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diff --git a/fortune-mod/.local/share/fortune/firefly b/fortune-mod/.local/share/fortune/firefly new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8c5906a --- /dev/null +++ b/fortune-mod/.local/share/fortune/firefly @@ -0,0 +1,4014 @@ +Mal: "We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we +are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Wash: "Everything looks good from here... (beat...playing with plastic +dinosaurs over his console) Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will +thrive." + +(as Stegosaurus) "We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... +'This Land'." + +(as T-Rex) "I think we should call it...your grave!" + +(Stegosaurus) "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" + +(T-Rex) "Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh...now die!" + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Take my love, take my land +Take me where I cannot stand +I don't care, I'm still free +You can't take the sky from me + +Take me out to the black +Tell them I ain't comin' back +Burn the land and boil the sea +You can't take the sky from me + +There's no place I can be +Since I found Serenity +But you can't take the sky from me... +% +Mal: "I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee +from being cheerful." (he smiles at her, never stopping working) "Sometimes +you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month." + +Kaylee: (kisses Mal) "I love my captain." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Zoe: "Something ain't right." + +Wash: "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Wash: "Just a couple of days lying around. You with the bathing, +me with the watching you bathe." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Kaylee: "I'd sure like to get a new compression coil." + +Mal: "And I'd like to be the king of all Londinum and wear a shiny hat." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "Wheel always keeps on turning, Badger." + +Badger: "That only matters to people on the rim." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Badger: "Crime and politics, little girl. The situation is always... fluid." + +Jayne: "The only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusing to pay our wage." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Book: "The destination's not important. How you get there's the worthier +part." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Book: "Been out of the world for a spell. Like to walk it a while." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Jayne: "Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into +nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "Jayne! Your mouth is talking, you'd might wanna look to that." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Zoe: "Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again." + +Mal: "Why not?" + +Zoe: "She shot you." + +Mal: "Well, yeah, she did a bit..." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "Ain't no way in the verse they could find that compartment, even if +they were lookin' for it." + +Zoe: "Why not?" + +Mal: "... cause?" + +Zoe: "Oh yeah, this is going to go great." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just...you know... shoot 'em." + +Zoe: "Shoot 'em?" + +Mal: "Politely." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "Send word to Patience?" + +Wash: "Haven't heard back yet. Didn't she shoot you one time?" + +Mal: "Everyone's making a fuss." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Simon: (concerning Jayne) "What do you pay him for?" + +Mal: "Public relations." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Book: "Captain, do you mind if I say grace?" + +Mal: "Only if you say it out loud." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "How's business?" + +Inara: "None of yours." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Book: "The important thing is the spices. A man could live on enough +packaged food from here till judgment day as long as he has +enough rosemary." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "That's what governments are for, to get in a man's way." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Simon: (concerning Jayne) "What do you pay him for?" + +Mal: "Public relations." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Inara: "So, would you like to lecture me on the wickedness of my ways?" + +Book: "I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few +very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has lepers." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Wash: "Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issue?" + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "Now, you only gotta scare him." + +Jayne: (beat) "Pain is scary." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Jayne: "It's a girl. Cute too. 'Cept I don't think she's all there, you know? +Course, not all of her has to be." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Jayne: "I was gonna get me an ear." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Simon: "What will they do?" + +Zoe: "If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and +sew our skins into their clothing and if we're very very lucky, they'll +do it in that order." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Patience: "I have to say I didn't look to be hearing from you any time soon." + +Mal: "Well, we may not have parted on the best of terms. I realize certain +words were exchanged, also, certain... bullets." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "I believe that woman's planning to shoot me again." + +Jayne: "Here's a little concept I been workin' on. Why don't we shoot +her first?" + +Wash: "It is her turn." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Jayne: "Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?" + +Mal: "I'm standing right here." + +Jayne: "You're coming through good and loud." + +Mal: "'Cause I'm standing right here." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Zoe: "Don't think its a good spot sir, she still has the advantage over us." + +Mal: "Everyone always does. That's what makes us special." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "Well, you were right about this being a bad idea." + +Zoe: "Thanks for sayin', sir." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Zoe: "Sir, I'd like you to take the helm pleases. I need this man to tear all my clothes off." + +Wash: "Work, work, work." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: "Had a good day." + +Simon: "You had the alliance on you, criminals and savages, half the people +on this ship have been shot or wounded, including yourself, and +you're harboring known fugitives." + +Mal: "We're still flyin'." + +Simon: "That's not much." + +Mal: "It's enough." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +Mal: (to Simon) "If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, +and you'll be armed." + --Episode #1, "Serenity" +% +(Mal makes a move in Chinese Checkers) + +Zoe: "That's a bold move." + +Mal: "I live on the edge." + +(Zoe makes a devastating move) + +Jayne (to Mal): "Nice work, dumbass." + +Mal: "I've given some thought to moving off the edge. Not an ideal location. +Maybe a place in the middle...." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Drunk: "Hey, you gonna toast unification with me? Six years today, the +Alliance sent the Browncoats runnin', pissin' their pants... You know, your +coat is kinda a brownish color." + +Mal: "It was on sale." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Drunk: "I'm thinking you're one of them Independents." + +Mal: "And I'm thinking you weren't overburdened with schooling. So why don't +we both ignore each other until we go away." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "Say that to my face." + +Drunk: "I said, you're a coward, and a pisspot. Now what are you going to do +about it?" + +Mal: "Nothing! I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you." (Zoe +punches the thug out) "Drunks are so cute." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Jayne: "Hey, I didn't fight in no war. Best of luck, though." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: (into com) "Wash, we've got some local color happening. Your grand +entrance would not go amiss right now." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +(Zoe, Mal, and Jayne are backed up against the edge of a cliff by a bunch of +drunken brawlers) + +Mal: "There's just an acre of you fellas, ain't there?" (to Zoe) "This is +why we lost, you know. Superior numbers." + +Zoe: "Thanks for the re-enactment, sir." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Wash: "Every man there go back inside, or we will blow a new crater in this +little moon." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Jayne: "Damn yokels can't even tell a transport freighter ain't got no guns on +it." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Kaylee: "So, what happened? Was there a terrible brawl?" + +Zoe: "Oddly enough, there was." + +Wash: "Are you getting my wife into trouble?" + +Mal: "What? I didn't start it! I just wanted a quiet drink." + +Zoe: "Funny, sir, how you always seem to find yourself in an +Alliance-friendly bar come U-Day, looking for a quiet drink." + +Mal: "See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid +and crotchety. It breaks the heart." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "Ladies and menfolk: We've got ourselves a job." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "Take us out of the world Wash, we've got us some crime to be done." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "Well they tell you: never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on +occasion, hilarious." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +River: "Mal. Bad. In the Latin." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "She's a little whimsical in the brainpan, seems calm enough though" + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Book: "That young man's very brave." + +Mal: "Yeah. He's my hero!" + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "Well, what about you, Shepherd? How come you're flying about with us +brigands? I mean, shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the +Fuzzie-Wuzzies or some such?" + +Book: "Oh, I got heathens aplenty right here." + +Mal: "If I'm your mission, Shepherd, best give it up. You're welcome on my +boat. God ain't." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Inara: "You have such lovely hair. I'm sure the doctor would agree." + +Kaylee: "Who, Simon? No, he's too... I'm just... Do you think it would look +better up?" + +Inara: "We could experiment. We might even get wild later and wash your +face." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Inara: "There's an energy about a person that's difficult to hide. You try to +feel that..." + +Mal: "And then you try to feel the energy around their credit account. It has +a sort of aura..." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Inara: (pissed) "What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?" + +Mal: "That it was manly and impulsive?" + +Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "And Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there +monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?" + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "You're servicing crew now?" + +Inara: "In your lonely and pathetic dreams." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Inara: "Mal! If you're being a gentleman, I may die of shock." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Niska: "You have seen Crow. He loves to stand at the door to say 'Boo!'" + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Niska: "Ooh! You do not like I kill this man?" + +Mal: "Oh, no. I'm sure he... was a very bad person." + +Niska: "My wife's nephew. At dinner I am getting earful. +There is no way out of that." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Zoe: "He's a psycho, you know. Niska." + +Mal: "He's not the first psycho to hire us, or the last. You think that's a +commentary on us?" + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Inara: "You could always pray they make it back safely." + +Book: "I don't think the captain would much like me praying for him." + +Inara: "So don't tell him. I never do." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Zoe: "Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "Hell, this job I would pull for free!" + +Zoe: "Then can I have your share?" + +Mal: "No." + +Zoe: "If you die can I have your share?" + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Simon: "So, what are we doing?" + +Kaylee: "Oh, crime." + +Simon: "Crime? Good, OK... crime..." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Jayne: "Time for some thrilling heroics." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Jayne: "These are stone killers, little man. They ain't cuddly like me." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +River: "They won't stop. They'll never stop. They'll just keep coming until they +get back what you took. Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of +blue..." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Jayne: "How's about you shut that crazy mouth? Is that a fun game?" + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "Whatever happens, remember I love you." + +Zoe: "Sir?" + +Mal: "Because you're my wife." + +Zoe: "Right, sir... honey." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "That sounds like the Alliance. Unite all the planets under one rule +so that everybody can be interfered with or ignored equally." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Jayne: "You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and +beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin' command here." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Jayne: "You can't change that... by gettin' all... bendy." + +Wash: "All what?" + +Jayne: "You got the... the light... from the console... keep you... lift you +up. They shine like... (snatching at the air)... little angels..." (falls +over, unconscious) + +Wash: "Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?" + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Inara: "Zoe. What would your husband say if he knew you were here?" + +Zoe: "I... I was weak." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Sheriff: "His story had kind of an odor to it." + +Inara: "Yes. It's not the only thing about him that does." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "Nice shot." + +Jayne: "I was aiming for his head." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Sheriff: "You were truthful back in town -- these are tough times. A man can get +a job, he might not look too close at what that job is. But a man learns all +the details of a situation like ours.... well, then he has a choice. " + +Mal: "I don't believe he does." + --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Mal: "Now, this is all the money Niska gave us in advance. You bring it +back to him, tell him the job didn't work out. + +(Crow spits) + +Mal: "We're not thieves. (beat) Well, we are thieves. Point is, we're not +taking what's his. Now, we'll stay out of his way the best we can from here +on in. You explain that that's best for everyone, okay?" + +Crow: "Keep the money. Use it to buy a funeral. It doesn't matter where +you go, or how far you fly. I will hunt you down, and the last thing you +see will be my blade." + +Mal: "... Darn." (kicks Crow solidly, knocking him into one of Serenity's +engines and killing him. A second henchman is brought forward). "Now, this +is all the money Niska gave us in advance..." + +Henchman: (overeager) "Oh, I'm good! Best thing for everyone! I'm right +there with you!" --Episode #2, "The Train Job" +% +Zoe: "Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something." + +Wash: (alarmed) "Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying +this thing!?" (deadpan) "Oh right, that would be me. Back to work." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Jayne: "Tell you what I think -- I figure that fellow we ran into, did everyone +on board. Then he decided to take a swim, see how fast his blood boiled out +his ears." + +Wash: "You're a very 'up' person." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Book: "Should I remind you of the story of the Good Samaritan?" + +Mal: "I'd rather if you didn't." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Jayne: "It's impressive what 'nothing' can do to a man. Like that fellow we +bumped into. He's likely stuck up under our belly about now. That's what +space trash does, you know. Kind of latches onto the first big something +stops long enough. Hey, now -- that'd be a bit like you and your sister, +wouldn't it?" + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Mal: "No one's gonna hurt you... any more than we already did." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Simon: "Ah, yes. He's a real beast. It's a wonder you're still alive." + +Jayne: "...Looked bigger when I couldn't see him." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Mal: "Reavers might take issue with that philosophy. If they had a +philosophy. If they weren't too busy gnawing at your insides." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Kaylee: "Looks like they've jury-rigged it with a pressure catch. It's the +only thing that'd work with all these spare parts. We could probably bypass +that easy, we get to the DC line." + +Mal: "You tell me right now, little Kaylee, you really think you can do +this?" + +Kaylee: "Sure. Yeah. I think so. 'Sides, if I mess up, not like you'll be +able to yell at me." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Mal: "Stack everything here, in plain sight. Wouldn't want it to seem like +we got anything to hide. It might give them Alliance boys the wrong +impression." + +Wash: "Or the right one." + +Mal: "That too." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Commander: "Looks to me like an illegal salvage operation." + +Mal: "It does? That's discouraging." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Alliance Commander: "You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?" + +Zoe: "Fought with a lot of people in the war." + +Alliance Commander: "And your husband?" + +Zoe: "Fight with him sometimes, too." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Alliance Commander: "Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were +on the wrong side of." + +Mal: "May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong +one." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +River: "Let's go again!" + +Simon: "Later. Maybe." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Jayne: "You saved his gorram life, he still takes the cargo. Hwoon dahn." +[jerk] + +Mal: "He had to.... Couldn't let us profit. Wouldn't be civilized." + --Episode #3, "Bushwacked" +% +Inara: "I like watching the game. As with other situations, the key seems to be +giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back." + +Mal: "'Course, they won't discover it 'til they order the next round of +drinks." + +Thug: "Way." + +Mal: "Good drinker, that one." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Zoe: "I thought you'd get land-crazy, that long in port." + +Wash: "Probably, but I've been sane a while now and change is good." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "Sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt" + +Zoe: "Wasn't planning on the dirt kissing, sir." + +Wash: "I wouldn't stand for it anyway, captain, jealous man like me." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Wash: (Off an alarm sounding from the console) "Closing in." + +Zoe: "Planet's coming up a mite fast." + +Wash: "That's just cause I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill +us all." + +Mal: "Well, that happens, let me know." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "Hmmm. It sounds like one of the finest parties I could imagine +getting paid to go to." + +Inara: "I don't suppose you'd find it up to standards of your outings. More +conversation and somewhat less petty theft and getting hit with pool cues." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Kaylee: "Look at the pretties!" + +Wash: "What am I looking at, the girls or the clothes?" + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Kaylee: (pointing to a pink frilly dress) "Say, look at the fluffy one!" + +Zoe: "Too much foofaraw. If I'm going to wear a dress, I'd want something +with some slink." + +Wash: "You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I +have money for a slinky dress?" + +Jayne: "I'll chip in." + +Zoe: (to Jayne) "I can hurt you." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Kaylee: "I like the ruffles. Inara gets to wear whatever she wants. + +Mal: "What are you going to do in that rig? Flounce around the engine room? +Be like a sheep walking on its hind legs" + +(Kaylee storms off) + +Zoe: (angry) "See ya on the ship, Captain." + +Jayne: "She mad or somethin?" + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Badger: "Captain Reynolds, heard you was in town, though we might have a bit of a sit down." + +Mal: "Prefer a bit of a piss off." + +Badger: "I'm very sorry, did I give you the impression I was asking?" + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "Seems to me the last time there was a chance for a little palaver, we +were all manner of unwelcome." + +Jayne: (drinking) "This ain't bad." + +Badger: "There's a trick to it: wood alcohol." + +Mal: "Now we're favored guests, treated to the finest in beverages that make +you blind." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "You backed out of a deal last time, left us hanging..." + +Jayne: "...hurt our feelings." + +Mal: "You recall why that took place?" + +Badger: "Had a problem with your attitude is why. Though you was... what's the word..." + +Jayne: "Pretentious?" + +Badger: "Exactly! You think you better than other people!" + +Mal: "Just the ones I'm better than." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "Does, uh... does this seem kind of tight?" + +Kaylee: "Shows off your backside. Did you see the chandelier? It's hovering." + +Mal: ""What's the point of that, I wonder. I mean I see the how they did it, +I'm just not getting the why." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Kaylee: "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I-- how +'bout that!" + +Mal: "Yeah, well, just be careful. We cheated Badger out of good money to +buy that frippery, and you're supposed to make me look respectable." + +Kaylee: "Yessir, Captain Tight Pants." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "Okay, help me find our man; he's supposed to be older. Kind of stocky, +wears a red sash crossways." + +Kaylee: "Why does he do that?" + +Mal: "Maybe he won the Miss Persephone pageant. Just help me look." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Kaylee: "Is that him?" + +Mal: "That's the buffet table." + +Kaylee: "Well, how can we be sure, unless we question it?" + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Kaylee: "I'm not saying the 80-04's hard to repair, it just ain't worth it." + +Older Farmer: "It's a fine machine, you just keep it tuned." + +Kaylee: "Tsai boo shr." [That's not it.] "The extenders ain't braced." + +Murphy: "I've been telling him to buy the 80-10 for years." + +Kaylee: "Those 'tenders snap off, don't matter how good the engine's +cycling." + +Younger Farmer: "Miss Kaylee, I wonder if I could request the honor of...." + +Murphy: (interrupting) "Wait a minute. Let her talk. She's talking. Dance +later." + +Kaylee: "By the way, the 80-10's the same machine, they just changed the +plating and hope no one noticed." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Zoe: (sighs) "I thought you wanted to spend more time off ship this visit." + +Wash: "I don't know. Out there it seems like all fancy parties. I like our +party better. The dress codes easier and I know all the steps." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Wash: "Don't fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of character. Ask +anyone! You're acting captain. Know what happens you fall asleep now?" + +Zoe: "Jayne slits my throat and takes over." + +Wash: "That's right." + +Zoe: "And we can't stop it." + +Wash: "Well, I wash my hands of it. It's a hopeless case. I'll read a nice +poem at the funeral. Something with imagery." + +Zoe: "You could lock the door and keep the power-hungry maniac at bay." + +Wash: "Oh, no, I'm starting to like this poetry idea now. 'Here lies my +beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now she's all +corpsified and gross'..." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Bitca: "It's not as good as last year." + +Kaylee: "Oh, really? What'd they have last year?" + +Bitca: "Standards." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Gentleman: "Why, Banning Miller! What a vision you are in your fine dress. +It must have taken a dozen slaves a dozen days to get you into that getup. + +Of course, your daddy tells me it takes the space of a schoolboy's wink to +get you out of it again." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Harrow: "I know him. And I think he's a psychotic lowlife." + +Mal: "And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife +community." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Inara: "I see Kaylee's here." + +Mal: "Cried Cinderella tears. You should have seen her when I told her she +could have that layer cake she's wearing." + +Inara: "I think she looks adorable." + +Mal: "Yeah, but I never said it." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "Use of a swhat?" + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Kaylee: Up until the punching, it was a real nice party. + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Simon: "The captain's a good fighter, must know how to handle a sword." + +Zoe: "I think he knows which end to hold." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Inara: "Atherton's a heavy sleeper the night before a big day. You know, he's +got the killing in the morning, then a haircut later." + +Mal: "Such a comfort, having friends visit at a time like this." + + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "I actually thought I was defending your honor and I _never_ back down +from a fight!" + +Inara: "Yes, you do. You do all the time." + +Mal: "Well... yea... but I'm not backing down from this one." + +Inara: "He's an expert swordsman, Mal -- you had trouble with the pillar. How +will your death help my honor?" + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Jayne: "What we need's a diversion. I say Zoe gets naked." + +Wash: "Nope." + +Jayne: "I could get naked." + +Wash and Simon, in unison: "No!" + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Badger: "Why ain't she talking? She's got a secret." + +River: "Sure, I got a secret. More'n one. Don't seem likely I'd tell them to you +now, do it? Anyone off Dyton Colony knows better than to talk to strangers. +You're talkin' loud enough for the both of us, though, ain't ya? I've known +a dozen like you. Skipped off home early. Run graft jobs 'ere and there. +Spent some time in the lockdown, but less than you claim. Now you're what? +Petty thief with illusions of standing. Sad little king of a sad little +hill." + +Badger: "...Nice to see someone from the old homestead." + +River: "Not really." (to Simon) "Call me if anyone interesting shows up." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Jayne: "That there? Exactly the kind of diversion we could have used." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Inara: "Attack." (Mal lunges at her with sword; she sidesteps and swats him +on the butt; he grunts in pain) "How did I avoid that?" + +Mal: "By being fast like a freak?" + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Inara: "You have a strange sense of nobility. You'll lay a man out for implying +I'm a whore, but you keep calling me one to my face." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Inara: "You are always breaking the rules, no matter what society you're in! +You don't get along with ordinary criminals either, which is why you are +constantly getting in trouble!" + +Mal: "And you think following rules will buy you a nice life, even if the +rules make you a slave." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "Don't take his offer." + +Inara: "What?" + +Mal: "Don't do it. Because in the case that it happens, that means he's +the fellow that killed me. And I don't like fellows that killed me, not +in general." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Harrow: "You have to finish it, lad. You have to finish it. For a man to lay +beaten... and yet breathing? It makes him a coward." + +Inara: "It's humiliation." + +Mal: "Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better +man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly +stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I'm just a good one. (stabs him again) +Well, I'm all right." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Atherton: "You set this up, whore! After I bought and paid for you. I should have +uglied you up so no one else would want you." + +Mal: "See how I'm not punching him? I think I've grown." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Atherton: "Well, get ready to starve! I'll see to it you never work again." + +Inara: "Actually, that's not how it works. You see, you've earned yourself a +black mark in the client registry. No Companion is going to contact with you +ever again." + +Harrow: "You'll have to rely on your winning personality to get women. God help +you." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Harrow: "You didn't have to wound the man." + +Mal: "Yeah, I know, it was just funny." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Jayne: "We was just about to spring into action, Captain. Complicated +escape-and-rescue operation." + +Wash: "I was going to watch. It was very exciting." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Inara: "Thank you for the wine. It's very... fresh." + +Mal: "To Kaylee, and her inter-engine fermentation system." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Inara: "Are you in pain?" + +Mal: "Absolutely. I got stabbed, you know. Right here." + +Inara: "I saw." + +Mal: "Don't care much for fancy parties. Too rough." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Inara: "It wasn't entirely a disaster." + +Mal: "I got stabbed! Right here!" + +Inara: "You also lined up exciting new crime." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Mal: "It's good to have cargo. Makes us a target for every other scavenger +out there of course, but, sometimes that's fun too." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +Inara: "I am grateful, you know. For the ill-conceived and high-handed attempt +to defend my honor although I didn't want you to." + +Mal: "Gracious as that is, as I look back, probably should have stayed out of +your world." + --Episode #4, "Shindig" +% +River: "We got outflanked by an Independent squad, and we're never gonna make it +back to our platoon. We need to resort to cannibalism." + +Simon: "That was fast. Don't we have rations or anything?" + +River: "They got lost. We're going to have to eat the men." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mr. Tam: "I will not have it in my house. But since your mother's already +ordered one, I guess I might as well give up the fantasy that this is my +house." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "So, she's added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire. +She really is a prodigy." + +Simon: "It's just a bad day." + +Mal: "No, a bad day is when someone's yellin' spooks the cattle. Understand? +You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kind of +like a...a meat grinder. And it'll lose us half the herd." + +Simon: "She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle." + +Mal: "No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two +miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we +unload, she can holler until our ears bleed." (to River) "Although I would +take it as a kindness if she didn't." + +River: "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate +vacuuming systems." + +Mal: (to Simon) "See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long +as she does it quiet-like." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "You know, they walk just as easy if you lead them." + +Jayne: "I like smackin' them." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Zoe: "Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller." + +Wash: "Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles..." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +River: "Little soul big world. Eat and sleep and eat... Many souls. Very +straight, very simple" + +Mal: "Cattle on the ship three weeks, she don't go near 'em. Suddenly, +we're on Jiangyin and she's got a driving need to commune with the beasts?" + +River: "They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. +Now they see sky and they remember what they are." + +Mal: "Is it bad that what she just said makes perfect sense to me?" + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "When a man engages in clandestine dealings, he has this preference for +things going smoothly. She makes things not be smooth." + +Simon: "Right. I'm very sorry she tipped off anyone about your cunningly +concealed herd of cows." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Inara: "Does it seem every supply store on every border planet has the same +five rag dolls and the same wood carvings of... What is this? A duck?" + +Kaylee: "That's a swan. And I like it" + +Inara: "You do?" + +Kaylee: "It looks like it was made with, you know... longing. Made by a +person who really longed to see a swan." + +Inara: "Perhaps because they'd only heard of them by rough description." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "This is the last time. The last time with cows. I hear there is +an idea involving beagles, they have smallish droppings?" + +Zoe: "I believe so sir." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Grange: "Scrawny." + +Mal: "Milk and hay, three times a day, fed to them by beautiful women." + +Jayne: "It was something to see." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Grande: "They's branded." + +Mal: "Now you boys are hitting all the selling points. A fresh +brand is a dead give-away. Claim them as your own." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Grange: "We can go to 25." + +Mal: "Well... we'll be taking a loss. But you seem like clean and virtuous +boys. Done." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "It never goes smooth. How come it never goes smooth?" + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Book: "That's... that's quite a lot of blood, isn't it?" + +Mal: "Just means you ain't dead." + +Book: " 'fraid I might be needin' a preacher." + +Mal: "That's good. You just lie there and be ironical." (to Jayne) +"Stretcher!" + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Simon: "Some of these words -- they're misspelled. She started correcting my +spelling when she was three." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Book: "That bad?" + +Zoe: "Battle wounds are nothing new to me, preacher. I've seen men live +with a dozen holes in 'em this size." + +Book: "That right?" + +Zoe: "Surely is. Knew a man once who had a hole clean through his whole +shoulder. Used to keep a spare hankie in there." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Jayne: (mock reading Simon's journal) "Dear Diary...today I was pompous and +my sister was crazy." (flips page) "Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk +never to be seen again. It was the best day ever." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Kaylee: "Well, we're headed for help... right?" + +Zoe: "Captain will come up with a plan." + +Kaylee: "That's good. Right?" + +Zoe: "Possibly you're not recalling some of his previous plans." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Zoe: "You sanguine about the kind of reception we're apt to receive on an +Alliance ship, Cap'n?" + +Mal: "Absolutely." (beat) "What's 'sanguine' mean?" + +Zoe: " 'Sanguine'. Hopeful. Plus -- point of interest -- it also means +'bloody'." + +Mal: "Well, that pretty much covers all the options, don't it?" + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Doralee: "Place like this might be good for your sister. Quiet, +safe, place where folks take care of each other." + +Simon: "Yes, seems like a lovely little community of kidnappers." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +River: "I took you away from there." + +Simon: "No." + +River: "I know I did. You don't think I do, but... I get confused. I remember +everything. I remember too much and.... Some of it's made up and... some of +it can't be quantified and there's secrets..." + +Simon: "It's okay." + +River: "But I understand. You gave up everything to find me, and you found me +broken. It's hard for you. You gave up everything you had." + +Simon: "Mei mei, everything I have is right here." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Simon: "These are better than the Camberson's berries." + +River: "They are. Except they're poison." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Simon: "It's been a big day, what with the abduction and all." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Simon: "I'm sorry, Dad. You know I would never have tried to save River's life +if I'd known there was a dinner party at risk." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mr. Tam: "Are you trying to destroy this family?" + +Simon: "I didn't realize it would be so easy." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "What kind of ident card gets us that kind of reception and send off?" + +Book: "I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God." + +Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. +Whaddya suppose that makes us?" + +Zoe: "Big damn heroes, sir." + +Mal: "Ain't we just!" + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "Sorry to interrupt, folks. Y'all got something that belongs to us +and we'd like it back." + +Patron: "This is a holy cleansing, you cannot think to thwart God's will." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big +gun? Now I'm not saying you weren't easy to find but it was kinda out of our +way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill +some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: (to Simon) "Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin' folk is near +miraculous." + +Simon: "Yes, I'm very proud." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "Cut her down." + +Patron: "That girl is a witch!" + +Mal: "Yeah, but she's our witch. So cut her the hell down!" + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Simon: "So finally...a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I'm +sorry." + +Mal: "Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens." + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Mal: "So Shepard says to a Companion, "Well, a good goat will do that." " + --Episode #5, "Safe" +% +Bandit #1: "And I think maybe you're gonna give me a little one-on-one +time with the missus." + +Jayne/Husband: "Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. +See, I married me a powerful ugly creature." + +Mal/Wife: "How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new +people?" + +Jayne/Husband: "If I could make you purtier, I would." + +Mal/Wife: "You are not the man I met a year ago." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now. +They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail +cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I +will end you." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Inara: "So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn't in the dress?" + +Mal: "Tactics, woman! Needed her in the back. 'Sides, them soft cotton +dresses feel kind of nice. There's a whole airflow." + +Inara: "And you would know that because...?" + +Mal: "You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, +I'm a mystery." + +Inara: "Best keep it that way. I withdraw the question." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "I'm sorry. Go back to the part where you're my wife." + +Saffron: (downcast) "I don't please you." + +Mal: "You can't please me. You've never met me." (Zoe and Jayne enter) "Zoe, +why do I have a wife?" + +Jayne: "You got a wife?" + +Zoe: "What's she doing here?" + +Jayne: "All I got was that dumb-ass stick that sounds like it's raining. +How come you got a wife?" + +Mal: "I didn't." (to Saffron) "We're not married." + +Saffron: "I'm sorry if I shame you..." + +Mal: "You don't shame me. Zoe, get Wash down here." + +Zoe: (hits comm) "This is Zoe. We need all personnel in the cargo bay." + +Mal: "All? I said Wash!" + +Zoe: "Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day +of bliss." + +Mal: "There's no bliss! I don't even know this girl." + +Jayne: "Then can I know her?" + +Zoe: "Jayne! Don't sully this." + +Mal: "Zoe, you are going to be cleaning out the latrine with your face, you +don't cut that out." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Book: "Who's the new recruit?" + +Zoe: "Everybody, I want you to meet Mrs. Reynolds." + +Kaylee: (excited) "You got married?!" + +Simon: "Well, that's... congratulations." + +Wash: "We always hoped you two kids would get together. Who is she?" + +Mal: "She's no one!" + +(Saffron starts to cry) + +Kaylee: "Captain!" + +Mal: (at a loss) "Stop that." + +Saffron: "I'm... sorry..." + +Wash: "You brute." + +Kaylee: (to Saffron) "Oh, sweetie, don't feel bad. He makes everybody cry. +He's like a monster." + +Mal: "I'm not a monster. Wash, turn the ship around." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "This isn't happening." (to Saffron) "Will you stop crying?" + +Inara: "Oh, for God's sake, Mal, can you be a human being for thirty +seconds?" + +Wash: "Speaking as one married man to another..." + +Mal: "I am not married!" (to Saffron) "I'm sorry. You don't shame me, you +have very nice qualities but I didn't ever marry you." + +Book: (holding encyclopedia) "I believe you did. Last night." + +(Mal hesitates, as does everyone) + +Mal: (to Jayne, quiet) "How drunk was I last night?" + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Book: "If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very +special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people +who talk at the theater." + +Mal: "What -- I am not... preacher, you've got a smutty mind!" + +Book: "Perhaps I spoke out of turn." + +Mal: "You may perhaps I'm thinking!" + +Book: "I apologize. I'll make her up a room in the passenger dorm." + +Mal: "Good" + +(Book walks away and around the corner. A beat later, he pokes his head +back around to speak) + +Book: "The *special* hell." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Saffron: "Are you gonna kill me?" + +Mal: "What? What kind of crappy planet is that? Kill you?" + +Saffron: "In the maiden's home, I heard talk of men who weren't pleased +with their brides, who..." + +Mal: "Well I ain't them. And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing. +Someone tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back. Wife or no, +you're no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right same as +anyone to live and to try to kill people. I mean, you know. People +that are... That's a dumb planet." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Saffron: "I'd be a good wife." + +Mal: "Yeah, well, I'd be a terrible husband. You got five whole days to +figure that out." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Saffron: "I didn't think to make enough for your friends." (to Zoe) "But +I've everything laid out if you'd like to cook for your husband..." + +(Wash looks at Zoe for a microsecond of hope, before laughing +overcompensationally) + +Wash: "Ta ha ha... Isn't she quaint? I'm just not hungry..." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Zoe: (to Mal) "So, are you enjoying your own nubile little slave girl?" + +Mal: (mouth full) "I'm not... (chewing) nubile ... (swallows) Look, she +wanted to make me dinner. At least she's not crying..." + +Wash: "I might. Did she really make fresh bao?" (notices Zoe's glare) +"Quaint!" + +Zoe: "Remember that sex we were planning to have ever again?" + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "I would appreciate it if one person on this boat did not assume I was +an evil, lecherous hump." + +Zoe: "Nobody's saying that, sir." + +Wash: "Yeah, we're mostly just giving each other significant glances and +laughing incessantly. Is that cider?" + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "Can I come in?" + +Inara: "No." + +Mal: "See, that's why I usually don't ask." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "Are you offering me a trade?" + +Jayne: "A trade!? Hell, it's theft. This is the best damn gun made by man. +It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy than what you got." + +Mal: "What I got? She has a name." + +Jayne: "So does this!" (caresses the gun lovingly) "I call it Vera." + +Mal: "Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a +middle." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "Jayne: Go play with your night-stick." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Saffron: "You're a good man." + +Mal: "You clearly haven't been talking to anyone else on this boat..." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Wash: "Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met, +I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was +juggling geese. My hand to God. Baby geese. Goslings. They were juggled" + +Zoe: "Of course the man rushes in to defend her..." + +Wash: "(Huh?) I'm talking about geese." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: (looking at Saffron, shocked) "Whoa, hey... flesh..." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Saffron: "On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man +as the furrow to the plow. He shall work in her again and again, 'til she +bring him to his full. And rest him then upon the sweat of her breast." + +Mal: "Whoa - good bible..." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell..." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Wash: "Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh (Holy mother +of God and all her wacky nephews), do I wish I was somebody else right now. +Somebody not married, not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can +kill me with her pinky." + +Saffron: "I've been too forward." + +Wash: "No. Well, yes. But I actually like that in a woman. That's part of +why Zoe and I are, as previously mentioned, married." + +Saffron: "I thought... she didn't seem to respect you." + +Wash: "Not everybody gets me and Zoe at first glance. Did it get very hot +in here? I need airflow." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Inara: "Come into my shuttle." + +Saffron: "You would lie with me?" + +(alarms sound) + +Inara: "I guess we've lied enough." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Inara: (to Mal) "You were drugged." + +Jayne: "That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth" + +(Everyone falls deathly silent) + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Zoe: "So you two were kissing?" + +Book: "Well, isn't that... special?" + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "You woulda kissed her too!" + +Zoe: "Wash didn't." + +Mal: "But she was naked! And... articulate!" + +Wash: "Okay. Everyone NOT talking about their sex lives, in here. Everyone +else, elsewhere." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Book: "You were victimized, Wash was assaulted, and then Inara found you +here." + +Inara (groggy): "And then I fell and hit my head. Like Wash." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "So why the big act? What was she after?" + +Book: "Besides molesting innocent captains?" + +Mal: "You want to stow it, preacher? We're in some peril here." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Zoe: "If she can fly this thing, why'd she take the shuttle?" + +Wash: "Maybe she likes shuttles. Some people juggle geese!" + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Jayne: "See, Vera? Dress yourself up you get taken out somewhere fun." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Saffron: "You gonna kill me?" + +Mal: "Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason for me not to?" + +Saffron: "I didn't kill you." + +Mal: "You handed me and my crew over to those that would kill us. That buys +you nothing." + +Saffron: (smiles) "I made you dinner." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Mal: "You got all kinds of learning, and you make me look a fool without even +trying, and yet here I am with a gun to your head. That's cause I got people +with me, people who trust each other, and do for each other, and ain't +always looking for an advantage." + +Saffron: "Promise me you're going to kill me soon." + --Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" +% +Simon: "I swear - when it's appropriate." + +Kaylee: "Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Kaylee: (seeing Inara off) "Goodbye, now. Have good sex!" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Simon: "My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Simon: (to Jayne) "Enemies? You? No, how can it be?" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Simon: "All right, fine, I'll go... Just, stop describing me." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Simon: "Yes, I... I've heard good things about the mud. Lots of people +talking about the mud..." + +Wash: (to Kaylee) "What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master of +disguise?" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Mal: "You wanna tell me how come there's a statue of you here, looking at me +like I owe him something?" + +Jayne: "Wishin' I could, Captain." + +Mal: "No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me--?" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Jayne: "Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea. I was here a few years back, like +I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up +on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They +don't...put you on a pedestal in town square for that." + +Mal: "Yeah, 'cept I'm looking at some fair compelling evidence says they do." + +Simon: (staring at the statue) "This must be what going mad feels like." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Wash: (looking at Jayne's statue) "I think they captured him, though. You +know, captured his essence." + +Kaylee: "Looks sorta angry, don't he?" + +Wash: "That's kinda what I meant." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Jayne: "Uh, hey, I got a idea. Instead of us hanging around playing art +critic 'til I get pinched by the man, how's about we move away from this +eerie-ass piece of work, and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day. +How's that?" + +Mal: "I don't know. This here's a spectacle might warrant a moment's consideration." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Book: "What are we up to, sweetheart?" + +River: "Fixing your Bible." + +Book: "I, um...(alarmed)...what?" + +River: "Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make +sense." (she's marked up the bible, crossed out passages) + +Book: "No, no. You - you can't... " + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +River: "So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's +creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. +Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven +eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem." + +Book: "Really?" + +River: "We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to +fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat." (rips out page) + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Book: "River, you don't... fix the Bible." + +River: "It's broken. It doesn't make sense." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Book: "You don't fix faith, River. It fixes you." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Jayne: "Can't be a statue of me. No reason for it. Flies in the +face of every kind of sense." + +Mal: "Won't argue with that." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Wash: (spits out his first taste of his drink) swears in Chinese + +Jayne: "Mmm. They call it 'mudder's milk." + +Wash: (gags) + +Jayne: "All the protein, vitamins and carbs of you grandma's best +turkey dinner... plus 15 percent alcohol. + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Contact: "Last week, the factory foreman and his prod crew heard he was +moving contraband through town. Gave him a peck of trouble for it." + +Mal: "What kind of peck was that?" + +Contact: "The kind where they hacked off his hands and feet with a machete, +rolled him into the bog." + +Wash: "They peck pretty hard around here." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +("The Man They Call Jayne" is being sung in the background) + +Mal: "Uh, Jayne?" + +Jayne: "Yeah, Mal?" + +Mal: "You got any light you'd like to shed on this development?" + +Jayne: "No, Mal." + +Simon: "No... *This* must be what going mad feels like..." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +He robbed from the rich + and he gave to the poor. + Stood up to the man + and gave him what for. + Our love for him now + ain't hard to explain. + The hero of Canton + the man they call Jayne. + +Our Jayne saw the mudders' backs breakin'. + He saw the mudders' lament. + And he saw the Magistrate takin' + every dollar and leavin' five cents. + So he said "You can't do that to my people." + He said "You can't crush them under your heel." + So Jayne strapped on his hat + and in 5 seconds flat + stole everythin' Boss Higgins had to steal. + +He robbed from the rich + and he gave to the poor. + Stood up to the man + and gave him what for. + Our love for him now + ain't hard to explain. + The hero of Canton + the man they call Jayne. + +Now here is what separates heroes + from common folk like you and I. + The man they call Jayne + he turned 'round his plane + and let that money hit sky. + +He dropped it onto our houses + he dropped it into our yards. + The man they called Jayne + he stole away our pain + and headed out for the stars! + +Here we go! + +He robbed from the rich + and he gave to the poor. + Stood up to the man + and gave him what for. + Our love for him now + ain't hard to explain. + The hero of Canton + the man they call Jayne. + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Wash: "We gotta go to a crappy town where I'm a hero!" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Simon: "You know... I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I reattached a +girl's leg - her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a +hamster. He drops a box money, he gets a town." + +Kaylee: "Hamsters is nice." + +Simon: "To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong... thing." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +River: "I tore these out of your symbol, and they turned into paper." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +River: "They say the snow on the roof was too heavy. The ceiling will cave in, +his brains are in terrible danger!" + +Book: "River? Please. Why don't you come out?" + +River: "No! Can't! Too much hair!" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Zoe: "River, honey, he's putting the hair away now." + +River: "Doesn't matter. It'll still be there... waiting." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Jayne: "You guys had a riot? On account of me? My very own riot?" + +Mudder: "I can't believe you're back." + +Jayne: (all emotional) "How could I stay away?!!" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Jayne: "You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?" + +Mal: "You better laugh when you say that." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Zoe: "Is that Jayne? Is that really him? Wash, pinch me, I must be +dreaming!" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Inara: "I.. I know this man. He's... he just has this idiotic sense of +nobility, you know? He can never just let things go. He thinks he's this +hard-hearted criminal and he can be unrelenting, but... there's a side to +him that's just so...." + +Fess: "You mean you actually know Jayne?" + +Inara: "Jayne? Jayne Cobb?" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +River: "Just keep walking, preacher-man." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Kaylee: "So, when we made love last night..." + +Simon: "When we what???" + +Kaylee: "You really are such an easy mark!" + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Mal: "It's my estimation that... every man ever got a statue made of him was +one kind of sumbitch or another. It ain't about you, Jayne. It's about what +they need." + --Episode #7, "Jaynestown" +% +Zoe: "You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?" + +Mal: "What? Come on, seriously, Zoe. Whaddya think?" + +Zoe: "Honestly, sir? I think you got robbed." + +Mal: "Robbed? What? No. What do you mean?" + +Zoe: "It's a piece of fei-oo." [fei-oo. = junk] + +Mal: "Fei-oo? Okay, she won't be winning any beauty contests anytime soon. +But she's solid. Ship like this, be with ya 'til the day you die." + +Zoe: "Cause it's a deathtrap." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Mal: "You are very much lacking in imagination." + +Zoe: "I imagine that's so, sir." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Mal: "Try and see past what she is, to what she can be." + +Zoe: "What's that, sir?" + +Mal: "Freedom, that's what." + +Zoe: (pointing) "I meant, what's that?" + +Mal: "Oh. Yeah, just step around that. I think something must have been living +in here." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Zoe: "Get her running again?" + +Mal: "Yeah. + +Zoe: "So, not running now?" + +Mal: "Not so much." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Jayne: "Now, Inara, she's gotta have some real funny whorin stories, I +wager." + +Inara: "Oh, do I ever! Funny and sexy! You have no idea. And you never +will." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Simon: "How did you know? River, did you...?" + +River: "Day is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles. +It's not applicable." (beat) "I didn't get you anything." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Kaylee: "Catalyzer on the port compression coil blew. That's where the +trouble started." + +Mal: "I need that in Captain Dummy talk, Kaylee." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Inara: "I love this ship. I have from the first moment I saw it." + +Simon: "I just don't want to die on it." + +Inara: "I don't want to die at all." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +River: "Don't be afraid. That's what it says, don't be afraid." + +Book: "Yes." + +River: "You're afraid we're going to run out of air. That we'll die gasping. +But we won't. That's not going to happen. We'll freeze to death first." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Mal: "Wave your arms around, jump up and down, divert the navsats to the +transmitter, whatever." + +Wash: "Divert the navsats to-- Right! Because teenage pranks are fun when +you're about to die!" + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Wash: "Even if some passerby did happen to receive it, all it would do is muck +up their navigation." + +Mal: "Could be that's true." + +Wash: "Damn right it's true! They'd be forced to stop and dig out our signal +before they could even go anyplace." + +(Mal stares) + +Wash: "Well, maybe I should do that, then!" + +Mal: "Maybe you should!" + +Wash: "Okay!" + +Mal: "Good!" + +Wash: "Fine!" + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Jayne: "What do you two think you're doing? Fightin' at a time like this." +(beat) "You'll use up all the air." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Kaylee: "Ain't nothin wrong with your grav boot. Grav boot's just fine. +Hello!" + +Bester: "She doesn't... that's not what... no it ain't!" + +Kaylee: "Sure it is. Grav boot ain't your trouble. I seen the trouble +plain as day when I was down there on my back before..." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Mal: "Jayne'll be worth something if you run into trouble, but don't trust +him, and don't let him take over. You're paid up through the end of the +month, this is still your ship." + +Inara: "Mal..." + +Mal: "As far as your security deposit goes, that I might have to owe you. " +% +Mal: "If it's Alliance trouble you got, you might want to consider another +ship. Some onboard here fought for the Independents." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Inara: "The Alliance has no quarrel with me. I supported Unification." + +Mal: Did ya? Well, I don't suppose you're the only whore that did." + +Inara: "Oh, one further addendum -- that's the last time you get to call me +"whore"." + +Mal: "Absolutely. Never again." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Mal: "And try not to talk. Talking uses up air. Ain't no need for it." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Inara: "Mal, you don't have to die alone." + +Mal: "Everybody dies alone." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Mal: "Which one do you figured tracked us?" + +Zoe: "The ugly one, sir." + +Mal: (beat) "Could you be more specific?" + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Mal: "Well, looks can be deceiving." + +Jayne: "Not as deceiving as a lowdown, dirty... deceiver." + +Mal: "Well said. Wasn't that well said, Zoe?" + +Zoe: "Had a kind of poetry to it, sir." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Jayne: "You want I should shoot 'em now, Marco?" + +Marco: "Wait till they tell us where they put the stuff." + +Jayne: "That's a good idea. Good idea. Tell us where the +stuff's at, so I can shoot ya." + +Mal: (raises hand) "Point of interest. Offering to shoot us +might not work so well as an incentive as you might imagine." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Mal: "I mean, let's say you did kill us... or didn't. There could be torture +- whatever - but somehow, you found the goods. What would your cut be?" + +Jayne: "Seven percent, straight off the top." + +Mal: "Seven? Oh." + +Jayne: "What?" + +Mal: "Hmm? Nothing. Not a thing. No, I just... (to Zoe) does that seem low to +you?" + +Zoe: "It does, sir." + +Jayne: "That ain't low." + +Marco: "Stop it!" + +Jayne: "Seven percent, standard." + +Mal: (laughs) "Okay. Zoe, I'm paying you too much." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Kaylee: "Catalyzer's a nothing part, captain." + +Mal: "It's nothing until you don't got one. Then it appears to be everything." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% +Captain: "You would have done the same." + +Mal: "You can already see I haven't. Now get the hell off my ship." + --Episode #8, "Out of Gas" +% + +Wash: "Could you please tell my wife the fun she's missing out on?" + +Inara: "Ariel's quite nice place, actually. There are some lovely museums, +not to mention some of the finest restaurants in the quadrant." + +Wash: "But not boring like she made it sound." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "You could have got off with Shepard Book at Bathgate Abbey. You could +have been meditating on the wonders of your rock garden by now." + +Jayne: "Well, it beats just sitting." + +Wash: "It IS just sitting." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Simon: "Could you not do that while we're... ever?" + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Wash: "Two days in a hospital? Don't you just hate doctors?" + +Simon: "Hey!" + +Wash: "Present company excluded." + +Jayne: "Let's not be excluding people. That'd be rude." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Wash: "You know, it's all very sweet, stealing from the rich, selling to the +poor..." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Kaylee: "Figures. First time on the Core and what do I get to do? Dig +through trash. Why couldn't he send me shopping at the triplex, or... +Oooh, synchronizers!" + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "Patients were cynical and not responding and we couldn't bring 'em +back-" + +Simon: "They were cyanotic and not responsive." + +Simon: (to Jayne) "What about cortical electrodes?" + +Jayne: "Oh..." (obviously doesn't know the answer) "We forgot 'em." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "Pupils were fixed and dilapidated-" + +Simon: "Dilated-" + +Mal: "Dilated! Dilated! Ching-wao tsao duh liou mahng!" [Frog-humping sonofabitch] + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Jayne: "Hell, I don't know. If I'd wanted schooling, I'd have gone to school." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "Now all we need is a coupla patients." + +Simon: "Corpses, actually. For this plan to work, River and I will have to +be dead." + +Jayne: (smiling) "I'm starting to like this plan." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "Look, you got a little stabbed the other day. It's bound +to make anyone a mite ornery." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Jayne: "Nothing buys bygones quicker than cash." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +River (startling Jayne, jumping up from unconsciousness): "Copper for a kiss?" + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "Two lefts, two rights, and we're there. You see anyone, smile." + +Zoe: "I don't think anyone smiles in hospitals." + +Mal: "Course they do, it's the Core. Everyone's rich and happy here, why +wouldn't they smile?" + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Pompous Doctor: "Walk with me a minute." + +Mal: "Where're we going?" (Zoe sneaks away, around and behind the doctor) + +Pompous Doctor:"You see this badge? It says 'doctor'. I say walk, you +walk." + +Mal: "Yeah but, where're we going?" + +Pompous Doctor: "You must be new." (Zoe walks up behind him) "Don't get +comfortable, your type never lasts long around here. When your supervisor +hears about the rude and disrespect--ARGH!!!" (falls to the ground, +unconscious, revealing Zoe standing behind him with defib paddles) + +Zoe: (shrugs) "Clear." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +River: (cryptically to Jayne) "They took Christmas away." + +Jayne: (confused) "What the hell now?" + +River: "Came downstairs for the shiny presents...they took the tree, and the +stockings...nothing left but coal." + +Jayne: (to Simon) "Would you shut her up?" + +River: (to Jayne) "Don't look in the closet, either -- it's greedy." +(smiles) "It's not in the spirit of the holiday." + +Jayne: "You shut the hell up right now or so help me, I'll shut you up." +Zoe: "Can we find someplace with a beach?" + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Wash: (grinning and skipping to her) "Maybe a naked beach?" (they kiss) + +Mal: "Cut it out. Job's not done 'til we're back on Serenity." + +Zoe: "Sorry, sir, didn't mean to enjoy the moment." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Simon: "Agent McGinnis, I'm certain you're working under a superior keeping +close tabs on this case. I'm certain of that because important people don't +do fieldwork. I'm also certain your superior wants me and my sister alive. +Now, I'm not going to move from this start until one of two things happens: +you answer my very simple question, or you shoot me." + +McGinnis: "We're transferring you to a holding center, until you can be +retrieved." + +Simon: "Retrieved? By who?" + +McGinnis: "People who want you alive. People, not me." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Jayne: Shee-nio high tech Alliance crap!" + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Kaylee: "Hey there, Inara! How was your checkup?" + +Inara: "Same as last year. What's going on?" + +Kaylee: (cheerfully) "Oh well let's see...we killed Simon and River, stole a +bunch of medicine, and now the Captain and Zoe are off springing the others +that got snatched by the feds." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "Hey! How was your thing?" + +Inara: "As advertised -- lots of needles and cold exam tables. I heard you +had some excitement." + +Mal: "Oh, nothin' much -- lotsa runnin' round, little gunplay...couple +needles." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Simon: "He was amazing! (to Jayne) "We wouldn't be standing here if it +weren't for you." + +Jayne: "Well, uh...you're part of my crew." + +Mal: (sarcastic) "I think I might cry." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "You called the Feds." + +Jayne: "What? I got pinched!" + +Mal: "Which is what happens when you call the Feds." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "You know, I hear tell they used to keelhaul traitors back in the day. +I don't have a keel to haul you on, so..." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Jayne: "What are you taking this so personal for? It ain't like I ratted you out +to the Feds." + +Mal: "But you did. You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me! If that's a +concept that you can't seem to wrap your head around, then you got no place +here. You did it to me, Jayne, and that's a fact." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Mal: "Next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to +my face." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +River: "Is it time to go to sleep again?" + +Simon: "No, mei mei. It's time to wake up." + --Episode #9, "Ariel" +% +Book: "He said, 'Live with a man forty years, share his house, his meals, speak +on every subject... then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge. +And on that day, you will finally meet the man.' " + +Simon: "What if you don't live near a volcano?" + +Book: "I expect he was being poetical." + +Simon: "Sadistic crap legitimized by florid prose. Tell me you're not a +fan." + +Book: "I'm just wondering if they were. The people who did this to your +sister." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Book: "A government is a body of people -- usually notably ungoverned. + +Simon: "Now you're quoting the captain." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Book: "Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. +Got your next heist planned?" + +Simon: "No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a +traditionalist." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Mal: "Don't worry, I'm not gonna start any sword fights -- I'm over that +phase." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Mal: "One of you is going to fall and kill yourself, and I'm not cleaning it +up!" + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: "It's Jayne being so generous with his cut that confuses and frightens +me." + +Zoe: "It does kind of freeze the blood." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Zoe: "We mentioned that we were out of rations, and ten minutes later, a bunch +of apples rained into the trench." + +Wash: "And they grew into a big tree, and they all climbed up the tree into a +magical land with unicorns and a harp." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: "And then came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the +highlight of this little adventure." + +Zoe: "Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?" + +Wash: "You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lamby-toes." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: "I love that you two are old Army buddies, you have wacky stories with +rib cages in them, but could you have an opinion of your own, please?" + +Zoe: "You're losing the high ground here, sweetcakes." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: "I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. Don't hide behind Mal +because you know he'll shoot it down!" + +Zoe: "Right. Because what this marriage needs is one more shouting match." + +Wash: "No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. Right now it's kind of +crowded." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +River: "Going back. Like apple bits, coming back up." + +Simon: "But you felt okay this morning?" + +River: "Played with Kaylee. The sun came out and I walked on my feet and heard +with my ears. I ate the bits.. the bits that stay down and I work, I +function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away. The sun +grows dark and chaos has come again. Its fluids.... What am I?" + +Simon: "You are my beautiful sister." + +River: "I threw up on your bed." + +Simon: "Yup. Definitely my sister." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: "Didn't want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you +taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead. Me and the +Captain." + +Mal: "The Captain who's standing right here telling you that's not gonna +happen?" + +Wash: "Well, it's a dangerous mission, sir. I can't stand the thought of +something happening that might cause you two to come back with another +thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can't take that right now." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Mal: "Okay, um, I'm lost. Uh, I'm angry, and I'm armed, so if you two have +something that you need to work out --" + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: (to a departing Zoe) "Bye, hon! We promise not to stop for beers with +the fellas!" (sits down, starts the engines, then to Mal) "So, are we gonna +sing army songs or something?" + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: "Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire." +(beat) "Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Jayne: "I'll be in my bunk." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Book: "This is precision work; sharpshooters. From the look of these wounds, +I'd say a 54-R sniper rifle. Laser sights." + +Jayne: "Do a lot of shooting at the abbey there, Shepard?" + +Book: "Rabbits." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: "I don't want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what's +happening, then you tell me. You wouldn't spare Zoe if she were in this +situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting and +possibly scheming. So whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna +do. Do you know why? No matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back +with the stories. So... I'm Zoe. Now, what do I do?" + +Mal: "Probably not talk quite so much." + +Wash: "Right. Less talking. She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight +school, I was laconic." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: "I mean, I'm the one that she swore to love, honor and obey." + +Mal: "Listen, if..." (beat) "She swore to obey?" + +Wash: "Well, no, not... But that's just my point! You she obeys! She obeys +you! There's obeying going on right under my nose!" + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: (to Mal) "Screw you!" + +Mal: "Get in line!" + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Niska: "This is not enough. Not enough for two. But sufficient +perhaps for one. Ah, now you have to..." + +Zoe: "Him. I'm sorry, you were going to ask me to choose, right? +Do you want to finish?" + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Simon: "Well, it's a clean cut. With the right equipment, I should be able +to reattach it. That's assuming there's a head..." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Niska: "Do you know the writings of Shan Yu?" + +Mal: "You starting a book club." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Zoe: "We're getting him back!" + +Jayne: "What are we going to do, clone him?" + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Niska: "This is not a time for extraordinary men. Business is not war, heroics +are unseemly. They complicate." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Wash: "Grenades?" + +Zoe: "Oh, yes. Thank you, dear." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Zoe: "We're going to get the captain." + +Kaylee: "Oh... Good.... Can they do that?" + +Jayne: "No." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say +about killing? + +Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of +kneecaps." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Zoe: "It's like throwing a dart, Jayne, and hitting a bullseye 6,000 miles +away. That's my man." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Zoe: "Okay, people -- if it moves, shoot it." + +Kaylee: "Unless it's the captain!" + +Zoe: "Unless it's the captain." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Mal: "Listen, if you got guests, I can come back later." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +River: "No power in the 'verse can stop me." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +(Mal, fighting with his torturer on the edge of the factory shaft precipice, +is interrupted by the arrival of his crew. Jayne lifts his gun, and takes +aim; however, Zoe grabs his arm.) + +Zoe: "This is something the Captain needs to do himself." + +(Jayne lowers his gun) + +Mal: (Calling back to them) "No, it's not --" + +Zoe: "Oh." (All aim and fire in unison) + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Inara: "I just wish you'd killed that old bastard." + +Mal: "I got regrets on that score my own self." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Simon: "I never shot anyone before." + +Book: "I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone yet." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Mal: (unenthusiastically) "I know it's a difficult mission, but you and I... +have to get it on." + +Zoe: (unenthusiastically) "I understand. We have no choice. Take me, sir. +Take me hard." + +Jayne: "Now something about that is downright unsettling..." + --Episode #10, "War Stories" +% +Mal (naked, alone in the desert): "Yep... that went well." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Monty: "Damn you, Bridget! Damn you ta Hades! You broke my heart in a +million pieces! You made me love you, and then y-- I SHAVED MY BEARD FOR +YOU, DEVIL WOMAN!" + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Jayne: "Whoa there, Cap'n...tell me you didn't get into a fight with Monty." + +Kaylee: "Really? But I thought we loved Monty!" (to Zoe, uncertain) "Don't +we love Monty?" + +Zoe: "Sweetie, if he had a tussle with that Sasquatch, we'd be in the dirt +right about now, scoopin' up the Captain's teeth." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Inara: "I'm not sleeping with you, Mal." + +Mal: "Uh, no, I think I would have noticed. I think my keenly +trained senses would..." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Mal: "This is one of the crazier things I've heard today and when I +tell you about the rest of my day, you'll appreciate..." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Mal: "Hey, no, we'll just set course for Planet of the Lonely, Rich, and +Appropriately Hygienic Man. I'll just tell Wash, we can park there for a +month." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Inara: "Right. You're a criminal mastermind. What was the last cargo we +snuck past the Alliance to transport?" + +Mal: "That was--" + +Inara: "What was the cargo?" + +Mal: "They were dolls." + +Inara: "They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!" + +Mal: "Hey, people love those!" + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Mal: "Petty?" + +Inara: "I didn't mean petty." + +Mal: "What did you mean?" + +Inara: "Suo-shee?" + +Mal: "That's Chinese for petty." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Mal: "I'm confused--" + +Saffron: "You're asking yourself: if I've got the security +codes, why don't I grab it for myself?" + +Wash: "No, actually, I was wondering... What's she doing on +this ship? Didn't she try to kill us?" + +Saffron: "Please. Nobody died last time." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Wash: "We're in space. How'd she get here?" + +Mal: "She hitched." + +Wash: "I don't recall pulling over." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Jayne: "Captain says you're to stay put. Doesn't want you runnin' afoul of +his blushin' psychotic bride. She figures out who you are, she'll turn you +in 'fore you can say... 'don't turn me in, lady'." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +River: (looking at Jayne) "She's a liar." + +Jayne: "That don't exactly set her apart from the rest of us. And the +plunder sounds fun enough." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +River: "She's a liar and no good will come of her." + +Jayne: "Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +River: "Jayne is a girl's name." + +Jayne: "Well, Jayne ain't a girl! If she starts in on that 'girl's name' +thing, I'll show her good an' all I got man parts." + +Simon: "I'm trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. It's just not +coming." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Saffron: (to Durran) "They set on me at Parth, these awful men..." + +Mal: "That wasn't me, though. I don't know those men..." + +Saffron: "They said they wanted ransom, but they... they sold me to +slavers..." + +Mal: "Also unknown to me." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Saffron: "We gotta move fast." + +Mal: "Yeah, he might come back and hug us in the act." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Saffron: "He's my husband." + +Mal: "Well who in the damn galaxy isn't?" + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Mal: "I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we +gotta move." + +Saffron: "I should've killed Durran." + +Mal: "Right. The one guy that don't have it coming. The man who knows you +and still loves you, treachery and all. Can't have him walking about." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Mal: "I've seen you without your clothes on before. Never thought I'd see +you naked." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Saffron: "You won't tell anyone about me breaking down? + +Mal: "I won't." + +Saffron: "Then I won't tell anyone how easily I got your gun out of your +holster." + +Mal: "I'd take that as a kindness." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +River: "Also, I can kill you with my brain." + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Inara: "You call this going well?" + +Mal: "We got the loot, didn't we?" + +Inara: "Yes, but--" + +Mal: "Then I call it a win. What's the problem?" + +Inara: "Should I start with the part where you're stranded in the +middle of nowhere... or the part where you have no clothes?" + --Episode #11, "Trash" +% +Wash: "Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Zoe: "Scared her away again, did you?" + +Simon: "This may come as a shock, but I'm actually not very good at talking +to girls." + +Zoe: "Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?" + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Wash: (to a jar with a cow fetus, mock-serious) "Do not fear me. Ours is a +peaceful race, and we must live in harmony..." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +River: (trying to eat an 'ice-planet') "My food is troublesome." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Jayne: "I got post?" + +Book: "Might we all want to step back a few paces before he opens that?" + +Jayne: "Ha ha. It's from my mother." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Jayne: (wearing ugly homemade hat) "How's it sit? Pretty cunning, + don'tchya think?" + +Kaylee: "I think it's the sweetest hat ever." + +Book: "Makes a statement." + +Jayne: "Yeah, yeah!" + +Wash: "A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid +of anything." + +Jayne: "Damn straight." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Tracey: "Thanks. Didn't know you were there." + +Zoe: "That's sort of the point. Stealth, you may have heard of it." + +Tracey: "I don't think they covered that in basic." + +Zoe: "Well, at least they covered 'Dropping your weapon so you can eat beans +and get yourself shot'." + +Tracey: "Yeah, I got a badge in that." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Mal: "Vitelli's out of it. That bumblebee laid down arms at the first sign +of inevitable crushing defeat, can you imagine such a cowardly creature?" + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Mal: "Everybody dies, Tracey. Someone's carrying a bullet for you right +now, doesn't even know it. The trick is to die of old age before it finds +you." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Jayne: "We're taking him on board?" + +Mal: "We are." + +Jayne: "Don't figure the percentage in that." + +Mal: "Don't strain your brain trying, then. Might break something." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Zoe: "I don't get this. They're after Tracey?" + +Mal: "Or there's something else in that box." + +(later) + +Mal: "Anything?" + +Jayne: "Not unless this crate's made of magical wish-granting planks." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Mal: "Using corpses for smuggling is a time-honored repulsive custom." + +Jayne: "Maybe it's gold!" + +Zoe: "And maybe this was a friend of ours, and you wanna show a little +respect." + +Jayne: "I got respect. But I'm just saying... gold!" + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% +Mal: "When you can't run anymore, you crawl, and when you can't do that, you +find someone to carry you." +% +Tracey: "That call means you just murdered me!" + +Mal: "You murdered yourself, son. I just carried the bullet for a while." + --Episode #12, "The Message" +% + +Inara: "Hi." + +Mal: (terribly startled while working on his guns) "BWAAA!" + +Inara: "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle." + +Mal: "You didn't." (repeating, as if he meant to) "BWAAA! That's kind of a +warrior... It's a... strikes fear into..." (nothing) "Bwaa?" (gives up) "You +know, it ain't altogether wise, sneaking up on a man when he's handling a +weapon." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Mal: "You know, not altogether wise, sneaking up on a man when he's +handling his weapon." + +Inara: "I'm sure I've heard that said. But perhaps the dining area isn't the +place for this sort of thing?" + +Mal: "What do you mean? Only place with a table big enough." + +Inara: "Of course. In that case..." (rearranges guns) "Every well-bred petty +crook knows -- the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of +the place setting." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Mal: "This distress call wouldn't be taking place in someone's pants, would +it?" + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Inara: "It sounds like the sort of thing this crew can handle. I can't +guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but-" + +Nandi: "If they got guns, and brains at all..." + +Inara: "They have guns." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Zoe: "No one's gonna force you to go, Jayne. As has been stated -- this +job's strictly speculative." + +Jayne: "Good. 'Cause I don't know these folks, don't much care to." + +Mal: "They're whores." + +Jayne: "I'm in." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Mal: "Any friend of Inara's is a strictly business-like relationship of +mine." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Mal: "I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew later. They're good folk." + +Jayne: (calls out from across the room) "Can I start gettin' sexed already?" + +Mal: "Well, that's one kind of horrific." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Jayne: "My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly about the room, +there's so much tasty in here." + +Wash: "Would be you'd get you most poetical about your pecker." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Kaylee: "Everybody's got somebody..." (wistfully) "Wash, tell me I'm +pretty..." + +Wash: "Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion." + +Kaylee: "'Cause I'm pretty?" + +Wash: "'Cause you're pretty." + +Kaylee: "Thank you. That was very restorative." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Mal: "Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?" + +Inara: "Will you wash it first?" + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Mal: "Well, lady I must say..." (admiring smile) "...you're my kinda +stupid." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Zoe: "I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try +to have it." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +River: (near a woman in labor) "Who do you think is in there?" + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Mal: "Miss Nandi, I have a confession to make." + +Nandi: "Maybe I should get the Shepherd." + +Mal: "Well, I ain't sinned yet, and I'd feel more than a little awkward +having him here when I do." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Kaylee: "Captain seem a little funny to you at breakfast this morning?" + +Wash: "Come on, Kaylee. We all know I'm the funny one." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Inara: "This is just a moment in time. Step aside and let it happen." + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Petaline: "Jonah, say hello to your daddy." (aims gun). "Say goodbye to +your daddy, Jonah." (fires) + --Episode #13, "Heart of Gold" +% +Simon: "I wish I was lying! I just... you know, we'd all made surgeon. +That was it. We were the elite. The world was ours, you know." + +Kaylee: "So you had to be naked?" + +Simon: "Naked, yes. And on top of the statue of Hippocrates. Can't you +just picture me?" + +Kaylee: "What, naked? Oh well, hmm... let's see. I'm gonna have to conjure +up... Yeah, that's gonna be difficult... so, did the Feds come?" + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Simon: "This is not funny. This is a morality tale about the evils of +sake." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Simon: "It was either that or the National Anthem. Reports vary." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Jayne: "Saint Jayne, it's got a ring to it!" + +Book: "I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed." + +Jayne: "I once hit a guy in the neck from 500 yards with a bent scope. Does +that count upstairs?" + +Book: "Oh, it will be taken into consideration." + +Jayne: "You made that sound kind of ominous." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +River: "It's just an object. Doesn't mean what you think." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Mal: "Fully loaded, safety off. This here's a recipe for unpleasantness. +Does she understand that?" + +River: "She understands. She doesn't comprehend. + +Mal: "Well, I'm glad we've made that distinction." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Mal: "When I want a lot of medical jargon, I'll talk to a doctor. + +Simon: "You are talking to a doctor." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Mal: "We're in deep space, corner of no and where." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Wash: "Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do +next?" + +Zoe: "Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up." + +Wash: "I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all +die from it." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Jayne: "Let's move this conversation in a not-Jayne's-fault direction." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Jayne: "Anyone remember her coming at me with a butcher knife?" + +Wash: "Wacky fun..." + +Jayne: "You want to go, little man?" + +Wash: "Only if it's someplace with candlelight." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Zoe: "I don't think she'd harm anyone." + +Jayne: "Butcher knife!" + +Zoe: "Anyone we can't spare." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Kaylee: "Didn't make much account of myself, I'm afraid." + +Mal: "I got no problem with the notion of you not killing no one, Kaylee." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Kaylee: "She just did the math." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Inara: "This is not a joking matter! This is about our lives! And +River's." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Simon: "She's just a kid. She just... wants to be a kid." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Mal: "But she does have an oddness to her. And I ain't just talking about +her proficiency with firearms. Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. +Things she couldn't." + +Jayne: "Wha-...are you-are you sayin' she's a witch?" + +Wash: (sarcastically) "Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with +the beast." + +Jayne: "She's in Congress?" + +Wash: (amazed) "How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so +curious." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Wash: "Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction." + +Zoe: "We live in a space ship, dear." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Jayne: "... and if wishes were horses we'd all be eating steak!" + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Kaylee: "Don't let the space bugs bite! (embarrassed, to herself) "Space +bugs?" + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early: "Strains the mind a bit. You think you're all alone... Maybe I come +down the chimney, Kaylee. Bring presents to all the good girls and boys. +Maybe not, though. Maybe I've always been here." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Simon: "And which part of your plan dictated the necessity of beating up a +shepard?" + +Early: "That ain't a shepard." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early: "Is it still her room when it's empty? Does the room, the thing, +have purpose? Or do we... What's the word?" + +Simon: "I really can't help you." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Simon: "So you're a bounty hunter." + +Early: "That ain't it at all." + +Simon: "Then what are you?" + +Early: "I'm a bounty hunter." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early: "They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get +certified, but they don't make surgeons get cut on. That seem right to you?" + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early: "You ever been shot?" + +Simon: "No." + +Early: "You out to be shot. Or stabbed. Lose a leg. To be a surgeon, you +know. Know what kind of pain you're dealing with." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Simon: "Come on out, River. The nice man wants to kidnap you." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Inara: "This is pointless, you know." + +Early: "200,000 seems fairly pointed to me." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Inara: "Serenity is a smuggling ship. I've been here a year, I couldn't +name all the places she might hide." + +Early: "I don't have a year." (beat) " Your sister is being a real annoyance." + +Simon: "I feel for you." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early: "Man is stronger by far than woman, but only woman can create a +child. Does that seem right to you?" + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early: "You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, +this girl is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport. Yet by far the +most troublesome. Does that seem right to you?" + +Simon: "What'd he do?" + +Early: "Who?" + +Simon: "The midget." + +Early: "Arson. Little man loved fire." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +River/Serenity: "You're wrong about River. River's not on the ship. They +didn't want her here, but she couldn't make herself leave. So she melted... +Melted away. They didn't know she could do that, but she did." + +Early: "I'm not sure I take your meaning there." + +River/Serenity: "I'm not on the ship. I'm in the ship." (beat) "I am the +ship." + +Simon: "River..." + +River/Serenity: "River's gone." + +Early: "Then who exactly are we talking to?" + +River/Serenity: "You're talking to Serenity. And, Early... Serenity is very +unhappy." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early: "I only hurt people because they keep getting in the way of me +finding you." (to Simon): "Tell her." + +Simon: "What am I? Your advocate?" + +Early: (aiming his gun) "You are now." + +Simon: "He's really very... gentle... and fuzzy. We're becoming fast +friends." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +(River/Serenity laughs) + +Early: "You folks are all insane." + +Simon: "Well, my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood." + +Early: Doesn't anybody care that I have a finely crafted gun pointed at this +boy's head?" + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early: "Where'd she go?" + +Simon: "I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a +spaceship. Don't look at me." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Mal: "There's a guy.. he's very blurry. You gotta be careful." (beat) +"Oh... how come there's a guy on board? How come you're all of a sudden the +ship?" + +River/Serenity: "I know you have questions." + +Mal: "That would be why I just asked them." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Mal: "Am I dreaming?" + +River/Serenity: "We all are." (beat) "Don't make faces." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Wash: "How about his face? Is his face wearing armor?" + +River/Serenity: "No touching guns!" + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early: "I'll be a son of a whore! You're not in my gorram mind! You're in +my gorram ship!" + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +River/Serenity: "You're not right, Early. You're not righteous. You got +issues. + +Early: "No. Well, yes. I could have that." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +River: "Don't belong. Dangerous, like you. Can't be controlled. Can't be +trusted. Everyone can just go on without me and not have to worry. People +could be what they wanted to be. Could be with the people they wanted. +Live simple. No secrets..." + +Simon: "No..." + +River: "I'll be fine. I'll be your bounty, Jubal Early. And I'll just fade +away." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +River: "Permission to come aboard?" + +Mal: "You know, you ain't quite right." + +River: "It's the popular theory." + +Mal: "Go on. Get in there. Give your brother a thrashing for messing up +your plan." + +River: "He takes so much looking after." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Zoe: "This is really not my area of expertise, doctor. I tend to be putting +these into people more than the other thing." + +Wash: "Can I mop your brow? I am at the ready with the fearsome brow +mopper." + +Simon: "You got the bullet. Okay, I'm going to pass out now, but you're +doing great." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Jayne: "All them years of priest training, taken out by one bounty hunter." + +Book: "Don't get me wrong, I gave him a hell of a fight." + +Jayne: "Epic, I'm guessing." + +Book: "There'll be poems and songs, just you wait." + +Jayne: "At least you got some play. I missed every damn thing." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Early (drifting): "Well... here I am..." + --Episode #14, "Objects in Space" +% +Cashier: "Nineteen. Twenty." + +Mal: "And done." + +(The cashier hands Mal a wad of bills; Mal starts to count it.) + +Mal: "Not that I don't trust you... but I don't trust you." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Wash: "Let's go get us some of those curly carrots. Love 'em deep fried." + +(Wash starts to move Zoe off; she stops him and turns to Mal) + +Zoe: "Capt'n?" + +Wash: (drops arm) "Yeah, dad. Can we go? Promise to be home before +midnight." + +Mal: "Go. Wouldn't want to be responsible for cold curly carrots." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Mal: "Guess I'm not giving you money." + +Inara: "No." + +Mal: (smilin') "Well, unless there'd be some kind of benefit for the +exchange of said money..." + +Inara: "Definitely, no." + +Mal: "Then I suppose the least I can do is escort you to the fair." + +Inara: "How adolescent... and charming of you." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Simon: "River has never been to a fair and she hasn't had a chance to +do much that is fun in awhile..." + +Mal: "Alliance jail could be fun." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Kaylee: "You shouldn't feel bad you didn't guess the fat lady's weight. +I actually thought it was quite sweet to drop fifty pounds." + +Book: "Seemed a wise choice." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Mal: "Now you can't tell me that an attractive lady like yourself has +never been escorted to a fair?" + +Inara: (laughing) "They weren't quite the thing where I was raised." + +(Mal stops, not loving that comment, then tosses another ring. Makes it +again.) + +Mal: "Poor little Inara, not allowed to get her hands dirty with us +common folk." + +Inara: (taken aback) "That's not what I --" (Mal throws another) "I +guess not everyone's lucky enough to fulfill their lifelong dream of +becoming an expert ring tosser." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Cmdr. Tanaka: "Thanks to the good Alliance people of Verbena, our gear +shift factory is opening ten days ahead of schedule." + +(The crowd around the stage cheers. Mal claps, hollers.) + +Mal: "Oh, yeah. Let's all hear it for the good Alliance." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +(Jayne approaches, injured stuffed turtle in hand. Holds it up.) + +Mal: "Jayne." + +Jayne: "<Bastards> singed my turtle." + +(Everyone stares at Jayne) + +Zoe: "Let me find a medic." + +Jayne: "Thanks." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +(River motions Mal over to her, like she has a secret) + +Mal: "Yeah?" + +River: "Purple elephants are flying." + +Mal: "Good. Thanks for the update." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Inara: "What should I do?" + +Simon: (hands her bandages): "Tie it off." + +Inara: "Simon, I'm good with anatomy, but not like this..." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Wash: "Zoe?" + +Zoe: "Yeah." + +Wash: "What if this guy, you know, did it?" + +Zoe: "Trust me, darling, this guy couldn't even tie his shoelaces if it +wasn't described to him using step by step graphics." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Jayne: "Come out, come out, wherever you are. We won't hurt you... +much." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Jayne: "Hey!" + +Kaylee: "Sorry." + +Jayne: "Got any thread?" (Holds up stuffed turtle; its neck is almost +gone) "His floppy neck's makin' me sad." + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +River reads a story, surrounded by little injured children: + +River: (sweet voice) "And the beautiful princess every night prayed for +her handsome prince... " + +River: (continuing) "... to fight through the terrible ivy of thorns +and climb up to her room and slay all the wicked, evil demons... " + +River: (much later, sweetly sing-songy) "And then the beautiful princess +got tired of waiting for her handsome prince and tried to escape, but +they found her and to punish her they locked her in a smelly, white, +cold room where the evil blue demons strapped electrodes to her face +and started to shock her. Zap, zap, zap, until she couldn't stop +screaming. Only no one could hear." + +(River remains smiling; the kids not so much. In fact, they're just a +little bit freaked out by the story and by the freaky lady telling it) + --Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive" +% +Teacher: "The Central Planets formed the Alliance, so everyone can +enjoy the comfort and enlightenment of true civilization." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "Do you know what your sin is?" + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "The minds behind every diplomatic, military, and covert +operation in the galaxy, and you put them in a room with a psychic." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "In certain older civilized cultures, when men failed as +completely as you have, they would throw themselves on their swords." + +Dr. Mathias: "Well, unfortunately, I forgot to bring a sword..." + +(Schhhhing -- the Operative pulls one out) + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "I believe in something that is greater than myself. A +better world. A world without sin." + +Mal: "So me and mine got to lie down and die so you can live in your +better world?" + +Operative: "I'm not going to live there. There's no place for me there." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "Every minute you keep River Tam from me, more people will die." + +Mal: "You think I care?" + +Operative: "Of course you do. You're not a reaver, Mal." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "I don't murder children." + +Operative: "I do. If I have to." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "This is a good death. There is no shame in this." + --"Serenity" +% +Wash: "This landing is gonna get pretty interesting." + +Mal: "Define 'interesting'". + +Wash: "Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die?" + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "We may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode." + +Jayne (whining): "Explode? I don't wanna explode!" + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "You told me the entry couplings would hold for another week!" + +Kaylee: "That was six months ago, cap'n." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Fear is nothing to be ashamed of, Doc." + +Simon: "This isn't fear. This is anger." + +Mal: "Well, it's hard to tell the one from t'other, face like yours." + +Simon: "I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider." + +Mal: "I'll look for that next time." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "I am taking your sister under my protection here. That means that if +anything happens to her, I swear to you I will get very choked up. Honestly. +There could be tears." + --"Serenity" +% +Simon: "It's okay to leave them to die." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "Are those grenades?" + +Jayne: "Cap'n doesn't want 'em." + +Zoe: "We're robbing the place. We're not occupying it." + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne: "Shiny. Lets be bad guys." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "We mean to be thieving here, but what we are after is not yours. So +let's have no undue fuss." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "I see a head start to rise, violence is gonna ensue." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "You know what the definition of a hero is? It's someone who gets other +people killed. You can look it up later." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe (after breaking into a nearly empty bank safe): "At last, we can retire +and give up this life of crime." + --"Serenity" +% +Guard: "You have to give me your authorization password." + +(Jayne fires down into the vault... there is a delay) + +Guard: "Okay!" + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Leg's good. It'll bleed plenty and we avoid any necessary organs." + +Guard: "I was thinking, more of a graze..." + +Mal: "Well, you don't want it to look like you just gave up." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about +at all." + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne: "Mal! MAL!" + +Mal: "Every heist, he's gotta start yelling my name." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal (being pursued closely by Reavers): "Faster. Faster. Faster would be +better!!!" + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne (being attacked by reavers, after being made to leave his weapons +behind): "Boy, sure would be nice to have some GRENADES, don'tcha think?" + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne: "I won't get eaten! You shoot me if they take me!" + +(Mal aims toward Jayne in an attempt to free him) + +Jayne: "Well don't shoot me FIRST!" + --"Serenity" +% +River: "He didn't lie down. They never lie down." + --"Serenity" +% +Kaylee (to Simon): "Are you okay?" + +Mal: "Is HE okay?" + +Simon (rushing to River, who is seemingly unfazed): "River?" + +River: "I swallowed a bug." + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne: "I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's going to start a +fair fight... or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman.. or I'm gettin' paid. +Mostly if I'm gettin' paid." + --"Serenity" +% +Kaylee (to Simon, as he leaves): "Don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38 +engine, they fall right out of the sky!" + --"Serenity" +% +River: "It's not safe..." + +Simon: "Yes. Yes, I fear it's not safe anymore." + +River: "...for them." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "In the time of war, we woulda never left a man stranded." + +Mal: "Maybe that's why we lost." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Mingo. Fanty." + +Mingo (pointing to Fanty): "He's Mingo." + +Mal: "He's Fanty. You're Mingo." + +Mingo: "Ghahh! How is it you always know?" + +Mal: "Fanty's prettier." + --"Serenity" +% +Kaylee: "Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run +on batteries." + +Mal: "Oh God! I can't know that!" + +Jayne: "I could stand to hear a little more..." + --"Serenity" +% +Fanty: "You know that girl?" + +Mal: "I really don't..." + --"Serenity" +% +Wash: "Can we start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety +pound girl? 'Cause I don't think that's ever getting old." + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne (interrupting the "safe words" that make River fall asleep): "Well don't +say it!!!" + +Zoe: "It only works on her, Jayne." + +Jayne: "Oh. Well, now I know that." + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne: "Didn't we have a intricate plan how they was gonna be not here anymore?" + +Kaylee: "We couldn't leave them now...!" + +Jayne: "No, now that she's a... killer woman, we oughta be bringing her tea and +dumplings." + --"Serenity" +% +Mr. Universe: "You guys always bring me the very best violence." + --"Serenity" +% +River: "Put a bullet to me. Bullet in the brainpan, squish." + --"Serenity" +% +River: "It isn't mine. The memory. I didn't bring it and I shouldn't have to +carry it, it isn't mine." + --"Serenity" +% +Simon: "Am I talking to Miranda now?" (River makes a face) "No. Right." + --"Serenity" +% +Book: "You got a plan?" + +Mal: "Hiding ain't a plan?" + --"Serenity" +% +Book: "When I talk about belief, why do you always assume I'm talking about +God?" + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Kaylee's been missing you something fierce." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "So.. Trap?" + +Mal: "Trap." + +Zoe: "We goin' in?" + +Mal: "Ain't nothin' but a few hours out." + +Wash: "But, remember the part where it's a trap?" + --"Serenity" +% +Kaylee: "How can you be sure Inara just don't wanna see you? Sometimes +people have feelings - I'm referring here to people..." + +Mal: "Y'all were watching, I take it?" + +(guilty glances) + +Mal: "Did you see us fight?" + +Kaylee: "No." + +Mal: "Trap." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Zoe, ship is yours. ...you don't hear from me within the hour, you +take this ship and you come and rescue me!" + +Zoe: "What? And risk my ship?" + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Dear Buddha: please send me a pony, and a plastic rocket, and..." + --"Serenity" +% +Inara: "Mal, what are you doing here?" + +Mal: "You invited me." + +Inara: "Yes, but I never thought for a second you'd be stupid enough to come!" + +Mal: "Well that makes you kind of a tease, doesn't it?" + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "I'm impressed that you would come for her yourself. And that +you would make it this far in that outfit." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "It's worse than you know." + +Mal: "It usually is." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She's +an albatross, Captain." + +Mal: "Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck... till some idiot +killed it." (to Inara) "Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "If the alliance wanted to show me reason, they shouldn't have sent an +assassin." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative (to Mal): "You can not make me angry." + +Inara: "Please - spend an hour with him!" + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "I want to resolve this like civilized men. I'm not threatening +you. I'm unarmed." + +Mal: "Good." (draws and fires; operative falls to the ground, but comes back +up fighting) + +Operative: "I am of course wearing full body armor. I am not a moron." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "Nothing here is what it seems. He's not the plucky hero. The +Alliance isn't some evil empire. This isn't the grand arena." + +Inara: "And that's not incense." (explosion ensues) + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "Have you found the nav sat?" + +Officer: "Sir? We found seven." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative (to ensign): "Define 'disappeared'." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "Do you really think any of us are gonna get through this?" + +Jayne: "... I might..." + --"Serenity" +% +Book: "It's not your way." + +Mal: "I have a way? Is that better than a plan?" + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "I'm a monster. What I do is evil, I've no illusions about that. +But it must be done." + --"Serenity" +% +Book: "They'll come at you sideways. It's how they think: sideways. +Sidle up and smile, hit you where you're weak." + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne: "No offense, Doc, I think it's noble as a grape the way you +look after River, but she ain't my sister, and she ain't your crew." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the +same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. +'Cause as sure as I know anything, I know this: they will try again. +...they'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. +And I do not hold to that. So no more running. I aim to misbehave." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Are you anything but a weapon? I've staked my crew's life on the theory +that you're a person, actual and whole, and if I'm wrong, you'd better shoot me +now..." + +(River cocks gun) + +Mal: "... or, we could talk more." + --"Serenity" +% +River: "I had to show them. I didn't know if you were going to make me sleep." + +Simon: "You could have asked." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Do you want to run this ship?" + +Jayne: "Yes." + +Mal: (beat) "Well... you can't!" + --"Serenity" +% +Inara: "I just want to know who I'm dealing with. I've seen too many versions +of you to be sure." + +Mal: "I start fighting a war I guarantee you'll see something new." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: ".... I wish like hell you was elsewhere." + +Inara: "I was." + --"Serenity" +% +Wash: "Can I suggest something that doesn't involve violence, or is this the +wrong crowd for that?" + --"Serenity" +% +Simon: "We'll get off. River and I will get off and..." + +Kaylee: "Nobody's saying that." + +Wash: "Nobody besides Jayne is saying that." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal (to a badly injured Book): "Shepherd... don't move." + +Book: "Won't go far." + --"Serenity" +% +Book: "I shot him down... I killed the ship... that killed us. Not very +Christian of me." + +Mal: "You did what's right." + +Book: "...coming from you, that means... almost nothing." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Shouldn't have been you - they shoulda hit us." + +Book: "That crossed my mind..." + --"Serenity" +% +River: "Runtse duh shang-dee, ching daiwuhtzo [Merciful God, please take me +away]. Make them stop, they're everywhere, every city every house every +room, they're all inside me. I can hear them all and they're saying nothing! +GET UP! PLEASE GET THEM UP! Wuoshang mayer, maysheen, byen shr-too [I will +close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone], please God, make me a stone!" + +Jayne: "She is starting to damage my calm." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal (after Simon punches him): "Tzao ss-ma? Nee-yow wuh-kai chang?" [You +wanna bullet? You wanna bullet right in the throat?] + --"Serenity" +% +(in response to Mal's plan to reaverize Serenity) + +Inara: "Runtse de fwotzoo, ching baoyo wuomun..." [Oh merciful Buddha, +protect us...] + +Wash: "Juhguh jee hua jun kuhpah!" [This plan is horrific.] + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "It's of interest to me how much you know about that world." + +Book: "I wasn't born a Shepherd, Mal." + +Mal: "Have to tell me about that sometime." + +Book: "No, I don't." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "And we're gonna need paint. We're going to need red paint." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "Sir. Do you really mean to turn our home into an abomination +so we can make a suicidal attempt at passing through Reaver space?" + +Mal: "I mean to live. I mean for us to live. The Alliance won't +have that, so we go where they won't follow." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "How much ammo is left?" + +Jayne: "Three mags and my swinging cod!" + --"Serenity" +% +Simon: "River - I'm sorry..." + +River: "No. No." + +Simon: "I hate to... leave..." + +River: "You won't. You take care of me. You've always taken care of me." +(pause) "My turn." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "The Alliance knows about Mr. Universe. They're gonna see this coming." + +Mal: "No. They're not going to see this coming." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "Target the reavers. Target the reavers! Target everything! +Somebody, fire!!!" + --"Serenity" +% +Simon: "My one true regret in all this is never being with you." + +Kaylee: "With me? You mean to say, as... sex?" + +Simon: "... I mean to say." + +Kaylee (cocking gun): "Hell with this! I'm gonna live!" + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "It's finished. We're finished." + --"Serenity" +% +Mr. Universe: "They can't stop the signal, Mal. They can never stop the +signal." + --"Serenity" +% +Mr. Universe/lovebot: "Mal? Guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with a sword. +How weird is that?" + --"Serenity" +% +Mal (looking at the transmitter past a fall to certain doom): "'Hard to get +to'?! That's a fact!" + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "Are you willing to die for that belief?" + +Mal: (beat) "Yes." (He and the Operative draw on each other. Mal fires first, +disarming the Operative.) " 'Course, that ain't exactly plan A." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "That's what you want, isn't it?" + +Inara: "I don't know." + +Mal: "Good answer." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "Do you know what your sin is? + +Mal: "Aw hell, I'm a big fan of all seven... but right now, I'm gonna have to go +with wrath." + --"Serenity" +% +Wash: "I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "I ain't gonna kill you. Hell, I'm gonna grant your greatest wish. +I'm gonna show you a world without sin." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Ok, clearly some aptitude for this, but it ain't all buttons and +charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flying is? Well, I +suppose you do, since you already know what I'm about to say. " + +River: "I do. But I like to hear you say it." + +Mal: "Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat +into the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the +turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, +tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home." + +River: "Storm's getting worse." + +Mal: "We'll pass through it soon enough." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "When your quarry goes to ground, leave no ground to go to." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Half of writing history is hiding the truth." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "She's tore up plenty. But she'll fly true." + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne: "Go hwong-tong [Enough of this nonsense]. No trouble now, little +crazy person... we're going for a nice shuttle ride..." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Keep on talking... You're not getting a location trace off this wave..." + --"Serenity" +% +River: "I can't shut them up, they're all made up of rage..." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Zoe? Are you here?" + +Zoe: "Do the job, sir." + +Mal. You hold. Hold till I'm back." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "You should know there's no shame in this. You've done remarkable +things. But you're fighting a war you've already lost." + +Mal: "Yeah, I'm known for that." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "I don't plan on any shooting taking place during this job." + +Jayne: "Well, what you plan and what takes place ain't ever exactly been +similar." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Just get us on the ground!" + +Wash: "That part'll happen, pretty definitely." + --"Serenity" +% +Fanty: "You're unpredictable, Mal... you run when you oughtta fight, +fight when you oughtta deal. Makes a business person twitchy..." + --"Serenity" +% +River: "Show me off like a dog, old men covered in blood, it never +touched them but they're drowning in it... I don't know what I'm +saying, I never know what I'm saying..." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "We locked on to Serenity's pulse beacon the moment you +hit atmo. I can speak a word and send a missile to that exact location +inside of three minutes." + +Mal: "You do that, best make peace with your dear and fluffy lord." +(tosses a gadget to the Operative) + +Operative: "... pulse beacon..." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Piece of shrapnel tore up that nerve cluster my first +tour. Had it moved." + --"Serenity" +% +River: "Miranda." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "What was that?" + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "I, uh, better go see how the inevitable mutiny is coming along..." + --"Serenity" +% +Teacher: "...so why would [the independents] fight so hard against us?" + +River: "We meddle." + +Teacher: "River?" + +River: "People don't like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, +what to think, don't run don't walk we're in their homes and in their heads +and we haven't the right. We're meddlesome." + +Teacher: "River, we're not telling people what to think. We're just trying +to show them how." + --"Serenity" +% +Dr. Mathias: "All our subjects are conditioned for combat, but River... +she's a creature of extraordinary grace." + +Simon: "Yes. She always did love to dance." + --"Serenity" +% +Operative: "We're making a better world. All of them, better worlds." + --"Serenity" +% +Zoe: "Nobody flies like my mister." + --"Serenity" +% +Simon: "I bring River all the way out to the raggedy edge of the 'verse +so she can hide from the Alliance by robbing banks." + +Kaylee: "I know the cap'n'll look out for her. They'll be back before you +can spit." (beat) "Not that you spit." + --"Serenity" +% +Jayne: "How come they ain't blowin' us out of the air?" + +Mal: "They wanna run us down. The up close kill." + +River: "They want us alive when they eat us." + --"Serenity" +% +Screen in a bar, advertising candy: "Not Mandatory" + +[Ed: There's mandatory candy?] + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Hello, little one. You know your part in this?" + +River: (beat) "Do you?" + +Mal: "It's what I do, darlin'." (sighing) "It's what I do." + --"Serenity" +% +Mal: "Ready to go to work, darlin'?" + +River: "There's no pattern to the pebbles here. Completely random. "I +tried to count them, but you drove too fast. Hummingbird. + +Mal: "Alright. Great. Lets go." + --"Serenity", deleted scenes +% +Sheydra: "All the more reason the girls look to you. You've seen so much. +You're a figure of great romance to them." + +Inara: "Great romance has nothing to do with being a companion, Sheydra; you +should know better." + +Sheydra: (coyly) "I'm not the one who had a torrid affair with a pirate." + +Inara: (shocked) "A who? With a what?" + +Sheydra: "It's the talk of the house. The girls all trade stories in the +dorms at night." + +Inara: "I... didn't... have a... pirate!" + +Sheydra: "In one of the stories, you make love in a burning temple. I think +that's my favorite." + --"Serenity", deleted scenes +% +Book: "Lord - I'm walking your way. Let me in, for my feet are sore. My +clothes are ragged. Look in my eyes, Lord, and my sins will play out in +them as on the screen. Read them off. Forgive what you can, and send me +on my path. I will walk on until you give me rest." + --"Serenity", deleted scenes +% +Mal:"They take you down, I don't expect to grieve over it much. I'd like +to kill you myself if I ever see you again." + +Operative: "You won't." (pause) "There is nothing left to see." + +(Operative walks off, then stops near the engine, looking up at the ship +through the rain) + +Operative: "Serenity. You lost everything in that battle. Everything you +had, everything you were. How did you go on?" + +Mal: "You're still standing there when that engine starts, you never will +figure it out." (walks into Serenity) "What a whiner!" + --"Serenity", deleted scenes +% +Zoe: (to Wash, lovingly) "That was close." (They hug each other playfully) + +Mal: "Hey, what are you guys doin?" (beat) "Making out?" + +Wash: (flips off Mal) "Blow it, captain." + --"Serenity", outtakes +% +Mal: "Whoa, Whoa, you see that? You see it, right? You see that?" + +Mal: "Turn? Would you turn?" + +Wash: "You want to fly this thing?" + +Mal: "You want me... would you pull over? Is that what you call what you're +doing?" + +Wash: "I will pull over this spaceship right now!" + +Mal: "Christ almighty!" + +Wash: "Dammit, I don't need a back spaceship driver!" + +Mal: "Get out of the way!!!" + +Wash: "Christ, that's it!" (throws up hands, leaves seat) "You wanna fly, +f'in fly!" (off set) "I'll be in my bunk." + --"Serenity", outtakes +% +Everyone: "Summer!" + +[Ed: It was a running joke on-set that whenever anything went wrong, it was +actress Summer Glau (River)'s fault.] + + --"Serenity", outtakes +% +Mal: "TRAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!" + --"Serenity", outtakes +% +Mal: "Don't f'in tell me what to goddamn do!" + +Kaylee: (laughing) "Goddamn do?" + --"Serenity", outtakes +% +Mal: "Get these bodies together!" + +Zoe: "We got time for gravedigging?" + +Mal: "Zoe, take this and rope them together; five or six of them, I want +them laid out on the nose of our ship." + +Simon: "Are you insane?" + +Mal: "Put Book front and center. He's our friend; we should honor him. +Kaylee! Find that kid who's taking a dirt nap with Baby Jesus; we need a +hood ornament. Jayne! Try not to steal too much of their shit." + --"Serenity", outtakes |