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authorjluehrs2 <jluehrs2@uiuc.edu>2008-05-12 02:53:17 -0500
committerjluehrs2 <jluehrs2@uiuc.edu>2008-05-12 02:53:17 -0500
commitb1d39a80f2eeb87eb6d9406573cb24894c1f9fd5 (patch)
treec6177848bf72b4545159815ba3d07d0e2c9e5b3e /fortune/calvin
parent9e55c4c98ef67e7e5a1618e90016aa64d9273aef (diff)
downloadconf-b1d39a80f2eeb87eb6d9406573cb24894c1f9fd5.tar.gz
conf-b1d39a80f2eeb87eb6d9406573cb24894c1f9fd5.zip
add fortune databases to the repo, to avoid differences in packages being available on different systems
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+ That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't
+good enough for me! I demand euphoria! -- Calvin
+%
+ The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and
+inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and
+impenetrable fog! -- Calvin
+%
+ Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius. Hobbes: What's
+misunderstood about you? Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius. -- Calvin
+%
+ Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test. -- Calvin
+%
+ Calvin: Can you make a living playing silly games? His Dad: Actually, you
+can be among the most overpaid people on the planet.
+%
+ If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it
+again. -- Calvin
+%
+ The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real
+application in life. -- Calvin
+%
+ Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best
+of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and
+refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their
+heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles! -- Calvin
+%
+ Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in
+the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. -- Calvin
+%
+ It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Calvin: Know what I pray for? Hobbes: What? Calvin: The strength to change
+what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell
+the difference. -- Calvin
+%
+ I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to
+seriously re-examine your life. -- Calvin
+%
+ But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands
+sacrifice! -- Calvin
+%
+ It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Hobbes: What would you call the creation of the universe?
+ Calvin: The Horrendous Space Kablooie!
+%
+ If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then
+it's probably not worth knowing anyway. -- Calvin
+%
+ Who wouldn't be interested in everything we do?!
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each
+other's dreams, we can play together all night. -- Calvin
+%
+ This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen ...
+ -- Hobbes
+%
+ You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ YAAH! DEATH TO OATMEAL!
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life ...
+Procrastinating and rationalizing. -- Calvin
+%
+ Reality continues to ruin my life.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts.
+I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Hobbes: Probably so we can think
+twice.
+%
+ I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Is it a right to remain ignorant?
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less
+distraction. -- Calvin
+%
+ Miss Wormwood: What state do you live in?
+ Calvin: Denial.
+ Miss Wormwood: I don't suppose I can argue with that...
+%
+ What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody
+ever asks to see 'em? -- Calvin
+%
+ My life needs a rewind/erase button.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely
+pointless. -- Calvin
+%
+ You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel
+trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the
+magnitude of it. -- Calvin
+%
+ Susie: You'd get a good grade without doing any work.
+ Calvin: So?
+ Susie: It's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned.
+ Calvin: I've never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that.
+%
+ If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ "MOM, CAN I SET FIRE TO MY BED MATTRESS?" "No, Calvin." "CAN I RIDE MY
+TRICYCLE ON THE ROOF?" "No, Calvin." "Then can I have a cookie?" "No, Calvin."
+("She's on to me.")
+%
+ I like to say "quark"! Quark, quark, quark, quark!
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the
+slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway. -- Calvin
+%
+ For your information, I'm staying like this, and everyone else can just get
+used to it! If people don't like me the way I am, well TOUGH BEANS! It's a free
+country! I don't need anyone's permission to be the way I want! This is how I
+am - Take it or leave it! -- Calvin
+%
+ Know what I pray for? The strength to change what I can, the inability to
+accept what I can't and the incapacity to tell the difference. -- Calvin
+%
+ As usual, goodness hardly puts up a fight.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ If we don't all watch the same TV, what will keep our culture homogeneous?
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ My behaviour is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic
+co-dependency. I need holistic healing and wellness before I'll accept any
+responsibility for my actions. -- Calvin
+%
+ My family is dysfunctional and my parents won't empower me. Consequently
+I'm not self actualized. -- Calvin
+%
+ Nothing I do is my fault.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Why should I have to work for everything? It's like saying that I don't
+deserve it. -- Calvin
+%
+ Why do we drink cow's milk? Who was the first guy who first looked at a cow
+and said "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze
+'em!"? -- Calvin
+%
+ Hobbes : What if the public doesn't like your work?
+ Calvin : They are not supposed to like it. This is avant-garde stuff!
+ I'm criticizing the low brows who can't appreciate great art
+ like this!
+%
+ I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the
+slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway. -- Calvin
+%
+ The dame was hysterical. Dames Usually are. -- Calvin as Tracer Bullet
+%
+ Thank you. before I begin, I'd like everyone to notice that my report is in
+a professional, clear plastic binder...When a report looks this good, you know
+it'll get an A. That's a tip kids. Write it down. -- Calvin
+%
+ Calvin : I think we have got enough information now, don't you?
+ Hobbes : All we have is one "fact" that you made up.
+ Calvin : That's plenty. By the time we add an introduction, a few
+ illustrations and a conclusion, it'll look like a graduate thesis.
+%
+ Wormwood : Calvin, how about you?
+ Calvin : Hard to say ma'am. I think my cerebellum just fused.
+%
+ If you want to stay dad you've got to polish your image. I think the image
+we need to create for you is "repentant but learning". -- Calvin
+%
+ "Dad buried in landslide! Jubilant throngs fill streets! Stunned father
+inconsolable - demands recount!" -- Calvin
+%
+ Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly
+we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made. But it is too late to change
+anything. -- Calvin
+%
+ Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We are so busy watching out for
+what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Hobbes : Well, you still have afternoons and weekends
+ Calvin : That's when I watch TV.
+%
+ Hobbes : Shouldn't we read the instructions?
+ Calvin : Do I look like a sissy?
+%
+ You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude. Yeah, you can't be cool
+if you don't have an attitude. -- Calvin
+%
+ Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Sometimes one should just look at things and think about things without
+doing things. -- Calvin
+%
+ What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with lassie? A melon-collie
+baby! Get it?? HA HA HA OH OH HA HA! -- Calvin
+%
+ Hobbes : How is the diorama coming along?
+ Calvin : I'm almost finished.
+ Hobbes : I don't see the roadrunner. Weren't you going to put one in?
+ Calvin : See the cotton balls I glued down?
+ Hobbes : Yeah?
+ Calvin : The roadrunner just ran out of the scene leaving behind clouds
+ of dust!
+%
+ It must be awful to be a girl. I'm sure it's frustrating knowing that men
+are bigger, stronger and better at abstract thought than women. Really, if you
+are a girl, what would make you go on living? --Calvin, Dictator-For-Life, of
+GROSS (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS)
+%
+ There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Golly, I'd hate to have a kid like me!
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ This is so cool I've to go to the bathroom.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ I imagine girls and bugs have a dim perception that nature played a cruel
+trick on them but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude
+of it. -- Calvin
+%
+ Dad are you vicariously living through me in the hope that my
+accomplishments will validate your mediocre life and in some way compensate for
+all the opportunities you botched ? -- Calvin
+%
+ If you care, you just get disappointed all the time. If you don't care
+nothing matters so you are never upset. -- Calvin
+%
+ Life is full of surprises but never when you need one.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and
+happiness. -- Calvin
+%
+ "The dynamics of inter-being and mono logical imperatives in Dick and Jane :
+A study in psychic transrelational gender modes". Academia, here I come.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Miss Wormwood : Calvin where was the Byzantine empire?
+ Calvin : I'll take "outer planets" for $100.
+%
+ How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ I thrive on change... I thrive on making other people change.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Be careful or be road-kill.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ A good compromise leaves everyone mad.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ Given that sooner or later we're all just going to die, what's the point of
+learning about integers? -- Calvin
+%
+ Miss Wormwood, could we arrange our seats in a little circle and have a
+little discussion? Specifically, I'd like to debate whether cannibalism ought
+to be grounds for leniency in murders since it is less wasteful.
+ -- Calvin
+%
+ The only skills I have patience to learn are those that have no real
+application in life. -- Calvin
+%
+ "You don't get to be mom if you can't fix everything just right." -Calvin
+%
+ "Who can fathom the feminine mind?" -Calvin "I like `em anyway" -Hobbes
+%
+ "If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it." -Hobbes
+%
+ "Summer is butter on your chin and corn mush between every tooth." -Calvin
+%
+ "If we wanted more leisure, we'd invent machines that do things less
+efficiently." -Calvin's dad
+%
+ "To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible." -Calvin
+%
+ "When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade." -Susie "I say, when life gives
+you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own!" -Calvin
+%
+ "If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?"
+-Hobbes
+%
+ "But the important thing is persistence." -Calvin trying to juggle eggs
+%
+ "I suppose the secret to happiness is learning to appreciate the moment."
+-Calvin
+%
+ "Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely
+pointless." -Calvin
+%
+ "It's hard to be mad at someone who misses you while you're asleep." -Calvin
+%
+ "Oops, I always forget the purpose of competition is to divide people into
+winners and losers." -Hobbes being sarcastic
+%
+ "Someday I'll write my own philosophy book." -Calvin
+%
+ "Some things don't need the thought people give them." -Hobbes
+%
+ "Mom knows EVERYTHING" -Calvin
+%
+ "I'm a simple man with complex tastes." -Calvin
+%
+ "Endorsing products is the American way of expressing individuality."
+-Calvin
+%
+ "One of the joys of being a kid is that experiences are new and therefore
+more intense." -Calvin sniffing mustard
+%
+ "It's great to have a friend who appreciates an earnest discussion of
+ideas." -Calvin
+%
+ "That's the problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying
+to describe things of unimaginable wonder." -Calvin
+%
+ "All this modern technology just makes people try to do everything at once."
+-Hobbes
+%
+ "I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't
+react to a lot of life." -Hobbes
+%
+ "I don't understand this! Not a single part of my horoscope came true! ...
+The paper should print Mom's daily predictions. Those sure come true."
+-Calvin
+%
+ "I don't know which is worse, ...that everyone has his price, or that the
+price is always so low." -Calvin
+%
+ "I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside."
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ It takes an uncommon mind to think of these things.
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ "That's the problem with nature, something's always stinging you
+ or oozing mucous all over you. Let's go and watch TV."
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ As a math atheist, I think I should be excused from this.
+ --- Calvin, to Hobbes
+%
+ This game lends itself to certain abuses.
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ I'm just very selective about the reality I choose to accept.
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ I have plenty of common sense, I just choose to ignore it.
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ A voice crackles in Calvin's radio:
+ "Enemy fighters at two o'clock!"
+ "Roger. What should I do until then?"
+%
+ I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow
+ on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...?
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ "My ethicator machine must've had a built-in moral compromise
+ spectral release phantasmatron! I'm a genius!" --- Calvin
+%
+ "That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of
+ empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder."
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ "Until you stalk and overrun, you can't devour anyone."
+ --- Hobbes
+%
+ "The inside of my head was exploding with fireworks. Fortunately,
+ my last thought turned out the lights when it left."
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ "Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I
+ believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it."
+ --- Calvin
+%
+ Verbing weirds language.
+ --- Calvin.
+%
+ "The intrepid Spaceman Spiff is stranded on a distant planet!
+ ..our hero ruefully acknowledges that this happens fairly
+ frequently.." --- Calvin and Hobbes