh, yo wield it, thanks zezozose
+<Rodney> rakemandez (Wiz Elf Mal Cha), 1967 points, killed by a crossbow bolt
+<zid> YOU SHOT HIM!
+<zid> MURDERER!
+%
+<zid> process of ilimination.
+<zid> el?
+<zid> el
+<GM_nethack> ...
+* GM_nethack smacks zid with a blessed +3 club of improve spelling.
+%
+<Eidolos> !lart _bryce
+* Rodney genocides idiots. _bryce is wiped out.
+<Eidolos> That'll teach you!
+<GreyKnight> !lart Eidolos
+<_bryce> Haven't you heard about the dangers of self-genocide?
+* Rodney genocides idiots. Eidolos is wiped out.
+%
+<Tek-69>  is there any chance of instadeath from trying to go down stairs while overtaxed?
+<braindancer> if holding footrice
+<SpeedEvil> only aty low hp
+<SpeedEvil> or that
+<Tek-69>  ok thanks
+<Tek-69>  i should be ok then
+<braindancer> does being jumped by monsters because you are overtaxed count?
+<billnye> 8 rounds of "--more--" because you came downstairs into a pack of rothes, or something?
+<Tek-69>  nah i check the floors first. i was very carefule
+<Tek-69>  careful even
+<billnye> "the mumak kicks. the mumak butts. the mumak pounds your lifeless corpse into a fine powder!"
+<Tek-69>  dont jynx me bill!
+<Tek-69>  damn you!
+<billnye> :)
+<Tek-69>  =)
+<billnye> the Gnome Lord points all around and jinxes.
+<SpeedEvil> billnye: Fine paste surely?
+<GreyKnight>  Unless you're a mummy
+<SpeedEvil> Or maybe it's a cooking thing.
+<SpeedEvil> Take fine powder. Fold in one adventurer.
+<SpeedEvil> Rub till smooth.
+<billnye> hehe
+<billnye> <mumakill> *fold* *spindle*  *mutilate*
+<GreyKnight>  Cook at gas mark 'D' for 100 turns or until brown.
+<GreyKnight>  Serves mob of 8.
+%
+<Eidolos> !lastgame Eidolos
+<Rodney> http://alt.org/nethack/dumplog/Eidolos.lastgame.txt
+<Eidolos> Wow, what a loser.
+<albatross> indeed
+<Toksyuryel> I like this part:
+<Toksyuryel>   Comestibles
+<Toksyuryel>   L - a blessed greased lizard corpse
+<mathx> hahaha
+<mathx> greased lizard corpse? geez, what you gonna do with it exactly?
+<mathx> wait. dont answer.
+<Eidolos> >_>
+<rain> Wonder why he was sitting on the B!oGA
+<Toksyuryel> XD
+<Eidolos> I had excess holy water and grease damnit.
+<mathx> sounds like a party
+%
+<GreyKnight> !gt C
+<Rodney> Go Team C!
+<Rodney> Frown (Hea Gno Mal Neu), 1627 points, killed by a fox, while helpless
+<GreyKnight> Stupid Frown, should've been killed by a centaur for better comedy.
+<Duke_> sorry ;)
+%
+< Rodney> Arkane (Wiz Elf Mal Cha), 0 points, killed by a system shock
+< Rodney> Arkane (Wiz Elf Mal Cha), 0 points, killed by a system shock
+< Arcane> Oh COME ON
+%
+< Raeth> A figurine of a black light!? O.o
+< Raeth> How do you make a figurine of a light source? Is it the scientific model?
+%
+<ihope> ?? crunching sound
+* ihope wonders what who ate
+* GreyKnight hides the packet of crisps.
+<GreyKnight> Wasn't me.
+%
+<Rodney> Davros (Bar Hum Mal Cha), 19547 points, killed by a dwarf king
+<GreyKnight> Davros thought he was safe because it wasn't a mind flayer.
+%
+<GreyKnight> You consume chinese-style jackal. Eating chinese food made you feel hungry.
+%
+< Rodney> Sangy (Sam Hum Mal Law), 141 points, killed by a black pudding
+< Cheapy_> what the
+< Cheapy_> how'd he get one of those so fast
+< kriebly> good children get pudding early
+%
+< art> Next stop: VotD.
+< SpeedEvil> Does that make succubi valley girls?
+%
+* Ian-Keith learned real quick about writing unknown scrolls when he did his first "IanKeith was here".
+%
+<argiopeweb>  I had a strange tingling run up my arm earlier while dipping something. What was that?
+<antivert> ** you're now pregnant with the lady of the lake's child
+<antivert> D:
+<argiopeweb> Pregnant with a ladies' child?
+<antivert> argiopeweb: yeah, good luck with that in nine months
+<rain> "A small sword named Excalibur Jr. rips through your abdomen! You die. --More--"
+<billnye> hahaha rain
+<argiopeweb> lol
+<billnye> "dywypi(nherited)? (Y/n/q)"
+* rain chuckles.
+<rain> Very nice.
+%
+<richard-> wow. i've just learned how bad blowing up your BOH sucks
+<anselmus> "Patience in losses is an exercise in bestowing. Who fears not to lose, finds it not irksome to give." - tertullian
+%
+* zid sits on his arse waiting for a brown pudding.
+<Cheapy|> zid, err...you don't plan on making your own...
+<zid> TO SPAWN >_<
+%
+< Rodney> Congressma (Ran Hum Fem Neu), 777926 points, killed by brainlessness
+< noctar> well, how can a congressman get killed by brainlessness...
+< noctar> i thought that was their natural ability...
+%
+< ccalzone> Can anyone tell me if foocubi's effects are better if you let them take all your armour off or if you leave some on?
+< Cheapy_> Would you rather have sex with a full plate of armor on, or no armor?
+%
+<Ian-Keith> HAY SOLIDSNAKE
+<Ian-Keith> I'M PUNCHING YOUR GHOST
+<Ian-Keith> WITH MY SWORD
+<solidsnake> hha
+<solidsnake> he should be a pussy
+<Eidolos> Just like the real thing?
+<Ian-Keith> OH FUCK ME
+* Talia consoles solidsnake's ghost.
+<Ian-Keith> MINDFLAYER
+%
+<SirHack_> I'm never playing wizard again.  Every time I try I get a score of 3000 max, and about 10x that with barbarian.
+<SirHack_> Seems like it has so much potential, but i sure don't have the tricks.
+<ix_> SirHack_: daggers
+<ix_> thats your trick
+<SirHack_> Yeah, daggers?
+<SirHack_> Why daggers?
+<ix_> theyr sharper than rocks
+%
+< cbus> The wood nymph picks up 2 hill orc corpses.
+< Zealot> That's one buff nymph
+< Diablo-D3> Man, if I was a barbarian, Id be turned on
+%
+<Kuprin> only once did I find a cursed genocide scroll. Didn't realize it was. Thankfully I had teleport control, because master mindflayers suck.
+%
+<__bryce> Did some research yesterday;
+<__bryce> apparently the word "cornuthaum" was made up - but it does make sense.
+<rain> The etymology
+<__bryce> Yes.
+<rain> Pretty interesting
+<rain> "Hey guys, what's a fancy way to say 'pointy wizard hat?'"
+%
+<zid> WHOO ONE MILLION POINTS
+<HanClinto> Is Zid happy with his little farm? :)
+<zid> indeed he is, i'll tell him when I see him
+<GreyKnight> extra life!
+<GreyKnight> You now have one million points. --More-- Suddenly, an amulet of life saving appears before you.
+%
+<ihope> There. Fixied.
+<ek|M> !conduct
+<Rodney> Do not wear a pudding within the first 10000 turns.
+<Ian-Keith> OH GOOD
+%
+<Eidolos>	!rng listen_to_me dont_listen_to_me
+<Rodney>	The RNG says: dont_listen_to_me
+<--	Rodney has quit (Remote closed the connection)
+%
+<benjaminzedrine> so wish I had one of those in real life, but when you go to the store and buy one of those, SO CALLED magic markers. gohd, I wrote all over my favorite hawaiin shirt and tried to fight the neighbors dog.
+%
+<argiopeweb> Time for wet dreams.
+<mathx> i just drank from a fountain, so yeah
+<mathx> 'water gushes forth!' - it landed on the far other side of the room
+<mathx> like 6 squares away
+<mathx> very odd never seen that before
+<argiopeweb> This is so dirty. I love it. :)
+<Talia> it really, really gushed foth
+<mathx> thats dirty too talia
+<mathx> calm down
+* mathx zaps a wand of slow talia
+* argiopeweb wields blessed hammer of flesh
+<mathx> dont tell me, its half way to turning to stone
+<argiopeweb> fixed.
+<mathx> oh you were fixed?
+<argiopeweb> No, no, the other type.
+<mathx> leads to safer succubi play
+<argiopeweb> It has become fixed in it's ways.
+<mathx> no baby pet succubi bursting from your pack later in game
+<Bethrezen> You consume a tin of deep fried black dragon meat. You feel very firm. A succubus says "Shall I remove your t-shirt, lover?"
+<argiopeweb> How true.
+%
+< NNY> How do I get the bot stop sending me the lessons learned the hard way
+< NNY> I've learned now!
+%
+<Ian-Keith> I DO NOT WANT TO GLADLY REMOVE MY HELMET
+<Ian-Keith> KJDFLGJKSDFGLSDFJG
+%
+< jmt> bah.  I roleplay in nethack.  I play a female chaotic monk, and pretend I'm my wife. :-)
+%
+< jmt> First two shops were liquor emporiums.  This isn't a dungeon, it's a college town.
+%
+< Peter__> duude
+< Peter__> an incubus is coming onto me.
+< tsuteiuQ> aw
+< cbus> how cute ;)
+< Peter__> we're gonna get married ^^
+* tsuteiuQ slips on his ring of conflict while whistling innocently
+< greycat> better get that prenuptial agreement signed.
+%
+< _bryce> hmm, fine time for my connection to drop
+< _bryce> oh good, it didn't.
+< _bryce> Your connection is slowed slightly because of its load.
+%
+<HanClinto> Shoot. Smokeys are blindness in this game.
+<alphamale> Confusion in mine.
+<jmr> mine was oil, seen ONE the whole time
+<Ian-Keith> not as bad as the time i got sickness
+<Eidolos> I'd prefer sickness over oil.
+<Eidolos> Just because oil is so hard to find or make.
+<Ian-Keith> quaffing oil doesn't do much except tell you it's smooth. :P
+<jmr> yep
+<Eidolos> And what does sickness do? A few points of damage?
+<Ian-Keith> it EATS YOUR FACE
+<Ian-Keith> AND THEN STOMPS ON BABIES
+<Ian-Keith> AND PUTS SNAKES ON PLANES
+%
+<peabrain> arke: also, it indicates you're ok to #pray currently. If you're not... Oh. Should've #prayed! :)
+<peabrain> arke: it's very rude to die while people are trying to give you advice.
+<arke> i whs nethack had some sort of big popup like
+<arke> "HEY MOTHERFUCKER YOURE ABOUT TO DIE EAT SOME FUCKING FOOD"
+%
+<Eidolos> This must be what mrivan does.
+<rain> Nethack by committee?
+<Ian-Keith> Hey, I like getting like...seven second opinions
+<Eidolos> NetHack by the voices in his head
+%
+<Ian-Keith> wth
+<Ian-Keith> this is the assiest armory ever
+<Ian-Keith> HAY GUYZ
+<Ian-Keith> LETS EQUIP OUR SOLDIERS WITH LIKE, TWO STICKS AND A ROCK
+<Eidolos> Well, give them some credit.
+<Eidolos> There are holes straight to Hell.
+<Eidolos> In the hallway leading to their armory.
+<Ian-Keith> And jack shit in their armory
+<Eidolos> They have to sleep hearing their lost buddies screaming in agony.
+<Eidolos> You're so goddamn insensitive.
+%
+<sjdevnull> Sylphie, killed by a poisonous corpse.
+<sjdevnull> That's the kind of death I want to see in a bones file.
+%
+<Kuprin> ??amnesia
+<Kuprin> what exactly does an amnesia scroll make you lose?
+<GreyKnight> I forget.
+%
+<Pryon> Cool.  Finally got to Chuck Norris level in martial arts.
+%
+<azgor> I guess I'm asking what the definition of resist is.  Does resist in this case mean it will successfully resist?  Or merely that it will resist but possibly fail?  I mean, a girl may resist my advances, but if I'm persistent...
+%
+<zem> i don't know about you but i'm american, we don't check to see if we're hungry before we eat
+%
+<bobbens> wierd i cant find the .sadism.c from http://www.melankolia.net/nethack/nethack.fun.html#20 , anyone else see it?
+<SpeedEvil> bobbens: It's one of the cloaked source files.
+<SpeedEvil> That only appear on compilation.
+<ihope> !
+<GreyKnight> They have secret code in gcc that detects when NetHack is being compiled and inserts the stuff
+<bobbens> tricky devs :)
+<bobbens> im going to have to read up more on the code
+%
+<Rodney> Stormy (Sam Hum Mal Law), 1689 points, killed by a soldier ant
+<itsblah> do we still do "go team ant!"?
+<Eidolos> GO. TEAM. ANT.
+%
+<peabrain>	Well, in slash'em I think playing a monk is the easiest way to ascend...
+<^l1dst4h^>	mmh why? :)
+<ibroadfo>	because they're like armoured battle-tanks
+<ibroadfo>	that fly
+<ibroadfo>	and shoot lasers that are on fire
+%
+<Eidolos> Diagonal movement is for heathens.
+<Azeral> Diagonal movement is absolutely crucial.
+<nailbunny> it's what separates us from the grid bugs
+%
+* Eidolos wonders what mrivan's first ascension was like.
+<GreyKnight> <mrivan> Dada! Mrivan do ascendy! Me get biccies now?
+%
+<azgor> Leprechaun sex is highly overrated.
+<Cheapy> "SHE'S AFTER ME LUCKY CHARMS!"
+%
+< Rodney> jarnoid (Wiz Hum Mal Neu), 3946 points, killed by a watch captain
+< jarnoid`> Was in a minetown shop and rubbed an unpaid magic lamp, wished for sdsm and then accidentally read an unIDd teleport scroll, and the lamp was still unpaid.
+< jarnoid`> This damn game is so unforgiving.
+< ahpla> nice bones though
+< jarnoid`> Remember to thank me when you find my armor.
+< ahpla> You miss jarnoid's ghost.
+< ahpla> :D
+< ahpla> peaceful watch captain
+< ahpla> c - a blessed greased silver dragon scale mail
+< jarnoid`> ahpla OMG :D
+%
+<JohnH> Unicorn horns, as a cure for sickness, are essential.
+<JohnH> Especially if Daddy-D shows up.
+<JohnH> (Heh, I imagine Demogorgon showing up in a pimpmobile, with sunglasses and bling.)
+<paxed> with several foocubi riding with him in the pimpmobile
+%
+< Pryon> YANI:  altars on wheels
+%
+(After WEERD had to go pick up his wife)
+<WEERD> back!
+<WEERD> ok let's grab that amulet!
+<Cheapy> WEERD, welcome back.
+<Cheapy> Wife got in the way of your ascension?
+<Cheapy> Darn women ruining everything ;)
+<WEERD> nah
+<WEERD> not in the way
+<WEERD> just a ?oPunnishment if you will!
+%
+* SpeedEvil remembers trying to ascend through the mines with 2/2 hp
+<SpeedEvil> As the result of a prayer gone wrong.
+<Duke-> "The gnome farts!  You die..." ?
+%
+<Sembiance> Can an error be both blessed and poisoned?
+<Kuprin> arrow? Ya
+%
+<mathx> how do I get a shk out of his store
+<Eidolos> /oTele?
+<mathx> ohter than that
+<braindancer> dig down next to him
+<mathx> feh i wantt him into the temple
+<mathx> so I can raise Juiblex
+<SpeedEvil> Why?
+<SpeedEvil> Ah
+<mathx> in a gory sex ceremony
+<mathx> for glory, man!
+<mathx> i love killing Juiblex in the mines
+<SpeedEvil> Have you got the 3 bannanas?
+<mathx> as a level 5 character.
+<mathx> *sigh*
+<mathx> the *3*?
+%
+<SpeedEvil> My connection is slowed slightly because of my downloading po^h^hlinux distributions.
+%
+<Rodney> Kuprin (Arc Gno Mal Neu), 145529 points, killed by an owlbear, while helpless
+<Kuprin> remind me never to listen to that talk of leveldraining ones self again.
+<Kuprin> !wadb mathx
+* Rodney shoots a Wide Angle Disintegration Beam at mathx.
+<Kuprin> !wadb rast
+* Rodney shoots a Wide Angle Disintegration Beam at rast.
+<anselmus> kup: what were you trying to do?
+<Kuprin> rebuy prot
+<Kuprin> everyone was like "just drain yourself"
+<Kuprin> so now I'm a valkyrie :P
+<anselmus> how did you become helpless?
+<Kuprin> engraving Elbereth
+<Kuprin> I think
+<Eidolos> What did you engrave with?
+<raxvulpine> "If everyone was like `jump off a bridge,' would you do it too?" "For naked -3 AC? Probably."
+%
+<PsyMar> But sex can give you hp.
+%
+<ivan`> knowing that nethack/slash'em is the best game ever has helped me avoid game-writing
+%
+<argiopeweb> Ths RNG giveth, and the RNG taketh away again.
+<Moriarty_> argiopeweb: don't I know.
+<Cheapy|> argiopeweb, but mostly just 'taketh away'
+%
+<mekkis> you know what having 4 "oLS enables you to do?
+<zdude255> uh, die 4 times and live?
+<mekkis> no, die with 4 "oLS in your bag of holding.
+<zdude255> that works too
+%
+<I3rian> The engraving on the floor vanishes. What would you like to remind yourself not to put in your BoH? [I or ?*]
+%
+< mekkis> polyself to nymph
+< Jove> Then touch yourself.
+* Violist is summoned
+%
+<mekkis> how important is reflection?
+<Dirm> how important is living? :)
+<mekkis> it's really not entirely necessary
+%
+<jmr> ill just do it naked and barehanded
+<jmr> uh, the castle, that is
+%
+<Zauren> My god this is the biggest store I've ever seen
+<sjdevnull> Nice zauren.  Couple lamp possibles too.
+<sjdevnull> Probably bugles.
+<sjdevnull> And schnikey that's a lot of towels.  :-/
+%
+< Violist> AAGh
+< Violist> stupid. fscking. IRC
+< Violist> Remind me to NEVER EVER EVER type IRC in the nethack window
+< Rodney> Violist (Rog Orc Mal Cha), 43844 points, killed by an invisible stalker
+%
+<Doran> Are crystal balls worth bothering with?
+<SpeedEvil> Only if you're a crystal golem.
+%
+<ooG> awk. who cares? everyone knows what ur means. It's just as official english as "afaik" or "rotflmao"
+-!- ooG was kicked from #nethack by part [Here lies ooG, killed by brainlessness]
+%
+<NNY> a roach just crawled out of my work keyboard
+<raxvulpine> "The bugs unsuccessfully fight your attempt to write!"
+%
+* Andares hits Crassworm.
+* Crassworm divides! Your fist rots.
+%
+<raxvulpine> I'm sure that most elven women are just as ugly as the rest of us. You've just got a skewed idea of the elven population thanks to the patriarchal media.
+<PsyMar> Actually, most elven males look like pretty hot women too
+%
+<merlincorey> in fact, I think that's the lowest score I've ever had in charisma
+<billnye> the HP in the line below lined up with Evoker, and made me read "Merlincore the Hooker"
+<merlincorey> lol
+<merlincorey> that'd be one ugly hooker at 4 charisma
+<merlincorey> she must have great rates
+%
+<Crassworm> The invisible arch-lich zaps a wand of digging!
+<Crassworm> The floor here is too hard to dig in.
+<Crassworm> that's right, bitch
+%
+<Altimeter> Healers are so hard. :)
+<aioli> yeah -- hardest class i think
+<aioli> unless you're a pacifist, hehe
+<SpeedEvil> Advanced calculus is a very hard class too.
+%
+miraage: how can i prevent mind flayers from wiping my memory?
+mekkis: miraage, genocide them
+%
+Rodney: Stabwound (Tou Hum Mal Neu), 119 points, killed by kicking a wall
+merlincorey: imagine how hard you would have to kick a wall to die from it
+%
+<krael> so I turned around and walked for about 10 feet or so, then I got jumped
+<fontp> you should have engraved the E word
+%
+<Rodney> TOUCHDOWN!
+<Rodney> Wonderin (Wiz Hum Mal Cha), 553 points, killed by a little dog
+%
+<Eidolos> For those watching, I'm going to ascend lawful.
+<Jove> Eidolos hits the correct High Altar on the first try...on turn 21940.
+<Eidolos> In case you just went "WTF"
+<aioli> Well, Anhur just went WTF.
+%
+< sjdevnull> If I were a dwarf or bugbear, I'd wonder WTF I did to make everyone genocide my species all the time.
+%
+< Diablo-D3> man
+< Diablo-D3> They need to make a nethack of real life
+< Tatter> They've already made a real life role playing game...
+< Tatter> "Roll a charisma check to see if you manage to pick up the hot cheerleader." "I get a +3 for having my own car!"
+%
+< jmt> I \heart ASCII.  Tiles are for people with too little imagination.
+< Soul-Burn> DIE YOU STUPID AMPERSAND!
+%
+< SLethe> markos (Ran Dro Fem Cha), 819 points, killed by touching Holy Spear of Light
+< markos_64> who said autopickup isn't deadly?
+%
+< cbus> You see here 305 meatballs.
+< mroth> mamma mia
+%
+< rSss> I feel guilty for killing black unicorn?
+< Lyss> are u chaotic?
+< greycat> yes, the u was chaotic ;-)
+%
+< joshk> You see here a holy wafer.
+< joshk> what the fuck
+< paxed> wafer, not water
+%
+< Rodney> rSss (Ran Elf Mal Cha), 597 points, killed by a black pudding
+< paxed> you got killed by english food!
+< rSss> it ambushed me
+%
+< rebo123> eidolos is about to score first ascension
+< rebo123> on his /own/ tournament
+%
+< DarkPenguin> oh damnit
+< DarkPenguin> Major demon
+< DarkPenguin> shrieker
+< Soul-Burn> LOL
+< Soul-Burn> shrieker is not a major demon
+< DarkPenguin> It said that
+< Soul-Burn> it's a lvl1 creature
+< DarkPenguin> wtf I killed AudryII
+< TauPan> DarkPenguin: you're trippin man!
+%
+< ek|M> so... any hints on what options to set?
+< sjdevnull> NETHACKOPTIONS=!suck,mrivan,RNGfavor
+%
+< Crassworm> What do you want to take off? [LUV or ?*]
+< Crassworm> leave the LUV on!
+%
+<Poeir> I've got a problem.
+<cheapy|> Poeir, other than the fact that it's saturday night and you're playing nethack?
+%
+<braindancer> tried to fix a messed up soko by squeezing
+<braindancer> suddenly a nymph gets to my stash...
+<alphamale> The nymph cackles gleefully! --more--
+%
+<raxvulpine> Anden: I have decided (I'm farming in my current game) that pudding farming absolutely sucks and is mind-numbing.
+<raxvulpine> It's so boring I've stopped doing it at work.
+%
+<ContraDuck> How come things can travel through the portals without the amulet?
+<Crassworm> good question
+<aioli> hax.
+%
+< Tatter> Hah... I just made out with a succubus while we were both flying over the water in Juiblex's lair
+< Tatter> That's got to be the ultimate in kinky sex there...
+< jmt> Chapter 9 in that HHGTTG book.
+< Tatter> Join the meter high club today!
+< jmt> "The next night, they did it again, this time with Sony walkmen."
+%
+<lorimer> you blow AAAAA, you get one gear.  you know there is exactly one A in the key
+<lorimer> next, you blow ABBBB.  you get one gear and one tumbler.  you now know there is exactly one A and one B, and you know that one of the B's is right and your A is wrong
+<lorimer> so now you blow CABCC...
+<lorimer> and if you're cute, female, and over 18, you blow lorimer
+%
+<ChronoWiz> you know how if you try to read a book that is too hard you get stunned or it explodes or you get teleported
+<ChronoWiz> that just happened to me irl
+%
+Maketakunai: Floating eye stuns you with its gaze! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! A newt bites you! --More--
+Maketakunai: You are dead. Would you like your possessions identified?
+%
+<Eidolos> Today's fun fact: Making a floating eye invisible is only helpful for avoiding the gaze if you cannot see invisible floating eyes.
+<Rodney> Eidolos (Mon Hum Mal Neu), 6522 points, killed by a gold golem, while helpless
+%
+<Rodney> ashel (Wiz Hum Fem Cha), 158 points, killed by the ghost of ashel
+<ashel> irony :(
+%
+<Zauren> Then again, cursed geno?
+<Zauren> I saw someone sit on a burned square
+<Zauren> And reverse geno MMFs
+<Zauren> For the int gain
+<Zauren> That takes guts
+<rast> hell, i did it once WITHOUT the E
+<rast> that kinda takes a lack of brains :/
+%
+<Kahjo-TZ> "Hmm, I'm about to embark on an epic quest to retrieve an age old artifact from Hell. Better bring my cat along"
+%
+< Graylight> see spoiler spl2-343 for more details.
+< alphamale> Connect potion pot5-yzx with vial 284b to applied item 4b28-b98zbl.
+< alphamale> Ikeahack
+%
+<ihope_> The barrow wight is dead!
+<ashel> ding dong the wight is dead! which old wight? the barrow wight!
+%
+< anselmus> "With but one eye, the Cyclops should be easy to blind. Remember this." - what is hippocrates smoking?
+%
+<runcible> i always feel somewhat inadequate without a weapon with some exciting effect. you get so used to the massive hammer strikes, silver sears, etc
+<raxvulpine> You could name your weapon something exciting. "You swing your longsword called The massive hammer strikes!"
+%
+<Gaulgath> You have a sad feeling for a moment, then it passes.
+<Gaulgath> Noo!
+<Spazm> your pet died
+<Gaulgath> O RLY?
+%
+<Rodney> Zauren (Bar Orc Fem Cha), 732 points, killed by a dwarf king
+<Zauren> I was paralyzed in fear of the purple h
+%
+<SpeedEvil> Oh woot.
+<SpeedEvil> I hit myself with /oPoly as a last resort
+<SpeedEvil> I'm now a blue jelly in an engulf fight with a dust vortex
+<ShaggyShaggs> aren't there japanese websites devoted to that sort of thing?
+<fontp> You are engulfed by the tentacle vortex! Your armor is ripped apart! -more-
+<zid> You are engulfed by a tentacle monster! You cannot escape! You feel violated.
+<fontp> The tentacle monster charms you!
+<fontp> The tentacle vortex takes 999 gold in payment
+%
+<ashel> The watch captain and the priest have been in the temple for like 2000 turns now. They're totally getting it on in there
+%
+< aioli> i hope whoever invented the mysterious force gets his or her penis caught in a gear
+< raxvulpine> Your attempt to be gender-neutral there only sort of worked.
+%
+<Aim_Here> Pet-stealing is so boring. Real Men dig their way out of shops
+<Toksyuryel> And then have the shopkeepers chase them all over the dungeons >.>
+<Eidolos> Real Men kill the shk and don't even take anything.
+%
+< Kittin> The game logic is gay, I am straight, the game logic keeps hitting on me, I keep saying 'stop it please.'
+< Diablo-D3> How do you know the game logic isnt female?
+< Kittin> The game logic throws me into a state of confusion by giving me virtual code roofies and rapes me while i stare blankly into space.
+< Kittin> So if it's female it's one butch honey.
+%
+* Yui_ hmms at graffiti: "they say a diamond is another kind of luck stone"
+< jmt> Sure, Yui, give a girl a diamond and you might get lucky. :-)
+%
+< madness> stormbind: just protection racket
+< madness> a jacket is body armour, yes ?
+< Mucknert> yeah.. it tries to be ;)
+* madness takes a risk
+< paxed> hum... protection jacket for madness
+%
+< madness>  J - 3 cockatrice corpses
+< madness> yikes :P
+< greycat> planning on making a salad, are we?
+< paxed> or wokking?
+< greycat> "This smells like stir-fried cockatrices."
+%
+<murklins> what is this mysterious force and why does it want me in this damn level so much?
+<sawtooth> murklins: i dunno, but if it's the force i know it always sends me to non-teleport levels
+%
+<Rodney> SimonRC (Mon Hum Mal Neu), 63576 points, petrified by a cockatrice
+<SimonRC> Note to self: make sure gloves are on before attacking cockatrice.
+%
+<skacer> all this time i thought the rock mole and the rock piercer were the same exact thing
+<StoneCypher> they are, for about five letters
+%
+<Rodney> azgor (Wiz Elf Fem Cha), 5124 points, killed by a killer bee, while helpless
+<azgor> curses!
+<SheeEttin> Foiled again?
+<azgor> frayed sew
+%
+<lament> yo momma and my mojo go all the way
+%
+< th> whee. we got cursed -2 charisma t-shirts from work. tight as hell and wont come off
+%
+< imork> I'm a little disturbed by the idea of a tourist that can smell the difference between lieutenants and captains... :)
+< greycat> it's the extra brass.
+%
+<bobbens> you could be a SDSM collector
+<bobbens> "this is a vintage SDSM from 1935, you can see by the coloring on the scales"
+%
+<ek|M> "The nymph pretends to be friendly. It explodes!"
+<ChocoCid> lol.
+<NSNS> Reminds me of a girl I know.
+%
+<_777_> ha!
+<_777_> r - 17 scrolls of enchant weapon
+<Angcrist> I wish scrolls were carbon paper, so you could write stacks
+<Tek-69> that would be pretty sweet, though a little unbalancing :p
+<Grunt> r - 17 scrolls of blank paper.  You use a magic marker...
+<Grunt> Angcrist: perhaps that would be a use for unused blank spellbooks.
+<Grunt> You scribble all over the pages of the spellbook and tear them from the bindings. q - 137 scrolls of genocide.
+%
+< sawtooth> You sink into the lava.  You turn into Darth Vader! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
+%
+<liljenny> did you wish for charging scrolls for that wand of wishing
+<Anden> well
+<Anden> about that
+<Anden> erm
+<Anden> I was going to, but I had a litle typo accident
+<liljenny> :(
+<Anden> and wrote genocide instead of charging
+%
+<Eidolos> You guys are going to <3 the new Rodney
+<Eidolos> <Rodney3> rax has played 21 games: highest score 9497140, median score 1530, mean score 1051781.66, interquartile mean 33627.
+<aeon17x> there should be a Statistician class
+<Angcrist> rodney the statistician :o
+<runcible> ooh, just what we need.. more statistics! :>
+%
+<Rodney> heliogabal (Val Hum Fem Neu), 496 points, killed by a crossbow bolt
+<Aspertame> Killed by a Crossbow bolt always gives me a mental image of "I wonder if this thing's loaded?"
+%
+<raxvulpine> You young kids get all these wishes and don't know how to appreciate them. Back in my day, we didn't have diving for victory or fountain quaffing. We had to go 30 dungeon levels uphill in the snow both ways to get a (1:0) wand of wishing, and we liked it. And we didn't spend it on a spellbook of identify! We wished for a magic marker, like good God-fearing people.
+%
+<Grunt> WHAT!?
+<Grunt> WHERE WAS MY AMULET!? :(
+<Rodney> SGrunt (Wiz Elf Fem Cha), 592551 points, killed by a fire vortex
+<lament> in my pants!
+<Grunt> Not that amulet, bryce.
+%
+<Feory> !conduct
+<Rodney> Conduct: Never wear your starting weapon unless blindfolded.
+* billnye runs around with a +1 longsword on his head
+<billnye> I can't SEEEE yoooou
+%
+<Feory> !conduct
+<Rodney> Do what everyone on IRC tells you to.
+<Altimeter> LOL
+<intx13> lol
+<billnye> hahahaha
+<billnye> nice one
+<Angcrist> I'll take that conduct :)
+<Altimeter> HOLD DOWN .
+<Snurks> KICK EVERYTHING
+<Grunt> Hit yourself with a pickaxe.  REPEATEDLY.
+<Feory> well, I know never to take advce from you guys
+%
+<intx13> THE INTERNET IS BROKEN
+* Grunt invokes nightmarish images in his mind.  Grunt wields the Internet.  Grunt reads a scroll of enchant weapon!
+<doy> the Internet glows purple
+<Grunt> doy: \o/
+<Grunt> The Internet feels as good as new!
+<intx13> The nymph steals the blessed Internet!
+<Grunt> Haha.
+<Grunt> You see the Internet here.16:59 < sylphie> Suddenly, the Internet disappears!
+<intx13> The little dog eats the Internet
+<Grunt> The Internet takes on a strange transparency.
+<Smello> The Internet wields a blessed lag monster corpse!  The Internet hits!  You are slowing down.
+%
+<billnye> THROW KITTENS AT IT!
+<aristotle73> THROW SMALL CHILDREN AT IT!
+<Deranged> aristotle73, kittens are small children...
+%
+* Grunt zaps a wand of teleportation at HappyFoppy!
+*** HappyFoppy has quit (bye.)
+%
+<ChocoCid> "You hit on the succubus!"
+%
+<aristotle73> Sometimes I think my pets want to die.  My kitten just ran into a falling rock trap.  Am I really that bad of an owner in NetHack that my pets flee to the nearest most convenient method of suicide?
+%
+< Smeghead_> heh, "l - 2245 rocks"
+< hatta> smoke them all
+< Smeghead_> smoke?
+< hatta> you don't smoke rocks?
+%
+<Rodney> aristotle7 (Wiz Elf Mal Cha), 4 points, killed by a jackal
+<aristotle73> Fucking hell...
+<intx13> ouch, bad luck on that one
+<Grunt> aristotle7 (Wiz Elf Mal Cha), 4 points, killed by not paying attention
+<Lucca_> attention demands 27096 gold pieces.  Pay? (yn)
+%
+<ChocoCid>  v - a fizzy potion named Coca-Cola
+<Grunt> Your pack shakes violently! Your fizzy potion named Coca-Cola explodes!
+<sawtooth> You drink the fizzy potion named Coca-Cola.  You have a bad case of stomach acid!
+<ChocoCid> "The Coca-Cola explodes out of your pack! Its fizz sounds like, 'daddy?'"
+%
+<Pulse> losing a dog isn't a big deal anyway
+<Pulse> pets are easy come easy go
+<towo> I just thought I was in #wikipedia, where this kind of discussion would have disturbed me.
+%
+<intx13> jeez.. magicbane is pretty damn cool
+<Grunt> The magic-absorbing blade amazes intx13!
+%
+<alphamale> You touch the leperchaun. The leperchaun is miraculously healed!
+<alphamale> A voice booms out 'I crown thee... carpenter from Nazareth!'
+%
+<Shawn2> does eating a silver dragon corpse give any intrinsics?
+<greycat> no
+<Anden> reflection intrinisic would be nice
+<ek|M> eating a silver dragon has a 70% chance of gaining the "satiated" intrinsic
+%
+<imork> stand in a corridor and zap a wand of death at the wall. that will id reflection
+<blx> imork, thank you. i will try that
+%
+[20:32:50] <billnye> tradition dictates against eating dogs and cats, but strangely horses are okay
+<ugen64> ok
+<azgor> it is generally accepted practice that if a cowboy is lost in the desert with no food or water... he eats his horse
+<billnye> easier than drinking it, anyway
+<azgor> I saw a film of a woman trying to drink a horse once.  She started in a funny spot though.
+%
+<Rodney> Zawk (Wiz Elf Fem Cha), 4573 points, killed by a lynx
+<cheapy|> damn you antiquated webbrowsers! DAMN YOU TO HELL
+%
+Laptrop: is it me or do giants take FOREVER to eat anything?
+lament: it's very difficult to use a fork when you can barely see it
+Laptrop: I guess
+%
+< Angcrist> "The priest of Moloch removes a robe and puts on a robe."
+< Angcrist> did he just flash me? :O
+%
+<aristotle73> "The wood nymph smiles at the black pudding engagingly." <---- Damn, nymphs are sluts.  They'll try to get it on with anything
+%
+< Laptrop> ?? You feel a strange wind
+< Calamarain> Laptrop: Beans for lunch?
+%
+<sylphie> IN AD 1985, AMULET WAR WAS BEGINNING
+<GreyKnight> What happen?
+<LordMatthius> SOMEONE SET US UP THE c?OG
+<sylphie> WE GET PSYCHIC ENERGY!
+<GreyKnight> What?!
+<greycat> Main crystal ball on!
+<GreyKnight> It's you!
+<GreyKnight> HOW ARE YOU WATCHMEN
+<greycat> ALL YOUR LEVEL ARE BELONG TO US
+<sylphie> YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO PETRIFIED
+<GreyKnight> What you say?!!
+<greycat> you have no amulet of life saving make your #pray
+<GreyKnight> Ha ha ha ha ...
+<sylphie> Take off every ANT!
+<GreyKnight> You know what you doing.
+<GreyKnight> Move 'ant'.
+<GreyKnight> For great justice.
+%
+<itsblah> oh man, there was discussion of failing stuff earlier
+<Feory> there was?
+<itsblah> and then i thought, in my mind, that a "fail flail" sounds funny when you say it
+<itsblah> it flails around, but fails to hit anything
+<Grunt> You attempt to hit the hill orc with your fail flail. You fail it.
+<billnye> its: "flail" is a funny word all by its lonesome
+<fraggsta> flail as in the motion?
+* Grunt pushes fraggsta onto ice. fraggsta flails.
+<billnye> "your attempt to hit the hill orc with your fail SUCCEEDS...
+* billnye waits
+<billnye> you flail it.
+<fraggsta> Your fail flail fails to flail. You flail.
+<sawtooth> You flail at being funny.
+%
+<ledneh> hurrah, there's an Install Fonts thingy in the Fonts control panel now
+<ledneh> thanks
+<Duke-> which are you trying?
+<ledneh> the bitstream vera fonts
+<GreyKnight> bitstream vera sans mono looks halfway decent
+<ledneh> whoa, bitstream vera sans mono really messed up my wall characters
+<ledneh> :(
+<Duke-> ledneh: that's wierd, it works well with IBMgraphics for me
+<ledneh> what's the key to change graphics again?
+<Duke-> ledneh: er, actually it was DECgraphics
+<Duke-> ledneh: O for options, h for DECgraphics
+<ledneh> I'm on IBM now, maybe DEC is better
+<ledneh> okay, lessee
+<ledneh> no, wait, I WAS on DEC, IBM is even worse
+<ledneh> too bad, I like the font
+<GreyKnight> ascii ftw
+<Duke-> ledneh: you could also try DejaVu Sans, it's the same font with more special characters (for other languages etc.), maybe it would help, but I dunno
+<ledneh> ... you know, I just realized I'm fiddling with the graphics of a TEXT-BASED GAME
+<ledneh> somehow, this feels philosophical
+%
+< moebius> so I create a troll
+< moebius> then I see him grab an "oLS
+< moebius> to try to poly him to no head
+< moebius> which I did!
+< moebius> his helmet fell off!
+< moebius> but not the amu
+< moebius> acid blobs have necks?
+< moebius> went upstairs to teh water nymph
+< moebius> charmed her
+< moebius> brought him up as a blob
+< moebius> put them next to each other
+< moebius> put on the conflict
+< moebius> and she seduced it off
+< moebius> and dropped it
+< moebius> (of course I still had to get back my armor that she stole
+from me when I first tried to get her to seduce the blob before I charmed her)
+< moebius> so I found another nymph
+< moebius> and they nymph'd out with one another
+< moebius> it was hot
+< moebius> and I got my shit back
+%
+<ledneh> ?? polished silver shield
+<ledneh> finally, reflection!
+<ledneh> thank GOD
+<ledneh> ...now I just need MR
+<ledneh> ...
+<ledneh> okay
+<ledneh> YASD
+<ledneh> I can't believe I just did this
+<ledneh> FAT FINGERS AAA
+<Rodney> Ledneh (Val Hum Fem Neu), 265953 points, petrified by tasting Medusa meat
+<ledneh> that's like four seriously good looking games screwed by sheer stupidity in the past week
+<ledneh> I think the RNG is trying to tell me something ;__________;
+<moussambani> don't blame the RNG for "sheer stupidity" :-P
+<ledneh> ...
+<ledneh> shut it mouss
+<ledneh> >:(
+<moussambani> note the :-P
+<fontppp> tasting medusa meat ?
+<ledneh> SHUT IT MOUSS >:(
+<ledneh> SHUT IT
+<ledneh> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
+%
+<Dirm> sweet, having already found 2 boh, I got the soko boh level, and then just to make sure I had a boh, one of the mimics on the level gave me a boh before I finished the puzzle
+%
+<_NESoutlaw> "&       a major demon (Demogorgon)"
+<_NESoutlaw> Okay, time to break wishless conduct.
+<ledneh> IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, BREAK CONDUCT (0:1)
+%
+<art> What the hell are you doing at the castle at level 5?
+<zid> having fun
+<art> You know those eels can drown you, right?
+<zid> yep
+<zid> eep
+<zid> dead is me
+%
+<HappyFoppy> Elbereth
+<Smeghead_> Ebelreth! Ebelerth! Ebelerht!
+<Stabwound> E|bereth
+<Rodney> Nilla (Wiz Hum Mal Neu), 659 points, killed by a kobold, while helpless
+<Smeghead_> E?bereth
+<lorimer> ...relying on finger-E, until you understand when the best time to use it is, is not a productive way to survive :)
+<Stabwound> huh? I love gambling with a finger-E when I only have 1 round until I die
+<HappyFoppy> E?b)re|?
+<lorimer> all clauses in sentence required to properly comprehend statement
+<HappyFoppy> Later... ' ?b?  h. '.
+<HappyFoppy> uhm why is this jackal attacking me :(
+<HappyFoppy> :D
+<Rodney> Nilla (Wiz Hum Mal Neu), 76 points, killed by a jackal
+%
+<intx13> i know i've been flayed.. but i didn't think i'd forget a level 6 levels up from where it happened :(
+<intx13> oh well
+<PinkoKnight> it depends what part of your brain he ate :-)
+<intx13> lol true
+<intx13> yeah, castle
+<intx13> there's definitly a barbed devil in here now
+<Altimeter> At least they don't eat the part with the motor skills ...
+<PinkoKnight> "You suddenly forget how to clench. A brown pudding appears behind you!"
+<intx13> oh god, PinkoKnight
+<intx13> :(
+<ihope_> Clench?
+<PinkoKnight> hey, that guy's been through the whole dungeon and hasn't pooped yet
+<PinkoKnight> He must be in dire straits :-(
+<Altimeter> Oh wow. :)
+<intx13> i know.. and he's eating rotten demon meat and dog food
+<PinkoKnight> On a related note, you ever wonder what happens to empty potion bottles?
+<ihope_> P - a bottle of you-know-what
+<PinkoKnight> p - a yellow potion
+%
+<jmr> The xan scratches your back! How nice of him.
+%
+<Erik____> yeesh my wizard started with rings of teleportation and adornment, destroy armor and light scrolls and a wand of light
+<argiopeweb> Erik____Nice.
+<Erik____> oh and a potion of booze
+<Laptrop> obvious party wizard
+<Erik____> i guess he just planned on going down to the dungeon to get drunk and disoriented
+<imork> totally
+<Erik____> well he is an orc
+<Laptrop> why else would he bring his kitten along?
+<billnye> heh
+<imork> adornment so you look hot, booze so they look hot...
+<billnye> that's a good mental image
+<Erik____> with a wisdom of 9
+<Laptrop> that explains it
+<imork> destroy armor to get nekked fast
+<Erik____> haha
+<Laptrop> your starting equipment should depend on your wisdom
+<imork> teleportation for when she wakes up in the morning
+<Laptrop> haha
+<imork> not sure about the light, though, I'm more a fan of dark
+%
+14:47 < Magus|Screen> ROCKS FALL EVERYONE DIES ESPECIALLY MUMBO
+14:47 < Magus|Screen> ;)
+(Note: This dates back to an old saying by GreyKnight: "ROCKS FALL EVERYONE DIES ESPECIALLY VIOLIST")
+14:47 < Rodney> Pinyl (Rog Hum Mal Cha), 139 points, killed by a falling rock
+14:48 < Magus|Screen> ...that's...ironic as hell.
+%
+<Rodney> Mossbot (Arc Hum Mal Law), 160 points, killed by a falling rock
+<GreyKnight> A rolling mossbot gathers no rocks
+%
+<temujin> Why is this succubus asking me if I know my credit score?
+<temujin> Oh, I'm playing the ad-supported NetHack
+%
+<Rodney> Gaulgath (Val Hum Fem Law), 119 points, killed by a goblin
+<Gaulgath> THAT NEVER HAPPENED! YOU HEAR ME?
+<Gaulgath> IT NEVER HAPPENED!!
+<Kuprin> what did you do?
+<Kuprin> just kinda die?
+<Gaulgath> Yes
+<GreyKnight> Sudden and gratituous total existence failure.
+%
+<doy> There is a message on this scroll. This message is from 'IanKeith'.--More--
+<doy> It reads: "I give this game my blessings <3".
+<stumbly> :\
+<GreyKnight> doomed :-(
+%
+<SpeedEvil> Medusa doesn't care - she'll make you hard as stone, even if you're ugly.
+%
+<Scarred> they died on an altar so there's no grave description
+<fontppp> what did forensics reveal?
+<fontppp> killed by angry god?
+<fontppp> priest
+<Scarred> not sure
+<fontppp> the yellow dart turned on him
+<Scarred> there's a half eaten lichen corpse
+<fontppp> CSI : Dungeons of Doom
+%
+* Zerotonine (i=ftc@guardian.werft22.net) has joined #nethack
+<Zerotonine> today, i learned many things:
+<Zerotonine>  * don't let watchmen see you when kicking open doors in mine town
+<Zerotonine>  * don't kill watchmen after they attack you
+<Zerotonine>  * don't eat their corpses after killing them
+<Zerotonine>  * don't sacrifice them on the altar
+<Rodney> Zerotonine (Val Hum Fem Law), 4846 points, killed by the wrath of Tyr
+%
+<Scarred> nice a fire ant had a magic marker; what was he going to write down?
+<jmr> a bug report
+%
+<Hogulus> Hogulus (Pri Elf Mal Cha), 0 points, killed by an insatiable thirst for fountain-water
+%
+<Rodney> Pinyl (Rog Hum Mal Cha), 494 points, killed by a water moccasin
+<Grunt> go team fountain!
+<workimer> QUAFF! QUAFF! QUAFF!
+<workimer> FOUNTAIN FUNNEL!
+<Rodney> Pinyl (Rog Hum Mal Cha), 96 points, killed by a water demon
+<alphamale> :D
+<Grunt> \o/
+%
+< TheRabbit> Woo. Orb of Fate. "As you pick up the orb of weight your mind is filled with--Who cares? I'm too busy trying to lift from the knees."
+%
+23.30 <Rodney> Kitten (Wiz Elf Fem Cha), 229 points, killed by a sewer rat
+23.30 <Rodney> Kitten (Wiz Elf Fem Cha), 0 points, killed by an electric shock
+23.30 <Rodney> nhyasd (Val Hum Fem Law), 75791 points, killed by a warg
+23.30 <Rodney> heliogabal (Val Hum Fem Law), 3342 points, killed by a werewolf
+23.30 <shel-> heh
+23.31 <shel-> it's death o'clock
+%
+<lament> i love standing on a burned elbereth
+<lament> (surrounded by a bunch of angry elvenkings wielding rubber chickens)
+%
+<Rodney> PsyMar (Wiz Elf Fem Cha), 7426 points, killed by a gnome, while helpless
+<PsyMar> FUCKING ANHUR
+%
+<cjeris> Apply what? F - an iron chain--more-- You chain your bag of holding to your leg.
+%
+<Pthag> Hmm. Do shields do bad things to monks?
+<bobbens> yes
+<bobbens> no stun hit in melee
+<SheeEttin> Yes, they EAT THEIR BABIES
+<bobbens> i think also a - to hit
+<Smello> I eat babies
+<bobbens> babies are bad for cholesterol
+<Smello> My, that was a yummy baby!
+%
+< tesko> does naming your weapon after the first thing you kill really help any?
+< raxvulpine> If the first thing you kill is an Orcrist and you are wielding an elven broadsword, then still no.
+< billnye> not unless your weapon is an elven dagger and you name it after the "Sting" you just killed
+< billnye> hehe
+* billnye high fives rax
+%
+<LittleWhiteMouse> Well, I'm glad this channel exists.  Sharing the death of my Wizard with my mom just doesn't console me...
+%
+<mathx> why do gods give freakin spellbooks to rogues
+<billnye> what's their specialty skill?
+<Ian-Keith> "suck"
+<billnye> Ian-Keith: "you are now more skilled in sucky spells. you feel you could be more sucky."
+%
+<teabing> does anyone know how the game generates altars?
+<shel-> teabing: It calculates a random number using rn0 with a parameter based on the dungeon level, discounting guaranteed altars, factors in the number of altars already created, then sets that number to 0 so I don't get any altars in the dungeons, ever.
+%
+< foof> Ooh. A +1 T-shirt.
+< alphamale> +1 is the best band.
+< alphamale> I got their new CD, "Blessed Greased Fixed".
+%
+<alphamale> The black pudding zaps the wand of wishing! The black pudding wishes for hand-like appendages for zapping wands with! You feel like there are some quantum mechanics at play here.
+%
+<alphamale> What do you wish for? blessed fixed +2 Sting
+<Lucca_> greased?
+<alphamale> Easy greasy.
+<alphamale> You grease your fists. The succubus looks queasy.
+%
+<Rodney> aristotle7 (Wiz Hum Mal Neu), 490118 points, killed by Vlad the Impaler
+%
+<OsirisBRD> Bad ring of conflict!
+<OsirisBRD> Bad!
+<OsirisBRD> Good amulet of Life savings!
+<OsirisBRD> Good!
+%
+Mumbo: nethack invented killing whores to get your money back way before GTA did
+%
+<scwizard> ?? barrow wright
+<scwizard> how you spell it?
+<GreyKnight> DON'T YOU KNOW GIVEN THAT IT'S ON YOUR NETHACK SCREEN
+%
+<Mumbo> how'd I manage to get a pet iron piercer
+<foof> did you throw it an iron ration?
+<Mumbo> that's got to be it
+%
+<Rodney> Unforgiven (Wiz Gno Fem Neu), 275 points, killed by Mr. Boyabai, the shopkeeper
+<ColonelPanic001> wtf.
+<ColonelPanic001> I opened the door, he welcomed me, then killed me
+<ColonelPanic001> what a jerk
+<Mikky`> ring of conflict, perhaps?
+<PsyMar> Did you have a ring of conflict on?
+<ColonelPanic001> ARG!
+<ColonelPanic001> I did :\
+<billnye> ColonelPanic001: it's not polite not to welcome your customers ;)
+<Grunt> "Hello, ColonelPanic!  Welcome to Asidonhopo's shop of death!"  Asidonhopo hits!  You die.
+%
+<Pooka> i am going to eat my pony
+<kuffs> Pooka: I think that pisses your god off
+<Pooka> oh
+<Pooka> but he looks yummy
+<shel-> Don't eat former pets.
+<Rodney> zem (Kni Hum Mal Law), 76 points, killed by a riding accident
+<tesko> a riding accident?
+<shel-> Fell off horse
+<Everdying> not overexertion, then? :P
+<zem> well, i kicked it and it threw me off
+<Eidolos> Going downstairs while burdened and mounted.. you fall off the horse and stuff.
+<Eidolos> Or that.
+<shel-> What do you expect? :p
+<zem> i wanted to kick the door!
+<zem> but instead i wound up like superman
+<Eidolos> It asks you if you want to kick your steed though!
+<zem> yeah, i hit space
+<zem> "next prompt please"
+<Rodney> limewater (Bar Hum Mal Cha), 1114 points, killed by a pony
+<shel-> ^ may that be a warning to you
+<Rodney> emacs (Kni Hum Mal Law), 0 points, slipped while mounting a saddled pony
+<Rodney> momfreeek (Val Dwa Fem Law), 1455 points, killed by a pony
+<shel-> ok, what is going on
+<ekiM> lol
+<shel-> Is there some sort of pony uprising
+<ekiM> REVENGE OF THE PONIES
+<shel-> Seriously, what
+<Rodney> sheldash (Kni Hum Mal Law), 80 points, killed by kicking a pony corpse
+<irCuBiC> ...
+<ekiM> someone's playing silly buggers
+<Rodney> ashel (Kni Hum Fem Law), 0 points, killed by a riding accident
+<Pooka> i shoud not have eaten my pony
+<Pooka> thats when all started
+<Rodney> omgponies (Kni Hum Mal Law), 84 points, choked on a pony corpse
+%
+<raxvulpine> Oh crap, I forgot that I got flayed.
+%
+<Gaulgath> Wow, that feline and pony lined up to create a "fu"
+<Gaulgath> I think my god is trying to tell me something.
+<Dentarthurdent> then a trice and a kobold joined them...
+%
+<GreyKnight> I need no Japanese schoolgirls
+<Violist> I do
+<GreyKnight> I'm a lawful Priest, for crying out loud!
+<Violist> ewww
+<GreyKnight> err, wait
+<PsyMar> ...
+<PsyMar> NO COMMENT
+<GreyKnight> please ignore the obvious priest jokes
+<Violist> no wonder you don't need school_girls_
+<|7hs|> except when you put on your uncursed ski mask of opposite alignment
+* GreyKnight searches his BoH for a helm of I'm Not Listening La La La
+%
+* Botje reads a cursed scroll of genocide
+<Botje> What do you want to genocide: Grunt
+<Botje> Sent in some Grunts
+* Grunt_ (n=smelench@residence-233-17.mschaffer.ualberta.ca) has joined #nethack
+* Grunt__ (n=smelench@residence-233-17.mschaffer.ualberta.ca) has joined #nethack
+%
+<Gaulgath> YEEESSSS
+<Gaulgath> YES YES
+<Gaulgath> Wooty woot woot
+[<Gaulgath> Mojo for me! Mojo for Me!
+<Grunt> \o/
+<Grunt> Gaulgath (Val Hum Fem Law), 740 points, killed by touching Mjollnir
+<Grunt> <_<
+%
+kuffs: homework is for non-ascenders
+%
+<Botje> You see here an Olog-hai corpse.  It casts aspersions on your ancestry.
+%
+<Rodney> followers[6]: Note that liches are NOT followers, but they will escape up stairs if you are nearby and they are deeply hurt. (They're very sensitive, you know.)
+<mathx> lol
+<mathx> i love that.
+<Grunt> mathx: You cast aspersions on the lich's ancestry.  The lich sobs hysterically!  The lich escapes upstairs!
+<mathx> haha
+<Ian-Keith> The lich locks itself in its room!
+<Ian-Keith> The lich listens to Linkin Park.
+<Ian-Keith> Lichen Park?
+<Ian-Keith> <_<
+%
+< wastrel> how convenient, ?oSM sitting on the floor of the sanctum
+< shel-> smell monster?
+< shel-> oh, scare
+%
+<Feory> Okay, these speed boots are kinda useless... all they do is mean I get to see "you miss the <monster>" so much more, and have to wait forever for my pet...
+%
+<Grunt> The rock mole eats 5000000 gold pieces!  The rock mole chokes over its food.
+<shel-> A rich meal
+%
+<bpt> You can probably write valid Perl programs in Nethack with the right combinations of major demons, pieces of gold, rings and random monsters
+<Eidolos> All NetHack screenshots are valid Perl!
+%
+<cdi> HaHa!  1st smokey potion gives a wish!  Hmm ... what to wish for.
+<shel-> A BANANA
+<cdi> I don't think that confers MR or reflection
+%
+<Rodney> atheist (Bar Orc Mal Cha), 6324 points, killed by a priest of Set
+<Kernigh> Priest kills atheist?
+%
+< Kitten_> So, I undressed and dropped everything I had on the altar.
+< Kitten_> Naked in front of a priest.
+< Kitten_> Such the altar boy I am.
+< Kitten_> He didn't even come onto me when I tried to #chat him.
+< Kitten_> What kid of a priest is he?!
+< Kitten_> Oh.
+< Kitten_> Nevermind.
+< greycat> these aren't Catholics.
+< Kitten_> I'm a girl.
+%
+<scwizard> "Your health currently feels amplified!"
+<Grunt> That's a pair of extremely bad puns
+<Grunt> I really wish they'd change that message :P
+<SpeedEvil> Yeah
+<fraggsta> I see what they did there :V
+<Eidolos> A pair of extremely bad puns? That sounds like what most NetHack messages strive to be.
+%
+< bobbens> whats the range on a magic harp?
+< Aim_Here> 5 octaves
+%
+<spazm> "Mr.Squeakers picks up a long sword named Sunsword."
+<spazm> "Mr.Squeakers starves."
+<spazm> nooooooo!
+%
+<argiopeweb> But there's no such thing as too much nethack.
+<Jmadman311> I can't agree with that
+<Jmadman311> at the beginning of the june tournament, I played almost 5 days straight and ascended three times
+<Jmadman311> my wrists actually hurt at the contact points to the computer
+<Jmadman311> and the skin was becoming smooth and calloused
+<shambler> madman indeed
+%
+< dtriscuit> "ABABB" doesn't exactly sound like divine music to me.
+%
+<SimonRC> "Genocide what (type the name)?"  "Republicans" "Wiped out all politicians."
+<SimonRC> hmm, must have been blessed.
+%
+<PsyMar> for future reference, you can type a semicolon in nethack, that's the "find out what things are" command
+<shel-> colon
+<shel-> if you're standing there
+<PsyMar> Colon for your current square.
+<AZzKikR> semicolon
+<PsyMar> Semicolon for things at a distance.
+<SomeoneElseYes> Semicolon
+<shel-> hemidemisemicolon
+<SomeoneElseYes> megacolon
+<Xarann> Arch-Colon
+<shel-> übercolon
+<AZzKikR> cologne
+<shel-> colon lord
+<SomeoneElseYes> Colon king.
+<shel-> köln
+<PsyMar> colonoscopy
+<AZzKikR> colony
+<shel-> blessed greased fixed +2 colon
+<SomeoneElseYes> You beging praying to Colon.
+<Eldak> colon powell
+<PsyMar> Colonial
+<Xarann> colonomatic
+<SomeoneElseYes> The colonmatic dragon.
+<Capuchin> oh crap, what should i wish for?
+<AZzKikR> a colon
+<shel-> a colon
+%
+<Eidolos> Have any of YOU sokoscummed for "oR? I doubt it.
+<aioli> i've never run my testicles over with a lawn mower in order to make a fifty, but that doesn't disprove the usefulness of fifty dollar bills
+%
+<Violist> first I turn into a yellow light
+<Violist> now a jellyfish
+<Crassworm> best polymorphs evar.
+<Violist> and NOBODY WANTS TO KILL ME
+<Violist> GRRR
+<Violist> c'mon, someone just poke the jellyfish...
+<aioli> Gnome 1: haha, the adventurer is a yellow light!  Gnome 2: no, leave him be. it's more annoying that way.
+%
+<Forai> that was the most fucking annoying death I ever had...
+<Rodney> Forai (Kni Hum Mal Law), 3532 points, killed by a horse called Gunba
+<SheeEttin> What happened?
+<Forai> The RNG fucking hates me
+* jfactor snickers
+<Forai> I had NO FOOD THE WHOLE MATCH
+<Forai> 'cause every time I'd try to eat
+<Forai> BAM, ROTTEN
+<Forai> Then I kick a sink for food, Puddings come out
+<Forai> THANK GOD I had excalibur and killed them
+<Forai> I heal in the middle of the fight by praying
+<Forai> Have like, 11 hp after the whole thing
+<Forai> then I'm walking through to get back to my altar to sac the puddings
+<Forai> BAM, DOG
+<Forai> I have One food ration, and throw it
+<Forai> BAM, HOUSE CAT
+<Forai> I throw it a partially eaten food ration and resume walking
+<Forai> TWO STEPS LATER
+<Forai> MY FUCKING HORSE IS HUNGRY
+<Forai> AND KILLS ME
+<SheeEttin> Sounds like a party.
+<Forai> EVERYONE IN THIS FUCKING PARTY IS HUNGRY!
+<lorimer> rofl rofl, u got horsie'd
+<Forai> ...
+<SheeEttin> Hey, that reminds me, time to check the QuoteDB.
+%
+<ekiM> You feel vaguely nervous. KABLAMM!!!! You trigger a land mine!
+<ekiM> good call, me
+%
+(18:55:57) SomeoneElseYes: The amulet is burdening me.
+%
+<shel-> I always put the Amulet in my bag to keep it safe
+<bobbens> shel-: doesnt fit :)
+<shel-> ?? sarcasm > bobbens
+%
+<in game, stumbly names his Amulet of Yendor "marvin can't tie his own shoes">
+<Eidolos> ON SHAP
+<jsn>- :)
+<mrivan> you're right
+<Eidolos> He has velcro shoes.
+<mrivan> I don't own shoes
+<Eidolos> Now I feel bad for making fun of your shoes.
+<jsn-> kind of conduct
+%
+<Grunt> spazm is going to kill Vlad with a credit card
+<Grunt> Vlad the Impaler, killed by excessive interest rates.
+%
+<Eldak> so if i have a room full of P, and i split one, do they push each other out into the hallway?
+<argiopeweb> Eldak: Is there a reason that you're farming?
+<Eldak> umm
+<Eldak> so i can be cool
+<raxvulpine> Lots of young people choose to experiment at some point in their lives.
+<Eldak> like you guys
+<argiopeweb> Eldak: That's a good enough reason for me.
+<raxvulpine> "All the cool kids are doing it," they might say. In a society so permissive of acts like pudding farming, is it really any surprise that our nation's children are poking black masses of seething, roiling matter with metal rods?
+%
+rast [i=ichi@core-east-22-130.dynamic-dialup.coretel.net] entered the room.
+scwizard: RAST!
+scwizard: ZOMG!
+rast: BBQ?
+scwizard: indeed
+scwizard: I ascended :D
+rast left the room (quit: Client Quit).
+%
+<Jmadman311> alright.  gonna go home and then start the ascension run!
+<shel-> sounds like a plan.
+<shel-> 1) Go home
+<shel-> 2) Become demigoddess
+<shel-> 3) Cook dinner
+<Jmadman311> all in a day's work.
+%
+spazm: sex doesnt matter
+nornagon: LIES
+alphamale: Somehow I'm not surprised to hear that on #nethack.
+mercury5: only in nethack
+nornagon: heh
+spazm: should the females automatically get better prices from the male shopkeepers?
+mercury5: yes but they should buy more
+spazm: You feel compelled to shop!
+spazm: You buy an OTHER pair of iron shoes!
+mercury5: those boots don't match your cloak
+spazm: -1 luck for not matching armor
+nornagon: heh.
+spazm: Your dwarven cloak matches your dwarven iron shoes! This makes you feel great!
+spazm: and every 500 turns you have to get a new piece of armor or you get a -1 luck penalty
+%
+<Eidolos> OCTOBER 22 IS INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY
+<Violist> HAHAHAHHAA
+<Violist> MAGICBANE!
+<Eidolos> I LIKE MAGICBANE
+<Violist> EIDOLOS LIKES TRANNIES
+<Eidolos> HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT? I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE.
+<Violist> MAGIC
+<Eidolos> COOL
+<Violist> DUDE
+<Violist> whoa, Magicbane was given at +2
+<Violist> score
+<Eidolos> HEY
+<Eidolos> YOU ACCIDENTALLY TURNED OFF CAPS LOCK
+<Violist> SORRY
+<Violist> THE REST OF THE CHANNEL IS GONNA GUT US
+<Eidolos> THAT'S OKAY, THEY'RE A BUNCH OF LOWERCASE LOSERS
+<Violist> HAH HAH HAH
+<Duke-> It's Oct 23 here 5 minutes already
+<Violist> DUKE FAILS
+%
+<zid> heh, wrong potion
+* zid is now the proud owner of 250 cursed blank papers
+%
+<Veinor> Almost had a Go Team Ant here.
+(2 minutes later)
+<Rodney> Veinor (Val Dwa Fem Law), 2403 points, killed by a giant ant
+%
+<shel-> The voice of Huan Ti thunders:   "Thou durst call upon me?"
+<shel-> "Then die, mortal!"
+<shel-> He sent down a succubus
+<shel-> &       a major demon (succubus of Huan Ti)
+<Jmadman311> ahahha
+<lament> Then have sex, mortal!
+<snowy> Die... of SEX!
+<shel-> I'm not sure how I'm going to die, but I don't want to imagine it.
+...
+<shel-> Time stands still while you and the succubus of Huan Ti lie in each other's arms...
+<shel-> You seem to have enjoyed it more than the succubus of Huan Ti...  You feel good enough to do it again.
+<shel-> This is the worst "death" ever. I seem to be gaining stats instead.
+...
+<shel-> heh, he sent down an incubus this time
+%
+<DukGalNamu> Eidolos: any op in here?
+<Eidolos> DukGalNamu: I sure hope not, I'm DOSing Rodney.
+%
+<Kernigh> I once heard a lot of rumbling on a level. I think what happened was that a gnome triggered the boulder trap and died, then the other gnomes tried to take its daggers and died its sucession. Eventually that level had no gnomes.
+%
+<freeone3000> I found a pancake. Lying on the floor. In a place called The Dungeons of Doom.
+<freeone3000> And I'm going to eat it.
+%
+<hacken> tiles make baby jesus cry
+%
+<Dentarthurdent_> f - a big stick (weapon in hand).
+<Dentarthurdent_> #chat
+<Dentarthurdent_> You speak softly.
+%
+<ArtBell> The magic-absorbing blade probes Juiblex!  You kill Juiblex!
+<ArtBell> poor Jubilex
+<n54> that's not nice... ;_;
+<ArtBell> he didnt even want me to be his friend
+<ArtBell> I tried Charm Monster
+<ArtBell> :(
+<n54> oh, not peaceful?
+<ArtBell> I whapped him with a cockatrice
+<ArtBell> since it doesnt effect him I thought he'd just giggle.
+<mtffm> ??potion of healing
+<ArtBell> it was just a joke
+<ArtBell> but he got all pissy
+<ArtBell> so I had to kill him
+<ArtBell> :(
+%
+<Rodney> longone (Mon Hum Mal Cha), 125966 points, petrified by a cockatrice corpse
+<SomeoneElseYes> Cockatrice death.
+<Eidolos> Now he's long AND hard
+%
+azgor: Hmm...  the castle tune appears to be FAGGG.  I wonder if the rng is trying to tell me something.
+%
+Rodney: dormammu (Bar Orc Fem Cha), 925 points, poisoned by a rotted small mimic corpse
+dormammu: is really awful at this game, heh.
+SomeoneElseYes: Don't eat corpses more than 50 turns old.
+dormammu: Of course, I suppose it's my fault for eating that rotted corpse.
+Dentarthurdent_: "You can't resist the temptation to mimic a dead adventurer."
+%
+<runcible> depending on your experience, i don't think keeping L intact is 'fun' per se
+<lament> runcible: it certainly makes gehennom more exciting :D
+<lament> ie instead of "ugh, another boring maze level" you get "ugh, another borGET AWAY FROM ME YOU PINK FUCK"
+%
+Arafangion: dranger: It's freaky playing a game where you _recognize_ the gods and you are disgusted by them.
+spazm: nethack is just like real life like that
+spazm: the gods require BLOOD!
+alphamale: You begin praying to God.
+alphamale: You feel that God doesn't give a toss.
+alphamale: YOu convert to Judaism!
+spazm: that and whenever i sac a human demogorgon apears
+spazm: jesus summons demogorgon! jesus attacks a stop beside you! jesus just misses!
+Arafangion: alphamale: That'd hardly be Jewish.
+spazm: jesus uses the touch of death! thankfully it didnt work
+alphamale: I crown thee... Carpenter from Nazarene!
+alphamale: Uh oh, the legionnaire wields the Spear of Longinus!
+spazm: lol
+alphamale: Fortunately for you, it didn't work.
+spazm: spear of destiny, please
+alphamale: spear of mint
+greycat: spear of shake
+spazm: you kill jesus! but wait... 3 days later his medallion begins to glow!
+dranger: Jesus dies!
+dranger: Ok, so he doesn't die.
+spazm: #turn a-a potion of water, really turn a potion of water into booze? [ynq]
+dranger: What do you want to eat? j - 5 loaves of bread
+dranger: What do you want to eat? j - 5 loaves of bread
+spazm: jesus starts game with water walking boots
+dranger: The Jesus touches you! You can move around again.
+%
+<Gaulgath> HOLY SH-
+<Gaulgath> I think I just had an orgasm
+<Gaulgath> a - wand of wishing
+<Eidolos> wishgasm
+<TheShrewdDude> "You see here a wand of wishing -more-"
+<TheShrewdDude> "You experience an orgasm -more-"
+<TheShrewdDude> "You can move again."
+<n54> lol
+<Gaulgath> XD
+<Eidolos> The mother-in-law wakes up!
+<teabing> that's about the only thing that hasnt happened to me that could cause an orgasm
+<TheShrewdDude> ....
+<irCuBiC> ...
+<irCuBiC> timing, anyone?
+%
+<stumbly> I use ex-gfs for pet names, but i'm demented.
+<raxvulpine> "You kick Susan! Susan yelps!"
+<stumbly> You have a sad feeling for a moment, but then it passes.... true
+%
+<jmr> just dont get werefoo'd
+<jmr> the infamous werefood, hotdog by day, but at night... a bagel!
+%
+<SomeoneElseYes> I'm still wondering: HOW do you look throgh greased lenses?
+<jmr> astral vision
+<shel-> astral vision is used
+<shel-> after earth vision, air vision, fire vision, and water vision were deemed failures.
+<shel-> not to mention heart vision.
+%
+<delamarche> my favorite was when I dropped my luckstone when key-mashing becuse I was eating a sandwich
+%
+<alphamale> Pray more and you'll be granted a wide-angle disintegration beam!
+<alphamale> The BFG of nethack
+%
+< mfactor> liquor emporium x2 in less then 6 lvls
+< mfactor> huge ones
+< Dentarthurdent_> party at mfactor's dungeon!
+%
+<aero2600> I'd love to see mathx cream pie his dragon.
+%
+<PM: mathx> hey
+<PM: mathx> the polyself bug is in Rodney
+<PM: mathx> plain to see for abuse...
+<Eidolos> !learn info polyself bug
+<Rodney> polyself_bug has contributions by: [1]Eidolos [2]Eidolos [3]Eidolos [4]Eidolos [5]Grunt
+%
+<anselmus> owned
+<anselmus> rust monster made you his bitch
+<Eidolos> yeah I fucking hate them
+<Eidolos> Rust monsters, or as I like to call them, AC rapists
+%
+<aero2600> Whoa.. why does a potion of oil cost so much?
+<Eidolos> Did you apply-test in the store?
+<aero2600> Nope.
+<Eidolos> Shks really screw you over when you light up in the store.
+<Eidolos> "Usage fee! Yendorian fuel tax! Oh, and you owe me full price of the potion IN ADDITION MWA HA HA"
+%
+<Jackalbait> woot, /oFire
+<Jackalbait> dammit
+<Jackalbait> instadeath
+<Rodney> jackalbait (Val Dwa Fem Law), 33068 points, poisoned by a rabid rat
+%
+< sk> dudleys dungeon is mainly just boring and/or not funny
+< Koston> ack.
+< KeljuIvan> There are some gems though
+< Koston> and plenty of worthless pieces of glass
+%
+< Chilliwack> how old are you :O
+< SomeoneElseYes> 15.
+< Chilliwack> 16 "[
+< SomeoneElseYes> That's only a year.
+< Cheapy|> ah. 15 and 16. Here's some advice
+< Cheapy|> Quit playing nethack and get a girlfriend. Nethack will be here in 20 years.
+< StoneCydh> standard internet rebuttal: find a girlfriend who plays nethack
+< Cheapy|> StoneCydh, yea, good luck finding those
+< Cheapy|> There's active work being done.
+%
+<ihope> You see here -2147483646 gold pieces.
+<Mumbo> stop breaking the game, ihope
+<Zanasj> antimatter gold pieces?
+%
+<teabing> SheeEttin (Val Hum Fem Law), 2249 points, killed by eating a spear embedded in a floating eye corpse
+<SheeEttin> I rarely play valks.
+%
+<SheeEttin> The water nymph smiles at the little dog seductively. --More--
+<teabing> "The little dog mounts the water nymph"
+<Chilliwack> The little dog winks and gives the water nymph a small piece of paper with his number. --More-
+<Eidolos> heh
+<Eidolos> mountin' nymph
+<SheeEttin> Seems the dog proved to be too much for the nymph. :P
+<SheeEttin> Got my shield back. :)
+%
+< WEERD> Pony Tamed
+< WEERD> they are such badass pets in the early-game
+< WEERD> and so fscking easy to tame!
+< muumiponi> yes we are
+%
+< BenUrban> java telnet? are you nuts?
+< hello_hello_hel> the most unsecure client
+< BenUrban> there's no encryption
+< BenUrban> thus no security
+< mathx>  people who want secure nethack sessions?
+< mathx>  gimme a fscking break
+< aardvarkj> I don't want anyone to see the number on my PYEC.
+%
+< Chilliwack> my charisma irl is like
+< Chilliwack> 4
+< MiniCat> haha.
+< BenUrban> not even an incubus will have sex with you...
+< Chilliwack> one foocubus to another ".... wtf IS that?!"
+< Chilliwack> "it can move, so it's probably got organs" "yeah, but are you willing to find out?" "hell no"
+%
+< AskHL> "You cover your banana with a thick layer of grease."
+%
+<BilldaCat> wife is dragging me to the gym, i'll finish dying later i guess
+<Yui> damn wives dragging us out to have lives
+<Yui> maybe I should get me one of those
+<Yui> can you get them at BestBuy?
+%
+<Stevie-O> I recall one game, I took one step, and a rock fell on my pet and killed it.
+<Stevie-O> I went right back up the <
+<Eidolos> "Sorry Kos, this just isn't going to work"
+%
+<dash> is the RNG trying to tell me something when that "engagement ring" turned out to be a ring of conflict?
+%
+<Rodney> benurban (Hea Hum Fem Neu), 1649333 points, choked on a cram ration
+%
+< Beartrap86> what happens when and incubus and a succubus meet?
+< Beartrap86> woah giant beehive
+< Elliott> I don't think bees is what would be produced...
+%
+< WEERD> t - a runed broadsword named Stormbringer."
+< WEERD> at XP lv 6!
+< WEERD> hells yeah!!
+< fontpd> i forsee a death by angry shk
+< fontpd> possibly the very y-creezy that you were previously 'fronting' upon.
+< jbenedetto> lol
+< fontpd> killed by drive-by zapping
+< jbenedetto> SHIT MAN ITS THE KOPS
+* jbenedetto escapes upstairs with y-creezy's TV
+(y-creezy == Y-crad, tool shop keeper)
+%
+<Dentarthurdent> You and the kraken and the kraken and the kraken and the kraken and the kraken and the kraken went to your reward with 4006511 points
+%
+<jmr> one reason to ascend is so poeple can't smack you with !asc when you talk out your ass
+%
+<Dentarthurdent_> haha, found the VS so fast it's not even funny
+<Dawnrazor> then why are you laughing >:U
+<Dentarthurdent_> got me there
+%
+<Tapin> s - a blessed magic marker (0:97)  What do you want to write? Anna Karenina
+%
+<Rodney> Bilbo (Wiz Hum Mal Cha), 494 points, killed by a hobbit, while helpless
+%
+<Rodney> DarthL33tS (Val Dwa Fem Law), 4091 points, killed by an orcish arrow
+<Rodney> d0nut (Arc Hum Mal Law), 4406 points, poisoned by an orcish arrow
+<GreyKnight> The orcs are coming!
+* GreyKnight runs
+<Rodney> ichgucknur (Bar Orc Mal Cha), 23956 points, killed by a blue jelly
+<GreyKnight> Phew, the blue jellies have saved us from the orc menace.
+<GreyKnight> <workimer> it's all about the blue jellies
+%
+<Eidolos> This game hates me
+<cdi> what happened?
+<Eidolos> It's showering me with awesome stuff
+<cdi> And it hates you how?
+<Eidolos> now if I end up ascending people will just say "well of course he ascended, even ben could've ascended _that_ one"
+<cdi> now now.  We wouldn't say that
+<Eidolos> anselmus will :)
+<cdi> "even ari could've ascended _that_ one" would be more likely.
+<runcible> anselmus whines no matter what
+<Eidolos> :)
+* stumbly leaves a tube of preparation H with an anonymous note for anselmus.
+%
+<Zawk> damn. fell into water...twice. My daggers a nigh-useless now
+<GreyKnight> You throw a dagger-shaped lump of rust at the dwarf.
+%
+<mathx> q - a cockatrice corpse.  You are beginning to feel hungry.
+%
+< Aiku> ??your pack shakes
+< Aiku> ??you smell charred flesh
+< billnye> mmm, hamburger
+< jbenedetto> BBQ in your backpack?
+< jbenedetto> i recommend turning the other cheek, your likely getting a little crisp
+%
+Stevie-O: there have been, like, 3 or 4 potion shops in this game
+BenUrban: wow
+Dentarthurdent_: Party at Stevie-O's dungeon! Where's the chicks?
+***BenUrban forgets which ones are chicks
+Dentarthurdent_: n
+BenUrban: lol
+Dentarthurdent_: they're such teases though
+Dentarthurdent_: i'm a & fan
+BenUrban: yeah & kicks ass
+BenUrban: especially while you're wielding excalibur or the staff
+Dentarthurdent_: fun time, but when they dump you they sure dump you hard
+BenUrban: Dentarthurdent_: not if you are wielding excalibur or the staff
+Dentarthurdent_: yeah, & like it when you have a big sword/staff :P
+%
+<Azzkikr> #offer ing humans while i am human is a bad idea, huh?
+<Chilliwack> very
+<raxvulpine> Azzkikr: Unless you are chaotic _and_ know what you are doing.
+<+Rodney> azzkikr (Val Hum Fem Law), 3263 points, killed by a priestess of Tyr
+<Azzkikr> well, i didn't know what i was doing
+<raxvulpine> Nope!
+%
+<Rodney> cdi (Hea Hum Mal Neu), 8456 points, killed by a soldier ant
+<cdi> GO TEAM ANT!
+%
+<Rodney> og01 (Pri Hum Fem Cha), 43205 points, killed by Yeenoghu
+<og01> heheh could be an interesting mine town bones file...
+<BenUrban> ...
+<BenUrban> don't you dare give me minetown bones
+<BenUrban> i'm a fscking level 1 healer
+<og01> well i didnt mean to attack him
+<og01> and turn him hostile
+<og01> on my level i summoned loads of demons in mine town, (because i was bord), accidently attack Yeenoghu while confused
+<og01> Jublieex is floating around somewhere on that level aswell (although he is peaceful)
+<BenUrban> peaceful to some
+<AskHL> I don't suppose he will be peaceful to eventual bones-finders necessarily
+<og01> well if anybody gets that bones their screwed then
+<BenUrban> exactly
+<og01> oh well - just another challenge for them to overcome...
+[6 minutes later]
+<BenUrban> It hits!  It hits!  It hits!  Something casts a spell at you!--More--
+<BenUrban> you motherfucker
+* BenUrban stabs og01
+* BenUrban stabs og01 again
+<BenUrban> this is what happens when you are LEVEL ONE and encounter Yeenoghu bones
+<BenUrban> og01: if i ever encounter you IRL i'm going to have to kick your ass
+<Jamosup> O.o
+<Jamosup> BenUrban (??? ??? ??? ???), low points, killed by Yeenoghu
+<alphamale> :D
+<BenUrban> You never hit with a wielded weapon.
+<BenUrban> almost pacifist
+<BenUrban> was going for protection
+<Rodney> benurban (Hea Hum Fem Neu), 380 points, killed by invisible Yeenoghu
+<BenUrban> heh you forgot invisible
+* Jamosup hits himself on the head
+%
+<Nerull> Hrmm, bones level
+<Nerull> Some doggy called Rosebud nipping at my heels
+<Rodney> Nerull2 (Val Hum Fem Law), 1815 points, killed by a dog called Rosebud
+%
+Rodney: Conduct: Do not wield your starting weapon within the first 4000 turns.
+Chilliwack: that's impossible, you start with it wielded
+Chilliwack: boo
+Anden: monk can do it
+Anden: and tourist
+ekiM: and tourist
+Chilliwack: impossible for classes who start with a weapon, dammit
+Anden: tourists start with darts
+Chilliwack: WIELDED WEAPONS
+%
+wonko: i have aggravate monster :)
+Stevie-O: you have aggravate monste?
+Stevie-O: why would you go and do such a thing?
+wonko: hehe
+wonko: i was not paying attention while saccing, and sacced my pet horsey instead of that evil one
+wonko: ..twice
+%
+<Erik____> now why would the Tourists elect someone called The Master of Thieves as their mayor?
+<Erik____> they deserve what they've gotten
+%
+jackalbait: grr, werejackal summoned twice
+billnye: well, DUH
+billnye: look at your nick, man!
+%
+[15:17] <Rodney> stinking (Hea Gno Fem Neu), 2322 points, killed by a bolt of fire
+[15:17] <Rodney> WereCar (Wiz Hum Fem Cha), 195487 points, killed by a black pudding
+[15:17] <Rodney> Ledneh (Ran Hum Fem Neu), 592 points, killed by a falling object
+[15:17] <Rodney> Marl (Rog Hum Mal Cha), 1075 points, killed by a hobgoblin
+<Rapidfire> MULTIKILL
+%
+<Izzy84075> How do you get more than one pet?
+<SheeEttin> Tame something.
+<TheShrewdDude> If: You see here a large dog
+<TheShrewdDude> Then: You throw the tripe ration.
+<TheShrewdDude> End if.
+<Stevie-O> TheShrewdDude: Then you have done something impossible
+<Stevie-O> Or you have named your fruit "large dog"
+<shel-> korean fruit
+<TheShrewdDude> My, that was a yummy large dog!
+%
+worst: Hopefully I'll ascend this time, and never feel the need to play again...
+worst: but just in case, how do I set pickup types in the options file?
+%
+<lrathbon> any hot chick nethackers here?
+<murklins> pyrolisk?
+%
+<Quint_Sakugarne> wow
+<Quint_Sakugarne> the green mold just "turned to flee".
+<NeremWorld> "That's it. I'm growing out of here."
+%
+<billnye> IN SOVIET CURSED MONSTER DETECTION, MONSTERS SENSE THE PRESENCE OF YOU
+%
+<zubin> leprechaun hall is significantly more fun with a rubber chicken
+<zubin> and stealth
+<zubin> however...
+<zubin> sigh
+<zubin> pits and c corpses do not mix.
+<Rodney> zubbdk (Bar Hum Mal Cha), 147944 points, petrified by a
+cockatrice corpse
+%
+<BenUrban> oh that REALLY sucks
+<BenUrban> You sink like a rock.  You drown.--More--
+<BenUrban> displaced my dragon while blanking stuff
+<BenUrban> oh ffs
+<BenUrban> i didn't even finish diluting that last potion
+<BenUrban> all because amulets rust
+<BenUrban> if it weren't for that, i would have been wearing my "ls
+<BenUrban> *sob*
+<BenUrban> benurban (Hea Gno Mal Neu), 417388 points, displaced into a pool of water by a silver dragon named Dragon 1
+%
+< shel-> Anyone know what NetHack does during a lunar eclipse?
+< shel-> You feel unlucky! No moon tonight
+%
+LittleWhiteMouse: The last time I polypiled it was for grease...
+LittleWhiteMouse: Because some guy brought a bunch of succubi and nymphs to astral and forgot to bring lube...
+gr0ck: what is grease used for?
+n00bish: does transferring items to/from boh take any time?
+n00bish: gr0ck, anal
+gr0ck: that's it?
+LittleWhiteMouse: There are other uses.
+n00bish: well, this too
+n00bish: ?> hentai conduct
+Rodney: hentai_conduct[1]: Ascend naked wielding a blessed greased carrot and with a pet kraken. Bonus points if the kraken is leashed. Optionally, wear only a pair of high boots.
+%
+***og01 slaps Og01 with a chickatrice corpse
+***og01 starts to slow down
+***og01 eats a lizard corpse
+alphamale: everybody must get stoned
+***og01 passes on the chickatrice corpse
+og01: man do i feel stoned
+Greentryst: wield, wield, pass
+%
+<lament> girls love well-equipped archeologists
+<sawtooth> lament: is that a stone idol in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
+%
+<Empy> I read a cursed spellbook
+<Hiroga> 'grats
+<Taurandir> Is that hard?
+<Botje> free teleport!
+%
+<+Rodney> kasdaye (Val Dwa Fem Law), 389 points, poisoned by a rotted floating eye corpse
+< shel-> you experience a strange gastric acuity
+%
+< Stevie-O> !rng @race
+<+Rodney> The RNG says: Elf
+< Stevie-O> !rng @race
+<+Rodney> The RNG says: Elf
+< Stevie-O> !rng @race
+<+Rodney> The RNG says: Elf
+< Stevie-O> meh. I'll be a gnome
+%
+< futilius> It's probably just me, but every time I turn into a rat, the message looks like "you can't even do a handstand with this load"
+%
+< alphamale> You hear a chugging sound. You hear someone exclaim, 'SPRING BREAK!'
+%
+<Stevie-O> wow.
+<Stevie-O> Spotted jelly didn't crop a corpse, but it DID drop an icebox *full* of corpses.
+<Scarred> he was a serial killer of the spotted jelly world
+%
+<billnye> Taurandir: the good news?  the stuff that exercises St: will actually make noticeable improvements
+<billnye> the good news is you'll still suck
+<billnye> bad
+<billnye> the bad news
+<billnye> >_>
+%
+<Quint_Sakugarne> interesting.
+<Quint_Sakugarne> i got hot air from the rotten tin
+<Quint_Sakugarne> the good tin gave me nothing.
+<Scarred> life's like a box of chocolates, you never know which one is going to be an intrinsic granting rotten gray ooze
+%
+< dhalgren> You find an invisible black light posing as a statue.
+< dhalgren> I wonder what that looked like
+%
+< KimmoKM> ??guardian angle
+< KimmoKM> ??angle
+< greycat> hah
+< greycat> "You can't harm me!  I'm acute!"
+%
+< Sweeper> pisco sour + nethack + fan + laptop on the porch +
+< Sweeper> a pack of camels
+< Sweeper> ready to destroy body AND mind :D
+%
+<+Rodney> dgoddard (Tou Hum Mal Neu), 77 points, killed by the wrath of The Lady
+< CrusaderEsper> oops, someone was praying too much
+< CrusaderEsper> or too early...
+< billnye> The Ladies don't like it when you're too desperate
+%
+< dhalgren> also they never should've put these female soldiers in the game
+< dhalgren> The soldier removes a pair of low boots and puts on a pair of high boots.
+%
+< Elgo> i am stuck
+< Elgo> i must control my digging frenzy....
+< Jeevz> are you a rock mole?
+< Elgo> no, i'm a level one charachter in the castle.
+< Jeevz> seriously?
+* Jeevz tunes in
+< Elgo> yes....
+< Elgo> Xp:1/2
+< Elgo> And there is a minotaur upstairs.
+< billnye> even better is the T:495
+< Jeevz> wtf??
+< kriebly> time to wun, Wabbit
+< Jeevz> I would love to see you ascend this
+< kriebly> I would love to see you survive this
+< Jeevz> and i thought my fountain-quaffing was OCD
+< kriebly> you need 24 cursed potions of gain level
+< Jeevz> haha
+< TSC> I'm surprised a lich hasn't come out to greet you
+< TSC> It's probably good that you're so low-level
+< Jeevz> why stop here?
+< Jeevz> storm that shit
+< kriebly> yeah, storm
+< billnye> have fun storming the castle!
+< kriebly> maybe they'll all die laughing
+< billnye> "you think they can do it?"
+< billnye> it'd take a miracle.
+< Jeevz> maybe if we all pray at once
+< Jeevz> and clap our hands.
+%
+< Violist> not doing too well with nethack
+< Violist> but on the flipside, I'm studying for tests more and geenrally being better at school
+< Violist> going to have to remedy this situation
+%
+<Stevie-O> a 2x3 room with a fountain and three traps.
+<stumbly> sounds like my kitchen
+%
+<hivemind> Question
+<Derekstiles> fire!
+<runcible> no!
+<hivemind> What happens at the end of a "Dig for Victory"?
+<runcible> victory!
+<hivemind> :/?
+%
+<mardi> best way to move a large chest full of junk down about 5 levels?
+<Derekstiles> bag of holding?
+<mardi> my BOH is full of other junk :p
+<Derekstiles> oh
+<Derekstiles> no idea
+<DainDwarf> Find a good friend that will do it for you?
+<Anden> drop it down a hole?
+<snow> call the movers
+<mardi> i wish my dog would drag it down...
+<snow> won't dropping it down a hole break things?
+<Derekstiles> take everything breakable out
+<Derekstiles> and put like, books in it
+<Tamaki> Polymorph into something and eat --wait
+<Derekstiles> hahahahahah
+* snow laughs
+<Derekstiles> polymorph into something with incredible strength
+<Derekstiles> and lift it over your shoulder with a carefree laugh
+%
+<BenUrban> you wanna get high?
+<mardi> sure!
+* BenUrban hands mardi a cursed potion of gain level
+%
+<mardi> the potion says: an uncursed potion called Holy Water
+<mardi> i made them at an altar myself
+<Zanasj> wut
+<Zanasj> an uncursed potion called Holy Water ?!
+<billnye> mardi: you didn't make them very well :)
+<zubin> that's neither holy nor water.
+%
+<Ryanbomber> The water nymph stole an uncursed wand of death.
+<Ryanbomber> this can only end in tragedy
+<Ryanbomber> oh come on, nethack, at least give me a chance
+<+Rodney> Ryanbomber (Bar Orc Mal Cha), 8904 points, killed by a death ray
+%
+<Ryanbomber> "You hear a distant explosion" = some poor sap stepped on a land mine, right?
+<Ryanbomber> And just because nethack likes making fun of me I stepped on a land mine right after I said that
+<raxvulpine> Poor sap.
+%
+Rodney: gabriel (Wiz Elf Mal Cha), 503 points, killed by a gnome lord
+Rodney: Kawaihae (Pri Elf Fem Cha), 4626 points, killed by a gnome lord
+Jmadman311: sheesh, gnome lord rampage
+Rodney: Bonestein (Pri Hum Mal Law), 740 points, killed by a gnome lord, while helpless
+Jmadman311: hahahaha
+%
+<futilius> this time I thought I was putting a spare BoH intoa stash
+<futilius> instead I was putting it into my main BoH
+<futilius> now I don't have one
+<futilius> which is worse than losing my scrolls and potions and money and polyfodder
+<cdi> futilius: as long as a /wishing didn't go *poof* in the process, you aren't allowed to cry
+<futilius> It did
+<futilius> 1:2
+<cdi> there there, it'll be ok
+* cdi hands futilius a hanky
+* futilius blows nose, hands back hanky
+<futilius> a
+<futilius> what do you want to apply?
+<futilius> q - an uncursed towel
+<futilius> you wipe away your tears with a towel
+%
+< John-K> So, why did you genocide those cute kittens?
+< Mints> John-K, felt like it
+< lorimer> "Every time you ... damn, we're out of kittens"
+%
+<BrianFreud> !rng sex sex sex nethack sex
+<Rodney> The RNG says: nethack
+%
+<stumbly> norly, i have lots of powerful magic over in the bag!
+* stumbly kicks the bag
+<cdi> You hear a muffled shatter
+<stumbly> bet that was my hopes of ascending
+<stumbly> so fragile
+%
+<SomeoneElseYes> Ahhh. I just loaded NetHack... "Restoring save file... Hello SomeoneElse, the human Ranger, welcome back to NetHack!"
+<SomeoneElseYes> I have no idea what I was just doing.
+<raxvulpine> SomeoneElseYes: You were probably dying.
+<Rodney> SomeoneEls (Ran Hum Mal Cha), 2754 points, killed by a giant mimic
+%
+< eduh> in soviet nethack, your possessions identify you!
+< tipu_> "Tvoi tovari hotjat tebja identifitsirovat? [da]"
+< alphamale> [dn]
+< tipu_> you don't say "njet" in soviet nethack
+< alphamale> An invisible Red Army choir sings, and you are bathed in Chernobyl radiation... The voice of Lenin rings out: "Haraso, tovari".
+< alphamale> You are granted a dacha by the Black Sea...
+%
+<taurandir> Succubus has raised my wisdom enough that I can cast restore ability with 0% fail
+<Zanasj> that's all she raised?
+%
+<Vortor> Why don't they put spike pits under their trap doors?
+<Vortor> That's what I would do.
+<JeredCain> Wrong trap door.
+<JeredCain> There's one in the ceiling.
+<Vortor> I might also line up like 5 trap doors
+<Vortor> and then put a spike trap.
+<lorimer> They've already got spiked pits.
+<lorimer> Why waste a perfectly good trapdoor?
+<DerekStyl> "terminal" velocity? :P
+<Vortor> .-.
+<DerekStyl> they can't all be winners
+%